Geez, how do I even begin to update after so long? A bullet point list? *I went back to school and got my degree *I adopted a little girl from foster care *I fell in love I'm happier than I've ever been. Happier than I ever even imagined being. Life is good.

You change.
I change.
Things change.

I am on a journey. It's strange, I keep searching externally for what I am finding is completely internal already. And with that, there is peace.
I am focusing on controlling my mind and even just with the smallest changes, there is such a difference in my life.
Surrender.
I feel myself fighting the moment in I am in sometimes and I mentally step back and just smile at the ridiculousness of that very idea. Fighting the moment I am in. Fighting myself. Fighting my life. I am no longer interested in fighting my life. So I smile and I surrender and I am at such peace.
I had no idea that the tools I spent so long looking for were here all along.
I feel like I am on the cusp of becoming another person.
I feel like a caterpillar.

Labels: my life

Me: Trin, tomorrow is Friday! Aren't you excited? The weekend is coming up!

Trin: No. I wish there wasn't school on Friday... or Monday. We should only have school Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Me: I completely agree. We shouldn't have to work on Friday and Monday either. No school and no work!

Trin: And no dumb stupid math.

Labels: Being Mommy, Triniti

There is a little imaginative girl who lives in my house. Every day when I come home from work and peek into her room, she is off on an adventure. Sometimes it is with her nose buried into a book that she is reading outloud to her dog who is curled up at her feet, sometimes it is in a very involved game including every barbie doll she owns, and sometimes it is in one of the many journals she draws in. She will blip back into my reality long enough to smile and say hi before reentering her own little mind space and blocking out everything not imperative to what she is doing. I softly close her door and go into the kitchen to start dinner. I'm always a little envious that she gets to stay behind.

Labels: Being Mommy, Triniti

~Candlebox



And Cover me yeah, And I walk alone
And Cover me yeah, And my stance it stumbles home
And Cover me yeah, And trip on through the sands of time
And cover me, 'Cause I've been branded
I've lost my mind yeah, Lost my mind yeah
But you'll cover me yeah won't you give me shelter from the storm

And Over me yeah, You fade into the night
And Over me yeah, You melt into the light
And Over me yeah, You will fear the things I need
And Over me, You will feel the hate I breed
You're under me, And you will question my authority
You're under me, And you will lose almost everything
You know, You're under me, You will feel the pain I wanna bring you
You're under me, You never change, Never change not a fucking thing
Not a, a fucking thing
But you - you'll cover me, Yeah, give me shelter from the storm

Cover me, Cover me
Won't you, Cover me
Cover me, Don't you
Cover me, Cover me
Give me shelter from the storm

Oh yeah, No no no
People push and shove on time, I give it to you
What I have is what is mine I feel it for you
You've got to cover me
You've got to cover me
People take & people steal, I have it for you
What I have is what I fear, I fear it for you
You've got to cover me, 'Cause I've been branded
A broken man, A Broken man
But you'll cover me, yeah
Won't you give me
Shelter from the storm
Cover me, Cover me
Won't you, Cover me
Cover me, Don't you
Cover me, Cover me
Give me shelter from the storm

Labels: music, song of the day

I'm not listing excuses this time. Ya'll already know all the reasons I sometimes vanish from here.
Some bullets...

**I am working on some interesting bread recipes. Mostly stuffed with cool things like pesto or cinnamon, sugar and raisins. I am trying to do a double recipe of the french bread dough I like the most right now and experiment with it. Recipes will be here as soon as I get them just the way I like and take some photos. Stay tuned.

**In that vein, I started watching How To Cook Your Life last night amidst groans and "Maaa-oooom, this is SOOOO boring" from the girls. Now I want The Tasajara Bread Book... really any of these books. I only got to watch about twenty minutes because it was bedtime but the atmosphere was so interesting.

**I am listening to Eckhart Tolle's The Journey Into Yourself on my ipod right now. I read A New Earth last year and learned a lot but didn't really internalize as much of it as I thought I had and in listening to Journey, I am being reminded of a lot of things I had let fall by the wayside.

**Please do not be surprised if fifteen years from now I am living with Buddhist monks in India.

**I still have a whopping secret I am keeping from most of you that I can't wait to write about. Soon my pretties, soon.

**Halloween party is this weekend. If you are local, I better see your ass there :-) The girls and I are going as a coven of witches. I am so totally taking a family photo of us in our costumes. I may just use it as our Christmas card.

**I have another book idea. Ok, admitedly, I have a really great beginning and end to a book. The middle hasn't come to me yet. It's really from a dream I had a long time ago.

**I woke up with Candlebox's Cover Me in my head three times last night.

**My sister is having a little boy in February. It is so strange to see her pregnant. There is something about seeing your siblings have children that makes them become grownups in your eyes. I went by her new house yesterday, they will be moving in in the next few weeks. If trying not to control you sister's life is this hard, I can't even imagine how hard it will be with my own chidren.

**The weather is beautiful. Highs in the eighties and lows in the sixties. We've had about a month of it and I am just in heaven.

**Amanda wants a bass guitar for her birthday.

Labels: my life