Friday, September 30, 2005
Desperate Housewives is the new pink.
Yup, ya'll caught me. I have been doing little more than my regular day to day things but I have picked up a half a dozen new TV shows to watch. How sad is that? I actually think I am watching TV more hours than I am sleeping...
Last year, all I watched was (I am not linking these so if you haven't heard of them, you will have to Google them) Gilmore Girls, Everwood, One Tree Hill, Medium, Grey's Anatomy and House. If it wasn't for the latter three, I wouldn't even have needed cable.
Now, I am watching all of those plus (let's see if I can even remember them all) ten to fifteen hours of Law & Order a week, Beautiful People and INXS (which thankfully both ended), How I Met Your Mother, Out Of Practice, Head Cases, The Real World Austin (shut up), Without a Trace... I know that there are way more. How fucked is it when you are watching so much TV you can't even remember all of the shows??? Geez.
Oh, yeah, and Desperate Housewives. Everyone raved about it last year and I thought well, if it is really any good, then it will come out on DVD and then I will watch it. Now I am making good on that deal. Jiffinner, The Cake Lady, and I are all horribly addicted. Jiffinner is picking up the dvd's and we are watching them on our lunch breaks and taking turns taking them home. We are trying to finish out the rest of last season so we can start watching this season.
Ohmigod we are sooo sheep. But, if I have to be a sheep, well damnit, I want to be the sheep with the popcorn and the Desperate Housewives dvd. I will go insane if I don't find out who "Dana" is! lol
It was so sad. I got home tonight and set the table, made dinner, gave the girls their practice spelling tests for tomorrow.. then, when the food was ready, instead of just plopping down with them, I wanted to go watch TV and eat in the living room! I didn't, of course, because I abhor eating in the living room and I wouldn't trade time with my girls for Law & Order, but I still wanted to.
I am turning into a couch potato. But before you all get too bummed out with me, two things. The first is that I drug my ass out of bed this morning and did 1.2 miles on my death machine at 5am. And the second is that I am not turning into a total recluse. I went to
that party after all and I have plans on Thursday :) See? My newfound love for my remote is only slightly unhealthy. I swear, as soon as I find a guy to have loads of kinky sex with, ya'll will be the first to hear about it and the remote will go back to being neglected ;)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:50 AM
| link to this post | 9 spoke |

Thursday, September 29, 2005
Again with the HNT :P
Ooooh, stand back now ya'll.
Ok, ok, cut me some slack.
I took the picture at work, so it's not like I could be much more naked...
Except for that one time... under my desk... but that was at a different office ;)

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 33 spoke |

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Did I just say that?
I was on the phone with Lola tonight... We were discussing my recent - uh... ending with Mr. I... Trying to come up with some good points from this whole ordeal, we did the usual you'll know better next time, you're better off stuff. And then started discussing how everyone at work now knew. In true optimist form, I said to Lola "well, maybe there is some hot guy down in Service who now thinks I am a slut and will ask me out... then at least I can get laid."
This was when I realized that my filter in my brain must have shut off due to the three Melatonin I had popped about thirty minutes before.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:20 AM
| link to this post | 10 spoke |

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Sitting, waiting, wishing...
Ok, so honestly, the song title up there has little to do with what is going on in my life, short of the title itself. Well the title and this:
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Yeah, I am going crazy. I haven't mentioned on here much about it because I am that superstitious. I am knock-on-wood, wish-on-eyelashes, avoid-stepping-on-cracks, cross-my-fingers, superstitious. I believe in Karma too. How freaked out are you right now? Huh?

Um, so anyway. I am trying to buy a house right now. This is my second attempt in the last three years to buy a home, by myself. The first time was... interesting to say the least. But my realtor, lovely little gay man that he was, fucked me. He totally got a better deal somewhere else or something because he just fell of the face of the planet for about three weeks and left me high and dry. By the time he got back, the place was sold and I was burnt out.
I put 'Buying a home' somewhere near the bottom of my 'to do' list... I think it was under 'Learn to mow grass' and above 'Take up skateboarding'. Anyway, I decided renting wasn't so bad and I would try again in a few years.
Then this place sort of fell into my lap. When it was mentioned to me, I decided to look into it and approach the entire deal with complete nonchalance. I learned my lesson the last time and had no intentions of getting my or the girls' hopes up. I waited until we had started paper work on loans and hiring inspectors and appraisers before I even mentioned it to the girls.
Now the girls are beyond jazzed and I am mentally arranging my furniture. Bad Kate. And we are in limbo. I am waiting to hear from someone who is waiting to hear from someone. Apparently with out endless funds, buying a house takes a lot of patience. I have accepted that it is out of my control for now and that I will just take getting it or not getting it as a sign as to whether I should have it. If it is meant to be, then it will be.
But DAMN IT. I am not a patient woman. In fact, I am typically the furthest thing from it. I hate waiting weeks for things to transpire. I just want to know. Just tell me yes or no. I can take either.... although the former of the two would mean that I would have to move 'Learn to mow grass' to the top of my list since this place has five acres. But all of this "Sitting, waiting, wishing" is driving me insane.
I have probably just jinxed everything by telling the entire blogosphere anyway :) But since I was tempted to start packing some things up while I was cleaning this past weekend and my friends are referring to it as "your new house" and offering to help move, I figure if it was jinxable, I have jinxed it already.
Cross something for me people, if the girls and I don't get another bathroom soon, all hell will break loose.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:02 AM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Sunday, September 25, 2005
Careful what you wish for...
So, yeah, went to the party. Got there right before it got dark and sat down out side with all the other people near the fire... well, not really near the fire since it was like two hundred degrees out yesterday, but in the chairs set off to the side of the fire. There were a ton of people there, most of whom know me in some way or another but who's names I couldn't remember to save my life. You see, dear reader, when your mother has tended bar in every establishment in this county, you meet a lot of people and they remember you as so-and-so's daughter and you vaguely remember them as one of those people you met in a bar that one time.
As I made my way around the circle of introductions and immediately forgot all of their names again, someone handed me a beer and we were off. Everyone is telling stories and jokes and some one has a electronic trivia game and is asking questions to whoever might be interested in playing. (I was the only one who knew that the Titanic had only sank two and a half miles as opposed to the five that everyone else guessed. And I was the only one who knew that the most watched Worldwide sport was soccer. Baseball? Come on people! Worldwide. "You're good at this Kate! Let me get you another beer." Translation: "I was kicking everyone's ass before you got here, let's see if I can get your drunk and take back the lead.")

People were coming and wandering off. Let me clarify here that this party takes place on about ten acres. It starts on Friday and many of the attendees camp out for the weekend. There are dozens of tents set up around the property. In the whole time I was there, I probably only saw half of the people there. When I wandered off into the woods to go say hi to someone camped out back there, I was at the mercy of my guide since I couldn't have found my own ass out there. It's dark and my sense of direction is shit. (Plus, I watched Super Natural yesterday, the one with the thing in the woods and was a little warey to walk anywhere that there were trees.) But, I am getting ahead of myself.
So, I am sitting in the circle altering my reality, chatting it up with people I know and people I don't know. Lucky for me, I am not shy so I can pretty much talk to anyone (gee, Kate, are you in sales?? lol). I am talking to this young girl who has brought her two very small children (the boy was five months old and the girl was almost two - been there, done that) and is trying her hardest to keep her little family under control. Since I have been in that boat before, we hit it off. She let me hold her son who was the epitome of fucking adorable. I have seen many babies and held almost as many. I have three daughters who were all babies and friends with babies. There was something about this little boy that supersedes every other child I have seen. She smiled when she asked, "would you mind holding this little soul?" Little Soul. That's what he felt like. Not like a baby, like a little blazing soul. Just watching her hold him and I couldn't stop smiling (long before I was at the point of being messed up tyvm). He just radiated this happiness. I can't explain it and I am sure I sound insane, but he just made you happy. When she let me hold him, he just sat there, holding eye contact and talked to me. All of it in the most adorable baby gibberish you can think of. But he looked right into your eyes the whole time. Then he leaned forward and put both of his hands on my cheeks and just looked into my eyes. God. I didn't want to give him back.
Anyway, she took both her babies up to the house to get them settled in and then I got exactly what I had previously insinuated that I was looking for. As it turns out, one of the few single guys any where near my age seated himself right next to me almost the whole night. I had met him a few years ago and this guy is so far from my type that he may as well be female. But he is nice enough, so I didn't mind chatting with him. Some how though, we ended up being three to four chairs away from everyone else and by then, I was just ever so slightly -ahem- not my self. So, I am sitting there trying to stay in the loop of the conversation that is going on about ten feet away from me and also contemplating about how much time I have left before peeing has moved to the top of my priority list when he starts.

Oh, sure, it started off all innocent "how have you been? Where are you working? How are the girls?" blah blah blah... Then, he turned into a chic. Oh my god, I am so not fucking kidding here. Now, ladies, you know as well as I do that if you insist on sitting down with another chic and bitching about your ex that there are rules. I like to think of it like ping pong. You bitch a little, then they bitch a little. Back and forth, bouncing the ball from your side of the table to theirs. Now, had he actually let me talk at all in the hour he held me hostage, I may have been a little more interested in the conversation. Instead, he talked, for an hour straight, barely allowing me to comment at all. All about his ex, all about their relationship, all about how it ended, all about every time he had seen her since. I. thought. I. was. going. to. die. And I am too far out of the circle to get involved in another conversation so I am just waiting it out, like an infection. Plus, by now, I am fully altered. So, my reflexes have slowed down and I couldn't pull up a way in my brain to properly excuse myself from the conversation. I still had more than half of my beer so I couldn't get up and get another and peeing was sitting above breathing on my priority list, but he wasn't giving me a break in which to excuse myself. It was so bad that at one point he apologized for talking about his ex non stop and then he started right back up again with just one more thing. Are you fucking kidding me?
Finally, I escaped. I lost over an hour of my life, but I survived. You know in that movie The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy? When the big huge alien thing is reading poetry to the captives and the one guy is squirming and practically crying from the torture? Yeah, that was me, last night. The next time I wish for some young, single guy's attention, I am going to be WAAAY more specific.

Anyway, the hours passed and the conversations changed and flowed. I found out that I knew pretty much everyone there through someone else. Before I knew it, I was back to normal and had traded my beer for water and it was very late. I found my hostess and told her I was leaving and that I had a great time (which was true except for that one hour). Got the girls and came home and put them to bed. Then, I went to bed too.
And boy howdy did I have some fucked up dreams. Cherish wrote a post the other day about her dream and it started like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz... that was how I felt this morning. I can barely remember it though... Just bits and peices. I do remember that Hot Toddy and I were talking, like old friends (which is exactly how I feel about Toddy) and then he leaned down to kiss me like a goodbye kiss. But it wasn't a goodbye kiss at all. And let me tell you, Toddy, in my dreams, you can kiss my dear. And if it had been real, I would have been questioning your sexuality :P
There were other people there. I read a couple of blogs last night before I went to bed and almost wrote in mine... so maybe that is why... Or maybe it was the... well, either way.
So, that was it. At least I got out but I wish I had something more juicy for ya'll :) On the plus side, I really hit it off with that chic and I am hoping that she and I can become friends.
Ok, I am going to go stick a straw in the coffee pot and start cleaning. Hope everyone else's Saturday night was slightly more exciting :)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:52 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Saturday, September 24, 2005
Slutty make-up Saturday
Ok, I know! For those of you who were around for the original Slutty Make-up Friday, I am only doing this today. I won't be just relocating the Slutty Make-up day all helter skelter :) Calm down. Starting next week, Slutty Make-up Friday will be back where it belongs. Just think of it like when you are watching a soap opera and they replace one of the characters temporarily while another is out. Tonight, the role of Slutty Make-up will be played by Saturday. Got me?
Anyway, I am dolled up and heading out. Let's see what I can pick up ;)

ps Melatonin kicks ass.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:45 PM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Friday, September 23, 2005
this cracked my shit up
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:33 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

We're going to miss you...

(I can't link, because his links have been down this week... Keep an eye on his link on the sidebar because I am hoping it will come back up...)

I just wanted to take a moment to say Goodbye (for NOW) to Malcolm.
Malcolm, your words have been inspirational and we are going to miss being able to read them while you are gone. You are such a good person and it seems like an incredible injustice to be losing you for so long. You have taken this all with such grace and understanding, something I don't think I could do if I were in your shoes. We will all be here waiting for you when you get out.
You will be in my thoughts.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:29 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Rita - you suck ass
[Disclaimer: Sorry, I am probably just pissy because I had this thing with this guy friend tonight and I didn't get to go because of all of this insanity and damn it I need to get out and do something. :( So please refrain from sending me any emails that start with "Dear Insensitive Bitch"]

Oh my fucking God, it is crazy as hell here right now. Everyone and their grandmother's dog is coming into town to avoid Rita. This is fine with us, since we are Southern and hospitality is our thing... but geeeez, calm the fuck down.
I had to go to Wal-Mart on my way home to pick up a few things... like milk and popcorn... There were hundreds of people in that store. And that's cool, you know, if you feel like stocking up on supplies like it is Y2K all over again - have at it. But fuck, can't they have aisles specifically for the paranoid people?
"Attention Wal-Mart shoppers. First of all, we would like to thank you for not taking your meds today. If you are buying things like gas cans, oil lanterns, excessive amounts of toilet paper, flashlights, batteries, twinkies, coolers, etc. Please take your items to aisles twelve through twenty five. Don't worry, The Man can't see you on those aisles. If you are here to just pick up your regular groceries, please go to aisles one through twelve. Thank you and have a nice day."
See! Now that would be organized. Let the paranoid crazies all check out on one side of the store. And for that matter, put the crabby I-hate-the-fucking-world employees over there too. The customers and cashiers can look at each other with shifty eyes and the normal people can go about their days.
And FUCK YOU if you are filling up fifteen god damned gas cans ok? You are the reason that the stations are running out of gas! If you would just wait and fill up when you need it instead of stocking up like we are going to war, then there would be enough for every one. That is just bull shit. I mean, I get that you are all screwed up in the head, but at least let those of us who just need a half of a tank go first. I should not, I repeat, should not have to wait twenty minutes to top off my tank. Just like you shouldn't have rights to the damn pump for fifteen minutes when there is a line.
You know what I am going to do if the damn city runs out of gas? Stay home. That's right. I am going to pop some popcorn and watch some tv and enjoy the fact that I have a valid reason to blow off work. Or, and bare with me because I know that this is hard to understand, I am going to car pool. That's right. That's when you put more than just yourself in your god damned Excursion and drive places. I am not going to go out to my warehouse where I keep my surplus of gas cans and toilet paper and load my twenty five gallon tank up and go for a cruise.
And the screwed up thing is that Rita has moved. Yup, now it doesn't even look like it will rain here. All the freaking out will have been for naught. It was over a hundred fucking degrees today... has been every day this week. And this bitch of a storm is looming out there and we won't even get a drop of rain from it. We will get all the crazy people from the coastal cities who are sucking the stock out of Wal-Mart, but no rain.

I hope it has all died down by next week.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:20 AM
| link to this post | 9 spoke |

Thursday, September 22, 2005
Happy Thursday :)
For those of you who wanted the unedited version... Well, this is as close as you are going to get :P

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 4:45 AM
| link to this post | 14 spoke |

I am so Southern...

American Cities That Best Fit You:

85% Austin

70% Atlanta

70% Denver

70% Honolulu

65% Portland

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 3:29 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
One of the things that Lola has let me lay on her couch and talk about it how I have become increasingly lonely. I try to keep myself so busy so that I won't notice, but it doesn't always work. I miss Veronique more than words could even encompass. Every day I want to call her or have her come over and just sit and talk. If you could have a soul mate, she would have been mine. She and I were so perfect together. Just hours and hours around each other, talking and listening and it was always smooth, always fulfilling. I knew that I could call her at any time day or night and she would not just be there, but she would care about what I wanted to say. And the same went for me. She could call me at two o'clock in the morning and tell me about her night and I wanted to listen, wanted to hear her.
My mind keeps trying to convince me that she is still here, that she couldn't be gone... I just have to miss her, indefinitely.
Considering the recent twists from the plot of Mr. I and myself, I hate to say what I am about to... but I lost him too. Not the him I was sleeping with because that was never going to be mine, but the friendship. I spent countless hours talking to him and listening to him. Despite what happened between us, I miss his friendship. I miss hearing his ringer and knowing that it is him and he has some silly story to tell me or some weird idea of what he could sell on ebay next or that he is going to just ask me about me and what I am thinking about. Our friendship was destroyed and it's seemingly irreparable for the time being.
I feel like I am holding everything in, yet I am holding onto nothing. When I was talking to Lola last week, she told me just to write it all down, get everything out, just write myself through it. I thought about breaking out my pen and my journal and putting it all down on paper... its funny that my journal doesn't cut it anymore. This has become my journal, my outlet. Putting my thoughts somewhere else just won't do.
So, I want to write myself through this, but I don't know what "this" is. I am just in this white room devoid of color. All the feelings I felt for the last year, longer... they've all been taken away from me. The love and the friendship that I felt is just gone. I will never have the closure with Veronique. She is beyond my grasp now. I can't tell her that I love her and that I miss her and how important she was to me. I can't call her anymore, I can't see her.

And I don't want the closure from Mr. I because it won't be anything positive so it really isn't worth it.
So, I look at my phone... sitting there on the desk. It doesn't ring any more. The two people who consistently and constantly called me are both gone from my life.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:02 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tuesday night TV recap... (for the hopelessly bored)
JD WON?? Ok, I so didn't think that was going to happen! Damn... I was really rooting for Marty! But, I guess JD filled the more clean-cut shoes. Still bummed though! He was an awful gracious loser (wasn't he?), Marty smiled the entire time :)

And House made me cry like a baby - for an hour. God. That little girl... Ok, I know it is just a show, but I am going to get sucked in here. She was nine. Nine. I don't know what I would do or how I would deal if my daughter had cancer... if they told me that they could fix her for now but she would still die in a year. I think that the pain would eat me alive. So, I bawled. Sat there and cried. Awesome show. I mean, House is always awesome, but tonight's show really had me.

Ok, so I have to go to bed, but I wanted to tell all of you... ALL. OF. YOU. (I mean it, I am watching you. And yes, it's in a creepy he-sees-you-when-you're-sleeping-Santa-Claus kind of way.) My darling Lola has finally succumbed to the world of blogging. And it had nothing to do with my incessant pestering... Right Jiffinner? Right Cake Lady? Right? I didn't bother any of you to get blogs did I? The Girl? Liz? You guys just wanted them, right? It wasn't the emails and the bitching was it? Lola?
So, skip on over there people! She wants your questions. She will give you good advice, just ask away. I don't care if you ask her what color flowers go with your hair, just scoot. Go put your feet up on Lola's Couch.

Good night...
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 10:39 PM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

"This is totally going in my blog!"
Ok, so since I already wrote about Rock Star: INXS, may as well be The Sitcom Pimp while I am at it. CBS is sporting a pretty decent line up for the fall (links are in bottom right hand corner of the main page). The show I was looking forward to more than the rest was How I Met Your Mother. I watched this show last night and it cracked my shit up.
Most of it is covered in the preview you can watch on But the entire show was funny. NPH is always telling the main character (Ted) to "suit up". He swears that suits are just cool and if Ted would wear one, he would find a girl. (Ted is bound and determined to find someone to marry.) When NPH finally convinces Ted to wear a suit, he gets all happy in the cab and says:
"This is totally going in my blog!"
Anyway, I am not going to give the entire play by play, mostly because I suck at it, but if you get a chance to watch this show - watch. it. It kicks some ass :)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:18 PM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Rock Star: INXS

Ok, I try and lay off the TV talk on here, but sometimes I just have to be a sheep and post about the show I am watching. I never got into the whole American Idol nonsense, so the first time I was flipping around and saw Rock Star: INXS, I almost kept going. Thank goodness I didn't. I fucking love this show. It's like American Idol but with good music! I have been hooked since day one and I record it every Tuesday and Wednesday night. Then I watch both episodes on Wednesday so that I don't have to wait the day of suspense :P yup, I'm crafty.. or sad... either way ;)
So, WHO else is watching this kick ass show? Who do you think will win? Who did you think would win that has been eliminated??
I was shocked that Jordis was eliminated! SHOCKED. That chic could fucking sing. I knew she blew it that last time though when she was cut... Anyway, if you watch this show, tell me what you think!
My money is on
Marty. I am mad for him. If JD wins, I will be massively bummed since I don't really care for him. Not only do I think Marty kicks some serious ass, but I think he is right in his ideas that INXS is going to have to get with the music of now to be successful again..

And if you haven't watched this show because you have been under a rock for the last six weeks, it's on tonight people! Watch it, the music kicks ass!
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 2:01 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Monday, September 19, 2005
Amanda will be nine in November
Ok, I have to say, I am dreading this. My baby is hitting the half way marker in nine weeks. I don't want her to turn nine.. and then ten.. and then eleven... It's too soon, it's too fast, I'm not ready :(
But since it is inevitable and I am stuck having to accept it, I am working on the party plans. I learned many years ago that in order to have a successful birthday party, you must plan ahead and pay ahead and let everyone know in advance and then remind them :)
Amanda wants to have her birthday at the Build-A-Bear workshop this year. Which I am loving because:
a) She wants to go to a Teddy Bear place for her birthday which sort of makes me feel like she isn't getting very old yet :)
b) This means no actual party. I don't have to decorate and plan food and worry that parents will want to hang around and make conversation with me.
c) It's not horribly expensive. The bears range from about fifteen bucks to thirty, depending on options (can you tell I sell cars for a living? lol).
d) The minimum amount of guests is six. So, it's a couple hundred bucks for the Build-A-Bear workshop which isn't horrible.

Ok, if you haven't seen this place yet, click here and go watch their little walk through. It is very sweet :)

So, tell me readers, about your favorite birthday party as a kid. What made it special? And what wonderful tips and ideas do you have for a kid's birthday party?
Happy Monday :)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:19 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Sunday, September 18, 2005
Um... no...

So, I am thinking that this is another thing to add to that list of things I can't do (listed below)...
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Saturday, September 17, 2005
Tagged by "Yoda-rator"
Lucky for me, I was tagged by Yoda this afternoon... Seeing as my social life went from "barely there" to "non-existent" this week, I guess I should consider myself lucky to have something to do with my Friday night :) Well, besides the four episodes of Law & Order I have already watched...

Songs I am fully digging now:

( I am literally copying what is listed on my iTunes right now... Gee, a common theme here??)
~Jack Johnson's No Other Way, Our Lady Peace's 4a.m., Radiohead's Creep, Damien Rice's Delicate and Cheers Darling, Matchbox Twenty's Crutch and Leave, Citizen Cope's Sideways, Tyler Hilton's Meant Something To Me, Gavin DeGraw's Just Friends, John Mayer's Covered In Rain, Hot Hot Heat's Shame On You, Lifehouse's You and Me and Only One, Switchfoot's This is Your Life, Coldplay's Yellow, and that song (you know the one) OLP's Not Enough.~

~*~*7 Answers to 7 Questions*~*~

7 things I plan to do before I die:
~I want to see all of my daughters grow into happy women.
~I would LOVE to swim with dolphins..

~Travel.. I'd like to go to Ireland and Greece... Maybe even Italy since Lola raves about it :)
~Own a home that I paid for myself.
~Be at my pre-pregnancy weight again for MANY years.
~Publish a book.
~I want to set the example for my girls of independence. I want them to be able to look back and think If my mom could do that then so can I.

7 things I can do:
~I can kiss away "boo-boo's"...

~I can organize anything... and then reorganize it so it is even better.
~I can take care of myself.
~I can write a poem that rhymes off the top of my head.
~Smile - even when I don't feel like smiling.
~Make egg nog from scratch.
~I can still give my heart to someone, even after all the times that it was returned to me bruised and aching.

7 things I cannot do:
~I cannot touch my nose with my tongue.

~I can't whistle.
~I can't drink apple juice.
~Fractions. God, I fucking hate fractions.
~Shut-up. I have a very difficult time being quiet :P
~Go outside by myself in the dark after watching something scary on TV.

7 things that attract me to another person:
~Sense of humor...
~Abs... oops.. Did I say that out loud? I didn't mean "abs"... uh... I meant... really... nice... arms... No - fuck. I meant healthy. Yeah. Healthy... I mean, you want them to be around for awhile right? Right?
~They have to have good morals... you know? I want someone who believes in treating others the way they want to be treated. Call it Karma, call it whatever you want, but they have to be considerate of other people's feelings.
~Ok... You'd think I'd be able to name off like a hundred things, but I am struggling here... I would like someone who is financially stable. I don't want someone to pay for everything, but someone who can keep their checking account out of the negatives would be nice.

7 things I say most often:

(some things couldn't be put up because the inflection wouldn't come across and it just looked bad, lol)
~"You have got to be shitting me!"
~"Fuck that/him/her."
~"That cracks my shit up."

~"Did you brush your teeth yet?"
~"Trin? Do you have to go Potty??"
~"I was like fourteen different kinds of pissed off"
~"I am all about... (just insert whatever I happen to be all about that day."

7 Celebrity crushes:
~Matthew McConaughey
~Rob Thomas
~Jim Caviezel

Ryan Kwanten
~Jack Johnson
~Jude Law
~Brad Pitt (yeah, I know, EVERYone loves Brad... but god damn that man is GORGEOUS!)

7 bloggers I am tagging:
The Girl
~The Cake Lady
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Friday, September 16, 2005
It's finally Friday!
I think if I ever wrote a book I would have to title it I Had Two Children With a Man Who Had Sex With Other Men For Drugs. I think that pretty much sums up how this whole life of mine got started.
I was on the phone with Jiffinner last night and I was whining about all this shit that went down the last few weeks. Mostly, I am so disappointed in myself for being completely snowed. I mean, this far into my life, into the amount of experience I have had with truly shitty guys, I should have been paying better attention. I shouldn't have had the wool pulled quite so far over my eyes. Why is it that when you feel that way about someone you just take what they say for the truth and never doubt it. I honestly believed this guy when he told me he wasn't sleeping with anyone else. I mean, he is fucking cheating on his girlfriend with me and I am assuming that he is credible? Fuck me.
So, I think that is it for awhile. I mean, if after all the guys I have dated and all the experience that I have so painfully acquired through out all of these years, I can still be such an idiot, then it is just time for me to stop dating. My judgment fucking blows.
So, I am about to say the words that so many of you have been waiting for me to say. The words that I am pretty sure made Jiffinner actually do a happy dance last night when I told her.
Since I am going to stop dating, I think it is time to buy a vibrator.
So ladies (or guys - if you happen to know anything about this), click 'comment' below and tell me what the fuck to buy because I have never in my life used one, let alone bought one...
I am trading 'men' for 'plastic'. Holy shit.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:58 AM
| link to this post | 15 spoke |

Thursday, September 15, 2005
check this out (HNT)

This is a picture of my daughter's bottom. My youngest daughter, to be specific. Do you see it? I just found it this weekend... not her bottom, mind you, the freckle. My daughter has a freckle on her little butt. How cool is that?

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:29 AM
| link to this post | 17 spoke |

The girl has balls...

"Hi. Is this [Kate]?"
"Are you busy?"
"Not really... Who is this?"

"This is [Mr. I's girlfriend]..."
Oh Shit.

That is how the conversation between she and I started. The number was marked 'Private' which I would normally not answer but since I have had so many calls today about business from numbers I didn't recognize, I went ahead and answered. The next thing she said was, "I guess you know by now that I know everything." Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God... -insert the shitting of many bricks here-
She wanted to make sure that the everything she knew was all the truth. I tried to back out of the conversation, tried to tell her that this was between him and her and that I shouldn't be talking to her. I felt like one of the lawyers on Law & Order saying 'I shouldn't speak to you with out my attorney present'... But she started crying and that brought out all the shitty feelings I had about myself. All the lying and deceit that I had a part in putting her through and I couldn't just hang up on her. "Please, just tell me. I just have to know if he has been lying to me or not." She said as she cried on the other end of the phone line. I lit a cigarette. I mean, what the fuck did I expect? That she would just drop it and not confront me? I confronted the girl that NY had been banging behind my back. I tried to find out what she already knew and she refused. She didn't want me to just say that she already knew everything, she didn't want me just to agree with his story.
So, I started by kind of defending myself. I told her that when he and I had started seeing each other that he had been single. I told her about the first lunch that he and I had went to and she said she had known about it. That he had called her afterwards and told her about it and asked her if it made her jealous. I hadn't known that. Then I told her about the movies he and I went to see together, she hadn't known about those.
His story was different for her of course. I was needy, I was pushy, I was practically begging him for his company and him being the good Samaritan that he is, he was just doing his civic duty of befriending the poor, sad girl. What. The. Fuck. Ever.
For every detail I gave her, she gave me one back. We were trading information on the same man who was lying to both of us. Most of you won't be surprised by this, but he was sleeping with her too. Since his birthday LAST YEAR. So, from October 2004 through now he was fucking both of us. I think that the previous sentence is used in Webster's as the definition of an asshole. She and I spoke for an hour and during which time compared notes and stories. For everything I told her he had said, she gave me what he had told her. We ended up taking for a combined total of three hours tonight. And believe it or not, don't hate each other. I apologized profusely for being the skank that I was and she apologized for the nasty things she said about me and the dirty looks she gave me. Although, I told her she was entitled to name calling and dirty looks sans apology for quite some time to come.
She is actually a very nice girl. He is actually a very big asshole. She was telling me about the way he treated her while they were together, consistently telling her he didn't like things about her so she would change them (like her glasses, she now wears contacts), picking on her friends, what she does with her free time. She admitted that she felt so bad about herself on account of all the things he had said to her. I told her that she could do better. And trust me ya'll, she can. This girl is very pretty and after our talk tonight, well spoken, smart and with plenty of back bone. I asked her why she was putting up with this crap from him and she said that she just kept believing him when he said he would change. How familiar does that sound people? How many failed relationships have we all been in because we believed the other person would change? Yeah. I thought so ;)
The person she described to me was not the same person with whom I spent time. I never saw that side of him. He never tried to pull that crap on me and in fact, if he had, I would have been over this whole mess a long fucking time ago. Besides the constant belittling and berating, I was also shocked to find out that I am officially the most gullible person on the damn planet. The guy tells me he isn't fucking her and I believe him. Someone come confiscate fifty of my "Cool Points".. I don't deserve them. When did I become such an absolute imbecile? It's official. No more dating/fucking for me. I just failed my Man Test.
Remember the other day when I said that this was a first for me (being dumped), well there is another first to add to the list: being played. God damn, two firsts from the same guy. If looked at in positive light, two birds with one stone :)
She asked me tonight if I would get together with him if they split up. Not just no, honey, but hell no. I just hope that she is able to dump him now that everything is out in the open. By the way, ya'll, she did find my blog while skimming through his mail. She told me as much tonight, so you guys can all tell her hello in the comments. Be nice, believe it or not, I like her. She's a good chic.
Ok, so my NyQuil is kicking in and I am not sure how much sense I am making anymore. But everyone lift your glasses (or medicine cups) and let's make a toast! "The reign of Mr. I is over. Kate is once again completely single!"

Labels: , ,

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:23 AM
| link to this post | 11 spoke |

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
If you need me, I am under the pile of Kleenex...
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:19 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
hey, I'm ok :)
You'd think by the stream of emails that I had just told you all I had cancer, lol. I am really ok. I am tired from the weekend... I took off early from work today and came and got my girls and we proceeded to lay in front of the tv and drool as it sucked out our brains.
I appreciate the condolences and the good old fashion bashings ;) But, really, I am ok. I am sad that it all had to be this way, but there isn't anything I can do about it so that will just have to be that.
In the mean time, if you really want to help me, send me all your NyQuil. I think I am coming down with something. I am feeling a particularly dark shade of shitty and I am afraid that I may get sick. And that is just plain crap if you ask me. I got home and had every intention of polishing off the bottle (of NyQuil) and found that I had less than a half dose left. WTF? I should have some sort of messaging system available. Like a pop up from my Microsoft Office Assistant, you know the paper clip?? Well, he should pop up every hour on the hour until the NyQuil supply has been refilled. Damn the paper clip guy. It's his fault. Damn Microsoft.

Last thing before I go to bed and try once again to barter with this seemingly useless "soul"...
This little monologue is from my daughter, while I was cooking dinner. I had to stop twice to come jot down notes and stop laughing...
Amanda: Mommy, I think we should become Super Heros... We could be the Sitting Ducks... And the Remote Control? He could be our Sidekick. We could put on our TV Capes and when the Remote got low on batteries, we could call for help from other Super Heros... And when there was an emergency and they called.. you know, to help get the kitty out of the tree or something? Well, we would say "dun dunna dun dun duuuuuuuh! The Sitting Ducks will save the kitty! ...... Just as soon as this show is over!"

Hmmmm... I wonder where the missing NyQuil has gone?

ps. This "recover post" button FUCKING KICKS SO MUCH ASS! This whole post was eaten when I clicked the spell check button, froze my screen. I was sitting here thinking about how I would just go do an audio post again to save from having to type it all out again and then I clicked the button and viola! Here is my post. THANK YOU BLOGGER GODS!
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:15 PM
| link to this post | 9 spoke |

Monday, September 12, 2005
Keeping it to yourself
So, this past week something happened that I didn't mention on here, on my blog. After the crying incident a few weeks ago, I haven't had much to say about Mr. I because nothing had happened. I wasn't sure if he would call me after he caught me, but he did, on the following Wednesday. He was joking around and we were talking like normal, it never came up. We spoke about a half a dozen times that day and then I didn't hear from him on Thursday. On Friday, I called him and we talked for about four minutes and then he said he had to go. He had been a little strange while we were talking so I didn't try and call him again. Saturday - nothing, then Sunday, he calls out of the blue and we talked for like thirty minutes. He told me he would call me back later and I haven't spoken to him since. So, a week.
To be honest, I thought about it very little on Monday and Tuesday I sent him the same text message I sent a dozen other people apologizing for my phone being off and letting them all know it was back on. Nothing. I thought that was odd, that he didn't call back, but it was late so I went to sleep. Then Wednesday, I dropped the girls off at gymnastics and was at the store when I got a call from a friend. This friend informed me that Mr. I's girlfriend was telling the people that we work with that he and I had been sleeping together. It was also mentioned that she had broken into Mr. I's email account and seen all of the emails I had sent him. (NONE of which said anything about any of our -ahem- nights together.)
I was just shocked for the next few hours. I mean the fact that everything that had happened between he and I for the last fourteen months, all the secrets and lies, it was all done, out in the open. Honestly, I was relieved. No more sneaking around, no more feeling like a shitty person because I am the chic that is banging her boyfriend. That was it, finished. This was followed quite quickly by the tiniest little bit of excitement. I mean, if she knows that he and I have been sleeping together for the entirety of their relationship, surely she is going to break up with him. I mean, how can he talk his way out of this one? And why would he even want to?
Then it hit me... oh. my. god. He might actually want to. He may try to talk his way out of this, throw a couple more lies onto the fire that keeps their relationship from going out. But no, logically, no one would want to do that. I mean, isn't this his out [notice my delusion here]? Now he is free to leave, she won't want to stay with him and why would he fight to keep something that is so seemingly dead alive? Well, DUH Kate, why would either of them do anything that made any sense at all?
I put it in the back of my mind. No obsessing. Whatever happens, will happen, whether I freak out about it or not. I secretly crossed my fingers that he was going to call me and tell me that it was all over. Fortunately for me, Thursday, I had an Internet Conference in San Antonio and couldn't think about it much. I didn't get back to the dealership until two and had enough work to do to keep me busy until five when I left. So, Friday, when I got there, I was curious to see if anything had changed, if the gossip mill had managed to spread the rumors around my workplace enough that they would find their way to my department. But, nothing. I probed some and had a few others poke around to see if anyone was talking and no one was. How fucked up is that? All three people in our little love triangle work at the same place with around a hundred employees and NO ONE IS TALKING? Wow.
So, at almost twelve I went out side to the picnic table behind our building for a cigarette. I went out on purpose because that picnic table overlooks the employee parking lot and I can see both Mr. I and his girlfriend's car from the table. A few minutes later, Jiffinner and The Cake Lady came out and sat down with me. I admitted that I was out there to see if Mr. I and his girlfriend left together and she just looked at me and said "I know." How transparent I must have been, perfectly torn in two. Half of me excited at the prospect of finally having a shot at the guy for whom I have had feelings for the last year, the other half of me panicking because if this doesn't end them, what the hell will? I couldn't even sit still waiting for them. And then I saw him, walking across the parking lot, towards his car. He's alone. Is this possible? A few seconds later, I realized it was not. She walked up beside him and they got into her car and left. And the last few drops of hope I had left vanished.
In that instant, I wished so badly that I were alone. That two of my closest friends weren't sitting there watching my face fall. I didn't cry, if that means anything. They did their civic friend duty and bashed him appropriately to lighten my mood and then we all went back inside.
My plan was to come home, break into my wine and feel sorry for myself for the whole weekend. I was going to watch every episode of Law & Order I had recorded and then every movie I had recorded last weekend when HBO was free, starting with Contact so I could drool over Matthew McConaughey. I was going to eat everything in my house with the word "chocolate" written anywhere on it's packaging and I was not going to take off my pajamas all weekend. That'll show him, right? lol
Anyway, that plan? Totally shot to hell and back because I was babysitting Fairy's lovely two year old son. Any plans for sitting down, period, were laughable. Instead, I did what I do best when I am heartbroken, I cleaned. I rearranged the furniture in my kitchen, scrubbed my toaster and moved everything in the entire room and cleaned under it. I cleaned my microwave and my coffee pot and bleached my floors. I did all the laundry and then I rearranged my room. I moved everything from one side to the other. I like it better that way. And after Fairy's mom picked her grandson up, I cleaned the girls' room. I listened to Jack Johnson all weekend. Today, I was so busy that I didn't smoke a single cigarette. The entire bottle of wine is still in my fridge.
What have I concluded? Well, I am pissed. I am pissed because cleaning my house wasn't the closure that I wanted and there isn't anything I can do about it. I have promised myself that I won't call him. He had every opportunity to call me and he chose not to. I have to just back away. I have decided that it isn't fair. But I guess the delusion that I was living in where everyone gets that Nora Roberts ending for their love life is flat out bullshit. I am disappointed. I am disappointed in him because I thought he was better that this by about two million times and I am disappointed in myself for having such shitty instincts.

I don't know why I am surprised, I mean, the last two guys I was in love with were the furthest thing from being prizes. I thought he was different, I thought that he genuinely cared about me. Or maybe I thought I cared enough for both of us. Who knows? If the past is any sort of predictor, then I will understand all of this in about two months.
The bottom line? I am mad at him for just cutting me out, no words, nothing. Just his back walking away and me asking what the hell happened to any of the bystanders that might have caught a glimpse of this entire train wreck. I laid in bed hoping he would call or come over and he did neither. I can't keep on holding on to this rope waiting for him to come let me down.
So, I guess it is over. Based on my utter lack of communication with him, I have to assume that he is through with "us". I am mad at myself for being so gullible and for believing that he kept coming back to me because he cared and not just because he wanted a piece of ass.
I have thought about this ad nauseum this weekend. I can't come to any kind of anything. I guess there is a first time for everything and this is the first time I have ever been in this type of situation and the first time I have ever had this type of outcome from a relationship or pseudo relationship. There is a first time for everything.
For the first time, readers, I have been dumped. Thoroughly and completely kicked to the curb. Mark your calendars, this is a memorable occasion. It may be declared a holiday later and you can all say “hey, I knew her!”

Labels: , ,

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:16 AM
| link to this post | 12 spoke |

Friday, September 09, 2005
omg, this so sucked
this is an audio post - click to play

Ok, I was so kicking myself while driving and recording this. Thinking shut up Kate! Did you really just say that? Wow, how many times have I said 'fuck'? I say 'fuck' a lot... I can't help it.

"Have you ever wanted to feel like a complete and utter idiot? Yes? Well you can! Just simply go to and set up your account! I assure you that as soon as you record your first entry, you will feel like an ass!"

So, I was going to delete it when I got to work.. but can I? Doesn't that violate some blogger code? I mean, can you just delete your first audiopost or is it a hazing of sorts?

What do you think readers? Would you delete it, if it was yours? Be honest!
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:43 AM
| link to this post | 16 spoke |

the not so good stuff
I have been reading Malcolm's blog for many months now. I have posted on here about him a few times and if you ever comment here, then you are likely to see his comments.
In the recent days, he has been posting stories about his youth, about things that have had an impact on his life. And as I am reading them, I feel very connected to him.
He and I didn't experience all of the same things, but we did share in a lot of the same feelings. When I read something he has written that I can relate to, I can dig down and pull that feeling up. I can remember how it felt to be in a similar position or place in my childhood. I can remember the fear or the anxiety or the sadness.
These stories that we read on his blog or mine or any other that you read daily, these were the foundation for the people that we have become. They are what shaped and molded us. For me, the way my childhood was is the direct source for my compassion now. I think that having lived my life then has made me the mother I am now. And I believe that having those heightened experiences has helped me to better understand my own daughters more than I ever could have had I been spared them.
When Amanda went to school for the first time, I dug up the feelings of fear that I had once felt. I found that place inside and relived it so I could be there for her in the way I would have wanted someone to be there for me. All along, I have thanked the fact that I had my daughters as young as I did for the ability to relive and re-feel they way they were feeling. I had thought since Amanda and I are only sixteen years apart that it is easier for me to go back to those experiences since they aren't that far behind me. It was all still fresh and the journey back to it was short. I have been grateful for such a small gap between my girls and I for that reason mostly.
But today, when I was reading Malcolm's stories on his blog, I thought for the first time that maybe my age had nothing to do with it. Maybe I could have had my girls ten or even twenty years later and still have been able to easily pull those feelings up again. Because, maybe it was never age at all, but rather that the things that happened in my childhood were such big feelings that they will never completely go away.
When there was an argument in my house when I was a child, it wasn't just an argument. It was screaming and cursing and breaking things. And eventually it became physical. When I would lay in bed at night and hear my parents start to argue, that feeling in the pit of my stomach would flare up and it would just grow and grow until it hurt. I would beg and plea with everything to make them stop. Please don't let him hit her. Please just make her stop arguing with him. Please, just please, make it stop.
These feelings were very real and very scary and very nerve wracking for me. I think a lot of "grown-ups" think that their kids don't experience these strong emotions or maybe they just don't think that they are validated since the child's problems can't possibly compare to their own. I don't believe that. Be it an argument with their best friend or that someone called them a name or a big math test, all of these stressors are there and real and BIG.
The anxiety that we feel strongly as adults is the same anxiety that our kids feel as children and it is just as powerful and just as intense. I think that we sometimes forget that while their issues seem so trivial (compared to ours) that really they are just as big and just as scary as our own.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:26 AM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Thursday, September 08, 2005
Half-Nekkid Thursday

Since this HNT epidemic is inevitably going to take over the world, I figured I should get in on the ground floor. Why? Well, because if you are going to be made to do something eventually, you should just cave in early on and it get it over with, so you have seniority :)

The guidelines are here.
Happy HNT!
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:31 PM
| link to this post | 12 spoke |

Getting excited...
Ok, last year, I failed miserably at my attempt to complete fifty thousand words for NanoWrimo. It was the first year I had ever tried and I think I completed like eight thousand words and that was all. Oooooh, no. I just went and looked at my profile (gonna have to change that squashed face picture) and NOT eight, FOUR! Gosh, what a disgrace I was, lol.
Anyway, this year, I am going to try again. I have to admit that when I signed up last year, I thought to myself about the people who hadn't finished their fifty thousand the year before Gosh, why couldn't you finish fifty thousand words in a month? How fucking hard can that be? Um... yeah. It is suprisingly hard. Just so you know.
So, this year... I am going to try again. In fact, I may even open up another blog just for that purpose. See if I can't publish whatever I am writing on said blog and that way ya'll can point out shit that doesn't add up for me... if you are really bored and feel like reading it, that is.
Hey, you never know... It could be good. I had some of you going on the Jason story ;)
Ok, so you can sign up to participate at the beginning of October. And I will definitely write about this again in October and then in November, you guys will know why I am slacking in the blogging department. How is this for notice huh?? lol
So, if you are thinking about participating, which I strongly recommend as it is great and fun and all that shit, then you may want to get a general story line in place now. When I was reading of the FAQ's last year, I saw this
"Does that mean I can't use an outline or notes?
Outlines and plot notes are very much encouraged, and can be started months ahead of the actual novel-writing adventure. Previously written prose, though, is punishable by death."

I did not pre-prepare in any way, shape or form and well... four thousand words people! So, my advice? The story you have had in your head for the last god-knows-how-long? Yeah, it's time. It's time to let it out and share it with the world. We WANT it ok? Give it to us. Let us have it. Give it up!
I will start screwing around with a template for a NanoWrimo blog in the next few weeks and if you happen to make a blog, email me the link ok? I will throw it on there.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:33 AM
| link to this post | 5 spoke |

Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Jack Johnson rocks

Ok, I am kicking myself here.
Apparenly Fairy played some Jack Johnson in the car for me back in April and I told her to change it... well, all of us in the car did, lol. But in our defense, we weren't in that frame of mind when we embarked upon that road trip...
Then Billabong told his big sister,
Jiffinner, that she and I needed to download this guy and she and I both were like yeah, we will, as soon as we get the chance... And then we went on to download Audioslave and The Foo Fighters and Damien Rice...
So, back on the 26th, I
asked all of you to tell me who I needed to be listening to... Warped Bryce and Lola both said that Jack Johnson was a must. I must admit, he was a double bonus since he is not only extremely talented, he is also hot.
And all of you were right. I have three of his cds now...
In Between Dreams
On and On
Brushfire Fairytales
I love them - all three of them... As you have noticed, I am particularly fond of
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing and Taylor as both have held my Download Of The Day position in the last week... And I have a weakness for Banana Pancakes... for the song itself as well as the fact that I love banana pancakes. Sadly, my kids, not so much. But I tell you what.. had he sang that song to me... well, I'd be all sorts and kinds of melting into a puddle of lust and adoration on his bed the floor...
Also, is it just me, or does
Malcolm bear a striking resemblence to Jack Johnson?? I mean, yeah, different chins... but still, just slightly uncanny. If you go to launch and watch the Sitting, Waiting, Wishing video... well, you'll see...
Anyway, thank you guys!
And don't worry, I am never done downloading music... I also scored the new OLP cd and I have all the other recommendations on my list. I will let you guys know about the next one I love, just watch my Download of the Day box ;)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:30 AM
| link to this post | 32 spoke |

Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Snagged from Malcolm

Killing and Accurate Troubleshooting Entity

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:19 PM
| link to this post | 19 spoke |

Holy Cows
Night before last, when I got back from having a fabulous time at The Cake Lady's house (pics here), I remembered that I hadn't paid my rent. I grabbed my cell to return a call and went outside to my car (which is where my purse and therefore my check book are). I sat down in the driver's seat and lit a cigarette while chatting on the phone and wrote my rent check.
My landlord has a shop right next door to my house and if I hop the little fence in the back (which my Boss says I shouldn't do since I am so accident prone), I can put it in the drop box and hop right back over in like two minutes. This was my elaborate plan - as I am crafty. Well, I took two steps towards the fence and then saw it. It was a brown cow, maybe a year or two old. It was staring right at me. And it scared the shit out of me.
Now, let me clarify here people. I have lived in Texas almost my entire life. I have had jobs that involved me being in direct contact with live stock on a day to day basis. I have herded up calves and cattle before in front of tourists for their entertainment, I have ridden horses and chased sheep... I am Southern :P I have been around enough cattle to know that they generally aren't something you have to worry about. But this cow was young and skittish enough that I knew it would run if frightened and being that cows are generally stupid creatures, there was the possibility that it would cause damage.

So, I did what any responsible chic would do. I went inside to get my camera. Well, shit, who the hell was going to believe that there was a cow at the diesel shop next door?? My camera was sitting on the table directly inside my house. I was only gone for ten seconds, I swear. But, when I came out, the cow was gone. That cow did not have enough time to go anywhere. I just stood there, stunned. Cows generally move very slow so I thought maybe I was a little more tired than I had previously assumed, or maybe that wine I had when I got home was getting the better of me...
Anyway, I hopped the fence, paid my rent and went to bed... wondering if the cow had been a figment of my imagination.

Then, last night, I was walking outside to put my laundry in the dryer (my laundry room is attached to my house, but you have to go outside to go in) and was half way from the door to the laundry room when I heard something moving around in the grass. Well, fuck people, I live in Texas. If you hear something moving around in your grass, you move your ass. It's like our motto here. We have all sorts and kinds of animals and half of them are spiny, spiky or have long sharp nails. In short, they can hurt you in some way or another. So when I heard the noise, I turned around and went back to the front of the house - quickly.
My mother had come by and she was still there, so I asked her if she had a flashlight in her truck. We were a sight last night, outside with a flashlight, trying to determine the cause of the noise. Sure enough, about ten minutes after we started looking, we found three cows, all about two to three years old munching on grass behind my place. Seemingly, the fence to the pasture behind my place was down.
Now, some cattle are used to people and when they see one, they do little more than continue eating. These cows, however, were not used to seeing people and when they caught a glimpse of me, they would run around. Being as I live next to a semi busy highway, this isn't safe for the people driving by. So, I called the law.
"Hi, um, this is going to sound weird, but I have cows in my yard."
"Well, the thing is, I live right next to [highway] and these are young cows and they are running around and could end up causing an accident."
"Who's cows are they?"
"Hell if I know... But there are at least three of them... All about two years old... real skittish."
"Ok, ma'am, can I get your name and number?" [read: in case this is a prank call]
"Sure, this is Kate [last name] and my cell is..."
"Alright, we'll send some one over..."

About twenty minutes later, quite possibly the largest man I have seen in a very long time showed up. This cop had to be six-six, easy. He went around back, and about twenty minutes later came back and said he had chased them back into the pasture and put the fence back up. Said that it looked like the fence had been cut and then repaired really shoddy, so I needed to let whoever owned the cows know tomorrow. I had to explain to him that I have no idea who owned the cows. I rent, I said, by way of explanation. He is looking at me like I have lost my damn mind.. or maybe he couldn't hear really well. In the end, he asked me to call my landlord today and let him know since maybe he knew who owned the cows. Then he tipped his hat and left. I am sure I was keeping him from much more important police business. It was all very Mayberry.
So, there you go guys, I have never felt more like a red neck before in my life...
Below is the best picture I could get of the trio with it being so dark.. Look at the eyes and tell me that wouldn't have scared you :P

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 4:33 AM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Monday, September 05, 2005
Ban the book? I don't think so.
I ran across this story the other day while surfing the web and was absolutely shocked.
It wasn't required reading when I was in middle school or even high school, but I read
The Giver when my brother brought it home as an assignment. He had read it and then raved about it and then went out and bought his own copy.
The book is a story about a structured society. Much like Aldous Huxley's
Brave New World, only much more strict. I hate to give away the story in a book, even in cases such as this, so if you haven't read it... STOP reading this and go get it. It is only a few hundred pages and an easy and stimulating book. Then you can come back and read my rant here ;)
Anyway, for those of you who didn't listen, you are reading the story from an eleven year old boy's point of view as he learns about the world around him. I remember the part that hooked me was when he suddenly realized that he was seeing things in color. He had no idea what color was and so seeing apples turn red was freaking him out. Shortly thereafter, he was to be given the job as the person who remembers the past (Receiver of Memories). This was taken to be a very painful job. It is physically painful in the book for the person who remembers.
In the book, when a person reaches a certain age, they are put to death. They are also put to death as babies if there is anything wrong with them. It's horrible, but I think it opens up a new range of thought when you read it. It kind of pulls the wool away from your eyes and steps you a little closer to realizing that bad things do happen. Perhaps not these exactly, but bad things nonetheless.

In the end, this child realizes that the absolute hypocrisy of this Utopian society is more than he can handle. Isn't that brilliant? Isn't that something you want your child to be exposed to? When he, a child, knew that his world was against his own morals and values, he rose up against it. This little boy was so brave and the story is really very moving...
I won't keep going on and on about the book except to say that it is unsettling and sad. I thought about this book for several weeks after having finished it. Sort of like when you see a movie and at the end you are thinking but what happened NEXT?? That was how I felt, like there was to be more. But isn't that the point? Why the hell read something if it doesn't make you think and wonder and feel?

I read this story of how these moms were trying to have the book taken out of the curriculum and I was appalled. I mean, would you seriously censor what your child is reading? Don't get me wrong, I don't think Playboy should be readily available for check out at a school library, but The Giver??
The last time I took my girls to the library, Emilee checked out
Bridge To Terabithia. This book was a serious stepping stone in my growing up. I read it when I was about eleven and it touched me in so many ways. It brought me to tears - beyond tears really, I was sobbing while reading it. But, it made me more aware and it touched me. If my kids are going to be reading books in school, I WANT them to react. I want them to finish the book and think about it and wonder at the possibilities and feel as though they experienced something besides several hours of TV time being ripped from their very grasp. I want them to read about the apple being red and not be able to put the book down. I want them to be so enthralled at the horrific-ness of it all that they recommend the book later... Emilee didn't get into Terabithia as I had, but she is only seven... And I didn't push her to read it. I think when she is ready for it, she will.
My daughters grab three or four books every night on their way to bed. They have night lights by their beds and they read until they fall asleep, which is anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour. They read. In a time where your kids don't want to read because the TV will do it for you. And when it comes to big six hundred page monsters, I get the books on cd. They have already listened to the first three books in the
Lemony Snicket's series. And are on book four of the Harry Potter series.
I would rather that they actually read them, but I am just glad that they get excited at night about using their imagination to see the story in their minds.
I would never attempt to take that from them. And I wouldn't allow someone else to either.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:20 AM
| link to this post | 7 spoke |

Sunday, September 04, 2005
hidden post #1
I think I am in love.
How is that even possible?
How can I go from happily alone to thinking I care about another human being that way.
Too fast. Too much too fast.
But his picture tears at my heart, his words melt everything back just enough to make me think it could be possible.
Something could be possible.
Possibilities are so scary.
He smiles at me in a way that I didn't realize I missed.
And now, he is far away again and suddenly I know I am missing him.
I hope he calls to say hi so we can get sucked into a long conversation but mostly just so I can hear him talk to me.
Because there is something about the way he talks to me...
And I shouldnt want to be talked to or held or missed or thought of... but for some reason I always wonder if he is thinking of me... even a little.

I feel like I am going to explode if I don't get this off of my chest.
And hopefully it is one of those things that is a just tonight thing and not something I will still be feeling tomorrow because I just don't want to feel it anymore.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:08 PM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

My horoscope this morning....
You may be feeling like you want more freedom from a certain situation, Kate. Perhaps it is your own emotions that you wish to distance yourself from, or there is a person in your life that you are feeling smothered by. On one hand, you long for company and intimacy in order to fill an inner void, while on the other hand, you resent having to be so needy. Make sure you are whole before you sink too deeply into a relationship with another.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:39 AM
| link to this post | 5 spoke |

Friday, September 02, 2005
Look at my piggy bank after I bought gas yesterday!
(from my Aunt...)
I was standing outside talking to my boss yesterday and he said as he was walking off, "My wife wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night.... I took her to Exxon."
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:34 PM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Bring on the knock knock jokes

The girls and I are sitting at the table having dinner last night and Emilee suddenly looks up and says...
Emilee: “Mommy? Knock – knock.”
Me: “Who’s there?"
Emilee: “cowsay”
Me: “Cowsay who?”
Emilee: *giggling* “No, Mommy, cow say MOOOO!”
Much laughing ensues…

We all go back to eating and then Triniti (who has never before told or heard, to my knowledge, a knock-knock joke) looks over at Amanda and says...
Triniti: “knock – knock Manda”
Amanda: *raises eye brow* “who’s there?”
Triniti: “horsey”
Amanda: “horsey who”
Triniti: “horsey say neeeiiiigh!”

Triniti laughed so hard at her own joke that we all had to laugh too... She then went on to tell Emilee and I such wonderful jokes as what a duck and sheep and dog say ;)

Then, Amanda says...
Amanda: "Triniti? Knock - knock?"
Triniti: *smiling* "Who's there?"
Amanda: "Orange!"
Me: "OMG Amanda, you ALWAYS mess that joke up!!" *laughing*
Amanda: "nu-uh... just wait Mommy..."
Me: "ok, fine..."
Amanda: "Triniti? Knock - knock?"
Triniti: "Who's there?"
Amanda: "Orange!"

Triniti: "orange who?"
Amanda: "Knock - knock?"
Triniti: "Who's there?"
Amanda: "Orange!"

Triniti: "orange who?"
Amanda: "knock - knock"
Triniti: *looking at Amanda like she obviously doesn't understand this game* "Who's there?"
Amanda: "banan -- oh. Shoot!"

Ok, dear readers, hit me with your best shot! I want to see your best knock-knock jokes under the comments today ;)

Here's one to get you going..
Who's there?
Pecan who?
Pecan someone your own size!


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:43 AM
| link to this post | 5 spoke |

Thursday, September 01, 2005
Morning monologue
5:45am beep beep beep beep beep
Fuck… I can snooze once….
beep beep beep beep beep
Fuck… it can’t have been fifteen minutes already! Clock must be fucked up. And if it’s fucked up then I can snooze again and I won’t be late. That works…
6:15am beep beep beep beep beep
Six fifteen?? That can’t be right! I should have been up twenty minutes ago. Where the hell is my cell phone. It can’t be six fifteen! Haha, here it is. Shit. 6:05. I still have to get up. It’s amazing how setting my clock ten minutes fast still works…. Huh… Ok, what the hell are the girls going to where? Amanda is jeans… Emo will wear that cute little baby doll dress thingy and some shorts.. why don’t I smell coffee? That fucking coffee pot should have started itself twenty minutes ago. Damn it, I guess I had better go turn it on.
6:15am Oh. My. God. Those lights are really bright! What the hell is that? Like 200 watts? Geeeeez-us. What the hell? Was that a spider? If it was, it was a big fucking spider! Oh… nope.. just my hair. I really need some coffee. Ok, while that’s brewing late, I’ll get the girls up. I love watching them sleep. Triniti looks so sweet when she is all curled up like that and I can’t believe that Emilee still turns completely upside down every night. Amanda is completely buried under those blankets… she is probably hot. Look how they all flinch when I turn the lights on…hahaha
6:25am Ok, damn it, it isn’t cute any more! If they don’t move their little asses then we are going to miss the bus and then I will have to drive them to school and then Triniti will cry when I take her to daycare because she can’t stay with the girls and then I will be late and feel bad. Ok, Emilee is up… what the hell is Amanda doing anyway? I swear she stretches more than any other kid I have seen in my life.
6:30am Coffee…. Hmmmmmmmmmm…. Coffee….. I love coffee… Coffee should have it’s own altar in every home and we could leave little sacrifices for it to tell it how much we love it. I would sacrifice Amanda because she is so god. damned. slow.
6:35am ok, she is finally up getting ready. Time to wake Trin. I hope the Wiggles are on otherwise she is going to be one pissed off three year old… Awwwwwww… she is so cute. I love it when she says “Good Morning” and then “Sweet Dreams”….
6:40am Ok, let’s see… Emilee is dressed… shoes on… hair brushed… I checked her back pack last night… gymnastics outfit is already in it… what am I forgetting? Amanda is dressed and putting her shoes on… she has the brush in her lap… Her gymnastics clothes and her homework are both in her back pack… What the hell am I forgetting??
6:45am Hallelujah! Amanda is actually ready on time. I’ll be damned. Trin’s watching The Wiggles.. god they are weird. Who the hell wants to be called Captain Feather Sword anyway? How strange is that? I mean who the hell is going to be scared of a pirate called Feather Sword?? What’s he going to do? Tickle you to death?
6:50am Ok, five minutes. Triniti is dressed. I’ll pull her hair up when I get out of the shower. The girls have their back packs and their shoes… oh shit, their teeth! I knew I was forgetting something! They’d better hurry. Geez… you’d think I was trying to pull their teeth with all that griping! Like brushing your teeth is so fucking awful. Try labor kiddos, give that a shot then you won't be bitching about brushing your teeth anymore. Yeah.
6:55am Ok, better get them out the door. Kisses and hugs and I love you’s and there they go. They are so big. Don’t even need me to walk them out there… When did they get so big. Amanda even walks differently. She will be driving herself to school before I know it. She had better drive to school too, not to cut class or I will chew her ass out.
7:00am ok shower. What the hell am I going to wear to work? If that white shirt is clean then I can wear that with those grey pants… if I can find them… Did they use all of my conditioner? I buy them their own conditioner and they still use mine?? Ok, ok, I’ll just get out and get the floor all wet and get another bottle. What the hell time is it anyway?
7:07am Why do I have so many tiny dwarf sized towels? I mean – fuck – where the hell are the big people towels? Like they need to use them? They aren’t even four feet tall and they need the big towels? I am going to talk to them about that later! Ok, where is the brush? On the fucking couch. Ten bucks says it is on the couch. Yup, on the couch. Uhhhh, Emilee ALWAYS leaves it on the couch! Ok, now where is my mousse? Oh. Fuck. Me. I did not just spill my coffee all over the fucking bathroom counter! Great.

7:12am Ok, need to leave in three minutes. Where is my shoe? You know, I put BOTH of the black shoes right here. Where the hell is it? I hate walking around in one shoe. How much more stupid could you feel then hobbling around with one shoe on and the other lost? There it is! Under the bed. Yeah because I would really put it there. Right next to that book I need to take back to the library and... is that? No... yup, the fucking remote control for the TV. I have been looking for that for the last week!
7:16am Ok, not bad. Just need my sunglasses, cell phone, Trins extra clothes, my purse, that book, a new cup of coffee and some water... We may actually be on time. Crap. Forgot to puts Trin's hair up. Ok, so we will almost be on time.
7:19am Ok, yeah Trin, stop playing with the cat and get into the car. Ok, seat belts. Yes, so we can be safe. Damn she is cute. Great 7:20... Not bad.. I kick ass. Got everyone out of the house without being late or forgetting anything... hey... where is my coffee? Oh. no. I didn't leave it on top of the --- yup, there it goes. Shit.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:19 AM
| link to this post | 7 spoke |

Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!

12/14/84 - 1/26/05

"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



Hot Toddy

Finding Liz

The Adorable DB

Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)

They'll All Fall

we grabbed the lion

Red Hot Sexy Papa



Madi (my stalker)

Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!

Childhood Memories

My Mother

The Story of AZ

The Time In Between

The Beginning Of NY

The man from my dreams

The End Of NY

Growing and Changing

Learning to Cope

These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.

"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
katehopeeden's photos More of katehopeeden's photos

That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal

"I LOVE inner monologues. They rock!"
-Hot Toddy


The Gym

Morning Monologue

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sizzling RH 05

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