But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought...
(all quotes in this post are from the movie - Chocolat)
I find myself growing restless after I have been in a place for a couple of years. This is probably one of the main reasons that I hadn't tried to buy a house until now. I like to leave. I like to find the new... new town, new people, new home... it's all very thrilling.
Growing up, my parents never stayed in one place for very long. In fact, there were a few years when we lived in a school bus that my dad had remodeled. We traveled all the time and never lived in a place for more than a few years. It became second nature for me to pack and move and start over. It started so young that rather than disrupting my life, it became the norm.
Now, when I get tired of living somewhere, when I am tired of looking at the same walls every day, I start to lust for a change. This was especially true when I was with AZ. When he and I were together, we moved frequently. Sometimes we counted escaping as moving. Sometimes I welcomed the change, other times I hated that I was leaving behind some semblance of stability for the unknown - again. AZ and I moved twenty five times in five years...
The girls, when they came to have opinions about such things, found it exciting. A new house, a new yard, new friends, sometimes even the possibility of a new pet... but then they started school in 2002 the moving had to stop... or at least be limited to the county :) I didn't realize it until the first time I wanted to move and told the girls. I thought they would be excited!
Anouk Rocher (she's the daughter): Are you Satan's helper? Then why can't you wear black shoes like the other mothers?
I mean, I wanted to take them and move to the beach. I was tired of this town, of the job, the Stepford Wives thumbing their noses at me, of our house, of my mother... of everything. I felt trapped and wanted to just leave it all behind and start over somewhere else. They were not excited, they weren't even intrigued. Nope, they were unhappy and angry.
Roux: How does Anouk feel about it?
Vianne Rocher: What?
Roux: All the moving around.
Vianne Rocher: She's fine. She handles it beautifully, she makes friends easily, such unusual... [looks at Roux]
Vianne Rocher: She hates it. She hates it.
They would have adjusted, but they never would have been able to get back what I had taken away. They would have lost their friends, their classmates, their school, the teachers they had known always and most importantly, their security. Their security and their stability. Those are the two things I wanted to provide, the things I had to provide. I had to give them the security and stability that I never had, that I never even had a chance at until I was on my own. I never wanted them to have that sadness you get when you leave "home" behind or that uncertainty of walking into a new life not knowing if anyone will befriend you.
Part of what has been eating me lately is this restlessness. I am craving a change. Or maybe I am craving an escape. This year has been full of so much pain and part of me thinks that changing my surroundings will magically make some of that pain lessen. Not seeing her face in every shadow of my home, of this town, of every place in my life. But how would I feel if I didn't see her face every day, like I do now?
Or seeing his car every day at work. Seeing his face as he drives by and wondering if he has ever even considered calling me to say he is sorry. I don't want anything from him, he has made he choice and even if he hadn't, I would have made it for him... but I lost his friendship and I missing that so much. I never thought our friendship was in jeopardy.
I think we can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do - by what we deny ourselves, what we resist and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create and who we include.
So, I can't move. I mean, I could, but I won't. My girls are happy, they are content. This town, this place, and maybe even this house are where we are meant to be, it's where they are meant to grow up. I am going to have to find a way to quell this restlessness and embrace the solidity of it all, the comfort of the redundancy. It shouldn't be too hard, I have friends here that I wouldn't trade for anything. The six years of friendship that The Cake Lady and I have is priceless. Over the last two years, Jiffinner and I have become so close and since January, Fairy's friendship has come to mean more to me than I ever thought it could. I'm sure that Amanda and Emilee feel as strongly about their best friends and that time will only make those bonds stronger. We all have ties here. It's time to stop thinking about leaving.
But still the clever north wind was not satisfied. It spoke to Vianne of towns yet to be visited, friends in need yet to be discovered, battles yet to be fought... By someone else... next time. And so it was, the North Wind grew weary... and went on its way. When summer came to the little village... a new breeze from the south blew soft and warm.
Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!
12/14/84 - 1/26/05
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"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
Veronique
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
HNT - scarred
Ok, he's legal right?
Ten Reasons Trick-or-Treating is better than sex:
Adventures in anti-depressants...
avatar = you
bad mood....
Half Nekkid Thursday
She said 'shit'
Let them eat cake!
I'm the kind of girl who...
Ok, he's legal right?
Ten Reasons Trick-or-Treating is better than sex:
Adventures in anti-depressants...
avatar = you
bad mood....
Half Nekkid Thursday
She said 'shit'
Let them eat cake!
I'm the kind of girl who...
Childhood Memories
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
www.flickr.com
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The one and only Matchbox Twenty
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
That cracked my shit up! TM
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
