Monday, October 31, 2005
T minus 15 and counting...
I was never too sure how the whole "T minus" thing works... so, I hope I didn't fuck it up just now in the title...
Anyway, the time has come! YAY! Nano-Wrimo starts tonight, at midnight! So, I can't think of a more perfect time for a nice little case of Writer's Block. But, I don't care. I will write through it... even if everything I post on my NanoWrimo blog is crap, it will be fifty thousand words of crap damn it.
So, maybe it is the lack of coffee in my system or the exhilaration of it being Halloween, but I can't seem to figure out how the hell to get my NanoWrimo blog to show up on my profile... any suggestions? In the meantime, I will just link you here :) My NanoWrimo Blog.
Cross your fingers for me people!
So, speaking of today being Halloween...
I got a call on Saturday morning asking if I had decided whether I wanted to go to a Halloween party or not... I was like what Halloween Party? Seems I had been emailed an invite and didn't even realize it. So, Fairy managed to be a supreme goddess... she came over and babysat the girls AND brought me a kick ass dress. I was very Juliet (ironic when you consider I was just posting about that the other day...) with my ringlet curls and medieval dress :) I posted some pics of the party on my flickr account but none of me! SORRY! I just didn't manage to get in front of a camera the entire night. And, what a night...
When I was invited, it was understood that we would be leaving at nine. So, I put my hair up at 5:30 and started getting the makeup and everything done at seven. So, at eight, when they called and asked if I was ready to go I most certainly was not. And let me tell you, on a scale of one to ten (one being easy as hell and ten being impossible), putting on fake eyelashes is a forty five. So, I scrambled around and managed to get my ass out the door at 8:20. Stopping at the gas station was fun with all the people looking at me like I was insane :)
Oh, but the insanity didn't start until I met them at the carpool area and realized that they had brought that guy. Oh, you remember him. The one from September Party who chatted me up for more than an hour. Remember him?? Well, he is the guy dressed as the rodeo clown in the pics... Anyway, he was so far up my ass that the first few people I was introduced to asked me if he was my boyfriend. I wanted to tell them "no and could you please go tell every single guy here that I am single! Please!"
Now, have you guys actually seen "How I Met Your Mother" on CBS? If not, start watching it! Anyway, the two guys play this game where one of them walks up to a chic and says "Hi, have you met Ted?" and then walks off while "Ted" chats the chic up. That was kind of how it felt Saturday. "Hi, have you met Kate?" and then straight up ditched. I was introduced to The Devil, a Samurai, a Clown (again in the pic), some guy with a serious head piece on, Tom Petty and others I can't even remember. After many shortlived conversations, I realized I am not missing much in the dating world. Let me clear something up for you guys. When chics are looking to get laid at a party, you need to fit into one of two categories:
Category A is for the good looking guy who is charming. He is smooth and can hold a nice conversation. The reason we will sleep with this guy is that we don't feel bad afterwards thinking we've settled. He was perfect for the one night stand because we can brag about him to our friends later.
Category B is for the fucking hot guy. This is the guy that makes you stare from across the room. The guy who you know is sporting a six pack under his shirt even if you can't see it. We don't need to talk to you, in fact doing so will probably ruin it. The reason we will sleep with this guy is because we don't think we will have the chance to again. He was perfect for a one night stand because he will always be that really hot guy we banged at that party that one year. And if we are lucky, we managed to snap a quick pic of him to show off to our friends later.
That is it. Now, if you are looking to score a phone number then the rules are totally different. But those are the two categories for the one night stand at a party.
Let me break down the dudes at this party for you:
50% - underage - had to be careful here. Seems this party was thrown for two crowds. The first of which is the grown up crowd, but the second was for the son and his friends. Tons of jail bait running around.
25% - Old or married or old and married.
20% - The Devil, The Samurai, The Clown, The Rodeo Clown, Tom Petty... you get the idea. This twenty percent represents the guys I actually spoke to and had ZERO interest in.
4% - Unaccounted for... guys that were cute, maybe single, and wandering around that I didn't manage to talk to...
1% - That guy right when I was leaving. It always happens, you go somewhere and two seconds before you are getting in your car to leave, you see him (or her) and want to go back in and stay longer. Yup, I saw this guy some time after 2am as I was heading to my car. I would have turned around and went back in except he was leaving too. I was standing in a crowd of people saying bye to everyone and he was walking by with two other guys. Totally hot guy. Anyway he stopped while his friend tied his shoe and looked at me. He held eye contact for a full ten seconds while his friend tied his shoe and then he left. Talk about bummed.
Anyway, I had a good time... There were a ton of people there and I talked to a bunch of them. And it was one of those parties where everyone knew me through someone else so people kept coming up and saying "hi, I am so-and-so... I met you -insert person or place here-" so I certainly didn't feel out of place :)
Ok, last order of business is that NanoWrimo is starting tomorrow so I will probably be posting here less. Initially I was going to stop posting here for the entire month, but I know I won't be able to stop doing that... so I will be keeping both blogs up. :)
Friday, October 28, 2005
Reason not having my cell phone sucked today (4):
I am cruising down the road when a really fucking good song comes on the radio. I hadn't ever heard it before and I have no idea who it is or what the name of it was or what some of the lyrics were... NORMALLY when this happens, I record thirty seconds of said song and then google the lyrics later. Now, I will never know what song it was :(
An eighty five? Thou canst not be serious!
My daughters usually make VERY good grades in school. They are "A" honor roll all year and rarely ever make "B's"... So, when Amanda brought home her progress report yesterday and had went from a 97 to an 85 in three weeks in Reading, I was floored. I mean, eleven points in three weeks? What the hell is going on?
So, I asked Amanda what the deal was and she said she didn't like Reading. Uh, I beg your pardon? This from the girl who just read six hundred pages of Elf Quest (which, granted, are considered "graphic novels"... but six hundred pages people!)... this from the girl who is now reading the Zenda books... the from the girl who reads while she eats, when she is in the bath, while she is laying in bed at night.... My daughter loves to read!
I asked her how someone who loves to read as much as she does could not like her Reading class and she answered that she doesn't enjoy the things that they read in that class.
Ha! I can do this one! I thought. Now, some background here people... when I come across an issue with one of my daughters that I haven't come up against before, I tend to tell them we will discuss it the next day. That gives me a chance to talk with my friends or get on a parenting message board or just google it. Because I want to do the right thing, I want to make the right call. But this, I thought I had this.
I tell Amanda that part of loving to read is reading things you don't always enjoy to broaden your horizons. You have to read the other books because they open your mind to ideas and thoughts you may never have had without them. You have to read the Lord Of The Flies and the Hiroshima's for what they have to offer you. I got up and walked over to my bookshelf and grabbed Romeo and Juliet from the Shakespeare section and held it up for Amanda.
"You like Romeo and Juliet right?"
"Yes. It's a great story."
"Well, have you ever read Romeo and Juliet before?"
I flip open the book to a place in the middle and read:
What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus?
This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell.
Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but 'I,'
And that bare vowel 'I' shall poison more
Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice:
I am not I, if there be such an I;
Or those eyes shut, that make thee answer 'I.'
If he be slain, say 'I'; or if not, no:
Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.
I closed the book and looked at Amanda...
"You see, even though it is a wonderful play and a great story, it is hard to read. The first time I read Romeo and Juliet, I had a very hard time with it. I would have to go back and read an entire page over... but it was worth it. In the end, I got to experience the entire play. That's how the books that you are reading now are. They may not be fun to read all the time and sometimes you may even have a hard time with them, but while you are reading them, you are learning things and you don't even realize it. It will help you later to appreciate other books even more."
Oh yeah, go Mommy!
"So, do you get what I am saying? Do you understand now why it is important to not only read what you enjoy but also the stories that you have to read in school?"
She looks up and me and chews her thumb nail for a second.
"Not really Mommy... But, can I have that?" She gestures to the book I am holding which I hand over. I am thinking she is going to flip it open and she how hard it is to read for herself. Instead she gets up and goes to her room.
When I walked by a few minutes later, she was laying in her bed reading. She was on the fourth page of Romeo and Juliet.
So much for my huge Mommy speech.
UPDATE:: The favorites folder magically reappeared. I gave up people. Totally said "fuck it" and was adjusting to having to click on a favorite from a folder on my desk top. BUT then I accidentally clicked favorites yesterday and my sidebar opened. It was empty since I had moved everything, but it opened! YAY! So, I went and copied all the stuff back into it and now it is working! Which kicks a serious amount of ass. Speaking of, THANK YOU to all of you who emailed and commented and tried to help me!!! YOU guys kick ass!
UPDATE: I am still fucked here people. Thank you guys for your comments and emails, but nothing thus far has worked. It's almost like the path to my favorites folder has been tampered with, but how would one do that? All my favorites are still there, but IE can't seem to locate them. Does that even make sense?
Have I somehow offended the God Of All Things Electronic? If so, I am fucking sorry! First my phone and now my favorites folder? Are you kidding me?
Now, when I click on my 'favorites' tab, nothing happens! It opens a shaded thing and NO FAVORITES! uh, hello? I need those! I have a couple hundred of you bookmarked, not to mention the work related sites!
I need help! Someone out there knows how to fix this, right? Please, please, please email me/comment and tell me what the hell I did!
I can not lose my phone and my online contacts in the same week!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Happy Halloween HNT!
Ok, I have to say that I was (and still am) unsure about posting this particular shot. This is with out a doubt out of my comfort zone, lol.
B-U-T since it is the Halloween edition, costumes are appropriate, right?
HAPPY HALLOWEEN HNT!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Acrophobic Hump Day
ADDED: Grend is having Grendku Wednesday! Click here to write the 'ku or 'kus of your choice. C'mon, it's an Iron Chef version which is much more challenging!
I am all about the games today! :)
In an email from crazysilver today:
"K, fine...all Im saying is if whatever this 'information corrupting demon' is, isn't fixed by tomorrow, and our game gets screwed up, I am going to be - one - pissed - off - blogger -"
So, last weeks game was a huge success :) Thanks so much to all of you who helped make it such a blast! Do we like the title better now? Still taking suggestions! A ton of you emailed me and asked me to do it again, so here we are ;) Let's review:
So here's the skinny: I will post the first comment. In said comment, there will be anywhere from three to seven letters. You (yes, you... and her... yes, and him too) will use the letters to make words, preferably in a witty sort of way :P. After which you will pick out three to seven letters of your own for the next person and so on and so forth. Play as many times as you like. (You know you aren't going to be working anyway... sure, you say you are working but we all know you are really blog hopping.) What's an acronym you ask? Oh, please, let me explain :)
acronym n : A word formed from the initial letters of a name
example: JDLP could be 'Jessica doesn't like puppies." (hardly hilarious, but an acronym nonetheless) So, get it? Good, then go play!
Shortly into the game, we ran into some other things worthy of addressing:
1. If you screw up, just delete it and I will come on and permanently delete it when I have a chance.
2. If you forget to add letters, I will give you like five minutes and then add them for you (as long as I am online)
3. If there is a double post, just go with the newest set of letters or both sets if you kick that much ass ;)
4. And per request, word verification is off for TODAY ONLY :)
5. Say whatever you like. You feel like cussing? Then fucking cuss! Thought of a really dirty/risqué phrase? Post it! Feel like poking fun at my lack of a sex life? Hey, you may as well, everyone else is :P It's an acronym free for all.
By the way, for those of you who can't wait until next Wednesday to play again, CowGirl was kind enough to point out that uproar.com has picked up my beloved Acrophobia. You can register for free, I know this because I have. Keep an eye out for me, I'm there... Just not today. Today, I am playing here ;) And you had better be too! :P
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Reason not having my cell phone sucked today (3):
My mother keeps calling my cell phone and leaving me messages asking why I am not calling her back.
I. don't. have. your. number. Mother.
Mommy, stop. I want to see how tall I am next to you.Amanda, give me a sec ok? I am right in the middle of sweeping.Aww, Momma, c'mon. I want to see how high I am.Amanda, would you mind taking the trash out?Geez, Mom, I am always the trash-taker-outer and the bag-put-awayer and the floor-picker-upper... can't you ask Emilee?Said in conversation yesterday:"So, you are eviler than your average chic?"Why yes, yes I am.Said in another conversation yesterday:So, how are things going at home?Oh, everything is just fine. The wedding is still planned for April. The invitations say "come witness the consumation of our stagnant relationship."When I took Trin to daycare this morning, I was running almost twenty minutes late. I am never late, so I was sort of flustered. When I walked in, one of the dads was signing his kid in. Slowly. So, standing behind him, waiting my turn, I squatted down to help Trin get her jacket off and as I was doing so, I told her to give me a kiss. The guy standing above me said "ok" and I didn't even realize he was being a smart ass, I just thought he was talking to someone else, lol. I told Trin "I love you" and then stood back up to sign her in. When I stood up, this guy was standing right in front of me. He laughed and said "I love you too... now how about that kiss?"
Monday, October 24, 2005
Reason not having my cell phone sucked today (2):
I have had to change my voice mail recording on my cell phone several times now... the first time, it was simply to say "Hey, it's Kate and my cell phone is broken and I won't be able to replace it until the end of the week so please, leave me a message."
No big deal right? But, here's where it gets tricky. I live in the sticks people. We have no high speed internet out here and I am on dial up. So, when I get online, I forward all of my calls to my cell phone. My cell phone that now doesn't work. So, I had to change my voicemail again to say that my cell phone is broken and to call my home number and if you did call my home number and are getting this message it is because I am online. So. Please. Leave. Me. A. Message!!! And then I had to leave my work number too in case anyone (like the girls school) needed to reach me and had my cell as primary.
What a fucking pain this has been.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Reason not having my cell phone sucked today (1):
I am driving to The Cake Lady's house to pick up my daughters (they spent the night since it was The Cake Lady's daughter's birthday) and half way there it occurs to me that if I were to either (a) be pulled over or (b) have my car break down that I would be in boxer shorts and a giant 2x t-shirt baring the phrase "You may all go to Hell and I will go to Texas" - Davy Crockett on it. I would be miles away from anything even slightly resembling a phone in PJ's and flip flops. *shudder*
a highlight or two
So, Saturday, when I dropped the girls off at The Cake Lady's house, I had to run over to another friend's place. You should remember her as the lady who's party I went to last month. If you haven't read that yet, stop reading this and click here. If you have, carry on. Anyway, I get over there and she has some things she wants me to sell on ebay for her and while we are talking about them, she brings up September party. We are laughing about a couple of things that happened when she suddenly refers to the guy (I feel like that should be followed by a 'dun dun duuun'). Oh yes, you remember him, the guy who managed to talk to me for over an hour about his ex, not ONCE letting me get a word in edgewise? Yeah, I knew you would remember ;)
She tells me that the guy has been over a few times since and always asks about me. During the most recent visit she catches on to the fact that he has asked about me a lot and confronts him on it.
Now, some history here people. I was like MAD for this woman's son for a very long time and every time she and I got together (which was often back then), I always asked about him.. How he was, if he was seeing anyone, the possibility of bumping into him at one of her functions... and she didn't realize I was interested in him until I was actually dating him, lol. So, for her to have realized that this guy was into me surprised me.
Anyway, she says that he admits being into me and she (this is why I love her) tells him to save his time since at the party all he did was whine about his ex and it is doubtful that I will be returning his interest. (He didn't remember any of this, not surprisingly. What a catch huh?) So, then she says that he asked her how to spell my last name. She says she thinks he is going to send my flowers or something as his way of apologizing for trying to bore me to death. (Flowers? Try jewelry! lol... ok, yeah, but you weren't there.)
Then she does that eye gleam thing. You know, the one where you can tell that someone has just had a "brilliant idea" and you are suddenly scared and start to back away from them? Yeah, that eye gleam. So, she waits a beat and then says, "Well, you know Kate, he is a nice guy... Maybe if you give him another shot." There was visible wincing after she completed that sentence and she immediately followed it with, "oh! You don't find him attractive?" You mean, the guy with the major issues? Oh, he was fucking hot. Uh, no. Hell no. But, it isn't just that. I didn't find a single thing about this guy attractive; not in looks, not in personality, not in lengthy conversation.. nadda.
So, I give her the I'm-not-really-into-dating-ANYone-right-now speech and she says ok and then gives me the you'll-never-meet-anyone-if-you-don't-get-out-there-more-Kate speech and I promise that I will try and get out "there" (where ever the hell "there" is) as soon as possible. She says something about how he will probably be sending me the flowers to work and laughs and I, again, wince and then we moved on.
Anyway, the rest of weekend was fine. The Cake Lady had my two older heathens so it was just Trin and I almost all weekend. Yeah, The Cake Lady? She fucking rocks. I did some house work, watched some tv, chatted online... very mellow. It's amazing how much less there is for me to clean when two of my kids aren't here :P
Oh YEAH, and I won a little contest :) Care to see? Click here. So, I won an Ipod Shuffle :) Yay! There is a little confusion as to how I will come into possession of said prize, but we are working it out...
Saturday, October 22, 2005
smoke signal me
Ok, so, it happened. I dropped my cell phone for the 8,574,214th time and instead of being fine, it actually broke this time. What the fuck? I drop it several times a week, often several times a day, and it is always fine. Sure, it has some scuff marks, but most of the stuff near and dear to my heart does (IE - my car). But this phone... it was like.. family. It has stuck by me and I am a hard person to stick by. It has dealt with hours upon hours (or if you work for a cell phone company "minutes upon minutes upon minutes") of my incessant babbling, whining, poor joke telling, descriptions of hot guys, my mother, etc. It has even been dropped into the bathtub (which the Sprint lady told me today should have killed it, no question. She said she didn't know how in the holy fuck it survived that. Ok, ok, fine, she didn't say 'fuck' but that is sooo beside the point.) and worked afterwards. It has been used by the grubby hands of my three year old daughter during twenty minute long conversations with her grandmother, it has recorded song snippets off of the radio that I wanted to download later, and kept track of my appointments. The alarm has been there for me every morning as a back up to my excessive snooze button usage. It played songs for my ringers and in doing so insured that I would get to hear Switchfoot every day... In short, I loved this phone and now it is dead. Not just dead, but completely severed into two pieces. Not a good way to go, but at least it was fast and hopefully painless...
And check out the microwire things:
ANYWAY, the reason I am telling you this my fine people is that I now have NO ONE's phone number. NO ONE's. So, you see that little email button over there? Yup, click it. Click it and then email me all of your numbers... Home, work, cell, fax... all of the above. Why? Because I don't remember anyone's numbers because I keep them in my cell phone, in my pocket, always. When I need to call you, I scroll down to your name... or your screen name... like you Toddy :) I have your numbers saved under Hot Toddy. Had. I had your numbers saved.
Help me people. I feel so cut off... and alone... I've got nothing, no one to talk to. No Switchfoot song playing letting me know that some one is calling me. *sigh*
Anyway, I am pretty sure no one has my home number either since I usually give out my cell. And how cracked out am I that I almost just typed it! lol So, email me your numbers and if you need mine let me know.
Now, a moment of silence for my cell phone.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Straight up Stolen...
I completely snagged this from Antidote for a Troubled Mind. And you would have too. My ex was the first one who ever told me to add "in bed" to all of your fortunes. So, click the cookie and then come back and post your fortune :) And don't forget to add "in bed" to it! Maybe we will start having Fortune Cookie Friday here ;)
Mine: The best way to predict the future is to invent it (in bed).
But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought...
(all quotes in this post are from the movie - Chocolat)
I find myself growing restless after I have been in a place for a couple of years. This is probably one of the main reasons that I hadn't tried to buy a house until now. I like to leave. I like to find the new... new town, new people, new home... it's all very thrilling.
Growing up, my parents never stayed in one place for very long. In fact, there were a few years when we lived in a school bus that my dad had remodeled. We traveled all the time and never lived in a place for more than a few years. It became second nature for me to pack and move and start over. It started so young that rather than disrupting my life, it became the norm.
Now, when I get tired of living somewhere, when I am tired of looking at the same walls every day, I start to lust for a change. This was especially true when I was with AZ. When he and I were together, we moved frequently. Sometimes we counted escaping as moving. Sometimes I welcomed the change, other times I hated that I was leaving behind some semblance of stability for the unknown - again. AZ and I moved twenty five times in five years...
The girls, when they came to have opinions about such things, found it exciting. A new house, a new yard, new friends, sometimes even the possibility of a new pet... but then they started school in 2002 the moving had to stop... or at least be limited to the county :) I didn't realize it until the first time I wanted to move and told the girls. I thought they would be excited!
Anouk Rocher (she's the daughter): Are you Satan's helper? Then why can't you wear black shoes like the other mothers?
I mean, I wanted to take them and move to the beach. I was tired of this town, of the job, the Stepford Wives thumbing their noses at me, of our house, of my mother... of everything. I felt trapped and wanted to just leave it all behind and start over somewhere else. They were not excited, they weren't even intrigued. Nope, they were unhappy and angry.
Roux: How does Anouk feel about it?
Vianne Rocher: What?
Roux: All the moving around.
Vianne Rocher: She's fine. She handles it beautifully, she makes friends easily, such unusual... [looks at Roux]
Vianne Rocher: She hates it. She hates it.
They would have adjusted, but they never would have been able to get back what I had taken away. They would have lost their friends, their classmates, their school, the teachers they had known always and most importantly, their security. Their security and their stability. Those are the two things I wanted to provide, the things I had to provide. I had to give them the security and stability that I never had, that I never even had a chance at until I was on my own. I never wanted them to have that sadness you get when you leave "home" behind or that uncertainty of walking into a new life not knowing if anyone will befriend you.
Part of what has been eating me lately is this restlessness. I am craving a change. Or maybe I am craving an escape. This year has been full of so much pain and part of me thinks that changing my surroundings will magically make some of that pain lessen. Not seeing her face in every shadow of my home, of this town, of every place in my life. But how would I feel if I didn't see her face every day, like I do now?
Or seeing his car every day at work. Seeing his face as he drives by and wondering if he has ever even considered calling me to say he is sorry. I don't want anything from him, he has made he choice and even if he hadn't, I would have made it for him... but I lost his friendship and I missing that so much. I never thought our friendship was in jeopardy.
I think we can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do - by what we deny ourselves, what we resist and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create and who we include.
So, I can't move. I mean, I could, but I won't. My girls are happy, they are content. This town, this place, and maybe even this house are where we are meant to be, it's where they are meant to grow up. I am going to have to find a way to quell this restlessness and embrace the solidity of it all, the comfort of the redundancy. It shouldn't be too hard, I have friends here that I wouldn't trade for anything. The six years of friendship that The Cake Lady and I have is priceless. Over the last two years, Jiffinner and I have become so close and since January, Fairy's friendship has come to mean more to me than I ever thought it could. I'm sure that Amanda and Emilee feel as strongly about their best friends and that time will only make those bonds stronger. We all have ties here. It's time to stop thinking about leaving.
But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought... By someone else... next time. And so it was, the North Wind grew weary... and went on its way. When summer came to the little village... a new breeze from the south blew soft and warm.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
HNT - scarred
Under my chin, I have a thin white scar. It doesn't bother me, I am not ashamed of it or anything, but very few people know it is there because of it's location. That scar under my chin is the first scar I ever got. When I was two, I fell down while I was in the bath and busted by chin open on the tub. If you can't see it, click on the photo to make it bigger. Wanna know what my second scar was? When I was six, I fell down the stairs and bit my tongue in half and they had to sew it back on. Gross huh? lol
Happy HNT ;)
PS. Lola is losing her HNT viginity today, click here and go see her HNT pic!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Ok, he's legal right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know... my *drool* posts are mostly spent day dreaming over my future husband... (and if you don't know who I am talking about then you def. need to hit the archives, lol) But, I am making an exception. Every Tuesday night, on the WB, I record a show called Supernatural (will have to link that tomorrow since I am at home and I am not digging up links while on dial up). Supernatural is a show about ghosts and demons and shit like that. Totally not the kind of stuff I subject myself to what with being a complete chicken shit and all... but, you see, the show kicks enough ass that I record it and watch it on Saturday or Sunday at lunch time [read: during the day light, when nothing can get me]. And 50% of the reason I keep watching this show is to *drool* over Jensen Ackles (in true Red Hot Heaven fashion, lol). So there you have it readers, my barely legal newfound crush :)
Monday, October 17, 2005
Ten Reasons Trick-or-Treating is better than sex:
OMG? Did I just type that??? lol... See, I am working with what I've got ;)
10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. Once you've done it, you don't have to wait an hour to do it again. 8. The uglier you look, the more likely you'll get some.
7. You don't have to make small talk with the person who gives you the treat.
6. The person giving it to you isn't fantasizing that you are someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last for 9 months.
4. If you wear a mask, no one thinks you're kinky.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. You don't have to call the person that gave it to you.
And the ..1 reason trick-or- treating is better than sex.......
1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door!!
Adventures in anti-depressants...
The last week or so, I have been trying to fend off this gray cloud that has been trying to rain on me. After Triniti was born, I went to a see a doctor. I realized that my emotions were rocky and that I was frequently feeling the urge to burst into tears or scream at the top of my lungs. I felt like I had no control over my life. I was stuck at home surviving off of my savings for three to five more months while I breast fed Trin and got the girls into school, my sister was living with me and we were trying to adjust, my mother and her husband were at the beginning of the end of their relationship and both were leaning on me more heavily than I could support and Trin's dad was basically making me feel like shit for ever having had the nerve to have his child.
Yup, bad place. I knew I needed some help if I was going to keep from crumbling. I went to a doctor and he put me on Zoloft. I remember sitting in my bathroom that night looking at this bottle of pills and thinking that there was no way that this is where I was. I needed a pill to get me through the day? It didn't seem possible. Nonetheless, thus began my three month stint on anti-depressants. With in the week, I was starting to feel better and I had no side effects. It was like taking a multi-vitamin every day.
When my three month supply was near it's end, I decided that I had the pick-me-up that I needed and that I was going to stop taking the pills. And I did. The first two weeks off the pills, I had horrible nightmares. My doctor said that I should have never stopped them cold turkey, but I didn't care. By the end of the third week, my nightmares were gone and I was back to normal.
Since then, there have been several times when I have felt that little cloud of sadness getting too close. Usually, there was only one thing, maybe two that were causing it and I had no problems getting everything back on track. The only time I couldn't shoo it away was when I lost Veronique. I knew that I had to wait it out. I sought out counseling but I wasn't getting onto any meds. I have learned this year that the pain I feel from losing her isn't ever going to really go away. I am just going to have good days and bad days and I will just have to deal with each as it comes.
But, this last week or so, it feels like I have been fighting off a lot of things. I am mad at Mr. I. I know, should be done with all of that right? Yeah, I am. I am not sitting around missing a relationship with him because there could never be one. What I did want was an apology. In some form or fashion, I kept waiting for him to let me know that he felt bad for the way things ended. That our friendship had meant something to him and that he was sorry to have lost it.
I am upset because of a situation at work that is keeping me from making the commissions that I was making a few months ago. It is an in depth problem that I won't go into here, but it is keeping me from making two to five hundred dollars a month that I could definitely use.
This whole house thing is driving me fucking insane. I have been in the process of trying to buy this house for over a month and I am going nuts waiting. It seems like every day I fax and sign and fax and sign and call and fax and sign... and with zero result. I feel like each day I get to paint three new paint-by-number boxes but I have no idea what I am painting or how many boxes are left. I don't mind working for something but at least tell me when I will see some fucking results.
I have been a horrid, wretched friend. I missed Tempests birthday and her first anniversary since her and her husband split up. I have gotten into the habit of just turning my phones off when I get home. Even when someone manages to catch me on the phone, I am bad company.
And I am not stewing or sad or angry... I am not really anything. I am just in limbo. I am sitting and waiting for something to happen so I can make my next move. And to quote The Princess Bride "I hate wait."
So, if you happen to be one of the friends I have neglected or one of the people who has emailed me and wondered if your words were lost in cyber space, I am still here. I am just a little bummed out right now.
Friday, October 14, 2005
avatar = you
Ahhh, got this in my email today and HAD to pass it along to ya'll :) You will probably have to click on it and see it bigger to read everything. Didn't have it in me to crop and edit and redo the whole darn thing :P
Dunno what the hell is wrong with me but I am in a pissy mood today. Stuff that normally would just irk me is irritating the ever loving shit out of me. Like being stuck behind the guy who wanted to go exactly three miles under the speed limit the entire way to highway. That's almost twenty minutes. Or getting to work and seeing that, once again, NewGirl has totally blown off the work I asked her to do. And she always leaves the ice trays on top of the fridge. How fucking hard is it to fill up the god damned ice tray when you are finished with it? Fuck me. You see, when I want ice here or at home, I empty all of the ice trays into the ice bucket I keep in the freezer and refill all of them. Makes sense to me. That way no one has to fill any ice trays for a couple of days. But NewGirl? Oh no. She likes to use one ice tray and then set it on top of the fridge. There were four up there. What the fuck? I have only mentioned that this is the most ignorant behavior possible in her presence like forty times. Even my seven year old daughter can comprehend the simple refilling of an ice tray. What in the Sam Hell is wrong with this eighteen year old girl? I want to throttle her.
Of course... I haven't had a cigarette in 12 days, 8 hours and 52 minutes. AND I haven't been laid in 47 days. Which is total bullshit. You see, the way I figure it, if one goes 12 days, 8 hours and... 53 minutes with out a smoke, one should seriously be getting laid. A lot. It should be one or the other. I can't quit sex and smoking at the same fucking time. What the hell was I thinking???
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Half Nekkid Thursday
Could this be the post that helps me reach 20,000 hits?
Ok people, if you don't have a HNT post yet, please tell me WHY NOT??? You see the little button down there? Click it for the guidelines. It's cake, really. Take a pic of some of your skin. Any skin. Post it on Thursday and then head over to Osbasso's HNT post for that day and leave a comment letting everyone know that you have been sucked in. Tell him that Kate sent you. And, for crying out loud, go now. Now. Why are you still here? Oh, you're commenting. Ok, that's all right. But after you comment, then go. :) Oh and there is a flickr group for HNT now too!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
She said 'shit'
Triniti drops her cup on the floor just now and says "Shit! Momma! I dropped my cup of milk!"
This is when my mom looks at me and starts doing that quiet laughing. You know, when you are trying not to let the kid know that it's funny, but you can't help yourself. Yeah, that laugh.
I am cleaning up the mess while my mom tells my older daughters what Trin has just said. She tells them "Yeah, did you girls know that the "s" word was the first cuss word your Mom ever said too. I didn't say another cuss word for three months."
Amanda says "we've never heard her say the "s" word before!"
My mom says "you've never heard your mom say the "s" word before?"
Amanda says "No! We've never heard Trin say the "s" word before. Mommy says it all the time!"
Emilee says "Yeah! And the "f" word and the "p" word and the "b" word and the "a" word and the..."
I say "ok, ok, ok... I think we get the picture. Aren't you supposed to be asleep??"
Let them eat cake!
Ok, so I have mentioned that Amanda's 9th birthday is coming up....
(Hang on... I have to get my paper bag and put my head between my knees for a moment....
ok, better. Thanks for waiting.)
Well today, Amanda brought home a cook book from the school library.
(And what the fuck is that all about any way? Emilee brought one home a few weeks ago. Then she took it back like three weeks late. After she left it just laying around... suggestively. Sneaky girls... trying to tell me something...)
So, the cook book. Amanda brings home this cook book and her and Emilee are going through it this evening while they are eating their hamburgers.
(And considering that this is like the fourth time we have had hamburgers in the last couple weeks they were probably picking out what they wanted to be eating... Why the hell does a school library have a cook book section anyway?)
After they finished their burgers, Amanda brought the book over to me and asked me if we could make a certain cake for her birthday. So, I looked at the pic of the cake...
looks pretty fucking cool right? I told her as much. And Amanda loves S'Mores, so it's rather appropriate. So, then I said that I didn't see why not.
(ok, just because I don't cook often, doesn't mean I can't cook at all.)
Amanda gives me that I can't believe that was so easy smile and then says cool. She asks if I would mind scanning the cake and the recipe tonight when I get on the computer.
(Notice: I am doing that now, despite what she said next.)
Again, I said sure and told her to remind me before she went to bed. She says ok and then she says "that way you can email the picture and the recipe to [The Cake Lady] and she can tell you what to buy so she can make it."
(What? Mommy can make your cake. I made your very first ever birthday cake from scratch. Ok, ok... Not from scratch, scratch. I mean, I used a box of cake mix. OK! And the icing was from the little icing tubs that they sell directly above or below the cake mix itself. But, I did sit for a very long time and separate all of the little colored star sprinkles so that I could make you a rainbow on the cake. And then used all the extra stars to make a giant "1". Yeah. And the fact that I have ordered every cake since that one from a bakery.. or the fact that I have NO idea how to actually make a cake from scratch shouldn't mean anything. I am your mother, damn it. You are to have FAITH in me.)
"Well, Amanda, maybe I could make it for you? I mean, it doesn't look that hard. Messy - yes. But mostly just a lot of goo in between two cakes."
"Maybe Mommy... But, we should probably just let [The Cake Lady] do it... you know? Just to make sure it doesn't get messed up."
(Fine... fine. So, it doesn't get messed up. Because I, your mother, the woman who managed to give you life (you know, with out messing it up) would probably screw it up. No, no. That's cool. No, I'm fine. REALLY.
Ok, Cake Lady. You have been chosen. :) My daughter doesn't think I can make her cake but is completely sure that, not only can you do it, but that you won't fuck it up, lol. Your screen name? VERY appropriate right now, lol.)
Anyway, ya'll? How cool is the cake??
You know... now that I am actually looking at it... I probably would mess it up, lol.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I'm the kind of girl who...
...loves huge coffee cups.
...likes the smell of rain.
...thinks that cold weather is best spent reading under a blanket.
...still wears her hair in pig tails.
...isn't afraid to laugh loudly.
...cries during sad and happy movies.
...dances when she cleans.
...can always find the bright side.
...would rather do it herself than ask for help.
...mops the floor twice, just to be sure it's clean.
...eats sprouts and avocados on a sandwich.
...is afraid to go outside after watching a scary show on TV.
...puts things in alphabetical order for no reason.
...loves the view when she is driving.
...doesn't think file sharing is bad.
...buys funky looking thumb tacks.
...has dolphins on her plates and shower curtain.
...never goes outside at night without looking at the stars.
...thinks purple wild flowers are far prettier than roses.
...pulls over to take a picture of the sunrise.
...will blow off cleaning to watch a movie with her daughters.
...owns a hundred pairs of shoes, but only wears three.
...peels the skin off of red grapes.
...loves Disney movies.
...stands in the rain.
...will get so hooked on a book that she blows everything else off for days.
...gets strange cravings for health food.
...thinks someone who stimulates her mind is sexy.
...doesn't like being cold.
...swims underwater with her eyes open.
...prefers V8 to soda.
...lets her imagination run away with her.
...hardly ever wears makeup.
...makes up her bed.
...lays in the grass.
...pulls over on the side of the highway to pick flowers.
...puts those flowers in old pickle jars when she gets home.
...thinks that the best place on earth is standing next to the ocean.
...speaks her mind.
...balances her check book several times a week.
...eats ice cream for breakfast and cereal for dinner.
...goes to the store for milk in pajama pants, a t-shirt, and fluffy house shoes.
...believes you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.
...bites her nails.
...believes in playing what she is dealt and not crying about it.
...thinks when you feel bad, you should write it out.
...believes in true friendship.
...you can trust.
...thinks the cake mix from the box is just as good as making it from scratch.
...knows blackberry merlot and good conversation are the makings to an awesome Friday night.
...tries to make decisions she can be proud of later.
...eats all the chocolate off the outside of a butterfinger.
...could kick your ass at Tetris.
...wants to hold your baby, even if I just met you.
...always has a pen.
...has no idea how to use a sewing machine.
...is always on time or early.
...isn't afraid to pee on the side of the road when she really has to go.
...needs a map to get anywhere.
...hates calling in sick.
...thinks popcorn is a meal.
...will go to the ice cream store for lunch.
...will rewind Pirates of the Caribbean several times to watch Johnny Depp smile over his shoulder again.
...cleans to aleviate anger.
...is considered "quick witted".
...shares everything with her friends.
...keeps eye contact while having a conversation.
...can describe every detail when recounting a story.
...has eyes bigger than her stomach.
...doesn't wear jewelry.
...wants to be the best mother anyone could ever hope for.
...gets her feelings hurt easily.
...doesn't like to cry in front of anyone.
...turns into a child at Sea World.
...can't keep plants alive.
...believes every one deserves a chance.
...types on all the wrong keys - but fast.
...will figure out how to do it, even if it takes all day.
Ok, so, you are all tagged. If you read this, make a list of your own and tell me in the comments so I can come look at it! It doesn't have to be this long but I want to know what kind of girl/guy you are.
The Cake Lady
Monday, October 10, 2005
Trin vs. The Potty
You may remember that, many posts ago, I mentioned that it was time to get Trin potty trained. I certainly had my work cut out for me since the conversations I was having with her went like this:
"Trin? Do you need to go potty?"
I bought her one of those musical potty chairs. So, if she felt inclined to pee in it, it would play a little congratulatory song for her and she could be all proud of herself. See how nice I am? But, you see, she didn't know it would do this, so I had to show her. Seeing as how I am too big to pee in her potty (and thankfully have more sense than that), I poured a little water into it for her so she could her the aforementioned song. And I was right in my assumption that she would like it. What I hadn't foreseen (shockingly) was that she would follow my lead and continuously pour water into it to hear the song as opposed to actually peeing in it. After cleaning up the bathroom floor numerous times, I forbade her to ever again pour water into her potty. She gave me this lovely little look that basically said Ha-ha Mommy, see how you lost? And I did. I saw exactly how I had been outsmarted by my three year old daughter.
Potty ~ 0
Triniti ~ 1
During this time, I had learned that it wasn't a matter of putting water into the potty since it wasn't a wetness sensor, but rather a motion sensor. So, I didn't need to pour water or another fluid into the potty to get the song, I only had to move my hand in front of it and it would play the little song. So, back to the potty we go. I move my hand in front of the little sensor and then explain to my daughter that if she goes pee in the potty, it will play that little song for her! Isn't that exciting Trin? She, being smart, realized why pee in it, when I can just move my hand in front of the potty? And she was right. So, I would put her in the bathroom to do her business and then come and check on her a few minutes later when I started hearing the song and she would have several toys in the potty chair compartment that her pee should have been in. She'd be sitting in the ground putting toys into her potty and clapping when the song came on for them. Potty ~ 0
Triniti ~ 2
Triniti is a little tall for her age... which is surprising since her father is only like five-ten and I am only five-five... Neither of our parents are abnormally tall... Anyway, with her being a little taller than average, I realized that she has outgrown this little musical potty and since she wasn't using it anyway, I gave it away. I thought that it would be great to just lead by example. I mean, why would she want to go potty on something when no one else does right? So, I bought her one of those soft kid tops that go on top of the regular lid. This one has Dora The Explorer on it and it says "Let's go!" and "vamanos!" all over it. (Maybe that's too much pressure?) And she likes it. But you know what she likes more? She likes to go into the bathroom when one of her sisters is... doing her business and say "Go pee-pee in the potty!" This causes whichever sister is on the potty to make that right now?? face and get up so Trin can go. She then gets the little Dora lid and climbs on and sits there while her sister stands off to the side waiting to finish. I know what you are thinking right now. "She's evil." Right? Yeah, I thought so. We are kind of starting to agree. Anyway she will sit on the big potty and she had pooped in it one time! But, she won't go pee in it. She still pees in her panties.
Potty ~ o
Triniti ~ 3
The ladies at daycare have been helping me with my potty training of my daughter since
I am apparently inept she spends more waking hours there than at home during the week. I bring her to daycare in the morning with a diaper on (because I don't want her to pee in the car on the way) and they change her into panties at 8am. They then take her to the bathroom every thirty minutes. And do you want to know how many times she has peed in the potty? Maybe three. And this has been going on for months! She either doesn't go all day or she pees when they put the diaper on her at naptime or she just wets her pants. At first they were all supportive and trying to keep me in high spirits, now I am pretty sure when they say "she'll get it soon!" that they are just being condescending in their pity. As soon as I walk outside they probably laugh maniacally and call me a loser. "It's no wonder she hasn't landed a man, she can't even potty train her three year old!" and then they laugh until they have to dab the tears off of their eyes.
Potty ~ 0
Triniti ~ 4
My love life ~ -64,146
The fucked up thing is that Amanda and Emilee were cake to potty train. It probably had a lot to do with my being around full time when they were little. But still, they understood the concept or possessed the bladder control or didn't get off quite as much as Trin when it comes to torturing me. I mean, I am not pushing her, I am just encouraging her. I know that all kids learn things at different rates and apparently Trin has decided to put off learning to control her bladder in lieu of memorizing every word in every Dora the Explorer episode. And that's cool, you know? She is prioritizing, and I am all about prioritizing. I just want her to have this whole using-the-toilet thing down before she has to start kindergarten. She is the only three year old still in the two year old class for crying out loud (they won't move her up until she starts using the potty). And considering that she is so tall, she looks way out of place :) I am just trying to avoid my daughter ever having to ride the short bus...
Friday, October 07, 2005
When I wanted a cigarette today....
I instead did a follow up to this post and made this:
"Sure you can have one [candy], just realize that we've coon-fingered every one of them." - Jiffinner
I have no fucking idea what "coon-fingered" means, but this cracked my shit up.
And here's the guys who didn't make the cut. The gimpy pumpkin gang.
Oh, come on - you knew this was coming. I honestly thought I was more of a twist between Bree, Lynette and Susan. Well, only Susan because I love sweaters and she always has great sweaters. And Bree, because, well I am anal. So, which one are you??
Thursday, October 06, 2005
*back* again - HNT
My fifth Half Nekkid Thursday picture :)
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
So, I went outside to smoke a cigarette...
Only problem is that I quit. Remember? Oh, I do. It has been exactly 97 hours since I have smoked. Fortunately my body is completely rebeling so the last thing I want to do is smoke. I have quit before and never and I mean never have I been through this. I have this nasty cough - one that I could normally equate to smoking several packs the day before, I am hocking up horrid nasty stuff.. in fact, I might actually be hocking up cigarettes, my voice is almost gone and I am getting these truly bizarre headaches that I can only assume are from the lack of nicotine in my system. Worst thing is that I have plans to go out and play pool tomorrow night. So, I will be in a bar, having a few drinks, playing pool - sans smokes.
-insert crying here-
So, what does one do with one's smoke break when they aren't smoking?
Oh, let me show you :)
I can feel it... I'm getting excited!
Checked my email this morning and guess what? It's time for all of you to sign up (that want to participate anyway, lol)... Don't know what I am talking about? Click here for my previous post about NanoWrimo.
Anyway, the email:
Dear Esteemed Wrimo,
It's that time again. NaNoWriMo has officially opened for its seventh noveling season, and we'd love to have you back for another raucous and productive November. To reactivate your 2004 account, just head to www.nanowrimo.org and click on the User Login Tab. If you are an Earthlink subscriber, you may be affected by a problem Earthlink is having with their DNS servers. If you are seeing a GoDaddy.com site instead of the NaNoWriMo site, please email email@example.com for instructions on how to work around this problem. See you in the forums!
The NaNoWriMo Staff
So? What are you waiting for? Go. Sign up. And then start thinking about what you will write about next month! AND, if you sign up, email me so I can add you to my NanoWrimo Blog (which I will be making public very soon!)
ps. Don't forget (*cough cough* Jiffinner *cough*), tomorrow is HNT :)
"Stay with me now! Come on! Don't you leave me!"
beep... beep... beep...... beep.........
"Charge the paddles to 200! Stat!"
"No response Dr. Jiffinner."
"Charge to 300!"
"Still no response doctor. Do you want to call it?"
"No! I am not giving up! Charge to 300 again!"
"Yes ma'am. Paddles charged."
beeeeep.... beep... beep... beep...
"She's back doctor."
This what it looked like last night when Jiffinner saved my social life. I was going to call and cancel my plans with the same person for the third time when my babysitter once again fell through. I was talking to Jiffinner last night and told her about it and how he would probably think I didn't even want to hang out with him when she offered to watch the girls for me!
My social life saw the light at the end of the tunnel... it was even walking towards it (especially after that awful hour with that guy!)... It saw other social lives that are now dead and felt like it was being welcomed home. But she resuscitated it :) Yay! I actually have plans do go out and be a grown up for an entire night :)
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
ADDED 10/15/05: You'll notice, in the comments, that Matt recommended Master Wish for wish lists... I checked it out and guess what? Totally rocks. So, here is my Wish List through Master Wish. And here is the wish list for the girls for Christmas through Wal-Mart: Christmas wish list for the girls...
Ok, so I get this email last night asking me where my wish list is... Wish list? You mean... people actually look at those? Well fuck me.
So, as opposed to scrolling through ALL of Amazon dot com, I am just going to randomly throw stuff up here for now. If I see something I like, I'll add it. And if you want to buy me something for no apparent reason other than that you just like me... well then, you just rock.
Ok, I was on popgadget and saw a post about this little garden. I thought, oh wow, I would so love to have that as the center piece on my table at home... So, I clicked the link and ended up on their site. The next thing I loved was this wishing pot. Since we have discussed my superstitiousness (word? Methinks: no.) I of course loved it. Moved on to kitchen shit and I am pretty sure that this spice rack is the coolest thing ever. And last but not least (before I had to get off of this site or risk buying everything they had and making myself broke), these oh-so-cool lanterns! I love these.
Ok, that's all for now :)
I guess I will have to break down and make an amazon wish list...
First of all, I haven't had a cigarette in 48 hours. Which means I have chewed off all of my finger nails, I am losing my voice and I am two steps closer to insanity.
Second thing: Should you ever decide to wear your hair in pigtails when you go to work, avoid eating the giant watermelon blow-pop at your desk that day. This way your boss doesn't come in to check on you and give you that look.
Third thing: for those of you keeping track, I haven't had sex in thirty seven days.
More later :)
Monday, October 03, 2005
my favorite post card this week
Ok, do you read Post Secret? If not, then you should! It's a great site :)
Anyway, I do read it, every week, on Monday and this week, this is my favorite post card :) Which one is your favorite?
(My blog's all sorts and kinds of interactive today huh? lol)
Something you shouldn't do when you are trying to be all cool with being single is watch fucking romantic movies on TV.
I was flipping through the channels and came across City Of Angels playing on ABC and decided to watch it for a few minutes. Unfortunately, I caught it right at the beginning and was sucked in for the whole ride. What a great movie. You can literally feel the passion reverberating from the screen.
Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
See, that. That's what I want. That feeling.
As much as I love being single, as much as I stand by how awesome it is... I would trade it for that. For that insanely powerful connection between two people. For that person who loved me that much and whom I loved that much in return. I mean, he gave up eternity for her. And when she dies the next day, he isn't mad. He is thankful that he even got one day. Wow.
Anyway, believe it or not, that wasn't what I wanted to write about. In the beginning of the movie "Seth" is standing by while a little girl dies. He is there to take her "home" and while they are walking out he asks her"
Seth: Can I ask you something?
Seth: What did you like best?
So, what I want to know today readers is what would your answer have been. I will even give you top two. Tell me what the two things you love most about life are. I will tell you mine down there in the comments a little later.
I know, it's Monday and we mostly hate Mondays, so think about everything that makes you happy with me :)