Thursday, February 25, 2010
on dating... no, no... not me..
Amanda has a boyfriend.
-insert really loud screaming here-
I don’t even know what to say about that. I mean, I knew it was coming. I knew the day would come when my amazing little girl would find out that there is this whole world of boys and dating and butterflies in your stomach.
I knew it was coming.
But honestly, it wasn’t one of those things I was preparing for. I didn’t have a plan.
So I think I've talked about Cody before. He and Amanda met in daycare when they were just wee little things and became friends. My mom knew his parents because they are bar dwellers, as is my mother. One day, Cody’s family moved him away. I think Amanda was in third grade and she was just devastated.
The following year my Mom talked to his Mom (who he wasn’t living with) and got an address. Amanda wrote to him and we mailed it but never heard back. Then out of the blue last year, she gets a call from him. Our home number had been passed down the grapevine. He was living in Eldorado (about three hours from us) and had tracked her down.
It was kind of sweet.
Anyway, she was freaking thrilled. She was so thrilled in fact that when they talked she neither gave him her cell phone number nor got his in the midst of her excitement.
This I was able to tease her endlessly about.
So anyway, this year, he moved back in with his mom who lives right down the road from us. And he started school at Amanda’s school, one grade above her.
And I started hyperventilating.
Here’s the thing (and maybe I am just one hell of a bleeding heart but) he has a crappy family. Like, if he were from normal family, I think I would be so much better at dealing with all of this. BUT he is from crappy, drinking, hang out at the bar with your kids, let your kid sleep in a camper behind your trailer, fight over which parent has to take care of the kid family.
And it breaks my heart.
He is a good kid. He’s smart, he could totally do athletics, he’s nice. But NO one has his back. NO one gives a shit about whether this kid makes it or not. Which splits me in two because on the one hand, I want to believe in him... I want to have his back. I want to be someone that he can talk to who gives a shit. Because really, when you come from jacked up family stuff, sometimes all you need is one person who cares about you. BUT on the other hand, he wants to be Amanda’s boyfriend and what does he have to lose? His family doesn’t care if he has a girlfriend. They don’t care if he is holding hands or sneaking out or all the stuff that comes after hold hands that I am not ready to say out loud yet. If he does any of that stuff, all his parents are going to do is shrug their shoulders and Amanda will hate me for not allowing her to see him.
This part of parenting BLOWS.
So, anyway, when he first moved back, they were “going out” and I let him come over to my house a few times to hang out. In the living room. Supervised. So that they could see each other and I wouldn’t have to worry that she was making out with him in some grungy trailer.
Oh my god.
-insert barfing here-
Well, that lasted a few weeks and then they decided to just be friends (read: they broke up because he was the shiny new toy on the playground and all the girls swooned over him) and they weren’t really hanging out anymore. And I was SO UNBELIEVABLY RELIEVED. BUT I am a realistic. The first dude won’t be the last dude so I really, REALLY, had to start thinking about what I was going to do the next time she liked a boy.
What were the rules going to be?
What kind of boundaries was I going to put in place?
How was I going to handle it all?
Because I don’t want to fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to this.
Well the next boy was 15, his name was Gabe.
He is dead now because I killed him. I’m just kidding ;-)
Anyway, Gabe was kind of a nerdy kid who Amanda rode the bus with. They weren’t in the same school (BECAUSE HE WAS IN FREAKING HIGH SCHOOL) and he didn’t have a cell phone (THANK GOD) so she only saw him on the bus and that was it. And guess who else rides the bus? EMILEE
(Today, the part of Emilee will be played by the nosey younger sister who wants to get her older sister in trouble.)
The Gabe thing went off and on for a few months. But nothing serious. They were never “going out” because Gabe was catching too much flack for liking a seventh grader from the ninth grade girls. This gave me the perfect opportunity to talk to Amanda about how she doesn’t want a boyfriend who is so influenced by ninth grade girls and so worried about what everyone thinks and if she wants to have a boyfriend it should be someone worth having who cares about her and doesn’t care what other people think about it.
In the meantime, she is still in the loop about everything that is going on with Cody and she had told me that he had gotten in some trouble for getting into a fight with some kid who was picking on him. Another conversation we got to have about holding people accountable. Every time she told the story about Cody getting into a fight she wanted to make it sound like it wasn’t his fault, that he had no choice but to get into the fight. And EVERY time she said it, I corrected her.
HE is responsible for his choices, DO NOT give him an out on that.
So anyway, last week, her and Cody started talking on the phone pretty much every day again and it was becoming fairly evident that they were starting to like each other again. Emilee confirmed it a few days later by letting me in on the bus gossip. Which only gave me a limited amount of time to figure out how I was going to handle it all.
So sure enough, Amanda comes into the kitchen over the weekend with her Sweet Daughter Face on which made me immediately know that she was up to something. She starts helping me with whatever I was doing as she broaches the subject of how her and Cody could manage to spend some time together, primarily Sunday (so this must have been this past Saturday). I told her I needed to think about it but that he wasn’t coming over Sunday at all because I hadn’t had enough time to make up my mind about how to handle the Cody Situation.
She and I sat down on Sunday and I laid out the rules.
-Both of them have to have all grades over 80 on their report cards to be “going out” and especially to see one another in person. (This will be grades over 85 on the next report card… Hey, I figure they are both MORE than capable of making those grades, may as well use it.)
-They need to be working on Cody’s science together because he is having a hard time there and Amanda is a Science WHIZ.
-They aren’t allowed to be in her room or ANY room that has a closed door.
-They have to spend at least half of the time he is over hanging out working on college stuff. Looking into colleges, researching what colleges have the best programs for what they want to do career wise and where they are located. This is going to be like freaking homework for them. I am getting a notebook that they can use for notes and pros/cons, etc.
-He has to be held accountable for his actions. So if he gets into another fight or other kind of trouble and his parents don’t give a shit about grounding him, he will be grounded from Amanda. They won’t be allowed to spend time together or talk on the phone for whatever amount of time I deem acceptable.

That’s all I have for now but I think I will be adding to it. I’d love for them to start a language program together or something. He is interested in learning languages so it may help me get Amanda better interested.
He was over last night. They rode the bus home together and he is shy. He doesn’t say much to me. We have a little neighbor boy (Justin) who is friends with Em and who hangs out at the house ALL THE TIME and he is SUPER chatty with me, he talks as much as Emilee does (which is a LOT) . Anyway, Justin was over and hanging out with us last night too and being his normal talkative self so I am hoping Cody will see that he can talk to me. I fed him dinner with the kids and then his mom picked him up around six. Amanda texted me this morning and said he was going to ride the bus with her again and stay until 5:30. So today I am going to make an effort to talk to him. To try and get him to actually start talking to me. All of the girls friends (male and female alike) talk to me. I am The Cool Mom. All the kids like me, the parents like me. So this little dude who wants to spend time with my daughter is going to like me too. And then I am going to try and handle the whole him liking her thing while helping the both of them continue down the path to college.
But so help me, he had better keep his hands to himself.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:02 PM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

photo update: thumb injury
Obviously, I didn't take these pics :-) Emilee did... so they are a little out of focus.

Speaking of Emilee.... did I mention that she injured herself the exact same way a few weeks ago?

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:33 AM
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Song of the day: Need you now
~Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone 'cuz I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stopping looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Oh whoa
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk
and I need you now.
Well I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:15 AM
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Monday, February 22, 2010
I cut off the end of my thumb. (grody pics)
The other night, I cut off the top of my thumb.
I did it with a mandolin slicer.

And then I learned, very quickly, how few people know what a mandolin slicer is. I'll admit, I didn't know until about six months ago.

And then I bought the wrong one.
The slicer wasn't what I wanted necessarily.

I really wanted something I could julienne with.
But not my thumb. Vegetables. And maybe occasionally fruits.
But definitely not my thumb.


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:07 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Saturday, February 20, 2010
The other day...
I had logged onto The Facebook to check out how all my peeps are doing and a little chat box popped up. I heard it since I was in the kitchen and skipped over to see who was trying to grab my attention. It was my sister, Blue's mom. It said simply, "Hi, this is Blue's mom... I was wondering when you might come and visit Blue. She really misses you."
Every heart string I have was severely tugged upon.
I can't begin to tell you how right it made me feel about my choice to move there.
Her mom and I had a short chat where she said that Blue talks about me all the time and is super proud of me and based on all of the things that she has said about me, her mom knows I can do anything I set my mind to including moving there in 2016. I told her about my plans to bring the girls up there for a few weeks over the summer of 2011 so we can poke around and I can check out the place I want to move to.
I have a hard time with patience.
When I know what I want to do, I try to start doing it so having a six year waiting period is rough but at the same time, those six years are all the time I have left where Amanda and Emilee will be home with me. So I need to enjoy them and make sure I experience them and know that my reward at the end of it all will be that I get to be near my sister for as long as I want.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:07 AM
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Monday, February 15, 2010
I've gone to look for myself. If I return before I get back, keep me here.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:38 PM
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Thursday, February 11, 2010
Perfect Dinner Pairing
I hate grocery shopping.
It's no secret to those of you who know me... I try and only go every other Friday and occasionally I can stretch it even more if I really try. And I do.
So, I should have gotten groceries this past Friday but shot the grocery store my not so friendly finger as I drove by and decided we would eat cereal all weekend if it meant I didn't have to freaking shop.
This meant I had to get super creative over the weekend because, well, let's face it... your kids aren't going to eat just cereal all weekend no matter how much you try.

I knew I had all of the stuff I needed to make salmon patties so I logged onto Tasty Kitchen to see what the brilliant minds over there had posted and I found this fabulous recipe which I happened to have everything I needed to make.

And now, I feel like I really need to share this with you.
Three reasons:
1. Soooooooooooo good.
2. Pretty easy.
3. Inexpensive.

Here is what you need for the whole thing:
2 strips bacon (I used turkey bacon... Melissa d'Arabian is a really wonderful cook... she does a show called Ten Dollar Dinners which I TIVO religiously. I don't always like the idea of some of the stuff that she makes but her salmon patties and her Shrimp Scampi are SUPER good.)
1/4 cup chopped onion
1 egg
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/2 lemon, zested
1 (14-ounce) can wild salmon, checked for large bones
1 baked or boiled russet potato, peeled, and fluffed with a fork
1/4 cup bread crumbs
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan
Freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
3 cloves Garlic
7 cups Low-Sodium Vegetable (or Chicken) Broth (I had to use boullion because I was out of broth)
¾ teaspoons Kosher Salt
½ teaspoons Crushed Red Pepper Flakes (I used cayenne pepper because it turns out it is the same thing and I was out of flakes - don't be scared of the spice it is EXACTLY the right amount of spicy-ness)
1 pound Angel Hair Pasta Or Pasta Type Of Your Choice
1 can (15.5 Oz. Can) Chickpeas, Drained And Rinsed
1 cup Flat-leaf Parsley, Chopped
½ cups Grated Parmesan

What I love about this is that I had pretty much all of this on hand and would have just about all of it on hand on any given day. One thing about Melissa d'Arabian's show is that she really gives you some good staples for keeping in your fridge or pantry so that you can make just about anything by adding just a few extra ingredients. Because of her I always have: garlic, lemons, parsley, cilantro, bacon in the freezer, onions, breadcrumbs and parmesan. I can't even begin to tell you the things you can pull off if you always have those on hand. ALSO at Sam's Club you can buy a two pound chunk of parmesan for ten bucks!!!

Here is the recipe for the chick-pea pasta. If you like chick-peas, make this. In fact if you don't know if you do or not, make this. It is really very good.

Here is the recipe for the salmon cakes. First of all, I use light mayo and two potatoes because I think it is too liquidy to hold together right. I also use more than a quarter cup of breadcrumbs. If any of you know a good way to bake these, I'd love to know about it because frying them is messy.

Ok people, there you go. Go and eat and enjoy :-)

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:12 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Crappy camera phone update.
(Following up to this and this.)
I used the Brass Free for Blondes yesterday and I can tell you right now, I was FREAKING. OUT. I had essentially bleached my hair twice and now I was tore between doing the Sahara toner or the Brass Free stuff.

I had read in MANY places that the Brass Free had gotten rid of the rest of the orange and I am not ashamed to admit that I begged and pleaded with the box prior to doing the dye and then with the dye itself the entire time it was in my hair.
Please work, oh please oh please oh please work. Universe? Please make this work, please get rid of the orange. Please oh please. - For the entire ten minutes it was in my hair.
Now in my bathroom, I have a shower stall and a garden tub. As SOON as I washed the Brass Free from my hair, I flung the door open to look in the mirror and see if the orange was gone.
And you know what? For the most part, it was. My hair is still a very gold blonde but it is Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than orange.
My plan is to wait a few weeks (the Brass Free is good for 28 washes) and then do a nice Ash Blonde color... I just want to make sure my hair has enough time to recover from the extensive frying I've done to it this week.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:28 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Clairol Born Blonde Original
When I started:

This is not my natural color... I am naturally a redhead... not a bright redhead but a nice auburn redhead. I like to go darker so I still have red in there but not that bordering on orange red.

Speaking of orange red... This is after the first round of Born Blonde.

Super closeup so you can REALLLLLY see the carrot.

After round two of the Born Blonde as the Clairol Chat Color Expert advised...

I'm going to give the Brass Busters a chance today to fix the remaining orange which isn't what the Clairol Chat Color Expert said... she said to get the Natural Instincts Sahara toner and use that. But I did a LOT of googling and found that just about everyone who was trying to rid their hair of the remaining orange used the Brass Busters and said it worked wonders. If not, no problem, I can apparently JUST. KEEP. DYING. MY. HAIR. Over and over and over and over and over and over...


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 10:49 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Saturday, February 06, 2010
I'm all caught up in the craziness that is associated with being in full blown Like with someone.
Please send help immediately.
Or don't.
I can't seem to decide if it is a good or a bad thing.
More to come.


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:57 AM
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Wednesday, February 03, 2010
What made my day today...

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:54 AM
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Tuesday, February 02, 2010
going blonde
I was blond about five years ago and loved it.. had so much fun straying away from my natural auburn locks and the safe browns that I put on from time to time.
But for some reason, the last two nights, I've chickened out... There is a blond katehopeeden in your future as soon as she figures out where she put her cohones.

Which do you like more readers?
The older redheaded version of yours truly?
hey there

Or the younger blonder, less fabulous camera version?
Me: Blonde


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:06 PM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Song of the day: Glitter in the Air

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands
Closed your eyes and trusted
Just trusted

Have you ever thrown a fistfull of glitter in the air
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, "I just don’t care"

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way

La la la la
La la la la

There you are
Sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night
Lassoed the moon and the stars
And pulled that rope tight

Have you ever held your breath
And asked yourself, "Will it ever get better than tonight

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:08 AM
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Reality vs. Fantasy (in writing)
I've blogged before about how my imagination can and will run away with me. I have a leash on it and I frequently need to rein it in... however, right now I am writing a lot and so when I start to feel my imagination taking over instead of saying, "whoa girl", I am trying to sit down and write it out.
And truthfully, sometimes, doing this makes me lonely and a little sad and occasionally it even makes my outlook on things going on in my life a little skewed.
My imagination glasses are powerful.
Additionally, when I really get into my head, I don't want to come out. I want to write and write and stay in my little imaginary world because I like it there. Because there, things are perfect... or could be anyway.
So Saturday night, there was an incident, one that I will right out very soon... my first inclination every time my stomach clenched up thinking about it was to shut it out. But I am not going to. I am going to write it out and get it out of my system and I am going to use all of the different emotions it gave me in my book.
This is hard for me because I will have to separate out the different feelings I had and explore how each one could have led to totally different outcomes. Essentially, I will have to relive the whole night with different ending and beginning possibilities until my head just explodes.
I am using Life right now. All of her twists and turns, all of the risks that I would probably be a little hesitant to take are research. It's beneficial. I am getting good writing out of it. It makes me want to write. It makes more ideas come out. And, like I said, it makes me a little sad when I let myself feel these things and then when I am done, I have to come back and accept that they aren't real for me, they are only real for my characters.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:53 AM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!

12/14/84 - 1/26/05

"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



Hot Toddy

Finding Liz

The Adorable DB

Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)

They'll All Fall

we grabbed the lion

Red Hot Sexy Papa



Madi (my stalker)

Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
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Childhood Memories

My Mother

The Story of AZ

The Time In Between

The Beginning Of NY

The man from my dreams

The End Of NY

Growing and Changing

Learning to Cope

These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.

"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
katehopeeden's photos More of katehopeeden's photos

That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal

"I LOVE inner monologues. They rock!"
-Hot Toddy


The Gym

Morning Monologue

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sizzling RH 05

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