I am so ready for a weekend. Preferably a weekend where the softball game is rained out and I am stuck in the house reorganizing my closets until Monday when I drag my ass back to work.
I want a rainy, cold, book on the couch kind of weekend. I want to putter around listening to Panic at The Disco and Hot Hot Heat and The Killers while I clean under beds and put laundry away.
I want to get completely caught up this weekend on all of the things I have put off since my trip to Houston.
Especially getting my computer at home back online.
Now, I have faith that I can swap the modems out and plug her in and start her up. But if for some reason that doesn't happen, then I won't be back online until Monday. I may audioblog if anything interesting happens, but otherwise, Monday.
I have had one of those weeks where every. single. morning. I wanted to call in and use a vacation day just so I could go back to sleep.
Which is idiotic since I wouldn't be able to sleep past 8:30 with out waking up anyway.
Which is why I didn't do it.
But, I am so not getting up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow. No siree. I am going to stay in bed until at least nine. Period.
The girls have a softball game at 2:30pm and then I have a date with Medic at around 6:00pm. The rest of the weekend is going to be for getting caught up before I go insane.
I know I missed acro this week but I am swamped at work and with my modem being out at home, I can't really spend too much time on here without falling further behind.
I knew you would.
Medic and I were meeting at Starbucks at seven. He had told me during the first phone call that he is generally fifteen minutes late, all the time. So, I was expecting that he would be on time since this was the first time we were getting together.
Which of course meant I intended to be about ten minutes early.
So, I was surprised when my phone rang while I was still about five minutes away and it was him.
Asking me what I wanted to drink so he could go ahead and order it.
I told him I was surprised he had beat me there since he said he was terminally late.
He said he hadn't been able to help it since he had spent the majority of the day looking forward to seeing me.
Ok now people, you know when you play a video game [think video games from the nineties since I haven't really played since Super Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog] and you are running around getting coins? You know that sound that the game makes when you get a coin? Ok, now when ever you read something like the above sentence, I want you to think about that coin sound.
So, I have to admit, a little nervous.
I get there and he walks over with this huge smile and says hello.
We go into Starbucks and order drinks and then go outside to sit and talk.
This is right about seven o'clock.
I took his picture and we talked about cameras for a few minutes.
He complimented my jewelry.
Then there was much talking about our kids and all the cute shit that kids do.
Onto where he had lived in all of his moving around.
Then, as Texans tend to do, we talk about weather.
He tried to figure out what kind of flowers I liked.
Then, onto him:
He was a professional firefighter for five years and then has been a medic in the army for ten, he is right now a sergeant. He positively adores what he does and talks about it like I would talk about my kids or this blog; with total pride and enjoyment.
He has done three tours over seas, two of which were in Iraq. He has a Purple Heart (or did he say two? can you even get two?) from one (or both) of the two injuries he sustained while there.
There were many stories here that had my respect for this guy just climbing.
He was in a heliopter crash.
Did we really talk about tongue piercings? And then tattoos, he's sportin' an eagle on his left arm. And while we are talking about arms, he has very nice arms.
And I like nice arms.
Then about how my kids are sick...
Oh and in case you are wondering, the reason I can remember all of this is because I recorded the entire conversation.
Or maybe I am just a devoted blogger and it was like journalistic.
I am suffering for it though because I just realized I sound very blonde.
More parenting talk...
Then talked about our parents.
He's birthday is September second, which makes him a Virgo for those of you into those things.
Then he asked me about what I want to do in regards to going back to school, etc.
Then we talked about my writing and the fact that aspire to actually have something I've written be in a real life book store.
Then, the blog.
Which I didn't give him but did tell him about.
Then authors. He is very into Stephen King and Anne Rice.
Then my abnormal fear of horror flicks which he actually loves.
My ability to program pretty much anything but the fact that I sadly can't hook my satellite up to my TV.
Uhm, yeah, we actually talked about Star Wars.
Onto criminal records, or lack thereof... Actually he asked me if I had ever been arrested.
Which I haven't, for those wondering.
Ok, I had an MIP when I was like fourteen. But that was later removed on account of a lack of evidence.
Ok, now right about here, this guy sits down behind Medic at the table next to ours. I noticed that he sat down but was listening to Medic tell a story. But, then I can't help but notice that this guy is totally staring at me. I glanced at him and he totally does the smile/wink.
I'm like, seriously? I mean, I am sitting there with a guy and this other guy is actually trying to start something with me.
This made the next fifteen minutes or so very strange because I was trying very hard to ignore the guy sitting behind Medic and he was trying to make eye contact.
Truthfully, I had been thinking about learning to shoot a gun for the better part of the last year. He wants to take me to a shooting range.
Then, kids and guns (safety, not like shooting kids, lol).
And then cars.
Cars took up a lot of time since he is a certified mechanic and I sell cars. So there was cars we like, cars we've had, cars we've fucked up, cars we've bought.
Now according to the time on the recorder, this is an hour in.
I have to mention that this guy has amazing eyes. And once the sun was setting, he took his glasses off and I had a hard time making eye contact. In fact, I kept my glasses on in the hopes that he couldn't see me that well.
Kids pictures were next.
Which of course led to more kid talk.
He likes to scuba dive. When I asked him about hobbies, that was the first one.
I was smoking a lot. I probably killed a half a pack of cigarettes.
I smoke a lot when I am nervous.
Ok, I have to start just summing this up because the recorder does two hours and I have a bunch of work to do.
He kissed me and he kisses very well.
He told me how pretty I was and how much he liked me based on the amount of getting to know each other we had actually acomplished. And how he definitely wants to see me again.
There was some more kissing in the parking lot.
But, I went home, alone, at 10:20pm.
With a big ol' smile on my face.
Is this going to go anywhere?
I can't say yet. I haven't really made up my mind as to whether I could pursue anything serious yet. Which I don't think you should after only a few hours on the phone and one date.
But the physical attraction is very much so there.
And if it weren't for the fact that he said he is looking for more, I would have zero problems with a physical only relationship with this guy.
It's just a matter of seeing if we connect on more levels than just Initial and Physical.
Ok, recap done.
So, when Medic and I talked on Saturday he had said he would call by Tuesday. On Monday I was talking to Fairy and she asked if he had called yet. I told he no and that honestly I was glad he hadn't because Tuesday was fine but Monday or Sunday would have probably been a little much.
To me anyway :)
So, I get home yesterday and start some pasta for dinner and at about 5:45 my cell rings and I flip it open. I didn't recognize the number (the first time he called it was marked 'private'). So, I answered and he asked for me and then said it was him. He asked how I was and then mentioned that I now had his cell phone number. Then he says he has both of mine (cell & work) saved in his phone and then jokes by asking if he is being a stalker. I laughed and told him only if he was standing outside. He says well how about if I have been thinking about you all week?
*insert mouth falling open here*
He goes on to say that he wanted to come by my job today (which was yesterday) and bring me flowers but he didn't know if that would be ok and while we are on the subject what kind of flowers do I like?
Thank goodness I was able to pull it together and not just be all like "uhhhh, da du uh du" lol
I told him that I wasn't going to tell him because that was cheating and he needed to figure it out on his own. (I think you can tell a lot about a guy by what flowers he gives you.)
Anyway, shortly afterwards I asked him if I could call him later because I needed to finish making dinner and getting the girls settled. He said that was fine and "don't forget about me..."
Which I didn't.
I called him at about nine (I put my girls down at 8:30).
He was putting his kids to bed. He has a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 6. After he got them down, he went outside to talk... let me see if I can sum this up...
He said that the first time that I had seen him he was helping his mom out but the second time he had went soley hoping to run into me.
He said that the reason he didn't ask for my number initially was because I was "too pretty to not be married" but he decided later to just take a shot.
He said he wanted to see me and how were we going to work that out. I has asked Sister about it the day before and she said that she had Wed/Thurs off and could watch the girls BUT she would rather I went Wed so she could make plans for Thurs. That had me concerned because I basically needed him to ask me out AND be available on Wed.
I told him I was available as early as tomorrow (this was last night) and he said great so we are meeting at Starbucks at 7 tonight.
I am wearing jeans, probably with heels, but don't know EXACTLY what yet.
I have to stop on my way home and wash and vacuum my car.
And I am taking pics for sure. Sister said to me last night that you can't take his picture on a first date and I just told her that if he liked me he would have to get used to my insane camera habit.
And, I will be recording the date on my digital recorder via my purse for an insane amount of analyzing later ;) and so I can remember all the details :)
When we I first called him back, he asked me how we were doing so far. Basically did I think that we were compatible?
I told him that with the less than two hours of talking we had under our belts I thought we were doing pretty good.
When we were saying good night, he says "Kate, we have three hours now."
AND then he called me this morning just to say good morning and he hoped I had a good day.
Anyway, Monday she was benched and rather than sit with the team she opted to sit with me and try and ingest as much food as humanly possible for the concession stand. Which I am totally cool with because concession stand food is amazingly cheap.
So on her third trip to the concession stand for a snow cone, I was watching her walk back and she sort of strays off to another game and starts talking to a BOY. I'm watching her, but not staring since I don't really want to throw off her game.
Not that she is allowed to date or anything.
But you remember how not cool your parents were right? Well, I am totally a parent so therefore totally. not. cool.
Which is cool.
So, when she gets back over to me she sits down and I asked her who the boy she was talking to was and she tells me his name. I glance back over at him and then back at her and she says, "Are you mad at me?"
Which I was not. And I told her as much. And she says, "are you sure? I think I can see the mad through your glasses."
I smiled knowing that she was trying to be excited for me and supportive even though she has been feeling down about being single lately.
"Nope, not yet. Which is good, not too desperate. Said he would call by Tuesday and that's tomorrow so we'll see."
"He'll call. Are you nervous?"
"Nervous about him calling? Nah... I'm more nervous about going on an actual date."
"You? But you don't get nervous."
I thought about this and wondered why it was that the prospect of a real live breathing man was freaking me out. I mean, shit, I have been having one helluva dry spell and I am glad to see it's at least looking like rain again. [aside: apparently the great state of Texas and I are on the same drought schedule.] And I am not nervous about the guy or about being on a date because I am good in social situations and I know that.
So what's bugging me?
As she and I continued to talk, I realized that it isn't me or the guy, it's my phenomenally bad luck on dates.
Oh yeah, the guys seem all normal before I am out in public with them... but then - well, let's recap here.
Ok, first real date I had after splitting up with NY was with a guy I met on some dating site. He lived in Austin and was older than me at thirty nine. I have never had an issue with dating older guys and at that time, my cutoff age was forty and that was just because I really think that more than fifteen years and we just won't have that much in common.
Anyway, this guy was adorable, had a daughter that was five that he had shared custody with and he seemed to really dig me. We moved from online to the phone very quickly and then he decided to drive down from Austin and take me to dinner.
That's a more than two hour drive people.
So, we met and went out to eat. Lots of talking, very comfortable and after dinner we went for a walk down by the river. He drove me home where I got The Hug.
I'm sorry, but when you drive two plus hours for a date and then give your date The Hug, it is either very good or very bad.
Very good (and more unlikely) - You had a good time and liked your date enough that you don't want to move too fast, you want her to know you respect her. So, you give her The Hug because you plan on giving her The Kiss the next time.
Very bad (and more likely) - You don't want to go out with her again.
I was pretty sure it was the latter. It wasn't that I didn't have a good time, it was just that I don't think he had as good a time as I did.
And then, he threw a curve ball.
He calls me the next night from his friends place, tells me he is in the bathroom but he wanted to call and say hi and we'll talk soon.
Guys, if you aren't interested in a chic, don't do this. It's misleading.
Sure enough, the next time we talked he basically made it clear that he had assumed since I was in my early twenties that I was going to act like that. How? By being some college party girl or something.
Sorry, party girl? Not so much.
After that date, I was kind of wary to get out there again since it seemed that my age was misleading.
Let's see, who was next... Ahhhh yes, the John Travolta look alike. Also in his mid to late thirties. He actually called in where I work and he and I spoke several times while I was helping him find a vehicle he wanted to buy. After the third phone call he asked me out.
At this time, I was having a hard time with babysitters and didn't have any free evenings so he asked me to meet him for breakfast (before work). I was impressed that he was so willing to conform to my schedule.
We met at a restaurant in the town where I work and his resemblance to John Travolta was really quite eerie.
The first five minutes of breakfast were fine, totally normal. But then, it was like Mr. Creepy had come out to play. He kept looking at me like I wasn't dressed or something. He didn't really talk, he just kept looking at me. Like he was mentally asking me to fuck his brains out or something. So, I am carrying all of the conversation and he is basically staring with this goofy smile.
Long story short, after breakfast I was ready to bolt. He was getting a little touchy feely and a lot weird. As if his trying to put his arm around me wasn't enough, he asks me if I can be late for work. I asked him why and he said, and I quote, "Well, I have a hotel room a few blocks away."
And last and certainly the worst date I have ever been on was with the abnormally tall man whose name I can't remember. This was another call into my job where the guy I was helping wanted to take me out. He was nice, mid-thirties and the reason I don't accept dates through work any more.
He and I met at a theater in San Antonio and watched Troy (I think... because it was a loooong movie.) Anyway, about thirty minutes into the movie, he actually yells at someone because their phone rang. Then he yells at some teenagers who are talking a few rows down.
I wanted to crawl under the seat.
After the movie, we had agreed to have dinner.
So, we go to this Italian place and he orders a bottle of really great wine. I was mentally planning my escape until I had drank most of that wine. But, I had to drink it because I was trying to drown his incessant babbling out.
Now, you may think I am mean, but you weren't almost two hours into the discussion of how he was going to buy an eighteen wheeler and remodel the cargo area into a home. Yes, you read that right, a home. Man, what I would give to have recorded this for you guys.
Not only was he telling me about it, but he was drawing pictures on the paper table cloth with crayons.
For. Two. Hours.
The wine couldn't even numb my brain enough to make that not hurt.
Afterwards, I was ready for him to drive me back to my car but sadly he had already arranged for us to go play pool with a few of his friends. I made a comment about it being late and he said just one game and he would take me back to my car.
Instead, he tried to get me very drunk.
Thirty minutes after we got there and the waitress was bring me my third jack and coke, I had to pull her aside and tell her not to put anymore "jack" in my coke since my "date" was ordering a round every friggen five minutes.
We finally get back to my car about an hour and a half after he introduces me to his psycho friends (one of which would hit on me whenever Tall Boy wasn't looking) and I try to give him The Hug, knowing full well I never intended to see him again. And do you know what he does? He so mauls my face.
So, you see, dear readers, why I am a little freaked out to go on yet another date?
Ok, ya'll have them. Post the bad dates in the comments :)
Those are my brother's feet...
on a hammock...
But I did.
Meet a guy.
I actually met him last month but didn't really get to talk to him or anything because of the situation but I saw him again yesterday and sparks flew.
Which is really kick ass since I haven't had sparks of any kind in awhile.
And yesterday was the first time ever that I have been paranoid enough to wonder if maybe he has read my blog.
I couldn't help it.
I know that about 25% of my hits are various IP addresses in San Antonio. But I have never wondered that before. Probably because I usually can't shut up long enough to leave out the fact that I blog. Because I am proud of my blog you know? Anyway, in past cases I have mentioned my blog and not given anything specific enough to find me and been found anyway or given them my blog straight out and this time I trying the whole not telling him thing.
This is actually to ya'll's benefit since I will be able to blog everything.
But, I can't help but wonder if one of those IP addresses is already his.
I mean, it isn't like I am dooce [dooce.com]. It's not like my blog gets five thousand hits a day and I have a half a million links to me. I'm just me. And there are quite a few of you out there who read me daily and I mostly know who you are because after seeing your IP addresses or that you clicked on your blog to get to mine, I mostly know my readers. But the one's I know make up less than half of the hits I get. Then there are the ones that come on like once a month or just blog hop in and never come back so it is really impossible for me to know exactly who is reading.
Do you remember that movie (I am without internet while writing this so bear with me, I can't google) where the guy breaks into the house and steals the trunk and then gets it home and opens it and finds all of the journals from the actress and he reads them all and then becomes her perfect man by doing the things she writes about wants? Yeah.
The odds that this guy has my blog are slim to none, but it's still a thought.
Anyway, I can hear you guys saying "shut up already and get on with the info on the MAN" so here we go:
Ok, so I didn't post about this here because it was such a minor thing. Last month, I went to pick up some food that I had ordered and when I was walking out to my car afterwards this guy was walking towards me and he stopped about ten feet away and said "Well, *good* morning." You know *that* way where they are so obviously into you. I smiled at him and said good morning and then had to keep walking because the dude that was carrying my box of stuff was behind me.
Before I left, I went back and talked to one of the moms that I know for about ten minutes and this really cute guy (who was wearing a volunteer fire dept. t-shirt) is smiling at me. He waved twice but there wasn't really much I could do since he was helping people carry their stuff and I couldn't just hang around the parking lot all day.
So, I got that little burst of energy that can only come from being hit on by a firefighter and then moved on.
Anyway, yesterday, one month later, was the day to go and pick up the food you had ordered again. I thought he might be there since he had been there the month before. I threw on a little make up but was still in my jeans and t-shirt and I left the girls home with my sister.
When I got there, there were only like four or five cars in the parking lot and I didn't see anyone outside. I went in and handed my receipt to the lady who takes them and she I talked for a few minutes while she checked to make sure my receipt matched the order. Then she tells me that I need to give it to the person sitting at another table and she holds it up for me to take. And then, over my shoulder comes this arm which snatches up the peice of paper. I turn around and it's him. He smiles at me and starts walking across the room. About half way across, he looks over his shoulder at me and smiles again.
Picture your favorite blogger swooning right here. This guy has a great smile.
He enlisted the help of one of the kids there since I had to pick up not only the stuff I had ordered but also Fairy's stuff. Then they follow me out to my car. Half way to the car he says "is that your shampoo or your perfume?" I laughed and said it was my shampoo and he says, "well it smells really good."
Oh yeah? An aside: I finally found a store that carries my shampoo again instead of that Herbal Essences crap I have been using for the last two months. Moving on.
I open my trunk and cute boy moves one of the two boxes I had in there over and lets the little boy put the box he's holding into my trunk. (Which gets rid of little boy...) Cute boy puts the other boxes in and then closes the trunk. I said "thanks." And he says "no problem" and then starts walking away. He gets to my passenger side door and turns around and says "Hey, what's your name?" I said, "Kate" and he tell me his name. I said something like well it's nice to meet you. And then he turns around and takes a few more steps and turns back when he gets to the front of my car and stops and smiles at me again.
And let me tell you ladies, this boy can SMILE.
So, I said, "Ok, come here." And he walks over and I reach into my purse and grab a business card. Man was I nervous. I realized when I handed him the card that I was shaking. I don't shake. Or at least I haven't in a very long time.
He looked at it and sends me another bone-melting smile. I said something like "ok, I'm going now" and laughed and he asks me if I know where some place is. I told him no and I hadn't ever heard of it. He says that it's right down the road and I told him I don't really come into this town much (I live the next town over.) Then he says he doesn't really either because he lives in San Antonio. While we were talking, I had been looking for a pen and I had found one so I asked him to hand me the card back. He handed it to me and I started to write my cell on the back and I asked him, "Hey, were you here last month?" which I totally knew that he was and he said, "yes and I remember you." I handed him the card back and he is just SMILING at me. Man. So, he says he'll call and I said bye and left.
I was not even out of the parking lot and I am so doing the girl squeal, lol.
I kicked myself for not having brought my camera with me so I could get a shot of him but then I thought, what the fuck was I going to say? "Hey, could you smile? I just need a picture for my blog. Thanks!"
Last night, he calls. No guy-time there. Which is cool since between Teacher Boy and Snakeman, I am sick to death of waiting by the goddamn phone for these guys to call sporadically or five days later. This dude actually calls me the same day I gave him my number!! So, I answer and he asks for me and tells me who it is and then after like 45 seconds, he says, "Kate, before this goes any further, I have to ask you something."
I am thinking, *great, the first bite I have had in MONTHS and he is going to say something like "are you into transsexuals?" or "do third nipples freak you out?" or "I have a tail."*
I said ok and he says "How afraid of kids are you?"
I laughed and told him he had just stolen my line.
He says, "I just need to be completely upfront here. I have three kids. My oldest son lives in California with his mother and I get him a few times a year, but my two younger children live with me and I have sole custody. I just want to make sure this is ok before we go any further."
I told him it was ok, that I have three kids as well. And then I told him that I needed to tell *him* something. I explained to him that it is nothing personal but I don't introduce guys to my kids. Period. I told him how Amanda & Emilee have been without a father for six years and they want one too badly for me to be bringing guys through my house. He said he understood and (get this) he feels the same way. Said that the mom to his younger two has been completely absent for five years.
He is/was in the army. Did 18 months in Iraq and then got out in January. He is a Medic (which is going to be his name here btw) and says he is getting back in the army right now. He says that once he is in, he is going back to school for two years to get his Masters and become a physician (I think...)
In the meantime, he is helping out a friend of his moms at her garage. He is also a mechanic. Oh and he is 33.
Now, when I left the place yesterday and immediately called Lola to do the girl-squeal thing with her, she asked me how old her was and I tried to guess his age, this guy could have been twenty and I wouldn't have been surprised. He does not look 33.
I have to admit, I don't think I have ever traded as much info on a first phone call as he and I did.
At one point, we are talking and he says "Kate, I have to tell you, I just think you are really sexy." I laughed and said "thank you."
Did you seriously just say I was “sexy”?
I was trying to remember the last time someone had accused me of even being cute…
He also said something about loving my hair, which Snow thought was hilarious since she said that is what she would have guessed he liked.
And then he says, "I hope I am not being too forward but I don't know if it is my age or having been in the military but when I see something I want, I just go for it. When I saw you last month I just knew I had to talk to you."
He went on to say that he is very honest and blunt and if he is thinking something he is going to say it.
And then he told me that he wants to see me.
When can he see me?
He wanted to do something Sunday but I told him I was already swamped on Sunday and it wasn't an option. I then told him that one of the biggest issues with trying to date me is that I am strapped for time. He said he is the same way and it wouldn't be an issue.
He said he would call by Tuesday
Ok, I know, long ass post. It would have been divided up if I had the internet at home. But it looks like I’ve fried my modem.
I’ll be back online tomorrow
Why does the award go to them?
Ahhh, yes, that is a good question.
It is because these two kick ass men assembled not only the trampoline but also the enclosure. Sadly the entire event took them less time than my initial attempt (and failure) took me. I gave them beer to slow them down but they just went faster.
When they got there, I started to tell them the story of my trampoline assembling and The Bear just looks over at me and says "oh, I know, I read it on your blog."
I tried to help as much as possible because I didn't want to be that girl just standing there watching and not helping but it wasn't until they needed someone to actually be on the trampoline that I was called in.
And let me tell you, having now seen how one is assembled and
I was remembering being a kid and bouncing all carefree like on them back in the day before enclosures and I just want to go back in time and grab the Little Girl Kate and shake her... Just shake her and say "don't you know how dangerous these are Little Kate? You could break your neck!" It even says so, several times on the directions "Do not do somersaults, do not land on head or neck - could result in death."
Yup people, those are the toys I get the girls, the kind that say "could result in death" on them. Mother of The Year Award: here I come!
Surprisingly enough, it wasn't the actual assembly that was hard for me. Nope. It was trying not to crack dirty jokes every 2.7 seconds.
You see, trampoline instructions are just sexual innuendos start to finish. Some little pervert is over in China just yukking it up and writing suggestive directions.
Now, Jiffinner is used to my giggling when someone says "well that would depend on your position" in a conference call.
Not so much.
He actually said at one point "oh, here's that nut I lost..."
And I was just a mess trying not to laugh at every "pole," "nob," "nut" & "ball" mentioned in the directions. And then, when you have to slide the blue plastic tube thingys over the pole?
I can't help it.
No. You know what? I betcha it's totally normal. I bet I'm supposed to be laughing.
You know why?
I'll tell you why.
No. Sex. This. Whole. Year.
Ok, I just went back into archived email and posts to try and find the last time I even had sex and I couldn't find it.
That is soooo sad.
So, we'll just say since the beginning of the year which is... 110 days.
I think that is longer than the last time...
So, the trampoline is up and actually kind of fun. I bounced on it a little yesterday despite the obvious fact that it is indeed a Death Trap. Couldn't get all crazy since
Anyway, THANK YOU BEAR AND BIG D! You guys so totally rock!
A master of storytelling
'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com
Taking three little girls to see Ice Age Two: $18.00
Ice cream at Cold Stone: $11.83
Getting to be "the coolest mom ever" on a school night: priceless
I know we missed Acro last week because my abilty to look at a calendar was totally broken and I know I haven't done any points for awhile, but I promise I am going to. Just need to cross a couple of other things off of my "to do list" in order to bump points up into the top fifty.
In the meantime, you theme this week is importance.
Your acro should be about things that are important to you.
Oh and guys, please let me know how "readable" this all is. I've had to darken the gray a little in order for the people who have subscribed to LOC as a newsletter to be able to read it but if it is too dark or if those of you getting the email think it is too light, it may be time for a template change up in here.
Don't know what Acrophobia is? Well, click that button and find out.
Then you can play with us.
You know you want to. Everyone's doing it.
Why? you ask...
Well, let me tell you...
Actually, the blame should fall on my brother, Noah, since he started all of this. Let's go back to Christmas... Now, Amanda wanted a couple of different and expensive things for Christmas. She wanted both an Ipod and a digital camera.
I decided to get the Ipod and not the camera.
I was wrong.
You see, she loved her Ipod, but she pretty much said afterwards that she would have preferred the camera instead.
My Mommy Meter missed that some how.
So, my little brother does what any sweet Uncle would do and buys her the camera. She had it the next week. Of course, this disrupts the balance of my household because now Amanda has gotten another present and a kick ass one at that and Emilee has gotten nothing.
Noah, having been around my girls from the beginning knew that this would happen and promised Emilee that he would get her something to make up for it later.
Later turned out to be Easter.
Now, some people thing I go overboard with Easter.
Apparently, the vast majority of you only do an egg hunt and that's it.
I, on the other hand, have always had kind of a mini-Christmas for Easter. Usually new Summer clothes and bathing suits and beach stuff. No huge gifts but a few small ones.
So, when Noah called and asked what he should get the girls for Easter, I told him whatever he wanted. He reminded me that he needed to get something big for Emo since he had gotten Amanda the camera and asked if I had any ideas.
So, he talks to Emilee on the phone for a little while. Once they were done and she handed me the phone back, Noah said he wanted to get the girls a trampoline.
Why not? They use them for gymnastics all the time so it isn't as though they don't know how to be safe on one. In fact, it will probably help them practice everything. And now they have those enclosures for them too. When I was a kid, they didn't have those. If you fucked up a flip or something, you woke up on the ground.
I told him he could get them one as long as he got the enclosure too.
He said fine.
So, he paypals me the money [did you see that? I just used 'paypal' as a verb.] last Wednesday and Jiffinner and I drove to San Antonio to pick one up, because Jiffinner has a truck. She was a little freaked out about driving standard in SA, but she got to jump a curb when the truck in front of us broke down so by the time we left she was all happy.
Friday night, she brings the two boxes over and we stash them on the side of the house.
Why? you ask... well because I had every intention of assembling the trampoline on Saturday night while the girls were asleep and surprising them with it first thing Easter morning.
Let me tell you how that went.
Saturday night, at ten o'clock, all three of my girls in bed, I pulled my car up to the yard and turned my headlights on. I then walked about fifty feet away to where the boxes were hidden and proceeded to drag the trampoline box across the yard. Do you have any idea how much that box weighs?
I believe it said on the side "a fucking lot."
But, there were those plastic strip thingys that go around the box to help you pick it up. So, I would grab the strip and then plant my feet and lean back. This caused the box to move about two feet. Then, I would scoot back and do it again.
I was about half way to where I wanted to assemble the trampoline when I planted my feet, leaned back and the damn strip broke causing me to fall flat on my ass.
I decided that the box was good there.
I could just unload everything and carry the pieces over to the patch of grass I had picked out. I found the instructions and started to lay the pieces out by size and shape.
Twenty minutes later, I was pretty sure I had the jest of it so I started to connect the legs. Now the legs come in three pieces. You have to put this slightly bent connecty piece between the two pieces that connect to the actual trampoline. The three pieces connect with a screw.
Now, this isn't real hard stuff people.
I had looked up the directions online the day before we bought it and the frame is the easier part. It's the pulling of the springs that was supposed to be hard.
I had read one woman's review that said
"I must warn anyone considering purchasing this trampoline that assembly is very time consuming and not very easy. The instruction book recommends having 3 people for the trampoline assembly. I would recommend having a "Trampoline raising!" In other words, enlist as many strong individuals as you can. Following the instructions is a real must for this project."
Well, that was a little daunting since it was most likely just going to be me out there, in the dark, putting together this monster trampoline. But, here's the thing about me, dear reader, in case you didn't know, I am extremely stubborn and incredibly self sufficient. If there is even the slightest chance I can do something by myself, I do. Remember the toilet incident?
So, I just ignored the lady from the review and decided I WOULD put that thing together on Saturday night.
So, back to Saturday.
It took me forty five minutes to get two legs put together.
Forty. Five. Minutes.
That's fucking insane.
Here I am, with something like four hundred huge poles in my yard and I am still trying to put the fifth of eight screws into them.
And I couldn't.
Those damn screw holes wouldn't line up right for anything and the fucking screws wouldn't go in unless they did.
And then, the worst happened.
While trying to put one of the screws in, I pushed too hard and the damn thing flipped out of the hole and flew through the air. I assume that it continued to fly until it landed somewhere in Georgia because, despite the flashlight I went and got from the car, I couldn't find the damn thing. I grabbed the little bag and counted the screws. There were five left. A little math on my hands (two screws per leg times four legs) and THANK YOU TRAMPOLINE PACKERS IN CHINA! Hot damn! Two extra screws. Well, one was lost, that's no big deal, still have one extra.
Time for a beer.
Got my beer, turned on radio in the car and back to work.
See, I can do this!
A few minutes later and I am repeating the search for a screw. Only this time, I am guessing Oklahoma. Well shit. That's both of my spare screws gone. Can't lose any more of them.
Another beer and I decide to try and connect all of the outer peices. At least if I can form the circle, I would have something accomplished.
After some minor confusion about which poles went where, I got them all in the right order. Everything was going smoothly until I get to the last two poles.
Wow, they seem awful far apart.
I puuuuulllllleeed them as close together and I could and then tried to connect them. I could get them to touch but I couldn't seem to get them to slide into one another. So, I get down on my knees and puuuuuuuuullllll and puuuuuuuusssshhhh.
I decided to give the screws another shot but for some fucked up reason, I couldn't get the damn screws into the third and fourth sets of legs. After a few minutes of trying and being VERY careful not to lose another screw, I went back to trying to connect the circle.
I couldn't do either.
When the thought of purposefully impaling myself on one of the poles occured to me, I took a break. Grabbed a beer and called Snakeman to say hi and distract myself from all thoughts suicidal.
About ten minutes later, headlights pulled into my driveway signaling that my sister was home from work.
Oh thank god. I would have help.
She went inside and changed and came back out where she and I puuuussshed and pulllled and puuushed and... fucking gave up.
It was almost 1am when I threw in the towel.
Fuck you trampoline.
I still had eggs to put candy in and hide and toys to unload and set up. And it's one in the morning?
Ruthie split to go see a friend and I turned on Without a Paddle and sat on the couch putting candy in eggs.
At 3am, I went to bed.
Despite all of my wishing, the Trampoline Fairies did not come and assemble the trampoline while I was sleeping or the next day when I was at The Cake Ladies house
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The second part of that reason is that once I found out it WAS Wednesday (thanks to you guys!) I started to work on an Acro post. Hey, better late than never right? And about a fourth of the way into it, I looked out my office window and saw my father walking up to my building.
Which really freaked my shit out since my dad lives in New Mexico.
Now for some History:
My father and I never really got along. He and my mother were together off and on until I was fourteen and they finally separated for good. When they did, my dad moved to New Mexico and we stayed here in Texas. I didn't speak to him for five years. And no, not because of some twisted you split up our family thing. My family was way too fucked up for that to have been an issue. In fact, their finally splitting up was a blessing not a disaster.
It wasn't until Emilee was born that it occurred to me to contact him again and even then, I mulled it over for awhile. Emilee was almost one when I wrote my father and told him he had two grand daughters and did he want to meet them?
Since then, I have tried to keep the past where it is and just look ahead.
He and I mostly talk online since he doesn't believe in long distance phone calls. "Why would I want to talk on the phone, Kate, when the Internet is free?" So, the phone calls are usually reserved for Father's Day or his birthday or Christmas. And then, about once a year, he drives here from New Mexico and spends a few days with us.
It was weird initially but since he is such a better grandfather than he was a father, I have learned how to ignore the weirdness and just take it for what it is.
I will never have these great relationships with my parents. They are not the type of parents that fall into any of the categories anywhere near 'Normal'. But they are what they are and I have to be grateful to them for without them, I wouldn't be the person I am. And yeah, the person I am is just ever so slightly fucked in the head because of them but has so many shining examples from them of the person I don't want to be.
Being able to compare myself to my mother since I have become a parent has been astounding. I sit back and I look at her and I think how in the hell am I related to this woman? We are so different in almost every way. I have been utterly and thoroughly confused as to how I turned into the person I am with her as my mother. Jiffinner once said that since my mother and I don't get along that maybe my idea of rebelling was to be the exact opposite of her. Because the exact opposite of my mother is: sober, organized, punctual, forgiving, responsible, nice, stable. For the last few years, Jiffinner's explanation has been the only one that could possibly make sense.
Yesterday, my father and I went to breakfast and as I was sitting there talking to him all of these things started to pop out at me. Suddenly I was seeing myself in this man I barely know. In less than thirty minutes I could chalk most of the person I am up to him. Which is terrifying. In fact, as it was happening, as my mind was rushing through and comparing me and my father and checking the little box that said "the same" off on so many traits, I was just trying to make it stop.
I had always just thought I was the way I was because I wanted to be. Because it was the person I had chose to be and worked hard to be. In the disdain I carried around for my dad for so many years, I never allowed myself to even consider that he and I were alike. And now that I have, it's like the foundation suddenly cracked. Because if I have so many of his good characteristics, I can't help but wonder how many of the bad ones I have too.
Ok, so remember this post a few posts ago?
Well, lemme just say that there were no sex toys of any kind in my little care package. Which makes me feel so much better since it didn't occur to me, until one of you fine folks mentioned it, that that was even an option.
I waited patiently last week for my surprise to show up at work and I was bummed when I left here on Thursday and it hadn't arrived. I knew that the soonest I would get it would be on Tuesday and damn it, that was too far away.
Sure enough, one call to Jiffinner on Saturday when I was loading a plastic bag up with Jelly Belly's and it is sitting on my desk.
Now, those of you who guessed Matthew McConaughey all scored a gold star since there was a lovely magazine in there and on the cover is a stunning photo of my man and a note that says
"Hi There. Hope you like this article about your husband :) Love Toddy"
You'd think since the majority of the Internet knows of my obsession that it would have gotten to him by now and he would give me a call... but what can you do?
Then, there is this conglomeration of souvenirs. It made me feel like I had gotten my official Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven welcome pack! A little of Japan, a little of Hot Toddy the actor (ok, so that post has nothing to do with acting, but I couldn't find one and I fucking love that post), some Las Vegas, but mostly Hot Toddy somehow managed to package the essence of his sweetness in this oversized brown envelope. I opened the package and just felt loved.
Thank you so much Toddy.
There are about a half a dozen pics that I am putting up. Write captions or little stories or whatever it is that you need to do to avoid work and or other responsibilities...
I'll see ya''ll Monday!
Six lessons under my belt and I am actually starting to understand a bit :)
I am in a list making, cleaning, packing frenzy.
I have lists of "to do" for me, list of "to do" for the girls and a complete, hour by hour schedule for my mother and sister to follow for the girls. I have visited mapquest and printed all of the directions I need for the trip, I have lists of phone numbers to The Girl, Tuxbaby, Liz and Babs as well as the hotel and a bunch of phone numbers that The Girl gave me - just in case.
My suitcase is mostly packed, my car is cleaned out so there is room for everyone's stuff, the oil was changed this morning and the guys down in service gave it a good once over for me to make sure everything is in full working order (so said The Bachelor).
The only thing that sucks about the trip is that I will miss the girls softball game against the team that kicked their asses last weekend and I know that they want me there! But, it's one game and they will be fine.
Tomorrow morning, I will get Amanda and Emilee on the bus and send them to school. Then, showered and dressed, I will drop Trin off at daycare and head into the town where I work and meet my mom at Wal-Mart. This is where I will get all the things on my "weekend list" for me and for my house. This way I don't make fifteen trips this week because I keep forgetting things. Because I so do that. Mom will take all of the stuff that needs to go home and I will load the rest up and head for Austin. Liz's plane gets in at 11:20am and from there, we head to Houston and rendevous with Tuxbaby, The Girl, MBB (!!Can't wait to see you MBB!!), and Babs (hopefully!! Are you feeling better yet sweety?). The only one missing is Lola!
We are hoping that the wedding will use all it's good to balance out the debauchery that us gals are planning on!
There will be photos, oh yes.
And blog posts.
And lastly, the all inclusive, every detail, email to Lola.
So, WHY am I telling you all this?
hehehe, did I just say that outloud?
Ummm, you know... so you'll know where the hell I am for the next four days and not think I have abandoned you all.
Yeah, that's why.
Have a good weekend guys, see you next week!
Anyway, I couldn't remember it, needless to say.
So, I did what any intelligent parent would do. I told my daughter I had to pee and I snuck over to the computer and googled it.
And learned a new word: mnemonic
Anyway, the sayings go something like this:
My Very Excellent Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pizzas
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto
And yes, I still giggle every time one of my girls says "Uranus."
Those are your letters people. All the acronyms should be those letters. Why? Because, damn it, I want a better fucking saying than that one up there.
There will be a hundred points for every one that I like.
Which will help some of you catch up to Grend...
Don't know what Acrophobia is? Well, click that button and find out.
Then you can play with us.
You know you want to. Everyone's doing it.
Ok, I am, at this very moment, basking in some of the best mommy glow you can get your hands on.
Yes, *glow*... not blow!
Don't act like you didn't think it. One of you, I won't mention names (or IP addresses), found my blog by searching "mommy snorts coke" so I am on to you.
So, I just took my daughters to their second softball game. The first hour of the hour and a half game I was stuck in the stupid concession stand. LUCKILY I could see the field and if you were one of the people ordering a hamburger and I suddenly stopped listening to you and yelled "OH YES! GOOD HIT AMANDA!" or "RUNEMILEERUNRUNRUNRUN!" I am sorry.
At exactly 6:59:59pm, I grabbed my purse and bid the other concession stand dwellers a fond fair well and practically ran to the stands. I broke out my camera for a few shots of my girlys at bat and then put that thing away so I could concentrate on my yelling.
You see, yelling is part of the game. And so yell, I must.
Plus, the score was 4-2, not in our favor and after our horrible defeat (*cough cough* 14-1 *cough*) on Saturday, these girls needed some encouragement.
At 7:25 on the dot, the fifth inning was over and there are only six innings in LL softball (or an hour and a half, which ever comes first). They decided to let them go ahead and play the last inning since there wasn't another team after us needing the field.
This was excellent since the girls would have a shot at winning or tying or at the very least hitting. This was bad because the automatic start on my oven was set to start at 7:30 and my pizzas would be burnt.
I said 'fuck the pizzas, let 'em burn' (because I am a trooper) and watched the first girl go up to the plate. And do you know what she did? She knocked the shit out of that ball and made her way to first. Second girl struck out. Third girl was Amanda. Oh yeah. She misses the first and then the second pitch. We are all yelling at her that it's ok and she is going to nail the third one. And she fucking does. And then she runs her ass off and makes it to first while the other girl makes it to second. Then, Emilee. Now, Emilee hasn't hit a ball yet in a game so we are all telling her she can do it, just watch the ball. She misses the first and then nails the holy hell out of the second. The pitcher grabs it but she isn't sure whether to throw it to first or second. Finally she decides on first and chunks it just as Emilee slides, yes SLIDES into first. And as Emilee is sliding, Amanda is rounding third and heading for home where she scores the WINNING RUN!
I was jumping up and down cheering and undoubtedly making a complete spectacle out of myself. Don't care though because my daughters so totally kick ass.
I knew that it was going to be crazy and busy and fucking really crazy, but... wow.
Saturday morning, my alarm went off at six and I rolled out of bed trying to remember the last time I had just stayed asleep until I woke up instead of to the wail of an alarm clock. The girls were waking up when I went into their room and talking excitedly about the fact that it was opening day. I don't think any of us ate anything. We tiptoed around getting ready so as not to wake Triniti. (We were leaving her there with my sister since she has apparently decided that being psycho in public is fun.)
At 7:30am we loaded into the car and headed to the baseball fields for the opening ceremonies. We were apparently running just ever so slightly ahead of the other parents and the only reason I know this is because I got a killer parking spot :) The opening cermonies were to start at 8:00 and of course ran a little late. At 8:45 I snatched my girls from their team and promised to be back at 11:45 for the pictures. We got home and I cleaned the girls room, the kitchen and the bathroom and did three loads of laundry. I was about to clean out my car when the coach called and said that the pictures were running ahead and could we come back now (11:10). Loaded the girls back up (Trin included this time) and went to do pictures. And Trin, true to her decision, was a raving lunatic.
Back home. We had lunch and I started cleaning my room and getting everything ready that I would need for later that night. Also, charged my camera, the video camera and my cell phone. The girls took off their 9000% polyester uniforms in an attempt to cool off and watched The Brothers Grimm. We had to be back at 2:00 so that I could work the
The girls game started at 2:30pm and I was through selling cookies and brownies and rice fucking crispie treats at 3:00pm. I ran (ok, I didn't actually run. I never run. Unless I am being chased... and even then...) over to my car and got the digital camera and the camcorder and went to go sit with The Cake Lady and her kiddos and watch my kids play softball. The Cake Lady and I had both had dreams the night before that Saturday was already over. Totally April Fools joke on ourselves.
We got our asses kicked people. Kicked. 15 to nadda. But Amanda tagged someone out and hit the ball every time she batted. Those little girls from the other town were just fucking good. And they were all like nine and ten and our team is mostly six through eight (except Amanda and one other girl who are both nine).
A whole bunch of the girls were bummed. My girls? Well, Emilee just wanted various forms of sugar from the concession stand and Amanda was down right pissed that some other kid took her
So, thankful to have the first half of my Saturday behind me, I took the girls home and got them changed out of their fucking snow suit of a baseball outfit and into shorts and t-shirts. I told Amanda we would get her damn hat back come hell or highwater as long as she stopped crying. Then, I threw all of their stuff in the trunk so I could drop them off over at Fairy's house overnight.
And here is where all of my best laid and prearranged plans started falling to shit.
The Cake Lady and her husband wouldn't be able to go the function I mentioned a few posts ago and with them my date (door #1). So, I was tore. Did I still want to go to said function or should I blow it off and just go to TCL's house and chill out there.
-insert here the calling of Jiffinner who never out right said I had to go, but had that sound in her voice like you fucking made ME rsvp and now you are talking about bailing? Bitch.-
So, I went.
Ok, not really alone. I mean, Jiffinner and The Bear were there and so was pretty much every one else I work with. I had the two (five dollar) drinks that my (twelve one dollar) drink tickets would buy me and then two more that were from a couple of salesmen and then watched Jiffinner and The Bear play blackjack until I was bored out of my skull. I gave my two thousand dollars in chips to The Bachelor and split.
Drove to The Cake Lady's house and thank goodness I did because people, The Cake Lady for the first time in the EIGHT years she and I have been friends, was drunk.
"But Khhate, itsss jusss bcuz I haven't had thish musch alkhol in a reeeallly long time!"
It was fucking awesome.
Snakeman was there for those of you who were wondering (ahem- or emailing). He officially won the award for The Most Mixed Signals of Any
People, I have not been laid since some time in fucking December.
And I am getting The Hug.
Notice: Not The Sex.
So, when I left, after two of The Hugs, I went to Fairy's house to pick up my girls. I figured it would be way easier to get them then rather than get up and drive over there the next morning and have Amanda back by 9:30 so she could be picked up by her best friend ("she just got a new horse Mommy! Another one!"). And since the house I had so painstakingly gotten every one out of was not going to be put to good use it may as well have kids in it.
I even cleaned my room.
And made up my bed.
Anyway, I get over to Fairy's and there is mad drama one road over as TMFMD was having a fucking huge fight with his new girlfriend. And since I had nothing else going on, I sat on Fairy's steps for about an hour and half and listened with her while we gossiped.
I rolled in at 3:00am and carried all of my girls in and put them in their beds.
Then slept until exactly nine thirty.
Amanda's ride was there at nine forty five and I spent the rest of the day on the couch watching the free showtime weekend and rehydrating my body.
Number of drinks: 7
Number of drunk dials: 0
Then, last night while I am on the phone with the girls softball coach, my cell phone rings. I flip it open and what does the caller ID say?
What the fuck?
But I got The Hug.
We talked for forty five minutes and I got the Ex Girlfriend Story. You know the one. The story about the ex that fucked you up the most? Yeah, that one. It was followed by "so now you know why I am so fucked up, but I am doing a lot better..."
What does that mean? Was that an explanation for The Hug? Or just like a hey, I'm a mess in general?
The call ended with him asking me to "give him a call..." Um, ok.
Men? You guys suck ok?
Do you see us over here just scratching our heads thinking 'what the fuck does that mean?' You guys can take all of your 'women over analyze' crap and shove it up your asses. I got The Hug and then a call the next day? And that is supposed to make sense?
At least next weekend will be free of The Man Confusion. Just all of us chics watching The Girl get married :)
So, I will leave you with this little tidbit of info that Jiffinner emailed to me:
On Wednesday of this week, at two minutes.
and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.
That won't ever happen again
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
12/14/84 - 1/26/05
"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you donâ€™t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
The Adorable DB
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
A few years later...
The Red Princess Detective
Song of the day - Cover Me
Enchiladas and Spanish rice for my sister
Kale, leeks and pesto over pumpkin ginger rice noo...
bedding and barstools and dinnerware, OH MY!
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
Bowling For Soup
Our Lady Peace
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal