So after five minutes of Better Homes and Gardens she calls me back to the patient room where I wait for her husband.
And here is the great part!
He says, excitedly, that he can see I am off of the crutches. I say that I have been for a little over a week and he says that's great! Yay! But then tells me that the darth vader boot remains necessary and I will need to keep that on for at least another two weeks. Two weeks! Buddy, I can keep it on for another month if you want me to! The darth vader boot is NOTHING compared to crutches. I don't know where any of my left shoes are anyway!
He inspects my cut and tells me that it has healed cleaner than any he's ever seen before and he doesn't even think I will have a scar!
I am scheduled for an x-ray on January 11th (I'll see if I can get a copy of it since it will have the screw in it!). And an appointment with him on the 16th where I will maybe, just maybe, be told I can stop wearing the boot.
If so... If he gives me my foot back on the 16th, it will have been sixty-two days since I broke my foot. That's almost nine weeks.
So New Cute Guy walks into my office to ask me for something.
While I am finding it, he says, "Kate, those little curls are so cute."
Me, being so utterly and completely out of practice with boys respond with the staggeringly witty retort of, "I have curly hair."
So we go into her bedroom and she gets this big jar of pot down and starts tearing it up on her bed. Then she says she's forgotten something in the other room and she'll be right back. At this point I realize I need to pee and I go over to the toilet set off the side of the room. It's pretty much in the open and I sit down and pee and just as I am done, three dudes walk in and sit around the bed like it's a table. I'm freaking out a little because I don't know them and I am getting off of a toilet for Pete's sake! So I sit back down kinda freaking out a little and then one of them, who is played by Jeffrey Dean Walker in my dream, notices me and completely ignoring the fact that I am sitting on the toilet starts freaking out. He starts talking about how jazzed he is that I am there and how he is so happy to see me and I am half way having a heart attack that this GORGEOUS man is so excited to see me and I am on THE EFFING TOILET and I can't figure out who the hell he is. He obviously knows me and I can't place him.
Fortunately I woke up because it was too weird.
Now let me break it down for you: I had Only Other Girl At Work on the brain when I got off work yesterday because we were working on reports together, I have no idea where the travel trailer and the pot came from, I saw Jeffrey Dean Walker in a clip for a P.S. I love you
and the whole him being excited about seeing me absolutely came from the fact that I HAVEN'T HAD A DATE IN A MILLION YEARS! I haven't even been fucking asked out.
And people? I am NOT hideous or sporting major issues.
The last dude to show interest in me was The Pilot and that was back in August and nothing even came from it.
Do you want to know how long it's been since I've had sex?
It's ok if you don't. You can leave now and forever hold on to all of your pity for future and undoubtedly more worthy causes.
Like the starving children in Lithuania.
Or Global Warming.
Or all the gum spots on the pavement in major cities.
It's ok, I'll understand.
If you do, well read on.
FOURTEEN MONTHS! That's how long.
Yes I know, sad. Sad and pathetic. Sad and pathetic and horrifically unfair.
I can't figure it out.
Even when I am single for long periods of time, I usually still get asked out with something resembling regularity. But guys? This ponds been dry for months. MONTHS.
Let me tell you my only two possible prospects.
Today Rico Suave walks into my office and gives me my almost daily taunting about how him and his smoking hot girlfriend are having tons of truly awesome sex. When I tell him to go and find a corner to suffer and die in, he says that his smoking hot girlfriend and he were talking about setting me up. I perk up a little at the thought of a dude until he tells me it is his smoking hot girlfriend's roommate. Who I've met. Who is like 60. Thoroughly appalled I threaten Rico Suave's life and he runs out of my office saying something about how some chics are into that and he was just checking.
Now on the more probable although similarly unlikely given my luck lately side, one of the sub contractor teams I work with is a husband/wife team and I was talking to the wife the other day and she mentions that they've recently hired a guy who moved here from Dallas. (That has to be a run-on sentence.) Seems he and his wife divorced not too long ago and he's moved here for a fresh start. He has a daughter too. So she says that she mentioned to her husband that they should set him up with someone and 'what about Kate?' So her husband tells her that I am "just the cutest thing" and he thinks its a good idea. So her sneaky little plan is to send him up here with some papers for me to sign so I can scope him out and then if I am interested, set us up :)
But I am not getting excited.
Not at all.
Because he is probably an issue ridden troll.
So no getting excited.
...Ok maybe a little excited.
Sing in the shower.
Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
Leave the toilet seat in the down position.
Never refuse homemade brownies.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Plant a tree on your birthday.
Learn 3 clean jokes.
Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.
Compliment 3 people every day.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Leave everything a little better than you found it.
Keep it simple.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Floss your teeth.
Ask for a raise when you think you've earned it.
Overtip breakfast waitresses.
Be forgiving of yourself and others.
Say, "Thank you" a lot.
Say, "Please" a lot.
Avoid negative people.
Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards.
Wear polished shoes.
Remember other people's birthdays.
Commit yourself to constant improvement.
Carry jumper cables in your truck.
Have a firm handshake.
Send lots of Valentine cards.
Sign them, "Someone who thinks you're terrific."
Look people in the eye.
Be the first to say hello.
Use the good silver.
Return all things you borrow.
Make new friends, but cherish the old ones.
Keep a few secrets.
Sing in a choir.
Plant flowers every spring.
Have a dog.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Stop blaming others.
Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Wave at kids on school busses.
Be there when people need you.
Feed a stranger's expired parking meter.
Don't expect life to be fair.
Never underestimate the power of love.
Drink champagne for no reason at all.
Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation.
Don't be afraid to say, "I made a mistake."
Don't be afraid to say, "I don't know."
Compliment even small improvements.
Keep your promises no matter what.
Marry for love.
Rekindle old friendships.
Count your blessings.
Call your mother.
Here's my sleepy headed gals...
Who is that girl on the right??? She's like twenty five already!!!
Here's my brother for those of you who lust over him... He looks like he's had a lot of coffee huh?
Here's Trin who thought Christmas was THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER! She has been walking through stores singing Christmas carols and telling EVERYONE "Merry Christmas!"
And Emilee... Emilee who asked for books this year... who was NOT expecting, even for a second to receive a Nintendo DS...
Unfortunately the camera refused to take pics before Amanda got her super awesome Santa gift:
Hope all of you are having a WONDERFUL Christmas with your families :)
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
My crutches were set by the headboard with care,
So if I needed to go pee, they would be there.
My daughters were nestled all snug in their beds,
And while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads -
Their momma unstrapped her big black boot, the one like Darth Vader
and set it next to her bed for later.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
The pain tore up my leg in a rush,
And I spewed out some curses that would make a sailor blush.
I strapped on my boot with all it's velcro
and grabbed my crutches from next to the window.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.
I rubbed my eyes and checked the pain meds next to my bed,
but this vision was not in my head.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
I hurriedly crutched myself to the front door,
And stuck my head into the cold to see some more.
The sight I had seen was no longer in the sky,
I leaned back on the door and let out a little sigh.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
I slid right to the floor, my crutches clanking to the ground
And he turned to see what had made that sound.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
He leaned over and offered me a hand,
Which I accepted and used to help me stand.
He picked up my crutches and handed them to me,
Then went back to work under the tree.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
All day long people kept asking me, "So are you getting your cast today?" And I kept answering by saying, "Or maybe I'll walk in there and he'll say guess what Kate? You don't need these crutches anymore!" Everytime I said that, the person I was talking to would chuckle and walk off.
At four, I left work and headed over to see my doctor. I had to wait longer that day that I have any other day before which was really annoying me since I wanted to get home. It was Friday! So finally they take me to the room and I sit down and my doctor unwraps my foot. And people? It was my foot! Not like the giant swollen thing I had before, this was my normal sized foot! He pops all my stitches out and then says, "You know what Kate? I don't think we are going to put a cast on this. I thinkI want to get you into a walking boot so you can start builing these muscles back up." He then went on to tell me about what kind of physical therapy he wants me to start doing and then he sent his receptionist/nurse/wife into get me all fitted into my darth vader boot (pics on flickr).
I am allowed to put 50% of my weight on my hurt leg so I am supposed to be using my cruthes still. But three days in, I stopped using them. And I know a ton of you are about to call/email/comment that I am a moron but I can't help it. I have SO MUCH SHIT TO DO. Which leads me to my next news... but I don't want to jinx it so ya'll will have to wait for a week or two.
Then my stomach falls on the floor when I see the [heart].
So I scribbled it out while saying, "ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod."
And then thrust the card back to Only Other Girl At Work and covered my face with my hands.
She looks at me kind of funny and says, "what's wrong?"
I'm all nothing. I just can't think, that's all.
So she looks at the card and sees my scribbled out place before my name and says, loudly, "Oh my god, did you just write I love you?"
"yeah... Amanda made it for me in the bathroom...."
"well I sure think its pretty."
"me too......... Amanda said I couldn't have it if I moved ONE MORE TIME. She said it like that. So I didn't move. And now I have a pretty braid."
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Ok, well not really but he figuratively did.
He asked me what color cast I was getting.
And then I threw myself on the floor and cried. And then I cried some more. Then I climbed half way back into the chair, flopped back onto the floor and cried some more.
Ok, not really.
I whiningly (take that spell checker) admitted that my podiatrist doesn't have colored casting material. And that I, the amazing, spectacular, fabulous Katehopeeden would have to have a boring, dull, regular, white cast.
And then I sighed. Heavily.
Then, New Construction Boss said that the last time he had to get a cast, he got a camouflage one and his daughters thought it was soooooooo cool.
And then Rico Suave says, "Yeah, I had a camo cast once but no one could see it so they were always bumping into it."
And then last night, I had a dream that I was dating Philip Seymour Hoffman...
and he propsed to me. Only when he put the ring on, he put it on the right hand, not the left.
That's the second time I've had a dream where someone proposed to me and put the ring on the wrong hand.
I called Snow this morning to tell her about it and got confused and said it was the guy from Dead Poets Society and then spent the better part of the morning trying to figure out why I couldn't find this guy on the cast list. Then I remembered it was actually Scent of a Woman.
Hey, both take place at boys schools, easy mistake.
But how strange that my subconscious wanted me to marry Philip Seymour Hoffman when my regular conscious so very badly wants to marry Josh Groban.
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Why is a pirate a pirate?
Because they arrrrrrrrhhh!
So I am retelling that joke today to a co-worker when Guy We Have A Huge Crush On (not to be confused with new cute boy) walks up and says:
So this pirate walks into a restaurant with a steering wheel on his lap and sits down... the waiter, unable to help himself says, "Man, I can't help but ask you, why is there a steering wheel in your lap?"
And the pirate says, "Arrrghhhh, it's driving me nuts!"
Labels: At work
1. Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Ryan Adams - I want to go home
Honestly? I have no idea what that song even is! lol
2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Sister Hazel - Everybody
I wanna tell everybody everybodyI like that!
that you're so much more than they've ever even seen before
And I wanna tell everybody everybody
If they touched your hand then they'd never want to let you go
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Cheetah Girls - Shake your tail feather
I have daughters - shut. it.
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
3 Doors Down - Live For Today
And god only knows all the places ive beenThat's pretty much the way I feel everyday.
But i love this life that i'm living in
I wont look back to regret yesterday
Were not handed tomorrow so i'll live for today
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
James Blunt - Wisemen
Look who's alone now,Hmmmmmm... oookkk...
It's not me. It's not me.
Those three Wise Men,
They've got a semi by the sea.
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Beatles - All You Need Is Love
That's the best one yet!
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Jerry Jeff Walker - Mr Bojangles
8.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Sean Paul - Ever Blazing
Ok, not knowing the lyrics to this song I initially thought it was about something VERY different and had it been, it would have been ridiculously on.
9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Bonnie Raitt - Papa Come Quick
Gas up the old Ford, get out the road mapYeah, what mother of three daughters doesn't think about this very often?
They got a head start about half a day
Load up the shotgun, put it in the gunrack
Jody's with Chico down in East L.A.
10. WHAT IS 2+2?
Coldplay - Your Love Means Everything
I slipped away last night
Took me away from sight and the place I know.
All crushed upon my skin
This mess I put you in and the punch i threw.
It was a strange reaction
for someone like you to remain on side
And in a chain reaction
I was down and calling for a place to hide.
I saw a broken arm
Machines will all break down in the way I know.
Mended and all made clean
I saw up on the screen all the stones I throw.
It was a strange reaction
for someone like you to remain so sure
And in a chain reaction
I dissolve and break and then away I crawl.
If this is the answer to 2+2, consider yourselves schooled.
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I'm copying Snow here: Um--I actually have a LOT of best friends, so I'm gonna hit the song and whoever it comes up to being the closest to is who I am going to say it's for--this may be a really ironic coincidence, so hold your breath (or it could be really stupid)
Limp Bizkit - Sanitarium
Ok, there is only one person in the world who I would think of when I hear Limp Bizkit and that is Jiffinner :)
12.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mozart - Carmina (Techno Remix)
No lyrics and as with any boy, it just adds to the confustion :) Amanda and Emilee LOVE this song...
13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Jefferson Starship - Leaving on a Jetplane
I'm not sure what I would have picked personally but this is a pretty good one :)
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Nadas - One More Chance
Sometimes I still call the phone rings
on the wall nobody answers no one's
there at all
Sometimes I see her my breath skips
my mind stirs I hear a voice as soft as
I want a chance to say to be strong
enough to say I love... I want another
chance to say I love you
I shook when you lied and gave up
when I tried to reach you I can't reach
inside The day you flew off I cried I'm
not soft nobody asked me I would
have told them to fly off
Pictures don't tell me they can't stop
my memory from fading dim Do you
remember me The last time I saw you
my grey eyes had turned blue you
were gone and most of me was too
I need to burn a Nadas cd..
16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Jungle Book - Techno Remix
This is a remix of "I wanna be like you"
It would take the hand of God for my parents to admit that they wanted to be like me..
17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Lindsay Lohan - Drama Queen
Darn Lindsay! I was on a roll!
18.WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Jim Sturgess - Girl (Across The Universe Soundtrack)
Please don't play this at my funeral!
19.WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Deftones - One Weak
20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good
I am totally not sleeping with multiple boys, I promise ya!
21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Modest Mouse - Ocean Breathes Salty
The ocean breathes salty, won't you carry it in?
In your head, in your mouth, in your soul.
And maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both grow old.
Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I hope so.
22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Foo Fighters - On The Mend
"Yup. Are you bringing your wife?"
"Yeah, we're getting a sitter... who are you bringing?"
"My friend Fairy. She's like me, a single mom who doesn't get out much. And she bought a smoking hot dress so she's excited."
"I am too now."
Much less swelling:
And then the surgery which hurt. like. hell. yesterday and I was even more down.
It's hard to stay up and happy when you are in pain and unable to do much about it or the ridiculous nausea that came with it. And even more so when it feels like your house is crumbling to ruins around you. And your brother, who is the only other adult help, has had the flu for like a week and although he's trying he really can't do much and you don't blame him but then you do because he can walk and then you feel bad about that because you know he really feels horrible. And when it's weeks away from Christmas and you have NO IDEA how you are going to shop for fuck's sake because it's so hard.
But then last night happens. Last night when the pain finally melted into something tolerable and I could keep crackers down and then my antibiotics and some pain meds. Last night when the ABSOLUTELY amazing Fairy comes over and cleans my kitchen and my living room because she is just fucking sweet as hell. When Noah takes Amanda and Emilee and picks up dinner so I don't have to worry about what everyone will eat and the fact that the kitchen will be a sty afterwards,
If you know me, you know that I CAN'T STAND to ask for help. And I can't stand to not be able to do something myself. I am proud and stubborn and INDEPENDENT and I have a helluva time admitting I can't do something even when I CAN'T, the last thing I want to do is call someone and ask them for help. Even if EVERYONE I know has called me and offered it. And Fairy, because she is amazing and because she really knows me, came over and told me to shutthefuckup while she cleaned. Because she know I won't ask and because she knows I am pulling all of my hair out and biting all of my nails off and stewing in the pain that is a messy house.
She is totally getting something awesome for Christmas.
But it was that reminder that I am so very blessed to have people like her in my life and so blessed that my foot will eventually heal and that I am going to survive this period of time and one day look back at it and realize that yeah I had to have some humility but it wasn't the worst thing to ever happen to me.
And sure enough, this morning, the pain was even a little more tolerable and I got up at 4:30 and got in the shower (because I am SO caught up on sleep) and got ready for work. And now I am here and on Darvocet rather than hydrocodone and sipping Starbucks and checking all my email and life is slowly coming back to normal. I have an appointment with my podiatrist today and I should have my cast in the next week or two.
But more importantly Miss Effing Cranky-Pants is in hiding and the old katehopeeden you know and adore (I hope :P) is back and apologizing for the cranky posts and whiney phone calls.
Thank you all so much for calling to check on me (even if I didn't answer the phone) and emailing me (even if I didn't answer you) and posting comments (even if my answer posts were bitchy). I love you guys and I am so lucky to have all of these great friends.
But oh baby let me tell you that after five when the numbness in my foot wore off? Yeah, it was like when I first broke it. Hurts like hell.
So basically I've been on the couch with my pain pills in pain & nauseated. So much so that I threw up this morning which was so fun.
Anyway, I've gotten all of your emails and voice messages and THANK YALL so much :) I promise I will get back with more once I stop feeling like shit. My doctor promises that today is going to be the worst day.
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Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
12/14/84 - 1/26/05
"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you donâ€™t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
The Adorable DB
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
A few years later...
The Red Princess Detective
Song of the day - Cover Me
Enchiladas and Spanish rice for my sister
Kale, leeks and pesto over pumpkin ginger rice noo...
bedding and barstools and dinnerware, OH MY!
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
Bowling For Soup
Our Lady Peace
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal