Lots of craziness: Some time at the gym

Monday, March 28, 2005

Some time at the gym

This is all in my head starting from when I open the door to the gym.

Crap! Where is my little card thingy? Man, now I have to look like an ass digging around in my bag for it. Found it! Oh, drop it back in, drop it back in, there is a cute boy behind the counter. Say ‘hi’, Kate! Shoot, he answered the phone. Smile at him, find your card. You have been standing here for like a whole minute already. Give the gate a second, Kate. If you push it too soon you’ll have to swipe your card again. Ok, grab a little sweat towel so you don’t have to walk back over here. Haha, I’m too lazy to walk twenty feet at the gym! I wonder how many people’s sweat has been on this. What kind of detergent do they use? I hate walking in front of the treadmills, they are looking at me. My shoes are all loud on the faux wood floor, so of course I am pissing them off. Walk faster and less loudly so that… oooh hey, who is that guy on the treadmill? He is just running his adorable little heart out. Don’t stare at him.
Ok, stop looking at cute boy and open the door, you look stupid just standing here. Apologize to the girl you almost slammed the door into. It smells weird in here… like sage or herbal potpourri. Why do they do that? And why do they play that weird music? It sounds like I am in Japan or something. Someone put their stuff in #8 again, I hate that. I pick out a perfectly good locker and they steal it. Fine, it’s ok, use 11.
Oh my god. Did I forget my tennis shoes again? Oh please, tell me I didn’t. It would be so embarrassing to walk out to the car again! There they are, ok. Do I have socks?
Why don’t I concentrate more? Just like twenty more minutes of preparation and I would be so much more organized. I wonder if Amanda is having a hard time with her math homework. Poor thing. They are split down the middle, one reads better, one does math better. I wish I was better at math. Don’t forget the towel. Oh! And the water, don’t forget the water. Their water tastes like bleach. Why do places do that? Bleach is gross – unless you are cleaning with it, then it’s good. But Mr. Clean orange smells so much better. When was the last time I mopped? Oh man, like four days. I need to mop. I need a new mop. And a new broom. I better write that down when I am done.
Good only three people working out on the Death Machine’s. I hope I don’t get the squeaky one. Which one is the squeaky one? Shit! I forgot. Ok, put your towel thingy down and your water. Ok, how do I program this again? Hit enter, ok. Enter age, ok. Enter weight, lie. Lie. Lie. Does twenty pounds really make a difference? What if it screws up my heart rate? Better tell the truth. Is that guy looking over here. Stop trying to see how much I weigh, baldy. Ok, pick a course. Hmmmm, I did the cross country one the last time – well most of it anyway. How about hill climbing? Yeah. Ok, now start pedaling. I need to work out more. Why don’t I? What’s on the TV? Basketball! Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t they ever put anything on worth watching? I need to get my mp3 player fixed. I wonder if I could change the channel. No. Damn it, that girl is watching. Why are you watching blonde girl? It’s basketball! Arg. I should have brought a book.
Check out that guy lifting weights. Is he walking over here? Yes. To the water fountain. WHY do I always get on the Death Machine closest to the water fountain?? I’m such a fucking idi – oh.my.god. what the fuck resistance is this? Jeeesus, I think my knees are breaking! The cute guy is looking me, smile. Don’t look like you are struggling. Look like that other girl who is all bouncy and smiling and – holy fuck, did the resistance just go up again?? Is that cute guy walking over to talk to me? Need. Water. Of course he is going to talk to bouncy blonde babe girl. Asshole. Men are assholes. Why do they have to be so stupid? Maybe I can drink the water while pedaling and look all cool, probably not, I might fall. Haha, that would suck. Did I just laugh out loud? Shit. Yuck, I’m all sweaty, ooohhhh, I hate wiping my face off with those towels, they leave little fuzzy white things on my shirt and on my forehead that one time. I wonder how long it was there before I went back into the locker room. Did I turn on the dry sauna? Shit. I hope it is on. Cool-down. Yes, I love this machine. Why don’t I buy one for at home? They can’t be that expensive. Oh no, that buff weird old guy is walking over here. Look at the TV, Kate, look at the TV. Oh great, a commercial for hemorrhoid cream. And I am all staring at it like I care about my hemorrhoids. Geez. But if I look down, buff weird old dude is going to talk to me. I’ll use my phone. Where is my phone? Fuck. It’s in the locker room. Look back at the TV, hurry. Still hemorrhoids? Oh, he turned around. I’ve only got three minutes left anyway, three minutes won’t make me skinnier, time to get the hell off of this machine. Oh no. My legs are all… weird. What the fuck? If I fall over right now, I am going to sue this gym. Just be careful, very careful. Get into the locker room, then fall down. Oh god.. oh no, I am walking all funny. Is anyone looking? Don’t look, just try and walk normal. And careful. Why do I come here? It’s always weird, it’s been like a year and I am still weirded out. I’ll shower at home, time to go. Someone stole my stuff. I put it right here in #8 and it’s gone. It was probably that blonde girl. Bitch. Wait. Yeah, here it is, in 11. Man, I am starving.

~Kate

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:20 AM
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