Here it is again. I don't want it. Everything is so much more simple without it, less complicated...
Why does it come back? Why can't it leave me here without worries and without the pain and without the love? Without the love... But don't I possess more love than anyone could ever dream of having? Isn't my life, my loves, my girls enough? Shouldn't I be content? I was.. merely seconds ago. I had contentedness, I had my security. For in myself, I am always secure, always sure. I don't let myself down and should I, then I rectify it.
Maybe it was my recollections. Maybe when I closed my eyes and pictured him touching my face, my hair, my arm, my back... Could that have caused it? Could that have made the loneliness return? Could that be the reason I want him - no. Not him, just a him. A new boy, a new man, a new love or infatuation or lust. A new touch, caress, sigh... It must be what is making me miss the butterflies, the exhilaration, the shivers down my spine when he looks at me just that way. It surely must be the memories that are causing the longing.
Here I am, day dreaming about a man without a face. A man who's everything surprises me and makes me want him. A man who wants me in return and who stirs up those feelings, those responses that were so buried that I thought them gone. Who takes me in his arms and holds me at night while I sleep, who smiles at me in the morning over his coffee, who calls me at work for no reason other than just to tell me he was thinking of me and when can he see me again, who runs his hands down my back in just that way...
I don't want it. I don't want this want. I don't want to feel needed, I don't want to be once again bound to someone. I don't want any of it.
Yet, I do.
Fuck.
Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!
12/14/84 - 1/26/05
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"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
Veronique
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
The man from my dreams... (the fantasy)
The man from my dreams... (the reality)
Saw this on The Educated Liberal and felt it was w...
the day off
good morning sunshine
need.... sleep....
Sunday morning breakfast
follow up
art and an announcement
The man from my dreams... (the reality)
Saw this on The Educated Liberal and felt it was w...
the day off
good morning sunshine
need.... sleep....
Sunday morning breakfast
follow up
art and an announcement
Childhood Memories
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
www.flickr.com
|
The one and only Matchbox Twenty
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
That cracked my shit up! TM
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
