Last night, at the end of Mamma Mia! Trin looked at me and said, "Mamma, you should get married soon." I laughed and asked her, "to who?" She said, "someone who you like and who is nice." I told her as soon as she found that person to let me know. She thought about this for a few minutes and then said, "you know Mom, pretty soon there will be a better chance of you being in a bank robbery then there will of you getting married."
When I woke up this morning, I found myself thinking about a guy. And since I've been such a piss poor blogger, I can't remember if I've even written about him here. And since I'm still waiting on the coffee, I can't be bothered to look. The guy is a previous customer of ours, someone I don't even have a clear picture in my head of. He's older than I am, but has a good job and as far as I know, no children. He's been wanting to take me out for almost a year. I've not went because I wanted to double date with another couple who has surprisingly let me down. So this guy called me a week or so ago and left me a message and I never returned his call. I had already just decided not to go out with him in a decision that came along mostly because of my flaky friends and not so much on account of him. But in the process, I realized that I wasn't really as interested in dating at all. Snow told me once that the longer you are single, the more likely you are to stay that way. I've not had a true relationship since before Trin was born. She's eight now. And the only pseudo relationship I've had since then was the Mr.I debacle. I stay permanently torn between thinking that there is plenty of time to find Mr. Right and wondering if I have wasted eight years that he and I could have been together? Does that mean I think this guy is Mr. Right? No... but truthfully there isn't any way for me to know since I don't want to go out with anyone? So as I sit here this morning drinking my coffee, stretching and relishing the twelve hours of sleep I got last night, contemplating apple pie for breakfast; I wonder... I wonder about that life with another person. I wonder about waking up not next to a sleepy, tangled-haired eight year old but next to the man I want to be with. I wonder about drinking coffee with him as we plan out our day. I wonder about being able to talk to him about my job, my daughters, my life... our lives. I wonder if he is out there right now or if it will be years before I meet him. And then I snap back and wonder if I am just more wistfully romantic in the mornings and if in a couple of hours I will be back to normal. I feel bad for this guy. I feel guilty. I would hate have hated being the girl who is trying to get the guy's attention to no avail. I feel badly that I haven't returned his calls. And I justify it by convincing myself that if he were the one I would know it already.
I'm sorry for the "radio silence" lately... Every time I think about writing anything here, I am just overwhelmed by all of the stuff I want to write and the enormity of some of it and I end up out in my yard pulling weeds and planning out where I think I should plant my zucchini next season. What? Who wrote that? Gardening? What is today? June 16th right? Let's pop back five years in the past and see what THAT Heather was doing... --insert dreamy back in time music here-- *~*~*~*~*~*I was telling the girls about the possibility of my meeting Matthew McConaughey on the way home. The VERY 'G' version, of course. Nothing about me wanting to do interesting and nasty things to his body....*~*~*~*~*~* Yeah, that's more like it. What happened to the girl who used to blog about Matthew McConaughey's body? Now it's all gardening and how I don't ever get laid anymore. Why do you guys come here again?
Anyway, some reality. The Cody thing hit me harder than I thought it would. I wasn't ready to write about it because it made me sad. I wanted to help him. And while I think that he is much better off with his dad than he was with his mother, I still know it wouldn't be as good as being with me because I do shit right. Additionally, I realize that I can't fix everything and everyone and that he isn't mine to fix. So I am repeating that to myself daily and the more I do it, the less I feel angry and defeated. I do feel like it was a little bit of a dry run for the actual adoption stuff that is eventually coming. I had no idea about the barrier that would be there between the child and I and I got a good taste of that with Cody. The whole acting like your parent but not actually being your parent thing. I don't know, maybe it will be a little different when I get my little girl... because she'll be younger, because she'll know she is being adopted... I guess only time will tell.
I'm also going through some work stuff that I am not ready to blog about. Soon, my pretties, soon.
I am not going through any guy stuff. The last almost guy stuff fizzled out and died. Which was totally my fault because I've apparently decided I'm... I don't even know. Not ready? Too controlling? Interested in the accumulation of both spinster dresses and cats? I sent an email to a friend the other day about dating...
We are used to being in relationships, we want to have someone there to help, to be the co-parent, the partner... Being alone is scary. Let me tell you a secret. When your girls are little like yours are now, you really feel more alone because you are just the caretaker, at that point, you need your friends and your family more than anything. You need to have someone to call who gives a shit about the random ass thing your five year old just said. Your support system. If you don't have that, find it asap. And please know, I would love to be a part of that support system. But here's the secret part, in a few years, your girls are going to start becoming these people. They are going to be people that you want to spend a lot of time with. They morph from someone you take care of into someone who can help out, who has amazing things to say, who makes you laugh, who is super fun to watch a movie with or take a walk with. And then, at some point, you are going to look back and think to yourself that you are so ridiculously lucky to have had all of those years where it was just you and them. The bond is going to be this amazing thing, suddenly you are going to realize that you'd rather finish the journey with your daughters before you embark upon a relationship journey. I wasted a lot of time trying to find the right guy. Going through all of the excitement that comes with a new relationship, all of the infatuation, the phone calls, the slipping away for a weekend. And in the end, I found that I'd rather hang with my girls. My oldest leaves in five years. Five years. It was like yesterday that she was only five years old. I have no idea how it happened. I guess what I am saying is once you find balance in yourself in the life you have now with your girls, you will find that you don't really want more right now.
I think that sums up, pretty well, why I just can't seem to get excited about dating right now. I mean, if Matthew McConaughey comes a-knockin', I'm not sending him away or anything :-) Or for that matter, if I met someone who really seemed like a good and patient match, I'd probably give it a shot... but I'm not looking.
Ok, that's all I have time for this morning, gotta get to work. I promise to try and get more stuff up here. I miss you guys.
It’s a line that I’ve been near before. A dangerous line. I’ve never considered crossing it before. I’ve considered considering it, but never even got close to actually thinking it would be okay to cross it. Because it isn’t, not for me. I don’t want to be that girl. I want to be the girl who makes the right choices. The girl who finds the things that she deserves the right way. Not the girl who takes from someone else, who destroys lives.
So, now I see that line. And I keep turning away from it because I don’t even want to think about the fact that it is there. That it could be an option. But there is a whisper of a hint, a subtle little glint of a daily reminder that it is there. I am ignoring it. I don’t even play around with that line. I hope I continue to stay strong enough.
I get writer's block when I can't finish something I start. That, dear readers (are there still more than one of you?), is why I haven't put anything up here in a few daysweeks almost a month. It's not because I don't love you guys. And it's certainly not because I've ran off and am having an affair with another set of blog readers who are cuter than ya'll. Because ya'll are just the cutest bunch of blog readers out there, hands down. It's because I started a letter to my boss when he left. My boss left. When I try to put that information into my brain and hit the COMPUTE button, my brain returns the following error message: Does Not Compute Even now. His last day was February 26th and on that day I started a letter to him and I haven't been able to work on anything else since. Not my blog, not my book, not even a decent letter to a friend. It was just too hard the first few days. I was all DESPAIR and GLOOM! I opened the letter every few days and tried to work on it, but then it became a project and the over achiever in my was fighting with the part of me who tells me I should table a little of the Girly Feelings parts and I just threw my hands up in the air and worked on other stuff because when Over Achiever and Girly Feelings start fighting, I have to step away. So since then, I've been occupying myself with some other stuff. In no particular order: I've been gardening. WHAT? I know right! I betcha if we scrolled back through this website to all the springs I've ever loved before, we'd find that probably every year around this time I get bit by the Plant Stuff Now bug and the end result is a lot of wasted money and dead plants but I CAN'T HELP IT! I DON'T LEARN. This year I am all excited about the prospect of having fresh herbs. I'm not delusional enough to think I can bring fruits and vegetables to maturity yet given my clear black thumb but herbs? I'm just crazy enough to think I can pull of herbs! And oh what fun that would be since I decided to start actually cooking recently. It will be so fun at my dinner parties to be all, "yeah, I grew that rosemary myself. In my GARDEN! AND IT DIDN'T DIE!" Which brings me to another thing I've been doing, throwing monthly dinner parties! This has turned into one of my most favorite things and if you have a group of people in your life that live fairly close, I seriously recommend it. I'm doing mine the last Saturday of every month. I send out my invited via facebook using the events app. I started it in January as a way to get together with my girlfriends. It just seemed so ridiculous that I never saw any of them and we all live just a few miles away from each other. I don't want to look back and say, "we were all too busy." I want to look back and say, "I made an effort." And really, not that hard to pull off. Thus far, I've been doing pasta dishes and pretty easy desserts and a plethora of booze and it probably runs me about fifty bucks but I'll take it! Fifty bucks to be able to spend a few hours with my bestest local friends? Totally worth it. And speaking of friends, I think I've made some new ones. You know the little neighbor boy who lives one road over? Well his mom invited me over for coffee with her and her partner and coffee lasted over three hours! We had such a nice time sitting outside chatting away this past Sunday. I really like the both of them and they live super close by which is nice. We are going over tonight to hang out and chat and I think I am going to bake something to take over :-) What else, what else? Fairy is having a little boy! She had the ultrasound this past week and as much as she was willing that baby to be a girl, it's going to be a boy after all. I keep telling her I will take him and name him Jude and keep him because I've never had a boy. I don't think she is going to let me though. I'm still in the very early stages of planning that baby shower so any advice would be super appreciated. Oh and there is a date in my future. My co-worker sold a house to a guy who has been asking him to set us up for like three or four months and finally wore me down :-) So sometime in the next few weeks we are all going to go out to dinner. A date. Holy cow. Ok, I have to get to work but I love you my pretties and I will update more soon. I'm just going to push right through this writer's block and MAKE it go away. *mwah*
I'm all caught up in the craziness that is associated with being in full blown Like with someone. Please send help immediately. Or don't. I can't seem to decide if it is a good or a bad thing. More to come.
What is it about spending time with him that I want? Yeah, ok, the eyes and the ridiculous dimples. But so what? I meet guys all the time who are good looking, I thought I was over that part of my life where looks dictated the way I felt about a person. How much does his interest in me play a part? I think it has almost double the power because someone like him shouldn't be interested in me. Single mom of three? He was only ten when I had Amanda. He should be interested in hot twenty something's with a gym membership that they actually use and a permanent VIP pass to any hot club you've never heard of. And I tell myself every day that he is. And that I am just another one of those girls he is trying to conquer before he stops being a young guy and meets the woman who makes him decide to be a man. Now I feel like very few of us older women are that girl who makes them stop. And I feel like when we are it is because we have a purpose to be. We want to change that guy, we want to be the ones who make them grow. I don't want another kid. I don't want to mold anyone. I want a finished peice with a few rough edges and maybe a chip or two, but done. You know what I am scared of? I'm scared that he actually likes me this much and that the longer he likes me this much, the more I want to spend time with him. I like him. We have a good time. He's funny and... I think real. Or he's really good at pretending to be genuine. See that? That is me not wanting to give him a chance. I think it all the time, that he is just playing me and once I sleep with him, he'll be done. And I've been too careful with my heart this time... waiting and waiting and waiting until I started to feel right about him. And now I am starting to feel that and I keep pushing it away. Am I pushing it away because I know deep down it's wrong or am I pushing him away because I am scared of falling for him and it is just easier to not take him seriously. He keeps asking me why I won't take him seriously. I don't know. But I think we are going to find out this weekend.
That evening, after the movie? I think it was a movie... It happened before I started this blog which is hard for me to imagine because it feels like I've had this blog all of my life. We had taken your car and left mine in a parking lot. I don't remember where we went or what we talked about but I remember that nervousness that is so fun in the beginning. The butterflies in my stomach, the anticipation. I remember riding in your car. I remember being excited. When we got back to the parking lot where my car was, we stayed near your car for awhile, we talked, we kissed, we laughed. You told me I made you nervous. Do you remember that? I remembered it this morning when I was drying my hair and getting ready for work. I just had this flash and there I was, kissing you good night and watching you drag your hand through your hair looking almost exasperated, me asking you what was wrong, you admitting that I made you nervous. At the time, I didn't think it was possible for there to be anything more absurd. You, this big snuggly guy who made my every nerve stand on end being nervous about little old me.
I have a tendency to make things out to be more in my head. I have a fabulous imagination and it likes to run. I think it's why I don't like to run. My imagination does enough running for the both of us. So, recently, I've been trying to be more of fact girl. Facts are good. Facts are truth. Facts are cold and hard. It's hard to argue with the facts. And that's a fact. [Sorry, it's early and I haven't had any coffee yet. In fact, let's just make that a blanket apology for this entire post.] So, in the past, I've often made things from this place called Reality where everyone likes to hang out just a tad more sparkly in my head. What can I say? I can put some spin on shit in my head. And sometimes, when I'd be retelling a story about a night out with a pretty boy, I'd have to ask myself if he really said it like that or if afterwards when I was mentally putting it on paper, the wannabe author in me made it that way. Uhm, wannabe author wins out almost every time. I can't help it. Reality is this very un-fairy tale like place. Boys don't always say the right thing at the right time. They hesitate and watch other chics cruise by and quite frankly these boys in Reality don't hold a candle to the guys from my sparkly imagination. But, I did make myself stop glorifying relationships after Mr.I. I may have let my imagination run away with me because that is how I am wired. I may have heard things I wanted to hear and not the things that were actually there and said. But now, the Reality KHE knows that to do that only leads to a lot of dissapointment. A. Lot. So now, I am all about the facts. I am all about the cold hard facts. And so while I want to take that look in someone's eye and give it this fantasy explanation, I feel like the look I see is like 3% and the words coming out of their mouth is 97%. This is a huge step for me. This Reality thing. This words thing. This not letting my imagination run away with me thing. It's new and tricky. And honest. I still give my imagination free reign to run all it wants right before I go to sleep, but during the waking hours I try and pay a little more attention to the facts. I'm not sure it's going so well right now. But I'm trying.
when things don't go the way you thought they would
The bottom fell out of the evening pretty quickly yesterday. The guy I was supposed to have the date with called my co-worker to get everything set up yesterday morning but my co-worker was super busy and couldn't get back to him until it was too late in the day for my date to be ready and to meet us. So, no big deal. I'd already decided that if I was going to be dateless, then that would be cool. However, when I got to co-worker's house, they said that the boy from the drama was going to be riding with us. Which was pretty much the exact opposite of how I had wanted things to go. Luckily boy from the drama was busy with his family and couldn't leave until we did so he ended up riding on his own. When we got to the party, I was flagged by my boss who had a seat saved for me, which was great because nothing sucks worse than being at some random table with people who I don't even know. Then I won a fucking 32" Sony Flatscreen TV. Seriously. How cool is that? We had dinner and the boy with the drama showed up... after we ate, they were doing casino night which was really cool because we usually just hang out and chat and dance... I love activities :) Although, I must admit - I am no gambling queen. I don't even know how to play most of the games... I played roulette a few times but mostly just mingled. It ended up that the boy with drama was by my side for the majority of the evening and we even danced a few times. Yup, you read that right. Danced. Oh Wine, what you do to me. Then I was dancing with the wives. They came and got me from outside when Single Ladies came on. And, an aside, none of us knew how to do the thriller dance. Note to self - Learn Thriller dance. At the end of the night when the boy with the drama was starting to get a little too friendly, I took him outside to have a chat with him. I pretty much told him that he isn't serious about dating me so this whole pretending to be bit needs to stop. I told him that if we didn't work together it would be different. If we didn't work together, I would probably hookup with him. BUT we do work together and it is just enough already. He got uber defensive and acted like I was listening to what other people had to say about him and not giving him a fair chance. But then he had to admit that he knew damn well that we weren't going to start dating seriously which negated the rest. When I left, he was pretty pissed. I, on the other hand, got one of the guys to load up the tv I won and cart it outside to the car and I left with a big ol' smile on my face. I had a good time, I looked fantastic, I didn't make an ass too big of an ass out of myself and I, even under the influence of a bottle of wine, did not hook up with anyone. I'm such a good grown up :) Oh and the date I didn't get to go with? We are in the process of setting up a New Year's Eve dinner.
After a spattering of dreams I struggled to remember every time they woke me up, I got up to let the four legged beasties outside to do their respective things and made myself a cup of coffee using my new french press. Let me tell ya, having a tendency to break all things glass, including coffee carafe.. is it called a carafe? Anyway, it does make it to where I get to try a new coffee maker roughly once a year. And as tempted as I am to buy one of those new fangled coffee makers where in all you do is add a little creamer-from-the-gas-station looking container and water and voi-effing-la you have a dang latte, I have a fear that I will run out of the little container thingies and there won't be a back up place in which I can just put regular coffee grounds and the world as I know it will cease to exist because I can't have any coffee and I live in the country, a million miles away from a Starbucks. Holy run-on sentence, Batman. I had good dreams last night which is why every time I woke up, I wanted to get back into them or pick them apart and dissect them for the purposes of either 1. my enjoyment or 2. my novel. However, neither ended up being the case because I shopped for FIVE HOURS yesterday people and my ass was tired. [An aside - I want to be a bone fide writer so. very. badly. One of the things I am putting into place after Christmas is getting my room rearranged.. ok... OKAY! and CLEANED. And getting a desk in there. I have a bulletin board already in there that I can use for my note cards and whatever else I feel like I need to have physically in front of me. I already have the software I was planning to use to map everything out. And most importantly, MOST. IMPORTANTLY. I have this fabulous idea that I have been chewing on for a couple of months now and I have finally figured out the general beginning to end and now I just need to discover my characters and decide whether their story wants to be a book or a screenplay because it could go either way in my head.] note to self - work on using less run-on sentences. I woke up this morning at seven forty-five, even though I swore all week I would be sleeping until at least ten on Saturday. But the combination of the doggies needin' to pee and my being a little excited about my new french press had me headed to the kitchen instead of my room once I released the critters. So, now for why you are all here... I have a date tonight. Most likely. Co-Worker boy called one of his friends, his name is Tim, and asked him if he wanted to go to our regional company Christmas party with yours truly and Tim, apparently being a gambling man, said sure. I know very little about him except that he lives about an hour from me (even more in the country than I do), he owns his own construction company, is in his mid to late twenties, is roughly five foot ten and is apparently pretty good looking. My co-worker also said he was kind of a hermit, not a guy who goes out often as he'd rather be home. The fantasy/conclusion I have drawn from that last little tidbit of information is that the dude is much like me in that regard. In my mind, he works hard and when he isn't working he likes to be able to enjoy what he has worked hard for. I am a hermit in exactly the same way. If my assumption about him is correct. Given that he opted to join us for an evening out in San Antonio shows that he isn't a total hermit but again, like me, doesn't often have plans on a Saturday night. OMG-I am having a flashback to another party where I went with a blind date. Scratch that, where I met a blind date at the party. It was when I worked at Fantasy Disco Ford and it was awful. So awful in fact, that the guy I was supposed to hang with bailed because I kept blowing him and his friend off. Oh Universe, please do not make tonight suck. Thank you. So, I am a little excited. I am excited in a reserved way. I am trying not to get my hopes up because it could be a total flop. I have already fantasized that he is the perfect man. I bought the cutest new boots and top. That is the thing about dating. It's much like gambling. You throw a quarter into the machine and either it spits out more quarters, all the quarters or nothing. And I have been on one hell of a losing streak lately and while I am trying to have a positive outlook about the whole thing, I am also trying to stay grounded so I don't get upset if it is nothing more than a night out with a dude who I can cross of my Potential List.
No, seriously. I haven't even emailed anyone about this yet. YOU are the first to know. Well, besides me... I was technically the first to know. :-) Soooooooo, I may have a date tomorrow. The Universe keeps throwing men at me. Granted, they haven't been quality men, but they've been men so there's that.
This morning, the dude from a couple of posts ago actually asked me if we were going to tomorrow's party together. As if. Sorry, I was feeling a little nineties there... THEN he tried to make it out like I ditched him last weekend. Even said that was why he left early. What. Ever. So now, I am being set up... which is only a slight bit better. But I know WAHS will be pleased as she is always trying to get me to poke around and get set up through friends. WAHS, I hold you personally responsible for this. :-) We'll see. May not even pan out.. probably will though since the person trying to set me up has TWO people in mind. A couple of days ago, I was seriously considering not going and instead remaining in my PJs and wrapping presents while watching Love Actually for the nine-hundredth time.
The thing is, I am not old. I am not cranky. I am not desperate. I am not ungrateful. I am not high maintenance. And I am not stupid.
I happen to be a pretty smart chic. And I am fun and even funny. And happy. And loyal. And most importantly, I am honest.
I didn't go to the party with him. The entire week leading up to the party, he barely said three words to me. I had a feeling something wasn't right... and by the end of the week, I'd heard that he had invited someone else to the party that we have on the 19th. The same party he'd already asked me to go to with him. I was convenient. That was all. And he didn't take the whole "DATE" word he used a gaziliondy times seriously. To him, I am just a girl in a sea of girls with whom he could spend time with. He doesn't see me for who I am. And quite frankly, I deserve better than that. And even more franky, I won't accept less than that. So, there was a moment of panic. What do I do? What do I say to him? How do I get out of this night that he will ruin that I would otherwise enjoy? Well, luckily, one of the wives didn't have a babysitter and asked if Amanda could sit for her. And since she is also pregnant, she asked if we could ride together since her husband was planning on drinking AND she is UBER pregnant and wasn't sure she would want to drive back. To keep things civil between the boy and myself, I texted him and asked him to meet me at the co-workers house because Amanda was babysitting for them. He called back immediately and when I told him that they wanted all four of us to ride together, he flinched. He laid some story about how he'd had a crappy week and didn't want to ride with the other couple and maybe he just wouldn't even go. I rolled my eyes and told him that it was his call. He then clicked over and said he'd really just wanted to ride with me so since he wasn't going to be able to, maybe he'd just drive himself. I told him that was stupid since he KNEW he was planning on drinking and wouldn't be fit to drive home. He then said he'd meet me over there in a half an hour. And called back ten minutes later to say he was driving himself. I let out a sigh of relief you could hear three states over. I got out of it. Without confrontation. Without being a bitch. And the thing that occurred to me lastly was that I had been about to waste an evening with someone who I NEVER would have been able to date. Do you know how often my decisions are made based around my children? Or my friends? And if dating meant I had to change that, you can keep dating. The relationships I already have are established and treasured and I am not sacrificing them for a guy I don't know that well. You've got to bend a little to date me. Have to have some understanding in that I have this life that is like 90% booked. If you can't, I can't. It's that simple. Now don't get me wrong, I know that there are things you have to sacrifice and choices that have to be made when you add any kind of relationship to your life. I know that when I get a new girlfriend, I am going to lose hours of time talking on the phone or going out for a drink or shopping. Hours that I would have been able to use for friends I already have or for my girls or for my family. But if I see something in that person that makes me want to have them as a friend, I am going to be willing to make those sacrifices to have them be a part of my life and to be a part of theirs. This guy? He wasn't worth the time because he couldn't even see me.
1. You are too young for me. 2. I am not date-able. 3. I have three kids, I don't have time for this. 4. I should be home doing laundry and vacuuming. 5. And crocheting that baby blanket I need to finish. 6. I'm too old for you. (see 5) 7. You don't have the experience to know what you are getting yourself into. 8. This probably isn't a good idea. 9. If you are really just wanting to sleep with me, just say so. I'd be more inclined. 10. Stop saying "date", it's freaking my shit out. 11. I keep saying I want to write a book I don't think I can date and do that. 12. One day I am going to move. 13. You are too young for me. 14. I haven't had sex in over a year a half.
Goddamn him for seeming so freaking sincere about this. It would be so much easier for me to pick from my Bag Of Excuses and pass on all of this DATING stuff. So. Much. Easier. But sadly, on account of his seeming sincerity and the fact that I have An Imagination which allows forces me to consider ALL of the Happily Ever After Scenarios, I am inclined to give it a chance. But, oh buddy, let me tell you - the FIRST glimpse of a flicker of insincerity and my ass is out. Out and back on my couch at home crocheting.
Sometimes I make bad choices. WHA???? Yeah, I know - TOTAL shocker. It's not like I could spend the next hour linking to a slew of bad choices I've made over the course of the lifetime of this blog. The five year lifetime of this blog. Five. Years. Wow. I was twenty four when I started writing here. Twenty four and hopelessly intertwined with Mr.I who was the winner of the bad decisions I've made over that five year period. A bad decision I still to this day consider making again. What? It's like fucking Honesty Day here or something. You know, I deleted Mr.I's phone number from my phone a long time ago and it doesn't matter because I have it memorized. And I probably want to call him once a week and see how he is doing. And sometimes I do. Rarely, but sometimes. And he doesn't answer. And I think it's because the last time we talked he said that he still loved me and that it was keeping him from moving forward in his current relationship. And every time he doesn't answer, I am happy for him because I hope it means he is moving forward. And in some way, so am I.
Although last week wasn't one of those times. Remember how I wrote the other day that I was done thinking about a boy and it was kicking my ass a little? Well same boy asked me out. Relentlessly. Until I said I'd go. And then he brought the girl he HAD SUPPOSEDLY BROKEN UP WITH to our little work dinner on Saturday. Which reminded me of exactly why I don't dip my toes in the dating pool anymore. I don't like to play this bullshit game. I don't like to spend an entire week trying to decide if I like someone enough to go out with them only to have them slap me in the face. So, class, what have we learned this week? Don't let the Holiday Lonely Bug bite you. Or something like that. Did I mention I haven't had sex in over a year? *sigh*
Who: katehopeeden Where: San Antonio, Texas
Yeah, so I am all that you see here.
I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty...
sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends.
I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am.
Want to know more? Click here!
"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
These are a work in progress.
They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog).
All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold.
I don't think I could have done it.
To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise,
but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration.
You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL.
Thank you so much." -Stef
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?!
So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
