Lots of craziness

The sport of Coupon Shopping

2009-11-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

There are two websites that I have fallen in love with:

My Savings
Coupons.com

I have made it my goal to use as MANY coupons as possible when shopping. This makes shopping, which is already a mind numbingly ridiculous task, take even longer BUT the results are there.

Here's how I roll ya'll - I shop every other week. Why? Because I get paid every other week. On the Friday that I get paid on, I load up all of my reusable bags and Emilee and we go to our friendly neighborhood HEB and spend two FREAKING hours shopping.
Only four good things come from this trip:
1. Groceries. As much as I hate acquiring them, we have to have them.
2. Emilee. I get to spend quality time with my daughter.
3. Sushi. Emilee and I splurge on sushi as our little reward for the time and brain pain we've just used our Friday night up on.
4. Savings. The money we save by using coupons.

Coupons.
Ugh. Don't you just HATE the thought of cutting, organizing, searching for and then having to be THAT LADY in line that hands over forty-five coupons thereby making ALL of the people in line behind you want to egg your car?
Yeah, me too.
Except when I save almost fifty dollars.
Then I love coupons.

Here is my dilemma with coupon shopping, I am a list person.
I make FAB-U-LOUS lists. I organize by aisle and product type and I break down all of the items needed for each meal I plan to make and then I organize it so that the fresh produce gets used in the early meals and the frozen produce can be used last so nothing goes bad.
I am a list making queen.
But with coupons? It is hard to make a list because you don't know which items you are going to want to try out, which savings will be best or which items will be a waste of time and money. Shopping with coupons should be a sport.
Or an act of faith.
Because sometimes I leave the store and I am not sure if I have enough meals for ten days or if I have things the kids are going to like. The only thing I AM sure of is that I've usually exhausted my budget and I am going to have to hope like hell that I have pulled it off.

'Twas the night before Halloween...

2009-10-30T06:42:00.000-07:00

when all through the house and back
Not a creature was stirring, or a rat on a rubber sack;
The Jack-o-lanterns were sitting on the porch with care,
In hopes that the Great Pumpkin soon would be there;

The little kids were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions witches flew in their heads;
And lil' sister in mother's 'kerchief, and me in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long midnight's nap,

When out on the street there arose such a racket,
I sprang from the bed and put on my warm jacket.
Away to the window I flew like the Flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen leaves
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my eyes should see and what came,
But a thin man with a cape and a strange name,

With a lively smile, if not so full of sin,
I knew in a moment it must be Great Pumpkin.
More rapid than eagles his comrades they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Come, Vampire! Come, Werewolf! Mummy, and Creeper!
Frankenstein! Scarecrow dude! Zombie and Grim Reaper!
To the top of the house! To the top of the roof!
Let us hurry! And pray that my suit is fireproof"

The dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an old rope, mount to the sky,
So up to the housetop the monsters they climbed,
With a bag full of treats, as the midnight clock chimed.

And then, in a thud, I heard on the roof
The shuffling of each heavy foot- then poof!
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Great Pumpkin came with a bound.

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
As I wipe away the dust from my face,
He got up gracefully from the fireplace.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His eyes, how scary!
His cheeks were like oranges, his nose like a berry!
His pointy big mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the pumpkin head is hollow;

He was thin and lanky, a mysterious creature,
And I screamed when I saw him, at his ghastly feature;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the bags with the treats; what a jerk!
And opened his mouth and whispered "Adieu",
And giving a nod, up the chimney he flew;

He sprang up his arms, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew away, away in a hustle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he flew out of sight,
"Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good night!"

I replied back with a laugh, "And a good fright!"

my lil' sister has mad drawing skillz

2009-10-29T11:43:00.000-07:00

Dude.

2009-10-27T11:44:00.001-07:00

I am up to my eyeballs in work and Halloween PARTY stuff.
I miss you!
Be back soon!
xoxo

THE MONSTER WHO WAS MISUNDERSTOOD
This is a tale of poor old Frank --
Frank the monster, not Tom, Rich, or Hank.
He was created by a scientist in a great house.
A house on a mountain, much too big for a mouse.
There in the basement, the docter toiled night and day,
with the help of his friend Igor, who had little to say.
Finally when all was assembled like a bike,
a bolt of lightning gave dear Frank his new life.
He sat up from the table where he laid for months,
scratched his square head, and said "I'm ready for lunch!"
He crashed through the door, and went into town,
where he arrived at the diner and tried to sit down.
But everyone screamed , and left their plates hot.
Even the cooks ran away without their prized pots.
So Frank could have nothing to quell his belly's rumble,
not a burger, or fries, or even Apple Pie Crumble.
He was almost in tears, and very, very sad,
and walked into the streets where everyone went mad,
and screamed in horror at Frank's sight.
No one had seen such a thing in their life.
Frank tried to explain, "I'm just hungry, that's all.
I mean you no harm, even though I am tall."
A little girl saw him where she sat on the corner,
and thought, he's not so scary, infact he might be an orphan.
So she walked up to Frank and tugged at his sleeve,
and said, "My name is Cinthia, Cindy if you please."
He said, "I'm just a little hungry, and don't know where I am."
"That's O.K.," Cindy answered, and pulled out some ham--
ham for a sandwich she was waiting to make,
and she pulled out two slices of bread freshly baked.
They sat on the corner to a half sandwich each,
both happy, and smiling as a sunny day peach.

I have no words for this.

2009-10-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

What do you say?
When you read a blog like this, what do you say? Do you think about your consumer driven lifestyle? The Groom's Cake ice cream you and your daughters had for desert last night? The fact that you were laying on your couch watching The Big Bang Theory AND shopping on ebay for macbooks after you ate that ice cream?
It makes my insides scream.
It makes me want to forsake everything that I am and start over because there are children out there who are DYING because their parents can't feed them.
And I don't help.
Nope... I sit in my ten by ten office and shuffle paperwork while I listen to music and occasionally blog.
I don't contribute to saving lives like the amazing people who work at these places where almost dead children are brought in.
These are BABIES. Babies that die every day because there isn't enough food. How is that okay? How is that acceptable?
I can't get my head around it.
I don't have the words.

Song of the day: Wishing Well

2009-10-20T05:27:00.000-07:00

~The Airborne Toxic Event

Standing on a bus stop
Feeling your head pop
Out in the night
On the kind of night
Where you want to be out
On the street, on the street
Crawling up the walls
Like a cat in heat

And the air is thin
And it blows through your skin
And you feel like something
Is about to begin
But you don't know what
And you don't know when
So you tear at your hair
And you scratch at your skin
[best lines in a song]

You wanna run away, run away
Just get on the fucking train and leave today
And it doesn't matter where you spend the night
You just might end up somewhere in a fight, in a fight
Or caught in your room on a concrete shelf
Fighting all alone, with yourself, with yourself
And you just wanna feel like a coin that's been tossed
In a wishing well, a wishing well
A wishing well, a wishing well
Well, you're tossed in the air
And you fell and you fell
Through the dark blue waters
Where you cast your spell
Like you were just a wish that could turn out well

So you stand on the corner
Where the angels sit
And you think to yourself,
"This is it, this is it,
This is all that I have
All I can stand
Is this air in my lungs
And this coin in my hand
That you tossed in the air
And I fell, and I fell
All the way to the bottom
Of the well, of the well
Like those soft little secrets
That you tell, that you tell
To yourself, when you think
No one's listening to, well"

And the walls spin
And you're paper-thin
From the haze of the smoke
And the mescaline
The threat of your brow
Under unmade sheets
In your ear with the noise
From the darkest streets
We ran far and wide
You screamed, you cried
You thought suicide was an alibi
But you were always a mess
You were always aloof
Yeah, it's awful, I guess
But it's the awful truth
It was truth from the first
To the last words that she read

And she emerged from the dark
Like a ghost in my head
She said, "I haven't forgot
Any words that you said
I just stare at the clocks
And I cry in my sleep
And I tear up your letters
And I burn them in heaps
And I gather the ashes
In that hole in the ground
Where we fell"

What I made this weekend...

2009-10-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

A recipe review for ya :)
I made four things this weekend and can highly recommend three of them :)

Chicken Enchilada Soup
(I found it here, on Tasty Kitchen)
Let me tell you what made me want to make this: HOW EASY IT LOOKED
And it was. Super easy!
But, I did change a few things: First of all, I made it on the stove in about an hour and secondly, no red peppers because I effing hate them and last, no cheese.
The soup? Good!

Pumpkin Bourbon Bread
(also on Tasty Kitchen)
So I don't know what bourbon is.
I went to the liquor store on my way home on Friday knowing I wanted to make this. Because I am not afraid to, I asked the sales girl where the bourbon was and she motioned over by the whiskey. [An aside: I hate whiskey. The first time I ever got shitfaced drunk it was on whiskey and I threw up for days. Mr. Jack Daniels and I hung out a few years ago and had to forget about ever being friends. Most recently, I bought whiskey last year to make our homemade eggnog with and realized finally that I just don't like the stuff.
Hey! Guess what bourbon is?
I toyed with getting spiced rum instead. I [heart] spiced rum. I use it for my eggnog now too. BUT because I wanted to give the recipe a fair shot, I got the bourbon instead and... I really like this. I made two loaves and they are gone. I didn't put the pecans in there because I hate nuts. And I really hate nuts in my bread. They smelled FABULOUS while cooking and I will probably make again this week when the temperature goes back down. And I will probably try and make it with the spiced rum.

Ok, don't laugh...
Cinnamon Swirl Muffins...

If someone out there has a recipe for these with the cinnamon swirl awesomness, PLEASE EMAIL ME IMMEDIATELY. Especially if your recipe is fat and calorie free ;)
So freaking good.

Do you know how much it bums me out that the thing I was looking forward to making THE LEAST this weekend had the best pictures? Ugh!
Deep Dish Pecan Pie
I don't like nuts.
I especially don't like pecans.
But I do like the dudes with whom I work and when their birthdays roll around, I try and always make them a cake or pie or whatever as my gift to them.
So when Crazy Boy at work wanted a pecan pie I was like FINE! FINE! I'll freaking do it. And I did.
The crust is a cream cheese crust...
Check out how the sunlight kissed my cooking pics...

It KILLS ME that I am posting this many pics of freaking PECAN PIE.
Anyway, it is currently in the fridge at my job and I won't know how good it turned out until tomorrow when OTHER PEOPLE tell me. Because I won't be eating it. Yuck.

There you go :)
Next? Pumpkin Scones Baby!

What I am making for dinner tonight - Stuffed Shells

2009-10-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

I know, exciting right?
I thought I would post so you could see how I improvise dinner more often than plan it :) I knew when I went to the store I wanted to make stuffed shells sometime in the two week period following my shopping trip so I bought two boxes of shells and some alfredo sauce... that was all.
Why?
Because I always have chicken breasts frozen in my freezer (or ground beef/turkey if you aren't into chicken quite like we are) and I figured I could just wing the rest.
I started by putting about four cups of water onto boil with one tablet of Knorr's Caldo de Pollo (otherwise known as chicken bouillon but from the Mexican Food section of our local Wal-mart....I know I should be using all natural chicken stock but I haven't quite gotten there).

Then I took the rest of the parsley I had in the fridge which was getting dried out and threw it in there. I took four cloves of garlic and minced those into the boiling water. I cut up about a half of a large yellow onion, chopped into very small pieces and chopped up three green onions and put those in as well. And then, just for giggles, I threw a sprig of thyme in because I happen to have thyme and I try to use things before they go bad. [I have no freaking clue what flavor thyme adds to my food, but I had to buy it for a recipe a week or so ago so I am putting it into everything...] I also added a few sprinkles of crushed red peppers. I let that all cook for about ten minutes and then, because I am a breaker of the rules, I dropped three frozen chicken breasts in.
While that was cooking, I started boiling the water for the shells.
Once the water for the shells is boiling I removed the chicken stuff from the heat and allowed it to begin cooling on a back burner.
It smelled freaking good.
I have a whole bunch of fresh spinach in my fridge because I buy fresh spinach every time I go to the store. I took the stems off, rinsed it and cut it up. Then I put it on top of the chicken mixture so it can cook a little AND get the flavor of the chicken and veggies.
When the shells were done, I drained them and set aside.
Then I strained the chicken mixture reserving the broth because (1) you will need some later and (2) you should save it for another recipe later in the week so you don't have to use preservative packed bouillon cubes. So I've heard.
Run the chicken mixture through the food processor adding a little of the broth to help it mix well. You don't want it soupy, just juicy.
Salt and pepper to taste. Now do you have some mozerella? This would be a good time to throw about a cup in. I don't have any so I am using the remaining parmesan I have to give it a little extra FLAVOR.
I use this stuff more than anything else in the world. (shhhh)
Last, I pour an entire jar of alfredo sauce into an 9/13 glass casserole dish and stuff the shells, setting them into the alfredo sauce.

I cover them and bake them at 350ish until they are hot, then sprinkle the tops with parmesan and serve. [no after picture because I actually wrapped these up and put them in the fridge so we could eat them the next day which was The Busiest Day of our week... and once they came out of the oven, well there was no way the girls were giving me a chance to take a few shots...]
My kids LOVE stuffed shells and I always make them with whatever I have available so they are always different. And if I can make stuff from scratch and without a recipe, so can you :)

Rough indredient list...
Chicken Bouillon
Minced garlic
Onion (1/2)
Green onions
spinach
Chicken Breasts
Jumbo Shells
Alfredo sauce
Parmesan or Mozerrella

I am baking this weekend...

2009-10-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

Prepare yourself. There will be recipes and pictures. And weight-gain. First though? There will be cleaning... *sigh*

Song of the day: Born For This

2009-10-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

~Paramore

Oh no I just keep on falling
(Back to the same old…)
Where’s hope when misery comes crawling?
(Oh my way, Ay…)
With your faith you’ll trigger a landslide
(victory)
Kill off this common sense of mind

It takes acquired minds to taste, to taste, to taste this wine
You can’t down it with your eyes
So we don’t need the headlines
We don’t need the headlines
We just want…

Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?
Everybody live like it’s the last day you will ever see
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?

Right now you’re the only reason
(I’m not letting go, oh…)
Time out if everyone’s worth pleasing
(Well ha-ha!)
You’ll trigger a landslide
(Victory)
to kill off their finite state of mind

It takes acquired minds to taste, to taste, to taste this wine
You can’t down it with your eyes
So we don’t need the headlines
No, we don’t want your headlines
We just want…

Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?
Everybody live like it’s the last day you will ever see
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure now?

Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
Tell me, tell me, do you feel the pressure?
[repeat x2]

Alright, so you think you’re ready?
Ok, then you say this with me
Go!
We were born for this
We were born for this
Alright, so you think you’re ready?
OK, then you say this with me
Go!
We were born for this
We were born for this
We were born for this
We were born for this

We were born for
We were born for

Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?
Everybody live like it’s the last day you will ever see
Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure now?

Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing
Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?
Tell me, tell me, can you feel the pressure?

We were born for this
We were born for this
We were born for this

Do you ever wake up and just have that inherent feeling of loneliness?

2009-10-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

This morning, on my way to work, The Fray's 'Never Say Never' came on the radio and I had one of those Evaluate Your Life Moments.
I've been having a lot of those lately.
I'm starting to make plans for after Amanda and Emilee are gone and those are THEM. You know? Those are THE PLANS. Because it's going to be one step away from me doing whatever it is that I am going to do for the rest of my life. It's not a Mom Choice or a Family Choice or a Desperate Choice... it's a ME Choice. I am choosing for me and me alone.
It's scary.
And it's a little sad because I keep thinking: THAT IS IT? That is what I am going to do? That is where I am going to be? That is ALL I want?
I feel futuristically unfulfilled.
Say that three times real fast.

This was part of an email I sent this morning but I decided I wanted to post it here as well...

Amanda's braces: four months in

2009-10-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

Amanda had an appointment with her Brendan Fraiser orthodontist on Monday. Monday was the fourth day in my four day weekend so I didn't interview her because I was trying to cram all of the things I wanted to get done into that last day and my stress level was a good seven.
In fact, I had all of my girls at this appointment which I don't usually do. Amanda likes the whole alone time with Mommy thing when we go see Brendan Fraiser. :)
Since I had the girls, I stayed out in the lobby and Amanda went back on her own.
*gasp*
She has NEVER went into a dentist/doctor/orthodontist office alone.
Ever.
In fact, I am pretty sure the first time she goes to the gynecologist, she will want me there holding her hand. Seriously. I hold her hand when she gets her teeth cleaned.
Anyway, she goes back and is done in like ten minutes with her happy Halloween colored rubber bands. Check it.

So, here are the pics to show Amanda's progress with her braces...

Before the braces went on...
The day the braces were put on...
One Month appointment...

Before her two month appt. Look at how much straighter they are! That snaggley tooth is finally getting pulled back into place.

After her three month appointment.

After her four-month appointment:

She's gone from this...
To this... in four months!

Braces recap:
Part One...
Part Two...
Part Three...
Part Four...
Part Five...
Part Six...

My sister Blue...

2009-10-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

This is my sister, Blue. This is my sister and her daughters Emily and Jamie. Emily is named after my Emilee.
Go ahead and try not to want a baby when you are looking at this doll.
I miss my sister something fierce.

The 4-day weekend.

2009-10-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Can someone please make it to where I get one dollar every time one of my daughters declare that they hate:
1. Each other
2. Their mom
3. School
4. Doing chores
5. THE WORLD

Song of the day - On The Wing

2009-10-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

~Owl City

Amanda is like the biggest Owl City fan EVER. She really liked them before I started listening to them.
*dabs eyes*
My baby is getting me into new music, I'm so proud.

Breathe and I'll carry you away into the velvet sky
And we'll stir the stars around and watch them fall away
Into the Hudson Bay and plummet out of sight and sound
The open summer breeze will sweep you through the hills
Where I live in the Alpine heights
Below the northern lights I spend my coldest nights alone awake
And thinking of the weekend we were in love
(The weekend we were in love)

Home among these mountain tops can be so awfully dull
A thousand miles from the tide
Put photos on the walls of New York shopping malls
Distract me so I stay inside
I wish the rocket stayed over the promenade 'cuz I would make a hook
And I fish them from the sky
My darling she and I were hanging on so take us high
To sing the world goodbye

I am floating away lost in a silent ballet
I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you

Awake to take in the view
Late nights and early parades
Still photos and noisy arcades
My darling we're both on the wing
Look down and keep on singing and we can go anywhere

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Or are you just a decoy dream in my head
Am I home or am I simply tumbling out alone

I am floating away
(Floating away)
Lost in a silent ballet
(Silent ballet)
I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you
Awake to take in the view

Late nights and early parades
(Early parades)
Still photos and noisy arcades
(Noisy arcades)
My darling we're both on the wing look down and keep on singing
And we can go anywhere

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Are you there
(Are you there)
(Are you there)
(Are you there)

Song of the day - Bird Of The Summer

2009-10-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

~A Fine Frenzy

You know you missed the song of the day posts.
Admit it.

You came with the season,
As the first swallow song
A brown headed stranger,
With a five-letter name
dooodoodoo

We planted our kisses
Where the wild berries grow
My feet sprouted wings
And I flew all the way home
dooodoodoo

My cheeks red like fire engines racing
Straight to the heat of your skin
And I know our days are numbered,
Early bird of the summer you'll fly south
Just as the fall begins

The leaves changed their colors
And the schoolyards were filled
My coat with the patches
Barely keeps out the chill,
dooodoodoo

You sent me a postcard
From a town out of state
I wish it were warmer
And I hope you're the same
dooodoodoo

The fields where we wandered were golden
Now only muddy my boots
And I know I should recover,
You're a bird of the summer,
I was wrong to try and capture you

(instrumental)

Flight.. Flight..
Flight.. Flight..

I met someone walking
Out on the park by the lake
They don't fly any greater
But they don't fly away
dooodoodoo

Gone is the pale hand of water
Here is the first flush of May
And soon I will discover whether
Birds of the summer
Fly in circles or
Just fly away

Rimouski, QC

2009-10-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

My older sister lives in a small town called Rimouski in Quebec.

It is a pretty small town as far as towns go...

When Jiffinner and I spoke on the phone last night and I told her I was really starting to plan moving in a few years, she said, "to a beach huh?"

While Rimouski is a beach town, I don't think that was what she was thinking...

It's no secret that my plan is to live near a body of water. I need water. It makes me feel whole.
But water in Canada? Where it is cold?

And they have this white stuff that falls from the sky?

But there are also trees. Many glorious trees.

And a beach. Not the kind of beach I will likely be swimming laps in but a beautiful, straight out of Anne of Green Gables beach.

And while all of the picturesque town near the beach stuff is lovely, the fact is that I miss my sister.

I want to be near her and my neices and the fact that they live in a beach town is just a plus.

A really, really big plus that almost completely makes up for the fact that I may freeze the death my first winter there...

Have you met Daisy Dog?

2009-09-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

I don't think she's been properly introduced here...

Daisy Dog came from a home where people weren't very nice to her.
(no flash please)

Contrary to popular belief, despite her being a pit bull, she is one of the sweetest animals I've ever met.

And the stinkiest.

Her breath is atrocious.

And you don't even want to know what else she does that is smelly.

It's something most ladies don't do.

She doesn't really like having her picture taken...

This is Daisy's owl.

She loves her owl.

Triniti thinks Daisy is the best thing since sliced bread.

Trin and Daisy are bestest pals.

Trin doesn't mind when Daisy plays with her hair.

We love Daisy and we sure are glad she is part of the family now.

screwing around

2009-09-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

adoption update

2009-09-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

So a few things have happened... the first is that my case worker sent me an email a few weeks ago with a link to a little girl who is ready for adoption right now and who doesn't have anyone interested in her.
Did your heart just break?
Mine did.
The thing was that this little girl is older than Triniti and the one thing we are certain of is that we don't want to get someone older than Trin.
Does that sound ridiculous? Are you thinking to yourself right now, "what does it matter? She needs a home!" I battled with the same thoughts.
Here is the thing though, I believe that your sibling order is a big part of who you are. I also believe that this isn't my choice to make on my own since it involves all the members of my family. So the girls and I talked about it and Triniti said she really didn't want to get another older sister and so we had to pass on this child.
It is really amazing how hard that decision was for me.
I've had to say to myself so many times in the last few months that I can't save them all. I can't take them all. It's hard for me to accept that because there are so many little girls out there with out moms and I am a Mom.
That simple fact will have me crying at night sometimes.
What I have had to accept is that when it happens, it will be what it is supposed to be.
The first night of my Foster/Adopt class, I got in my car to drive home and I was so overwhelmed with feelings. I felt like crying and I was so scared but there was something else there too, something I hadn't ever felt before and it was eating me up inside. At first I thought it was the fear and my mind immediately sent the thought forward of You don't have to do this. You can stop now. And I could have. I could have quit that class that day and never went back.
But I didn't.
And the reason I didn't was because that feeling I hadn't ever felt before was this inherent longing and I truly believe the first strings of a connection to a little girl who I have never met.
In the thirty minutes it took me to drive home that night I went from tears to certainty. The fear is still there. But it isn't only in regards to the adoption but just permanently attached to my being a mother. When I start to get a little scared about adopting I have to tell myself that I apply that same fear to the daughters I already have all the time. It is normal to be scared. I was scared each time I was pregnant and I don't think it would be natural not to be scared now in the "gestation period" of my adoption.
I have a sort of faith in that The Universe is going to present to me exactly what I am supposed to have. So when I start to reel a little from all of this, when I think to myself on a Sunday If I can't get this laundry done with just three girls, how am I going to do it with another one? I have to remember that I can handle anything. I didn't think I could handle one or two or the three girls I have. I didn't think I could do it alone. And I have to remember that this little girl isn't going to care whether I got all the laundry done any more than my current daughter do. She is going to care that I listen to her and hug her and tuck her in at night and support her choices and that I love her.
And I can do all of those things with clean or dirty laundry.
So when I start to feel a little like I can't breathe, I remind myself that what is meant to happen is going to happen.

So I emailed my caseworker back and told her that we weren't going to put our family in for the older little girl and asked about the progress of Carebear since we haven't heard anything since the very end of July.
Her response:
"I haven’t heard anything on Carebear. I did give your home study at our selection staffing for a sibling group of two girls 4 and 7. They are Hispanic with no major behavioral issues."

Wow.
Universe? I have my eye on you.

baby steps

2009-09-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

I have ZERO experience with photoshop or any other photo editing software.
The extent of what I am comfortable doing with a photo is as follows:
1. Cropping
2. Brightening
3. Rotating

When you see a photo I've taken on this blog or on my flickr account, it is straight out of camera (SOC) and the most I've done is crop it down to an angle that I like.

Those days are over.
Between This Is Reverb, The Pioneer Woman and Martin(ish), I've been bitten by the photo editing software bug.

SOC
I don't even remember what all I did to this but look at my eyes!

FUN!

Ok, now look at what I did to some pics of a house I am putting on our website at work. I edited both of these using a function called BLOOM on photoscape.

It's amazing.
Now I just gotta get photoshop installed at home and learn how the hell to use it.

Chocolate Cobbler Recipe

2009-09-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Chocolate Cobbler Recipe:
6 tablespoons butter
1 cup self-rising flour
3/4 cup white sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup milk 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups boiling water

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Melt butter in an 8x8 inch baking dish while the oven preheats. In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, 3/4 cup sugar, and 1 1/2 tablespoons cocoa. Stir in milk and vanilla until smooth. Spoon this batter over the melted butter in the baking dish. Stir together the remaining cup of sugar and 1/4 cup cocoa powder. Sprinkle over the batter. Slowly pour boiling water over the top of the mixture. Bake for 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until set. Serve warm with whipped cream and realize that you will never have a desert better than this one as long as you live. SOOO good.

Today is Picture Day

2009-09-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

Planted my Gold Star Esperanzas yesterday...

2009-09-18T06:16:00.000-07:00

Amanda's braces, three months in - no interview.

2009-09-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

This month will just have to be a picture update because:
1. We are really super busy.
2. My computers at home are in the shop being repaired. Only in my world do my laptop and my PC die at the same time.
3. My schedule has changed so while I am at work, Amanda is at school and by the time she is out, I am home or headed home which means I would have to write down an interview, like on PAPER. Who even uses paper anymore? And even if I did write it down, I wouldn't be able to read it afterwards because my handwriting is THAT BAD.

So, here are the pics to show Amanda's progress with her braces...
Before the braces went on...

The day the braces were put on...

One Month appointment...

Before her two month appt. Look at how much straighter they are! That snaggley tooth is finally getting pulled back into place.

After her three month appointment.
Can you believe it? It really blows my mind how much progress happens over such a short period of time. And the best part is that they are SO MUCH cleaner. I used to HARASS Amanda to brush her teeth all the time and no matter how much she brushed, her teeth never looked clean. Now that they are straighter, she is able to keep them so much cleaner and I LOVE that. And I really love that she is going to have these really nice straight teeth in just a few more months :)

She's gone from this...

To this... in just three months!
Braces recap:
Part One...
Part Two...
Part Three...
Part Four...
Part Five...
Part Six...