The feeling you will have for me upon hearing why will be the same one that you get when one of your friends gets up on stage and sings karaoke. And they pick one of those truly hard-to-sing songs and butcher it. I don’t mean that they hit one or two keys incorrectly; I mean destroy it, annihilate it, obliterate it. So badly, in fact, that you and your other friends consider leaving them up on stage and sneaking out before anyone realizes that you came with that person.
Today, dear readers, I was faced with a serious moral dilemma. Ok, maybe not moral… A character decision. When faced with the certainly that the one and only Mr. I would be perusing my blogs in their entirety, I seriously considered going through my entries before he would be able to read them and deleting each and every personal thought/feeling I had written about him, my feelings for him, and my experiences with him. I was sitting there staring at my ‘edit post’ page thinking that I could very easily spare myself from his reading my inner most thoughts and feelings by simply clicking a few times in the right places. I thought about the fact that I had never intended to have him here, on my blog, seeing what I write on a day to day basis. That, in my mind, was validation enough for deleting the posts.
I went back to the first post. I started at the beginning of my blog, when it was but a mere baby idea. And as I started reading through all of the things that I have written in here and many that I had forgotten I had ever written, I realized that I couldn’t delete them. Because I wanted him to read them? No. Because the reason my blog has had nearly one thousand hits (I noticed that today, lol) is because of the honesty you all expect from me. Because I didn’t want to take away part of what my blog is and of who I am. Because I am not ashamed of anything I have written in here because it is all true [disclaimer: or my true feelings when written].
I have made many new friends through this blog and have gotten so much great advice and emails. And whatever popularity my blog has acquired, it earned through being exactly what it is. I am not now, or ever, going to delete any of the things I put in it despite its readers. So, if I have to eat a little crow, feel a little uncomfortable and exposed… well so be it.
So before you chew your nails off, let me tell you that he has read it – all. There was no train wreck of insanity. Other than the aforementioned embarrassment on my behalf, it looks like he and I are ok. One of you said that maybe it would be better for him to know, for it all to be on the table. Maybe it is. I was actually on the phone with him while he was reading some of it and heard him laugh at loud. I wondered how many of you laugh out loud while reading my blog… So, all is well in the world of Kate. Although it is making him nuts not knowing why his name is Mr. I :P
Have a great weekend readers :) except you Billabong (or should I start calling you Sally?) for your insinuation that was my bad Karma catching up to me :P :P
~Kate
Labels: Mr. I
