Friday, December 31, 2004
I finally put my foot down, hard...
So, those of you who know me and know me well, have had at least one conversation with me about my mother. Well last night, I'd had it. I have heard so many times, just tell her no, cut her off, tell her off, etc, etc. Last night, I did. It was interesting standing up to her in such a I'm-not-budging-on-this kind of way. I knew I was right, I know I *am* right and I am sticking to my guns this time. I am tired of having that woman have her way with me by using guilt trips. I carted her home and told her not to call me again until she went through some kind of attitude adjustment and came to grip with the fact that I don't owe her anything. I have more than paid my dues as a good little daughter.

So, it's NYE... When I was visiting fantasy land a few weeks ago, I was really wanting some hot little man to go out with tonight. I wanted that kiss at midnight. After this week though, I canceled my NYE plans and am looking forward to staying home with my girls and Veronique and having a slumber party...
Resolutions??? Gosh, don't you love it? Every year I come up with a half a dozen resolutions... new rules/guidelines/ideas for the next year... how can I make it better than the previous? Every year, whether I stick to my resolutions or not, it is better than the previous. Just growing up, learning things about yourself and making good decisions. But, for the hell of it and in the name of tradition, here we go.
1. More time with my girls. Every year, I get busier and busier and find that I am home less and less and when I am, I am busy with home stuff. This year, I'd like to set up Mommy/Daughter dates and go out and do something or stay in and do something, regardless of whether my dishes are done.
2. Writing! I want so desperately to finish a book. I really think if I just finish one, that two and three will be much easier to accomplish.
3. New car :) Does this count? lol... actually, I am planning to get another car when I get my tax return, something dependable and made in the last few years, rather than around the time I was born.
4. I am going to be more careful in relationships this year... Well I guess I was pretty careful in 2004 seeing as I didn't technically *have* a relationship in '04, lol. But I am not going to get into anything with anyone who is emotionally unavailable, period.
5. Career. I want to advance in my career and double what I am currently making. I don't mind investing another 6 months to a year here, but then I want to move up.
6. And last and least, lol, weight. I want to lose some and get into better shape, back to the gym for me!! AT least twice a week...

Now, back to work :)

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:12 AM
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Thursday, December 30, 2004
I'm weak, sue me...
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm weak, no will power, spineless and any other synonyms you can think of... So, for the record, I had no intention of doing anything more than playing a board game and having some adult company when I invited him over! I miss adult company sometimes and with Amanda and Emilee gone for the night and my little sister out with friends, it seemed like an ideal night for some company. Let's not forget that he is the one who didn't *bring* the game! LOL... Ok, excuses suck. So I slept with him again, sue me. The sex was awesome, usually is. He stayed the night and kissed me goodbye this morning. The good thing? I didn't read into it. I took it all for what it was like a good grown up and went to work happy and content with the way things panned out.

Work is still crazy, in fact I am still here at ten after five because my boss asked me to stay late on account of the absolute craziness. But my bonus is up to almost 500 bucks and that's the tip of the iceberg, I'm thinking 700 this month! Yippee!

Sitting at home, I can think of a million things to write, then I get here and I am drawing blanks :)

Anyway, I've got to go because I have work to do...

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 3:02 PM
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
A new comforter....
It's amazing how something as trivial as a new comforter can make me sleep like a baby... Where the hell did "sleep like a baby" come from anyway??? Have you ever *had* a baby? They don't sleep well or for very long... ANYWAY, I got a new bed set... I LOVE it! The comforter is micro-suede and by far the coolest material ever used on a bedspread... I also got a set of t-shirt sheets. I slept so very well last night. I was just simply thrilled at the prospect of laying in my bed reading a book :) Slept great, got up early this morning, rather than hitting snooze a half a dozen times!

Took the girls to daycare where they were invited to a sleepover tonight! Yay! House to myself, well myself and Ruthie anyway :)

The only thing that bummed me out was that I never got called last night from Mr. I... But that was fine, since I got a few extra hours of sleep. Then, this AM, he walks right into my office! And takes a gift from his pocket, wrapped no less and hands it to me. Surprised me because he never comes over here, to keep ppl from seeing he and I together. So I open the gift, a talking picture frame that my kids can record something on and a cd he made me.

So, what do I do? Come on! You know that you know! I invite him over! Why? Because something is severely wrong with me. I am lacking in several departments, such as "will power" and "self control" and... oh yeah, intelligence. I asked him if he wanted to come over and play Risk! Risk! I don't even know how to *play* Risk! He said he didn't know, which I can only hope for both of our sakes means no.

I need professional help!

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 10:20 AM
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Oh yeah, DUH... Christmas update...
So, my parents kept things civil until about 2. Then they started arguing. Mom left, Dad followed suit. He left for NM at about 6pm. I was bummed that he decided to leave early but relieved that the tension in my house was gone. I got to spend the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday with just the girls and got a lot accomplished around the house.
The girls were tickled PINK about the computer and their other booty. Amanda came and got in bed with me at like 2am and she was so happy. She said "mommy, Santa brought us our very own computer!!!" in her most hushed and extremely excited voice! :) SCORE! I was scared I was going to blow Christmas this year by not finding the right BIG gift...
Triniti loved the fur real puppy and the dancing Blue. OMG, Triniti was singing Jingle Bells last night in her bed. It was sooo cool. She sang and sang until she crashed. Totally cute. Emilee has almost beat the first Harry Potter game :)
Anyway, it was a good Christmas :)
~Kate
who put all the decorations away on Sunday

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:26 AM
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Things are swapped for a change....
My work life is crazy and my emotional world is under control... Must be the full moon... Yesterday was like a day in the life of a coke addict. Everything just blurred by and suddenly it was done. I worked 12 hours and only took about ten minutes to run out and grab something greasy and completely unhealthy to hoss down while I was trying to play catch up. I killed a monster burger and a huge soda in minutes, something like a million calories :)
Today is a little more mellow. I have been getting caught up all morning and since I am almost there, I figured I'd jot a few things down here.
So, I turned off my cell last night to avoid taking any calls. Why? You ask... Because I was not of strong resolve yesterday and would have invited over someone I shouldn't. He got me a present though. That really killed me. I didn't get him anything, didn't think it was appropriate. And then there he is, telling me he got me a present. Which in my over analytical mind had me thinking he was thinking about me and so on and so forth. Yes, I know, he's an idiot. Feel free to post under comments :P
Anyway, that and his GF coming and hanging out with me for like 15 minutes yesterday, freaked me out...
BUT, I had the presence of mind to NOT invite him over. In fact to NOT talk to him last night to keep from inviting him over. See, some strength. Plus, I'm ok with all of this. I feel ok.
Ok, so back to the grinding stone :)
More later...

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:16 AM
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Only a few days til Christmas...
Well, as I thought, everything is getting crazy. My father drove in from NM on Saturday, planning to stay through Christmas... He and my mother (who have been seperated for 10 years) started hanging out and I have actually only seen him a couple of times since his arrival. They (of course) got into an argument and now neither of them will come to Christmas if the other is there, leaving it up to me to choose. Ok, screw that.
Know why I love Christmas? It is the one holiday where I have a few days off and I don't have to travel... I get 2-3 days at home without stress (or at least with minimal stress) and I get to hang out with my kids.
Now, there's drama. Lovely drama... I am just super-jazzed about this... So my mother calls today and lays on the guilt. Says she is going to just go to Dallas since I'd prefer my father to her (which I never said BTW)... My father says he'll just go back to NM (to avoid my mother) unless of course my mom isn't attending.
I am just like WTFE! I don't want tension and fighting on my almost stress free days... I want some egg nog and happy kids that love their new toys and my couch for some Christmas specials. I want to get my house cleaned up in a slow UNRUSHED fashion. I want to park my car on Christmas eve and not move it again until Monday.
I don't want to play mediator between my parents and have to deal with unhappy ppl. Selfish? Maybe, but I play mediator the whole dang year. I want a break. Plus I don't like exposing my kids to all that crap.

SEE! I told you! It's the full moon coming!

Oh and get this, SNOW.... It is supposed to snow during Christmas... Yeah it's all pretty and shit, but COLD. I am already freezing and it is in the 40's... SNOW? :(

Off to finish my Christmas shopping!

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:42 PM
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004
lots of work... and emotional turmoil...
My horoscope today:
Your mood may take a bizarre twist today, Kate, as your desire to fight for something is calmed. You are probably just more interested in enjoying the beauty of something rather than trying to capture it and keep it for yourself. Allowing someone or something else to be free is the best gift you can give. Keep the lines of communication open, and you will find that everything will fall into place exactly as it needs to.

Lovely... I am waiting for said desire to become calmed as I feel like I am very emotionally raw right now... Ok so I am a sucker for horoscopes... I know they are sent out in mass form and really not tailored for me personally. However, I can't help but wonder if the moon and the stars and the planets all have some kind of pull on you based on where they were when you were born. I find it fascinating and a horrible addiction :) And it is all the more addicting when it is so close to what is happening in my life.
Ironically I got a call from a man I was very recently seeing on Saturday... Someone I had to remove from my immediate day to day life about a month ago to ward off an oncoming depression. Saturday, we spoke and Saturday I was fine. Monday, we spoke and Monday, I realized that may have been a phenomenally huge mistake. But hey, if you are going to make a mistake, it may as well be a 'phenomenally huge' one right?? Now I've spoken with him a dozen times and it is just as hard as it was last month when I called it off because I was too emotionally envolved.
Now there is a full moon coming so I am just super-jazzed...

Next week is the last week of the year to buy cars... Last year it was insane, tons of ppl trying to get their car bought before tax time. I am expecting to be very busy this week and next and then the first week of Jan. should be us trying to get organized after the mayham.

Tomorrow, I am going x-mas shopping with my father and sister, this should be loads of fun seeing as we are only a few days away from Christmas and every crazy person on the planet will be out and about. I also have my yearly cookie swap tomorrow evening. I am ready for the three day weekend...

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:18 AM
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Monday, December 20, 2004
Ok, time for something new... like a blog :)
Ok, so I have a thing for verdana... There'll be a lot of it here :) I'm Kate... well, not really, but I am here. I have a big fat crush when it comes to reading blogs so I figured I would give it a shot.

I'm 24, live near SA in Texas. I have three girlies... Amanda is 8, Emilee is 6, and Triniti is 2... Three a's, three e's, three i's, three girls... Yup, I'm weird, get used to it :)
If you do the math, you will see that I had Amanda at 16... It's amazing how something that is considered a mistake in society was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I live for being their mom, nothing else matters.
Amanda and Emilee are from my first ex... We'll call him Mr. AZ... He hasn't seen them in 5 yrs... Triniti's father is Mr. NY, he saw her last March, but lives in NY so doesn't get out to Texas often.
I do the single mommy thing pretty well. I love it, so it's easy to do.

About me... I am a stickler for organization. I schedule everything... My friends call me anal... My friends will also tell you I am strong and sincere and helpful and intelligent, that I am brave and happy. They are right.
My rule for life? Not to have things around that don't make me happy. Yes, I sometimes break said rule. Sometimes it's family, sometimes I fall in love. But for the most part, I want my life to be happy so I do everything I can to make it that way.

I work for a Ford Dealership, I am in internet sales. I love it. I didn't know a thing about cars until I started working here and now I am like a sponge... Gimmie gimmie gimmie :) I plan on staying in this biz as long as I can.

Ok, enough for now :)

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:32 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!




12/14/84 - 1/26/05


"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



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Hot Toddy

Finding Liz

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Snow

dooce

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Childhood Memories

My Mother

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Growing and Changing

Learning to Cope

These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.

"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef

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That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal

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