I was supposed to get my cast on Wednesday. It was going to be white because the stupid podiatrists in my stupid town don't have colored casts and apparently only orthopedic doctors do. But me, being one of those people who is always afraid of hurting someone's feelings, can't bail on my podiatrist now that he's seen my naked foot and his wife (also his receptionist) has "awwwww"ed over how hard it is for me to hobble around on crutches.
So white it is.
And I had reconciled myself to white.
But then my podiatrist unwraps my foot and lets it have some air after five days of being wrapped in some kind of sticky white tape (that was wet when it first went on but dried and itched like a bitch) and secluded in cotton and supported by my fiberglass splint.
Here is what it looked like before the wrapping came off:
Here it is all swollen and green and with sticky white tape residue all over it:
Yes, I know, there was a collective "eewwwwww". I heard it. It's ok, I forgive you.
But here's the kicker.
My doctor comments, "hmmm, Kate, it looks a little swollen still...."
And I mention that not only is it swollen but it hurts like a bitch (only I didn't say bitch because he's all old and I would have offended him and you should never offend a podiatrist methinks on account of who knows what they are capable of? They look at feet all day, there is certainly something brewing under the surface) and that every time I have to walk around or anything I get horribly nauseous.
And he says, "Well, have you bumped it on anything or have you stayed off of it like we discussed last week?
Normally this is where I would have looked at my feet but he is all there by my feet so there was no avoiding the question.
So I got into this whole bit about how I was such a good girl who stayed off of her feet the whole weekend. No really, like I only got up to pee! But I had to go to work on Monday and maybe I thought I was a little better at using the crutches than I actually am. Well - no I definitely thought that and boy was I wrong because I am like the worst crutches user ever. And I kinda thought I could go up stairs on crutches and in retrospect that was probably a little presumptuous for someone who is already balanced challenged but even more so for someone who has never used crutches before save a few trips to the potty and a demorhal laced walk down the emergency room hallway.
This is where he interrupts me, "So you went up the stairs on your crutches?"
And I explain that I tried and failed miserably and by 'failed miserably' I of course mean that I fell down. And landed right on the broken part of my foot.
This is the part where he stops wrapping my foot with... pre-cast material and thinks for a moment. Then he looks at me and says we will have to have another xray to see if (my stupid vanity) has broken the bone even more than I had already horribly broken it.
And I felt a new kind of guilt.
The I disappointed my podiatrist kind of guilt.
Monday morning I get new x-rays. I won't get them on cd which sucks ass but maybe I can convince my podiatrist to email them to me. I think that they found me to be charming when I brought the camera in and told them I needed pictures for my blog. Or crazy.
Labels: Being Retarded, I'm a loser, My broken foot, my crazy life
