Saturday, December 31, 2005
My 2005 song:
Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!
Right up your alley, TG!
What song are ya'll?
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 10:03 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Friday, December 30, 2005
ringing it in
This New Year's Eve, I will be at The Cake Lady's house having a BBQ and letting my kids play with explosives.
Oh yeah.
The Cake Lady's house is like Monica and Rachel's apartment and me and my daughters are the rest of the cast of Friends.
Honestly, any holiday involving fire and or explosives and I am on the phone with TCL the week before saying "Soooooo, do you have anything planned for next weekend? No? We should have a barbecue." And of course, by "barbecue" she knows I mean you should let me and the girls bring a bag of frozen chicken breasts for your husband to cook and thirty bucks to buy fireworks for your husband to set off while I sit at the outside table smoking cigarettes, taking pictures, and drinking wine. She knows that though, which is why I love her.
The reasons are that (1) I can't BBQ. I can barely cook anything edible people. Yeah, I can write a mean blog entry on occasion, but ask me to grill some steaks and I am just standing there looking at you like you need me to find some plutonium. (2) Fireworks of any shape or size scare the holy hell out of me. You remember when you were a kid and you met that guy who had lost a finger from the tiny stick of dynamite that he held in his hand for too long when he was twelve? Come on, you have all met him. Anyway, that guy stuck with me. I'd just as soon be three miles from anything that explodes. Actually, lets make it five. That said, her husband and usually at least one of his friends are there and they get all man-excited at the prospect of fire and loud explosions of color. They get to blow shit up and I get to keep all of my fingers: win-win.
See, now if I could just get Jiffinner to let me use her husband too, I could alternate weekends and never have to cook, or fix anything or blow anything up :)
Sadly, I am dateless. So, no kisses for me this year dear readers... in fact, oh wow.. this is going to be depressing, I can't remember the last time I had a midnight kiss.
That is truly The Suck.
And speaking of suck, I have noticed that New Year's Eve is being deemed Suck Night every where. So, on a high note, that makes me feel better. I am not the only chic will be dateless and kissless when the ball drops.

edited to add: For those of you who have been emailing/calling/sending smoke signals, there isn't really much to update in regards to my love life. To the best of my knowledge, Snakeman will not be here this weekend so I won't be seeing him. And Teacher has emailed me once but has yet to respond to my return email.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:17 AM
| link to this post | 9 spoke |

Thursday, December 29, 2005
HNT - New Year Edition
Ok, so Osbasso asked us to pick our favorite HNT shot from this year...

this is how I ride


You can see the others by clicking here.
Happy New Year, HNTers!
~K

HNTbutton

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:13 AM
| link to this post | 25 spoke |

Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Almost 2006
Wow. It's almost over, this whole year has just passed by so quickly. It seems like the older I get, the faster time passes.
This year was huge for me. I think I have learned a lot. I had intended to sit down and type out a list of things that had happened, I wanted to link back to all of the forming events and recap and summarize what all 2005 held for me and my family.
But, as I sit here now, only one thing stands out.
I lost my best friend this year.
I have never been through anything that was even remotely comparable to the pain I have experienced this year. When I became a mom, I felt true happiness. When I lost Veronique, I felt the exact opposite, a completely broken heart.
This changed, so much, the way I feel, the way I react, the way I look at my world. Things I took for granted before; I try not to, things I have put off; I am trying to accomplish, people who I care about; I am trying to make sure that they know.
Everything that was jumbled on my list has jumped into its proper place in my perspective. In short, I grew up again.
I can count the times that something life changing has happened for me. I can remember specifically the first time my innocence was shattered when I was a child, watching my father choke my mother when she was pregnant with my sister and knowing that I had to make him stop or he would kill her. I can remember the first time I realized I was the only person who would take care of me, when I was fourteen and moved out. I remember the first time I felt true and complete love, when I held Amanda for the first time and looked at my daughter. That event, coincidentally was the first time I felt really scared realizing it was now my responsiblity to make sure that she was happy and healthy and loved. When AZ and I split up, I had to become independant. Totally alone with my girls and I had to do it.
There have been other times, other things, that have help mold me into the person I am now. But, this year, I became jaded. I had always believed that you got what you put out. If you wanted something, you earned it. I have always believed in Karma and Balance. If something bad happened to me, I chalked it up to something bad I had done. I wasn't pissed off, I figured that The Universe was just keeping things in check.

And then The Universe took Veronique. She was this perfectly wonderful soul. This person who would do anything for anyone. She was the very definition of good.
My whole "what goes around, comes around" attitude was suddenly wrong.
Now, I still believe in fair and Balance and Karma. I don't plan on changing the way that I behave because she is gone because she would never want that. But, I did step back and take count of what is in front of me. And I have changed this year. Any remaining naivete has vanished. Even looking at the happiest of things, I still feel a little pain of sad. When something wonderous happens in my life, I can't call her and tell her about it any more. And that breaks my heart.
Everyone says that it goes away. That the ache fades to fondness and rather than feel that stab to my heart when I think of her, I will one day smile and know that she would be happy with me if she was here. I am skeptical that I will ever not feel the twist in my stomach. And I am sad that I won't get to share all of the things I wanted to share with her. I miss her. I have missed her all year and I have just been trying to adjust.
Last year, at the end of December, I did my list of resolutions. This year, I am not resolving to do anything for the very first time. This year, I am placing no requests nor expectations on my plate. I am going to just live and just be happy. I am going to be a Mother, a Friend, a Sister and a Daughter with the best of my abilities. She would have wanted that.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:17 AM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Christmas: check
Ok, as far as updates go, I can't swear that this one will be the most awesome.
This year, I was more prepared for Christmas than I have ever been. I did wait to shop until about two weeks before hand and that made shipping tricky on a lot of items ordered from amazon and ebay. But this year, very much unlike last year, there was minimal panicking. The girls had more or less told me everything that they wanted and it was all within my budget.
Santa gifts are always the hardest because they have to be something big that Mommy wouldn't buy because it's too expensive or exactly what they wanted.
This year, Santa brought Amanda her Ipod and her IZ. For Emilee, it was her Leapster system. As most of you know, I don't allow video games. I do, on occasion, buy computer games, but only if they are educational. Anyway, Emilee has been barking up the gameboy tree for a while and I had to stick to my guns and say no. Well, last year, I had thought about getting her an Leapster (which is like a gameboy but with only educational games) but when I went to get one, they were sold out. This year, I was shopping on ebay and found a bundled set. It was the system itself, two games and the case for like 130.00.
Trin was cake. She loves little toys that she can sit on the floor with and play pretend with. So, Santa got her a dollhouse. I know that picture isn't very big, this doll house is almost as tall as she is. She also got the fisher price bus that plays "The Wheels on the Bus" when you drive it around from Veronique's mother and the weeble treehouse from me. Not to mention a dozen other little gifts. She loves Christmas.
Then Santa brought all three girls a Casio keyboard. This thing kicks so much ass. It lights up to show you what keys to push and with which fingers. It's also preprogrammed with a ton of music and you can plug into your tv for karaoke and puts the words on the tv screen. It also has a usb and smart card slot. So, fully loaded. The girls are already playing jingle bells and we wish you a Merry Christmas.
Now, my thing for Christmas and birthdays is to try and get the girls something that is important to the person that they are that year. Something that isn't necessarily a toy, but that touches a part of them that I have seen this year. I do this because I don't think that they are going to remember the Ipods and the Leapsters, but they will remember that year that I gave them something that helped them focus their attentions or hone in on the passion that leads them down the road to a career they love. You know, like when you give the little boy the archeologist set and he thanks you in his speech when he is opening his own company as the most successful dinosaur guy ever. "And I just have to thank my mom. If she hadn't bought me that little set of tools and the dinosaur books when I was seven, I may not have become the archeologist I am today." Then everyone claps and the mom dabs her eyes with pride...
Ok, moving on :) So, I got Emilee a rock tumbler. She is always bringing rocks home. ALWAYS. She has boxes of them under her bed and I am constantly taking them out of her pockets and putting them in little bags for her. And you know what? As soon as I was done cleaning up the twelve and a half tons of wrapping paper from the floor with the forklift, she wanted me to help her set it up. Not put batteries into the Leapster, but help her start tumbling rocks. Oh yeah baby.
For Amanda, it was the the first book of archives for Elfquest. This book is hardback and color and perfect. Amanda started reading Elfquest a few months ago and she loves it. She really liked the book and has already finished reading all two hundred and something pages of it.
For Trin, it's little things. I gave her the weeble tree and the little ducks. She loves the ducks. It is a set of three baby ducks and a mamma. The mamma duck is me (yay!) and the three little ducks are Trin and her two friends from daycare, Coleen and Erin.
Let's see, what else? I got my mom an Ipod Photo 30GB. Noah, Ruthie and I split the cost on this one. For Ruthie, it was a pink Ipod mini. Yup, it was an Ipod themed Christmas.
Anyway, I had wrapped everything as it arrived and it was all labeled and ready to go so Christmas Eve was a cinch. Just unloaded everything and set up the keyboard while Ruthie put the furniture in the dollhouse and that was it.
The girls got up and dug into their stockings and then woke me up around 6:15, which was twenty minutes before Noah started calling. We put Noah on speaker phone and started opening gifts. He was supposed to be here this year, but couldn't get his leave lined up. Next year. Next year, he will be out of the Navy and he can come home.
So, that's it, in a very big nutshell. I swear, pictures tomorrow. I meant to bring them today and get them uploaded, but tomorrow for sure.
I hope everyone had an awesome Christmas!
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:59 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Monday, December 26, 2005
at least the lesbians like me
Back in October, something happened to me that hadn't happened before. In this post, Auburn Pisces sort of hit on me. I hadn't ever had a chic hit on me before. But, it was fucking cool since she is Auburn Pisces. Like, Hot Toddy's Auburn Pisces. It was like a little claim to fame for me.
"Hey Kate, I made it into the top fifty on Top Blogs!"
"Oh yeah? Well Auburn Pisces flirted with me!"

Then, the other day, I clicked on that
little technorati link on the very bottom of my page to see who had linked me recently and found this post from Madigan.
I was just sitting her at my desk with my mouth hanging open. When I finished reading it, I was tickled pink. A couple of posts later, she is stalking me :)

I guess, if all else fails, I can always start playing for the other team.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 10:15 AM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas Blog-o-sphere
xmas05
xmas06
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:55 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

wake up!
xmas07
xmas08
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:57 AM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

Saturday, December 24, 2005
Oh wow!
Another early Christmas present for me!
Red Hot Sexy Papa has posted the results of his first annual Reddies Awards. You can click here to see all of the winners. There was no doubt in my mind that either Hot Toddy (who I voted for) or Romeo would kick my ass, but I still pulled off
Red Hot Blogger 2nd Runner Up
Red Hot Blogger 2nd Runner Up

And, as if that wasn't cool enough, ya'll also voted me
Sizzling Red Hot 2005 (Sexy Mama)
Sizzling Red Hot 2005

So, thanks to all of you who voted for me! I owe each any every one of you a big kiss :)
~K
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 10:17 PM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Christmas Eve
xmas03
xmas04
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:58 PM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

cookie swap
You clicked on the link to get here and then saw the entire page was one post huh? So you scrolled down... and down... and down and said holy fuck to yourself didn't you? Yes. Holy fuck is about right. This is going to be a long post, so go get your coffee or tea or whatever it is that you drink. And smoke 'em if you got 'em.
So, Thursday night was the annual Cookie Swap. Every year, I join a group of women (most of whom I only see when we get together for this) and we all exchange cookies. Whenever anyone has ever asked me why, I always just tell them it is our excuse to get together in a bar and have some fun. It's one of the many traditions I have picked up and it is definitely one of my favorites.
Early in December, Paula starts calling everyone to get a feel for how many people will be going. We set a date and then take a final count about a week before hand. We have had years where twenty women have come and we have had years where there are only six of us. The gist of it is that every body brings a dozen cookies for every one else. So, you come with twelve dozen of the same cookie, but you leave with twelve dozen different cookies. It is one of the few nights of the year that I go out and just have an absolute blast.
Last night was no exception. I came home and finished making my "snack" that we bring so there is something for every one to munch on. I had considered just wearing what I had worn to work, but at the last minute, I hopped in the shower and changed. I got myself pretty sluttied up considering how I normally dress. Think: short blue jean skirt, low cut top, my hooker boots (as crazysilver likes to call them), make-up and jewelry.
We were having the Cookie Swap at a bar that we hadn't had it at before. Now, typically we have these on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday nights. We try to avoid the insane crowds on Friday and the weekend. So, we decided on the 22nd (Thursday) and everything was set. What we hadn't banked on was that this particular bar has karaoke on Thursdays which draws a pretty big crowd for this little tiny part of the world. So, what is normally a smallish gathering with maybe a half a dozen regulars sitting at the bar and us was completely different. The place was packed.
Early on in the evening, The Cake Lady and I went to the restroom and I did my patented 'Man Scan' on the way back...
It was all beep.....beep.... beep.... a little to the left and beep... beep... beep.. beep.. a little more to the left and beepbeepbeepbeep. Two guys were standing at the bar. The one on the left was what you almost always see down here: tall, twenty something, cowboy hat, skin tight shirt showing his tribal arm tattoo, wranglers and boots. Nope. However, standing next to him was another twenty something, this one was much different. Blue button up dress shirt, regular jeans, longer brown hair, really sweet eyes. I watched him for a minute or two to see if he was with anyone before I went and sat back down.
The problem here was that I was expected to socialize with all the ladies who had come so I put the cute guy out of my mind and just hung out. When we swapped out cookies, one of the ladies there, easily in her fifties, went out to her truck to get a couple of bags for people to put their cookies into. She handed all but one of the big brown paper sacks out and then looked at me and said "I am keeping this one in case I get drunk and take some ugly guy home. I can just put it over his head."

Around 10:30, I thought I would go ahead and head home. The Cookie Ladies were dwindling. So, I closed out my tab and took all of my stuff out to the car and then came back in to say good night to Paula. She had different plans for me. Starting with buying me a drink and giving me a shot of the Hot Damn she had brought with her. I laughed when she offered it to me and nodded in the direction of the cute guy (whom I had spotted again when I got to the bar), "I'd like to give him a shot of Hot Damn," I told her. (You really had to be there for it to sound as dirty as it sounded. Inflection.) And I'll be damned if she didn't turn around and walk over to him, leaving me standing there going oh shit.
I have no idea what she said to him, I just saw him take the shot and walk back over with her. It was all very How I Met Your Mother, when NPH is always walking up to chics and saying "Have you met Ted?" and then walking off leaving Ted to fend for himself. I just remembered thinking isn't this guy too cute to be talking to me? Apparently not, because not only was he talking to me, he seemed to enjoy it. I was tickled pink. Anyway, he asks me if I have plans after the bar closed and I told him I didn't. He asked if I'd like to go back to his place when the bar closed in thirty minutes and I said yep. (I was at 116 days and counting, remember?)
Several things happened in that thirty minutes:
*I found out he knew my mom. She used to bartend at that bar and as it happened, he was frequenting it at that time.
*A guy that used to work for my landlord and who still works on my mother's truck came up and threw his arms around Paula and I. When Paula introduced him to me he said "Hi Kate... you're HOT." He proceeded to remind of that three times and then popped me on the ass when he left. Yup, lovely.
*Cute guy became The Teacher. Turns out he is finishing up school this semester. I believe he said he was going to teach middle school Science and Math or was it History? Either way, nice. I'll admit that my initial intentions for Teacher were very short term. At first, I thought he was gorgeous and then he was nice as well. I was on a One Night Stand course and he seemed perfect.
*When I told Paula I was leaving with Teacher, she proceeded to let him know how important I was to her, lol. I half expected her to give me a curfew.
So, I followed Teacher to his pad which thankfully was only a few miles from the bar, making it like five miles from my house. He had grabbed one of those silver pail things from the bar loaded with the triple blacks I was drinking and the Bud (I think) that he was drinking. We get to his place and I was greeted by this albino donkey (you thought I was joking until you clicked that link huh?) and two small dogs. I am pretty sure everything had a name, but all I can remember is that the cat's name was Phil and only because I kept thinking
what a strange name for a cat.
Ok, get this, we get inside and he is going to put some music on. He asks what I like and I of course throw out the Matchbox Twenty. (To this day, I have only met one guy who liked MB20 and kept them on hand.) He didn't have any, so on a whim, I said Coldplay and I'll be damned if he didn't go out to his car and grab his Coldplay cd. That was the first of many things that he did that made me question exactly how much of a One Night Stand I was wanting to make this guy into. His book collection, for example, was impressive. But, the thing that ended up pushing me over the line was when he told me he wrote children's books and then brought a couple out. I am sitting there thinking to myself how is it that this guy only lives five miles from me and we have never met. He is adorable, completely sweet, listens to great music (we ventured off into other cds as the night progressed), smart, we talked about authors and books and wow. Just wow.
The glitch, because there always is one, is that I had neglected to mention the fact that I am a mom. I know, you are totally scratching your heads going "what?" I don't normally do that. But, again, I was thinking One Night Stand, not Possible Dating Potential. Then, the further into the night it got, the harder it was to work it into the conversation. At one point, he was looking at my charm bracelet and he was naming off the charms and he got to my mom charm and he said 'mom' but then kept going. Anyway, totally my fault.
So, I am skipping all the dirty details. Use your imaginations people. Lord knows I had been using mine for a while now :P The thing was though that I had to be home by six because my girls had school this morning. Kind of hard to tell him I had to be some where at six when I had already said I didn't have to work the next morning. I managed to wriggle out of his bed and get myself dressed. The only problem was that I knew he had a lock on his gate and I didn't want to get out there and be stuck. I got him to wake up enough to tell me that the gate wasn't locked. I was hoping he would wake up all the way so I could tell him about my girls. I just felt like I had been lying to him all night.
Then I am standing there with my stuff thinking what the fuck am I supposed to do? I mean, had this guy not been as kick ass as he was, I would have split and not left my number or anything. But, he had been incredibly cool. Suddenly, the One Night Stand rules of leaving without leaving your number or anything weren't sounding so hot. At the same time, what if he was following the ONS rules? If I left my number, then do I suddenly look like the-chic-who-didn't-know-it-was-a-ONS?
I thought fuck it. He knows my name, I am pretty sure that he knows where I work and at least one or two people who know who I am, if he wants to look me up, he can. I get out to my car and then reconsider. What if by not leaving my number he doesn't think I want him to call. Yes, guys, this IS what goes on in our heads. I. shit. you. not. A constant stream of second guessing our first thoughts. It does suck.
In the end, I opted to leave my number. I wanted to hear from him again. So, I grab one of my business cards from my purse and write my cell phone number on the back and then went back in and stuck it to his fridge. Thank the gods for magnets because I had no fucking clue where one leaves a number when they are splitting in the middle of the night. (The Bachelor laughed his ass off at me today when I retold this story by the way and Tempest said she couldn't believe I left a business card.)
So I left.
Now, earlier in the night when I had been snapping pics of him with my camera (which you can see
on my flickr page if you are so inclined... you know you want to, lol) he had suggested I get a flickr account. I told him I already had one and he asked me what my screen name was, I told him and he said something to the effect of that I should write that down for him before I left. So, I thought there was no way he would remember it.
At one something today, I get an email saying that he has added me as a contact. Which was cool because it meant he looked me up, but not cool too because then he finds out about the girls in a way other than my telling him.
So, I sent him an email and told him that I was impressed he had remembered my screen name and that in finding my flickr account, he now had my blog and also the knowledge that I have three girls. I told him of my ONS intentions and that the more I had talked to him, the more interested I had become. I also said that since I had withheld the info about being a mom that I would understand if he wasn't interested and that it would be cool. And I sent him my email address and my phone number and now the ball is in his court.
Anyway, I had fun. He was very cool and I have had one of those lovely permagrin things today.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:25 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Friday, December 23, 2005
gracefully

calvinchristmas

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 2:54 PM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

postponing the dirt for the meme
Well, I had intended to post about my night out last night and catch ya'll up on the inner workings of small town bars, cowboy hats, the cookie ladies, and yummy guys BUT MamaK tagged me, so I have to do that first. Which means you will just have to check back tomorrow to see how my crazy night out of the convent went.

Now, onto the Meme:
"The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits of yourself," and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says "You are tagged" (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours."

Five weird habits...
I can see Jiffinner and
The Cake Lady rolling their eyes saying "just five? We could write a fucking book!"

1. I color coordinate my cups. Yup. I have an assortment of giant plastic cups for water. They are just the cheapo kind you can get at Walmart for next to nothing (since I have an innate ability to break things, I drop dishes like you wouldn't believe!) So, they are green and blue and pink and orange (obviously having all of the colors match isn't high on my anal retentive list). When I put them on the shelf, I line them up next to each other and I always put the blue in one line, the green in the next, etc. I didn't think it was that big of a deal until Jiffinner came over, laughed and then got her camera out and took pictures of them.

2. I don't type on the right keys. Is that a habit? I don't know... but it will have to do since I am not running on full steam right now. I type incredibly fast and I don't look at the keyboard, but I never have my fingers all lined up with the right starting keys. And I took two years of typing. My teacher hated me.

3. I mop my floor like an obsessive compulsive person. Seriously. I have said it before, my entire house could be trashed (which is what it is nearing right now) and as long as my floors are mopped (which is what I am going to go do when I through here) I am a happy girl. I mop like three times a week. I love being able to walk on a floor barefoot without anything getting on my feet.

4. This one probably isn't so weird, but I worry like crazy when my girls are gone. Since they are with me 100% of the time, I freak when they go to sleepovers at new houses. If it's someone I know and trust, then I don't think twice about it. But when they go some where new, I am a mess until they are back. And if Amanda and Emilee have a sleepover on the same night, I am bored out of my mind. I am too used to the chaos.

5. I am almost always wearing a sweater. I get cold REALLY easily and I usually have two or three sweaters in my car, at work and at home. And I bite my nails. I have for as long as I can remember and no matter what I try, I can't stop.

Ok, that's it. Not quite the up close and personal things that MamaK was probably looking for (sorry!) but I got it done :)

Now to tag your poor five bloggers.
Jiffinner (of course, my day wouldn't be complete if I could make you say "damn it, but I don't want to!")
The Cake Lady (because you don't blog enough :P)
Lovely Lola (because I love you)
The Girl (because you and I haven't been talking as much as we should!)
Liz (again, because I need to get caught up wth you!)

Ok, now I have a house to clean. But tonight, after I have cleaned and taken the girls to see Narnia (FINALLY!), I will get everything that happened last night written up AND try and get the rest of the pics onto flickr :)
~K
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:57 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Hobbes' Loot
xmas11
xmas12
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:50 AM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

Thursday, December 22, 2005
underpaid and woefully unprepared temps
calvinxmas
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:55 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

risky
xmas09
xmas10
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:37 AM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

Embarrassed? Surely you jest...
Yesterday, I made my 674,584th trip to Wal-Mart for Christmas presents. The Bachelor and I were on the phone before I left and I told him I had to go and why. He asked if I could PLEASE, PLEASE pick him up a couple of things since he hates, loathes and abhors Wal-Mart. I say sure and that I'll be down to his department in a few minutes to get his list and cash.
He hands me a fifty and a list with three things on it:
mouthwash
kleenex
Trojans: large 12

Of course.
So, we get back from Wal-Mart and I bring his bag in and hand it to him. He says thanks and asks if I was embarrassed. I laughed and told him no, it certainly wasn't the first time I had bought condoms.
Then as I am walking back out to the car, I thought to myself, I have had three children. I have given birth in front of no less than twenty five combined people. Buying condoms is cake.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:15 AM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Tuesday, December 20, 2005
smallish update
Hey, for those of you who are emailing me and leaving little comments under unrelated topics below, I'll ease that curiousness for you.
What did RHSP call him? "Mr. Potential" AKA: Snakeman.
Ok, so he called. He called last night around eight and I ended up watching about forty five minutes worth of the Ravens vs. Packers game. (I was rooting for the Ravens which paid off with their win of 48 to Green Bay's 3...)
Anyway, for those of you into an overabundance of details (have you come to the right place or what?), he has called me for Monday night football three weeks in a row. It's turning into our thing... which is actually fine since, back in the day, I used to watch football with some regularity.
Last night's call was about 30-45 minutes long. No awkward silences as there were when I called him this past Wednesday. He had a friend coming over and told me early into the conversation. When his friend got there, I told him I would let him go and he said he would call me. I hung up with him and two minutes later, the Ravens intercept the ball and run it to the third yard line. And my cell phone rings. It's him. "Did you see that????" lol Anyway, he rants about the interception for like forty five seconds and then says bye again.
I watched the game through the third quarter and then, satisfied that the Ravens would win, I went to bed. At eleven, he called again to ask if I was still watching and I admitted that I had watched until the end of the third and then went to bed. He said he would let me get some sleep and we would talk later.
I think the reason for the eleven-something call was because our initial conversation was cut short by his friend getting there. But the second call, after the interception was the one that surprised me. Calling me right in front of his friend... interesting.
No plans were made, although he did hint to some truck issues. This weekend is Christmas anyway. I have no idea whether he will be in town or not. Next weekend, New Year's, I am trying to convince The Cake Lady to have a bbq or bonfire so that we can get the kids together and so I don't have to actually light any fireworks. (Just one more way I use her husband.) If he is in town, I am pretty sure he will be there, if I can twist her arm to have it :)
Ok, that's it. If you think I missed something, just ask me.
~K
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:27 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

One Year Blog-o-versary
Wow. What do you say when you have been blogging for one year?
This is my four hundred and twenty fifth post. How crazy is that? But beyond my ability to average more than one post a day for the last twelve months is the fact that you guys have kept coming back to read them. You have come back 28,520 times. And as of right now, I have 2,220 comments in my comment folder. That is more than two thousand mini conversations that I have had with you guys. More than two thousand times that ya'll have responded to something I have written. You can't even begin to know how much that touches my heart.
When I started this blog a year ago, I remember thinking that it would be fun to try and write something that people liked to read. I had read a few other blogs and loved the fact that people commented on them and that they offered the outlet of journaling only with an audience. I have always journaled and I was one of those hide-your-journal gals. The idea of someone reading my deepest most sacred thoughts scared the holy hell out of me. But blogging was something different. It was like saying it was ok to have those secret thoughts and publicize them for all the world to see and share.
Before too long, I let it all out, let you guys have everything. Past, present and future feelings. I wanted to be all and everything that I am and was right here. Honest and free. It felt great, it still feels great. I love that everything here is raw and unfettered. I love that when I post something, no matter how big or small, you guys always have something to say, advice to offer, a shoulder to lean on, jokes to crack. But most of all, I love that I can write. There are no rules here, it is just pure outlet.
I have wanted to be a writer since I was a very little girl. I always envied girls who wanted to be something that could just be taught, something you could study and learn and just be. I have never felt compelled towards that type of career. I have always wanted to be an author, always wanted to see my name on the front of a book and know that I was keeping people entertained and that they loved my stories. I have written short stories and poetry for as long as I can remember but since having the girls, it was something I had to sacrifice. I had neither the time nor the luxury of financial freedom to pursue my writing. I had to get a "real job" and take care of them and write in the spare moments I could steal.
I decided a long time ago that when the girls got older and needed less immediate supervision that I would go to college and devote the time I want to actually finishing a book. Actually trying to get one published. So, I stuck my writing dream into a drawer and closed it to be taken out later. I was so scared that I would lose interest or ideas or the passion I have for it. So, I journaled and scribbled down ideas and saved them. Sometimes, I would start a story and after a few chapters, print it and stick it in one of the boxes of story ideas in my closet. I felt like if I just keep doing it when I could that I would be able to cling to it.
This has been my outlet, this has been what has kept my passion for writing alive. Not to mention that having you guys reading has helped keep that dream alive for me. The fire I have deep inside me to write is kept lit by your comments and by your showing up here on a regular basis to remind me that you care about what I have to say.
So thank you.
Thank all of you that have been here with me and for me for the last year. I hope to see you here when that little subject line up there says "Two" instead of "One."


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Monday, December 19, 2005
just around the corner

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:03 PM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

honorary aunt
Yesterday, I got to be an honorary aunt.
Now, I am an actual aunt on several counts, but I have never met my nieces or nephew since they all live in Canada.
Yesterday I went shopping with Fairy and her son and my daughters. When we got to Wal-Mart, Fairy showed me her son's new "hair cut." Seems she had a co-worker give him a "trim" and the end result was... well, look for yourself...



Uh huh. See what I mean? When this wonderful woman

barber

came over to help us, she actually said "what an adorable little girl." I told her that was exactly what the problem was and to please, please, please help me make him a boy again.
He looks about as happy as his mother about it huh?


But, I think he started to like the fact that he could see... and that he actually had ears!



DSCF0055
DSCF0057


That poor chic. She moved chairs a bunch of times to get out of the picture and I always ended up getting her in the background, lol.
Ok, now for the finale.
Here is my darling Fairy when she sees her son for the first time.


DSCF0069

Click on it to make it bigger and fully enjoy the look on her face. She started crying so I put the camera away. But that was it folks, my very first time getting a little boy's hair cut as well as my first honorary Aunt experience. I think he looks awesome... mostly because I can see him for the first time.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:15 AM
| link to this post | 5 spoke |

Sunday, December 18, 2005
Just a quickie...
Hey ya'll. I know, I have been a bad blogger. Not keeping my post quota up. I promise I will be better. I just need December to be over already! lol
ANYWAY, the reason for this little post-let it to announce that the voting has begun for RHSP's Reddie Awards. Voting is through Friday and I hope that all of you will head over there and vote for me check out all the nominees and pick the one you think deserves your vote.
So, here is the link. To the best of my knowledge, voting is going to be anonymous so don't feel bad if you like Toddy more, I will understand and more importantly I will never know that you betrayed me picked him.
Ok. So, go. Now.
I have more Christmas shopping to do. But, there will be a post here manana. I promise!


RHBLOGGERnom
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:51 AM
| link to this post | 1 spoke |

Friday, December 16, 2005
I'm sorry, did you say "mosh pit"?
So, last night I went to Holiday Havoc 2, put on by a local rock station: 102.7 KROCK. There were a total of four bands:
Bif Naked
Thousand Foot Krutch
Hinder (which is the reason I was going!)
Default

It was Jiffinner, her husband The Bear and Fairy. We got off to a slightly late start since the doors were opening at five and that was what time we left to head over there. It ended up not being an issue since they didn't let anyone onto the floor until right before the show started.
Now, I had no idea that Jiffinner had never been to a concert before until we were standing in front of the stage before Bif Naked came on and she confessed. To say I was stunned was an understatement.
Anyway, about a third of the way through Bif Naked, this fuckface (herein referred to as 'cocksucker') pushes his way past us and stands right in front of the guy next to me. And when I say right in front, I mean like --- close to the guy. I'm sure the dude next to me wanted to sock the prick, but he stood a good foot and a half over him. So, Cocksucker starts yelling bullshit at the band. The lead singer of Bif Naked is a chic and he was yelling some very derogatory things at her. Things, I won't even repeat and I will repeat a lot.
So, Jiffinner and her husband head back over to the bar. The Bear said he wanted to kick the guy's ass and I couldn't blame him since I wanted little more than to grab Cocksucker's ponytail and then kick him in the back of the knees and just watch him buckle backwards onto the ground. Ha! Betcha didn't know I had that in me huh? Oh yeah, I am scruffy. However, not quite scruffy enough to take on some six foot five guy. So, I did the mature thing and ignored him.
After Bif Naked was Thousand Foot Krutch, who reminded me a lot of
Our Lady Peace (who I love and adore)... they were like a cross between OLP and Fallout Boy. I liked them and am going to have to get some of their stuff.
They were followed by Hinder, which honestly is the reason I went. When Hinder came on, that was when shit started to get a bit crazy. Before they came to the stage, no one was trying to steal you spot in front and the concert had been fairly mellow. But, right before Hinder hit the stage, there was like a wave of people behind us who started trying to push their way to the front.
Now, when Bif Naked had been on, this guy wearing a leather trench coat, who easily stood six foot four and weighed something like three hundred pounds, pushed his and his girlfriend's way past us and stood almost in front of me. I was pissed. However, as the music progressed, I realized that he was with about eight chics, all of whom were standing right in front of me and that he was keeping an eye on them to make sure they weren't fucked with. And I also realized that there wasn't a guy there (except maybe Cocksucker) who would try and push their way past this guy. He was solid. It was then that I decided I was happy he was right in front of me. No one was fucking with him so I would be fine. In between Thousand Foot Krutch and Hinder, I struck up a conversation with him and his girlfriend to solidify my stance as protected.
So, having made friend with the ogre dude, when this wave of people started pushing forward, I was hoping that none of them would be stupid enough to fuck with this guy. One little teenager was and he quickly put the dude in his place. Well, I am feeling good about my spot and I stayed put when Hinder finished to wait for Default. I like Default as much as the next person... ok, well maybe a little bit more after having seen how hot the entire band is. The point is that I like them but I could have watched from second row or from way in the back. But I figured since I was already up there, I would keep my spot.
The wave of people before Hinder was nothing compared to the wave of people for Default. I have been to these small shows before. In fact, last year I saw 7 Mary 3 and The burden Brothers in a bar with a couple of hundred other people and I was like fifteen feet from the stage with zero pushing. I was surprised at how rude everyone was being. I mean, shit, the entire place was only like 250 feet, how close do you need to be?
Apparently pretty fucking close.
It got very crowded when Default came on. Any extra room previously used for dancing was gone and you had to widen your stance so you weren't knocked around when someone bumped into you. This was ok for the first two or three songs that Default played. Did I mention that they, as in all of them, were HOT? Yeah? Oh...
So at the end of the third song this fucking asshole. Wait... Fucking drunk idiotic asshole, yes, much better. This fucking drunk idiotic asshole starts trying to push his way past the people in front and to the right of me to get to the little wall thingy that separates the people from the stage and where all of the little security guards stand. Well, when this asshole does that he starts pushing the chics that the ogre was with and he got straight pissed. He reaches over with his giant arm and grabs the guy's shirt. Immediately I thought oh fuck. He pulls the guy about a foot closer to him, and by default me, and tell him "you need to back the fuck up." Well the fucking drunk idiotic asshole was apparently also belligerent and stupid to boot so he decides that he wants to fight the ogre and I start trying to back away because, well let's face it, there was a combined total of like 500+ pounds of angry men and I didn't want to be anywhere near it.
While all of this is happening, a mosh pit (yes, I know 'at Default?', but you read right) broke out like ten feet away. I am oblivious to this since I am trying to avoid getting the shit knocked out of me by the two huge guys who are now screaming at each other and getting into each other's faces. At just the right moment, the mosh pit shifts to where we are and in doing so hits the asshole and knocks him into the ogre. The ogre falls. on. my. leg. and knocks me down. The three hundred pound ogre fell on my leg. By the time I got back up which was neither quick nor graceful, I was done. I don't go to concerts to get hurt people.
I turn around and see that not only is there a mosh pit to the right of me but there is also one behind me. I decide to go to the left just as everything shifts again and when I take that first step, I get nailed from behind by some other moron flying into me which makes me fly into some other guy who I am screaming apologies at. I am trying to push my way through all of these people and no one is letting me by because they think I am trying to steal their spots. I am yelling over and over "I am just trying to get out!!!"
I get pretty close to the outside of the massive hoard of people and then run into some guy's arm, which has a death grip on the gate thingy in front of him. I am directly in front of the speakers and so instead of screaming, I point that I am trying to go that way. As in, away from the stage and not steal your spot. He just smiles at me. I am pissed. I point again and yell that I am trying to leave and then tap his arm. Again, smiles. So, I grab his arm and yank and that asshole doesn't let go. By now, the mosh pit has caught up with me again and I have people running into my back again. Part of me wanted to punch the guy blocking me in, the other part wanted to scream "I am a MOM! Let me out!" I ended up having to push back the way I had come and go around him which meant putting my life on the line one last time.
Then I was free.
I was shaking but I was free.
I found Jiffinner and The Bear and went to sit with them. It took me two songs to calm down and stop shaking. But no sooner than I had, I look up and there is a cute guy smiling at me. And I mean cute. So, I smile back. He looks over at the band and then back at me and smiles again. I was thinking I should get up and go over and say 'hi' but then he looks one last time and smiles and brushes some hair from his eyes and I see it.
The 'X'.
Drawn with permanent black marker on his hand.
Minor.
He could have been between 18 and 21, but I wasn't willing to risk it. Besides, I had already had much more than my fair share of fun. I was ready to go home.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:39 AM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Happy Birthday

Today you would have turned twenty one years old. You were so excited about this. I remember last year when we went to see Switchfoot you were telling me that next year we would be going out.

It's almost one year ago today that you and I sat in our seats at the amphitheater and watched Gavin Degraw, Bowling For Soup, Ryan Cabrerra and then Switchfoot. I know that you had barely heard of Switchfoot and the others were completely foreign and we so fell in love didn't we? Two days later we had every BFS song downloaded and burned to cd. They sang a song called Belgium and we just took that as a sign that we were supposed to be there since that is where you are from.


And we froze our asses off. It was so cold. We each had on two pairs of pants and at three shirts and sweaters under our jackets. We were totally huddled together and having the best time.
It wasn't supposed to be the last present I gave you. That concert was not supposed to be the last thing I gave you for your birthday.

You always got me things. For my birthday, for Christmas, for Mother's day. I never felt like gave you enough. That first year that you and I were friends, you gave me a candy apple candle for Mother's day and it touched me so much that you had thought of me on that day. That is how our friendship was to me all of the time. I always felt so lucky to have you in my life. You were always there when I called. You always listened, you always cared. I don't know how you came to be such a great person in such a short amount of time.

You've been gone for 323 days. Three hundred and twenty three days, one hour and forty one minutes. And not one of them has passed without my heart aching for you. I think about you every day. I wonder what you would think about everything. Would you have liked my outfit? Would you have laughed at Triniti? Would you have called me at 2am after your latest date? Would you have let me wake you up for school at 7:30am on my drive to work by recounting the previous night again? Would you think I am becoming a better person?

You would have been here now. You would be going to another concert with me on the fifteenth this year. We would be Christmas shopping and baking cookies like we did last year.
Your mom would still smile like she smiled a year ago when she picked you up to go out to dinner with your grandparents. I wish she still smiled like that. I want so badly to take all of that sadness from her face. She misses you so much. Sometimes I think she is the only person in the world who knows how I feel when I think of you.

Twenty one. God. I still have a hard time believing that you were only twenty. You had so much life in you, so much love, so much compassion and you gave it all to everyone without expecting a thing back. In less than twenty one years, you touched so many people, so many lives. You had this light in you that I could never explain as anything more than just pure goodness. You never wanted anything bad for anyone and you did everything you could to help other people. In just twenty years you touched so many lives. It wasn't fair that you had to leave so soon.

I wish you were here.
Happy Birthday honey.

I love you and you are missed so much more than you could have ever known.
~K

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:01 AM
| link to this post | 11 spoke |

Monday, December 12, 2005
K.A.T.E.


Knockout Administering Touches and Embraces


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:08 PM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

Sunday, December 11, 2005
The Date
So, I was not as nervous as I thought I would be. I kept very busy all day cleaning my kitchen and then rearranging my daughters room. By the time I was done in the girls room and had started dinner, I should have already been in the shower getting ready. So, I jumped in and got myself cleaned up. Now you chics know that the pre date shower and regular showers are different, so I was in there for like three times the amount of time I usually am. My sister did my hair since she has an innate ability to make it curlier than it already is and then I called The Cake Lady to see if she was feeling better and was going to be able to go. Not only was she feeling better but she was ready to go. It occurred to me that I might want to move my ass. So, make-up and clothes (for those of you wondering what I was wearing: black skirt that came to my knees, black hose, black 3/4 sleeve shirt, black heels) and I was ready to go.
My mother, who was here to watch the girls had brought me a black jacket and before you start saying "awwww" the thing was like circa 1982. I am talking shoulder pads and jumbo buttons. Needless to say I passed and opted for a blue jean jacket that was NOT warm, but looked nice. I loaded up my purse and headed over to TCL's house (since that's where we were all meeting). Truth be told, I was hoping to get there before Snakeman and have a chance to run how I looked by TCL and adjust anything accordingly. No such luck. When I pulled into the driveway, his truck was already there. So, I grabbed my purse and headed to the door.
Well, any lingering hope I had of being able to speak to TCL for .3 seconds was gone when TCL's husband (who needs a name!!) and Snakeman opened the door. He scanned me.
(I've covered my definition of "scanning" here haven't I? Ok, the origination of the reference of "scanning" came from one of the salesmen that I work with. We started calling him The Body Scan Man because whenever he was in any room with any one of us chics (that work in my office) he scans you. He looks you all the way up, slowly, and then all the way back down. He's one of those guys who barely ever makes eye contact because he is never looking at your face. In his case, the scanning is creepy and makes you wish you had a parka on, but the word itself has come to encompass any and all men that look you all the way down and then up again.)
So, he scanned me. He started at the bottom and worked his way up and then went back down again. This was followed by "wow, you're dressed up. Are you going somewhere?" TCL then did one of the millions of things that makes her my friend and said she loved my shoes. I couldn't help myself, in front of the guys and everything I was a total chic and stuck my foot out so she could get a better look and told her I loved them too. Then, my self conscious slapped me and screamed "UHG! KATE, this is a DATE remember??" and I vowed to act as such for the remainder of the evening. I'll let you be the judge of how that worked out.
So, TCL and her husband took their three kids next door and left he and I alone. Totally not awkward, thank goodness.
Do you remember the bottle caps from that first night? Well, I had brought them all home with me and showed them to my mother (who is a bartender) and when she got here, she handed me a bag of them. So total now, I have around twenty. I put all of them into a ziplock bag and took them with me. While he and I were sitting there waiting for TCL to get back, we started going through the bag of caps.
When she did get back, we somehow all ended up standing up. I don't know how, probably because none of us were sure if we should go yet (it was a little early) or hang out for a few more minutes. The guys decided to get some beer they had outside and bring it in before we left and this was the first time he touched me. Totally caught me off guard. When he walked by me he did that thing tickle thing. You know, when you walk up behind someone and like tickle touch them on the back. I hope that makes sense because I have no idea how else to describe it. Anyway we walked past each other in the kitchen when he was going out side and when he walked by he did that thing on my stomach.
We left about fifteen minutes later. We had decided ahead of time that since there was an open bar, only one of us should drive. And since TCL doesn't drink very much or sometimes at all, we took their car. And by "car" I mean "tiny sports coupe". So, Snakeman and I are in the tiniest back seat I have ever seen. Ever. The drive there (about twenty minutes) was reminiscent of TCL's husband and Snakeman's antics when they were younger.
When we got there, we headed inside and were lucky to be among the first people to show up. This is where I screwed up for the second time. See, I know all of these people and I have met all of their significant others at several other parties AND I am not used to having a date, so I frequently forgot to introduce Snakeman. It was probably only the first fifteen minutes or so before I started to remember. He stood up everytime he shook someone's hand. Every time. Points for him :)
We got our first round of drinks. The guys, Shinerbocks, TCL and I, merlot. If you have known me for more than two minutes, you know I love merlot. The initial cup was v-e-r-y small. And the line for the bar stayed very long so it was looking very unlikely that I was going to be able to drink the amount of merlot that I wanted to. However, when Snakeman went to get the next round, he came back with a MUCH larger glass for both TCL and myself. And she said she was pretty much done, so two very big glasses for me. There would be at least one more big and another small... maybe two. I lost count.
Why is she talking about drinks? I would just like for the record to show that I had at least one entire bottle of merlot in my system when you guys are saying "what? Did she seriously do that?" later.
By the time I had killed one big cup of wine, I had a nice buzz and the place was packed. The tables were all filling up, ours included (each table sat like 20 people). I have talked about a guy that I work with several times. He was previously running our rental dept and I think I may have used his real name but since I frequently reference him and I don't want to use his real name, we will be calling him The Bachelor from now on. Anyway, he and I are very good, very platonic friends and I value not only his friendship but also his opinion. He sat by Snakeman and the two of them brought each other drinks which was cool. I'll have to remember to post his text messages that came later.
Ok, so this is getting really long. A couple more highlights and lets get out of the party.
*I am a people watcher. I will sit in restaurants and stare at people. It's awful but I think it is the writer in me. Many guys that I have dated have been bothered by my inability to concentrate on them when in public because I am too busy watching everyone. This is clearly not going to be a problem with Snakeman. He practically delighted in being told who was who and little bits of dirt. He actually noticed people and grabbed names from name tags and then would tell me how he thought they were and he was dead on. And whenever he would lean in to tell me something, his head was always touching mine.
*The daughter of the owner of Fantasy Disco Ford, whom I adore, pulled me aside later in the night to (A) tell me she loved my shoes and wished she could still wear shoes like that at her age (early fifties maybe) and to tell me my date was and I quote "darling". And that he was also very brave to attend a company party. Which is also what The Bachelor said.
*As the night progressed, inhibited I was not. I am a touchy feely person anyway but throw some alcohol into the mix and well, I am still a touchy feely person. There was arm touching, there was leg touching, I had my hand on the back of his chair and there was back touching.
All in all, he did the Christmas party very well. He was charming, intelligent, friendly... you name it. I was impressed.
I have no idea what time it was when we decided to leave. Probably because of how much I had drank. Ok, not probably. Because of how much I had drank. Which was a lot. I remember that it was fucking cold. Like my teeth were chatting with in seconds and I had left my jacket in the car. By the time we got into the car, I was freezing. When he got in the car, I was all about sucking away his warmth. He had his arm around me and I was buried in his chest. Once I was warm and sat back up he held my hand. To be honest, the majority of the ride home I was trying to figure out how to kiss him. Again, alcohol. I mean, I have kissed guys first before while stone cold sober, but I am more likely to when I have been drinking. So, we were probably half way home before I did it. Now, where I was looking to be like kissed, kissed, he was slower than that. I mean, I can see the first kiss being the peck kiss, but the second usually involves some kind of open mouth. I had handed everyone gum when we left the party so that everyone's breath would be lovely. The second kiss was the same as the first and it was about five minutes before we got home. Nice, don't get me wrong.
When we got to their place (he had his hand on my back on the way from the car to the door... he probably thought I was going to fall over. No, seriously I am good at being composed and walking straight and all that jazz.) and went inside we all sat down and chatted about god knows what until midnight and then Snakeman and I excused ourselves. Back out into the freezing cold.
He thanked me for the invite and I thanked him for having not only survived but kicked ass at the whole thing. I was shaking it was so cold and I had my jacket on. He hugged me. It was a long hug, I thought it might be because of TCL and husband in the front seat, but the goodbye kisses, which thank goodness he initiated, were the same. Through out the hug, which was a good five minutes we talked and then a final kiss and I left.
Ok, I think I covered everything. It was absolutely great. The whole night was great :) I don't think I left anything out, but ask if you think of something. I will be posting some pics on my flickr account. I will see if I can get one of him up there...
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:48 AM
| link to this post | 11 spoke |

Friday, December 09, 2005
true love
I was on the phone with an old friend of mine today and he said something that just broke my heart.
Some history first: He has been seeing a woman for about six months now and to the best of my ill-informed knowledge, they were very happy. However, today he informed me that he has been miserable. I won't go into an extreme amount of details, but the bottom line is that he fell for her, told her he had fallen for her and then she withdrew.
He is so sad. He cares for her so much and she is now basically ignoring him and being mean. He says he knows he should end it but he just can't bring himself to do it. When I asked him why, he said "What if this is *IT*? What if she is *THE ONE*?"
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that this very intelligent guy who had experienced as much of life as he has could think that this relationship that has driven him to depression is *IT*. I told him as much and he asked me a very good question: "How do you know?"
Well, I don't really.
But, I see Jiffinner and The Cake Lady and how happy they are and that gives me the foundation upon which to place my hope. Before The Cake Lady married and before I knew Jiffinner, I guess I always figured I would either "settle" or "continue playing the field" but I never really thought I would find someone who I had to have in my life, period. Now I see them and their respective husbands and happy relationships and I know now that it happens. That perfect-just-right-for-you-guy/girl is out there, they do exist.

I told all of this to my friend and knew he wasn't convinced but that I couldn't really say anything else that was going to convince him. He is in that place where you are so drawn to that other person, so ready to fall into routine, so infatuated with "love" and all the things that could come with it.
If it were the real kind.
I remember that place since I was just there a matter of months ago. Wanting so badly for him to care about me the way I cared about him, so desperate for he and I to be an us. The thought of him being out of my life hurt me so much. The very idea of losing the time that I was spending with him... well it sucked.
In retrospect, I can see that he was doing to me almost exactly what NY had done. He was playing the same game. He was nicer about it, but it was the same nonetheless. I am lucky really that things worked out the way that they did. It was over very quickly and for that I am happy. It's easier to let go of someone when it is cut and dry. When I see him now, it makes me sad that I lost his friendship but there isn't any amount of reasoning that I could do with myself to make the lying go away.
I tried once before to ignore the lying with NY. I tried to ignore the cheating. I tried to ignore the bad relationship. I thought just as my friend did; that he was *THE ONE* and that I just had to work harder and fix it. Now, I can see it was just the fear of being alone again, the discomfort of starting over and starting new.
I wish I could give that lesson to my friend.
I want to just help him understand that there is someone out there who is as perfect for him as he is for her and that he won't feel the way he does right now. And that when they need to work through something in their relationship, that they will work through it together. That she will care about him so much that she wouldn't ever just disregard his feelings like this.
That is what I am holding out for. I can be single for many years to come, I can date forever if need be because I am not going to settle for another guy who will lie to me and disregard my feelings. I will wait for the guy who gets and likes all the weird little things that make me. And if I don't find him, well I will have a helluva time trying ;)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 9 spoke |

Thursday, December 08, 2005
REDDIES AWARD 2005
Do you read Red Hot Heaven? If you do, then you have been treated to much eye candy as well as some interesting topics ;)
Anyway, Red Hot Sexy Papa is having a little award show of his own. And, since he nominated me, I figured I would pass along the news to ya'll so you could get over there and nominate the Red Hot Blogger of 2005 :)
Go. Now.

RHBLOGGERnom
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:35 AM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

HNT - the freezing my ass off edition
HOLY SHIT! It is C-O-L-D!
Yeah, yeah, I can see all of you Northerners scoffing at me while lovingly looking at the flames in your fireplace, but it is too damn cold for this Texan. I can't promise it, but I am pretty sure we had record lows today. Funny thing is it was 80F like four days ago. EIGHTY.
Last weekend, when I was watching the weather at the end of the news, the crazy man on the TV said that it would be 18F on Thursday. Luckily, I have TIVO, so I rewound that because I thought SURELY I had misunderstood him. He said 18F again and I rewound once more... still 18F. I figured, what the hell does he know. I mean, shit, nine out of ten times, they are wrong anyway. And this is Texas. It is frequently said here, "Oh, you don't like the weather? Well, wait ten minutes."
But, today, at three o'clock it was 28F. Un-fucking-real. And what made it worse was that it was raining. Probably should have been snowing since it was cold enough to FREEZE everything.
I know a bunch of you are rolling your eyes and thinking Wow, what a puss but bare in mind (bear? bare? I never know which one it is) I live in Texas for a reason. I like it warm damnit. I like for my winters to be a month of 40 as the low, at night.
I mean, look at these two pics. These are of the windows in my car driving home. There is ICE on the windshield and on the passenger side window (amidst the smudges from little kid hands). I don't know how to deal with ICE for fuck's sake.

ul01

ul02

Anyway, one of the worst things for me is how absolutely awful I look in Winter attire. No, seriously. I have never met a hat that liked me. Just ask Jiffinner (who, incidentally likes this weather!). Which is the basis of my HNT post for the week. So, look at me in all my goofiness :) My nose is very Rudolph :P At any rate, that is as nekkid as I am getting in this weather! Happy HNT!
HNT - cold




HNTbutton

UPDATED: It is 8:30am right now and weather.com says it is 25F but feels like 13F! The optimists today are saying we will get up to 39F.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 49 spoke |

Tuesday, December 06, 2005
100 days
For those of you who were keeping track, today makes it 100 days since I have been laid.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:24 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

car woes
So, my car broke down on Sunday.
Again.
Although, this time it was an entirely new kind of breaking down. Having owned several cars that were either (A) old or (B) shared with my teenaged sister, I am used to a varierty of car issues. But this one was new.
I drove my car to the post office which is about fifteen minutes from my house. I turned the car off to go inside and check the mail and when I turned it back on, it wouldn't start. It was acting as though the battery were dead. So, I pulled out my trusty jumper cables (see (B) about sister) and had my sister call her friend who lived like a block away. He shows up a few minutes later and hooks his gynormous station wagon up to my boat and a few minutes later we are good to go.
Seemingly.
As it turned out, as soon as I stopped at the traffic light, the dead battery light came on. The lights got real dim and I turned the radio off. I also turned the kids off in the backseat so I could think. I was expecting the car to just putter off and die.
Inexplicably.
It didn't though. It kept going. I asked Ruthie like four or five times if the head lights were on because they were so dim and she kept saying yes. The dashboard lights didn't seem like they were on either.
So, that night, when I talked to Snakeman, (and after he cringed repeatedly upon hearing how I neglect my vehicles by not having their oil changed every two thousand miles and not knowing where the brake fluid goes since I have never checked it) he said he thought it sounded like either my battery or my alternator or something else like a regulator for my alternator? I'm not sure. But, that would sure sound cool.
Hey Kate, what was wrong with your car?
Oh, it wasn't a big deal. Just my alternator regulator...
(Regulators, We regulate any stealing of his property, And we damn good too, But you can't beat any geek off the street, Gotta be handy with the steel, If you know what I mean, earn your keep, Regulators! Mount up!) Omg, I did not just google that...
Ok, maybe not that cool.
Anyway, the next day Jiffinner,
The Bear (Jiffinner's husband), and The Big D came over to check everything out. The Bear, being male, had a battery charger thingy in his truck which he plugged in and hooked up to my car. Then they all left. A couple of hours later, The Bear and The Big D come back and we start the car. At this point, they are both convinced it is my battery. I had never seen a battery issue cause the problems that my car had the night before though:
the lights being practically dea
the car lurching at various speeds
turning the blinker on had almost made it die
So, The Bear took it for a ride and when he got back a couple of minutes later, his exact words were, "Your car is fucked up."
Yup, I had thought so too.
So, yesterday afternoon when I got off of work, I had Jiffinner follow me from the house to Fantasy Disco Ford so i could leave my car in the service department and cross my fingers that it was the alternator since that is still covered under warranty...
Remember when it broke?
The drive over here sucked. I had noticed that the car seemed to get angry when I turned on the lights or the blinker or the radio so I decided not to do any of those things for the entire drive. You have no idea how hard that was. I mean, the headlights were no big deal since I don't usually have those on when the sun is up anyway. The stereo sucked since I do usually have that on, but the blinker... Oh.my.god, I am a blinker junkie. I always use my blinker, always. And I instinctively reached down there the whole time. I got mad at other drivers who could use theirs. I was like a crack addict trying to break my habit, it was ugly.
But, I made it. And the mechanic who always works on my car says it is my alternator which rocks, so hopefully it will be fixed soon :)
I just need to car to make it two more months. In two months, I will have my taxes back and I will be able to retire her. Just two more months, just two more months, just two more months. Cross your fingers for me folks :)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:38 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Sunday, December 04, 2005
...and he calls
10:27pm
That's what time it was when my phone rang. I was sitting on my couch watching Closer. You see, there is a free HBO/Showtime weekend thing going on so I have my TIVO thingy set up to record a slew of movies that I haven't seen before. And while scrolling through last night I saw that Closer would be coming on and since every single person I know that has seen that movie made the comment "It was the most fucked up movie, ever." I, of course, had to see it.
So, at 10:27pm, I was about thirty minutes away from it being over and thereby confirming it's status of being the most fucked up movie ever when my phone rang. To be honest, since I have had to replace my cell phone, I haven't gotten used to the ringer it is set on. It is two high pitched short rings as opposed to the Switchfoot song it used to be. That said, when it rang, I thought it was the tv and didn't realize until the second ring that it was actually my phone.
Now, here is something confusing. When you call someone nowadays, you know that they have a 95% chance of having caller id since pretty much everyone does. And if you are calling their cell phone then you know that your number, if not your name, will appear on their screen. So, what exactly is the etiquette here? Are we supposed to pretend we don't know who they are with the questioning "hello?" or are we to say "hello." in more of a statement kind of way. Is it presumptuous to just assume that they know who you are on account of the aforementioned caller id status? Maybe I am crazy, but most of the time I do the whole pretend I don't know who it is "hello?" even when I have just read their name a few seconds before.
That was what I did when he called. I said hello as though I didn't know it was him from his name on my cell phone screen. He played along by saying hi and then telling me who he was. If only he knew that there is right now a shortage of men calling me and even sans caller id, I would have known it was him.
So, we talked. Shorter this time. Last time, an hour. This time forty minutes. Still, not half bad. We talked mostly about cars since mine broke down today. About half way into the conversation, he asked me what the plan was for Saturday.

That's right people.
Saturday.
As in, exactly one week from today, I will be on a date. Or at least, hopefully I will. It wouldn't be much of a date if it started at seven and I was already home at eleven thirty. Anyway, he asked me what the plan was to which I responded by asking him if that meant that he would be able to go. He said it did. He'll be driving down here Saturday morning and Saturday night, I will be out, on a date with him.
Funny how I'm nervous. Not like freaking out, hyperventilating nervous. More of a what the fuck am I going to wear nervous. Plus, I am always a little scared that I do great on the phone with a person, but in public we've got nothing. However, I don't think I have ever been more prepared for a date than I am for this one (the whole not knowing what to wear thing aside). I called and gave him more than enough time to be able to go. I played the cards right in regards to calling and then letting him call me back. We will be going out with The Cake Lady and her husband thereby insuring that there will be conversation and most likely it will flow easily and consistently.
It's almost too perfect a plan. Which most likely means that everything will fall apart, lol. Cars will break down, kids will get sick, panty hose will run. (**knocking on wood**) Or it could be absolutely perfect. I guess we will just have to wait until next weekend and find out huh?
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |


Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!




12/14/84 - 1/26/05


"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



Veronique

Yoda

Hot Toddy

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Tux Baby
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They'll All Fall

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Red Hot Sexy Papa

Snow

dooce

Madi (my stalker)

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Childhood Memories

My Mother

The Story of AZ

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The Beginning Of NY

The man from my dreams

The End Of NY

Growing and Changing

Learning to Cope

These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.

"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef

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That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal

"I LOVE inner monologues. They rock!"
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