Lots of craziness: Morning monologue

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Morning monologue

5:45am beep beep beep beep beep
Fuck… I can snooze once….
6:00am beep beep beep beep beep
Fuck… it can’t have been fifteen minutes already! Clock must be fucked up. And if it’s fucked up then I can snooze again and I won’t be late. That works…
6:15am beep beep beep beep beep
Six fifteen?? That can’t be right! I should have been up twenty minutes ago. Where the hell is my cell phone. It can’t be six fifteen! Haha, here it is. Shit. 6:05. I still have to get up. It’s amazing how setting my clock ten minutes fast still works…. Huh… Ok, what the hell are the girls going to where? Amanda is jeans… Emo will wear that cute little baby doll dress thingy and some shorts.. why don’t I smell coffee? That fucking coffee pot should have started itself twenty minutes ago. Damn it, I guess I had better go turn it on.
6:15am Oh. My. God. Those lights are really bright! What the hell is that? Like 200 watts? Geeeeez-us. What the hell? Was that a spider? If it was, it was a big fucking spider! Oh… nope.. just my hair. I really need some coffee. Ok, while that’s brewing late, I’ll get the girls up. I love watching them sleep. Triniti looks so sweet when she is all curled up like that and I can’t believe that Emilee still turns completely upside down every night. Amanda is completely buried under those blankets… she is probably hot. Look how they all flinch when I turn the lights on…hahaha
6:25am Ok, damn it, it isn’t cute any more! If they don’t move their little asses then we are going to miss the bus and then I will have to drive them to school and then Triniti will cry when I take her to daycare because she can’t stay with the girls and then I will be late and feel bad. Ok, Emilee is up… what the hell is Amanda doing anyway? I swear she stretches more than any other kid I have seen in my life.
6:30am Coffee…. Hmmmmmmmmmm…. Coffee….. I love coffee… Coffee should have it’s own altar in every home and we could leave little sacrifices for it to tell it how much we love it. I would sacrifice Amanda because she is so god. damned. slow.
6:35am ok, she is finally up getting ready. Time to wake Trin. I hope the Wiggles are on otherwise she is going to be one pissed off three year old… Awwwwwww… she is so cute. I love it when she says “Good Morning” and then “Sweet Dreams”….
6:40am Ok, let’s see… Emilee is dressed… shoes on… hair brushed… I checked her back pack last night… gymnastics outfit is already in it… what am I forgetting? Amanda is dressed and putting her shoes on… she has the brush in her lap… Her gymnastics clothes and her homework are both in her back pack… What the hell am I forgetting??
6:45am Hallelujah! Amanda is actually ready on time. I’ll be damned. Trin’s watching The Wiggles.. god they are weird. Who the hell wants to be called Captain Feather Sword anyway? How strange is that? I mean who the hell is going to be scared of a pirate called Feather Sword?? What’s he going to do? Tickle you to death?
6:50am Ok, five minutes. Triniti is dressed. I’ll pull her hair up when I get out of the shower. The girls have their back packs and their shoes… oh shit, their teeth! I knew I was forgetting something! They’d better hurry. Geez… you’d think I was trying to pull their teeth with all that griping! Like brushing your teeth is so fucking awful. Try labor kiddos, give that a shot then you won't be bitching about brushing your teeth anymore. Yeah.
6:55am Ok, better get them out the door. Kisses and hugs and I love you’s and there they go. They are so big. Don’t even need me to walk them out there… When did they get so big. Amanda even walks differently. She will be driving herself to school before I know it. She had better drive to school too, not to cut class or I will chew her ass out.
7:00am ok shower. What the hell am I going to wear to work? If that white shirt is clean then I can wear that with those grey pants… if I can find them… Did they use all of my conditioner? I buy them their own conditioner and they still use mine?? Ok, ok, I’ll just get out and get the floor all wet and get another bottle. What the hell time is it anyway?
7:07am Why do I have so many tiny dwarf sized towels? I mean – fuck – where the hell are the big people towels? Like they need to use them? They aren’t even four feet tall and they need the big towels? I am going to talk to them about that later! Ok, where is the brush? On the fucking couch. Ten bucks says it is on the couch. Yup, on the couch. Uhhhh, Emilee ALWAYS leaves it on the couch! Ok, now where is my mousse? Oh. Fuck. Me. I did not just spill my coffee all over the fucking bathroom counter! Great.
7:12am Ok, need to leave in three minutes. Where is my shoe? You know, I put BOTH of the black shoes right here. Where the hell is it? I hate walking around in one shoe. How much more stupid could you feel then hobbling around with one shoe on and the other lost? There it is! Under the bed. Yeah because I would really put it there. Right next to that book I need to take back to the library and... is that? No... yup, the fucking remote control for the TV. I have been looking for that for the last week!
7:16am Ok, not bad. Just need my sunglasses, cell phone, Trins extra clothes, my purse, that book, a new cup of coffee and some water... We may actually be on time. Crap. Forgot to puts Trin's hair up. Ok, so we will almost be on time.
7:19am Ok, yeah Trin, stop playing with the cat and get into the car. Ok, seat belts. Yes, so we can be safe. Damn she is cute. Great 7:20... Not bad.. I kick ass. Got everyone out of the house without being late or forgetting anything... hey... where is my coffee? Oh. no. I didn't leave it on top of the --- yup, there it goes. Shit.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:19 AM
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