Wednesday, May 31, 2006
El Road Trip
Well kind of anyway.
I will be missing for a few days people.
I'm taking my girls and my sister and driving up to Dallas this weekend to celebrate my grandmother's eighty first birthday. Tomorrow is the last day of school and as soon as that final bell rings we are loading up into the Focus (which is getting an oil change, manicure, massage and all over check up as we speak) and hitting the road.
This trip is always a rush since I make it so rarely. If I am not mistaken, I have only been to Dallas with my girls twice since Amanda was born. So we kind of roll into town like a circus act and all The Relatives come out and stare and point at us :) We sit for the pictures and my children are on Their Best Behavior and then we roll back home, thoroughly exhausted.
But this trip has a bonus star. You see, I lived in Dallas many, many moons ago. I was born there and in the process of being moved all over the place as a child, my mother settled in Dallas for two years. Those two years were my third and fourth in school and we lived in an apartment complex with my mother and grandmother.
While we lived there, I became the best of friends with a little girl my age whose name was Naki. Naki lived one building over so we were pretty much always together. When I left Dallas to move to Hawaii when I was ten, she was the thing I would miss more than anything else.
I came back when I was thirteen for my birthday for a two week visit and she and I saw each other again. At the time she and her family were planning to move to Iran.
Less than a year later, our house in Hawaii burned down and we lost everything.
In the process of being moved around and eventually settling back down on the coast near Padre, I had lost contact with everyone I knew. I assumed that she and her family had indeed moved since I was unable to contact her and visa versa.
And then, a few months ago when I signed up for the myspace, I did a search for her. She has a very unique name or so I had thought until I pulled up several people that were our age with her name. But then, I came across one profile and knew it was her. She and I hadn't seen each other in thirteen years and I knew right away that it was her.
I emailed and she responded and we have been trying to get caught up ever since.
Well, this Saturday, she is coming by my grandmother's birthday party and I will get to see her again.
For the first time in thirteen years :)
I am jazzed.

I will try to keep ya'll updated and I will take many many pics but it is possible that I will be offline until Monday.
No, no, you'll be ok.
No, really you will.
Click on any of those links on my sidebar...
Or delve into the archives (trust me, this may be your last chance to 'delve' as it were) and leave obscure comments.
Or send me threatening emails telling me how badly I suck for abandoning you all for four. whole. days.

Talk to you all on Monday :)
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:48 PM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Dear Triniti,
Today, you are turning four years old.
It's incredibly difficult for me to look at you and realize that this very fall you will be putting on your very own backpack and hopping on the school bus.
More hard than before because you are truly the last child I will ever have that will shed the infant and toddler years for those of a small child letting go of my hand as she walks into her classroom.
blurry, but that face!
I hadn't intended to have any more children after your sisters. I was done with the diapers and strollers and spit up. I had moved forward to ages where children actually don't run out into parking lots laughing because you are chasing them. But, then that day came. The day when I realized I must be pregnant. I marched straight down to get tested but knew before they ever told me. All of the decisions I had made to not have any more kids rushed through my mind as walked out to the parking lot holding a sheet of paper confirming what I already knew. I remember opening the door to my little Mazda and sitting down in the driver's seat with the news still bouncing around in my head trying to find a place to stick. As I stuck the key into the ignition and turned it, it was like I had turned some switch in my own head.
I'm having a baby.
blue snow cone
There was nothing else.
I suddenly felt this overwhelming calm. If there is fate, if there is destiny, then both of those things quelled everything else and allowed nothing but the pure joy of your impending arrival.
Trin's Pruned Tootsies in the Tub
And then you were here, quick as a flash.
You were the easiest little baby. Did everything the books said babies were supposed to do without any of the pesky issues I had with your sisters or that every other mother on the planet has with at least one of their offspring. You slept when you were supposed to sleep and ate when you were supposed to eat and pooped when you were supposed to poop. I could take you anywhere, oh yes, you were the most portable of children yet.
All angelic
You made me recommend to every would be parent a third child.
Apparently parental bliss is located in the third child. The third child is happy and drooly and smells so good you want to inhale their very skin. You giggled and cooed as if on queue and welcomed sleep when laid down in the evenings.
Your sisters were and still are enamored with you. You are their very own little doll.
When I brought you home from the hospital, Amanda and Emilee were standing two stairs up from me looking at you. Emilee was smiling that smile she has when she can't think of anything to say but is just so very happy. But Amanda, she looked at you and then at me and said, "Oh Mommy, she is so beautiful."
And they were hooked.
the fairy
Before you were born, I thought that Amanda and Emilee's bond was created out of their closeness of age. I told people that it was because they had never known a time when the other wasn't there and because of that, they are bonded so very closely. But I saw after you came along that their bond has nothing to do with time and everything to do with being Sisters. The three of you melt my heart more times than I can even begin to relay. Just walking into your room and seeing the three of you laying in bed reading together or playing on the floor and I am reminded that nothing is as strong as the bond you three share.
three sisters
And you have this personality that is so different from theirs. From the very beginning you have been completely content to just sit and play. Your imagination never ceases to surprise me. The games you come up with. Just yesterday I walked into the kitchen and you had taken some spoons out of the drawer and were immersed in an imaginary world where these were not spoons, but a family.
doll house
You have such energy. And there are times when I just look at you and you are practically vibrating with it. You've always ran everywhere you went. Just run from one room to the next to grab a toy and then run back. You jump up when the tv tells you to and jump up and down or spin in circles. But the thing I love the most is how you sing. You just walk around all the time singing to us. Sometimes songs I know, sometimes the "la la la's" and sometimes songs you've made up yourself, but you are always singing something. And hearing that everyday is one of my most favorite things. You little voice singing... I would give up all the music in the world to keep hearing it.

Only this year have you truly started to come into your personality and shed your toddleresque habbits. You have opinions and you voice them. Oh boy do you voice them. To put it nicely, you are very strong willed :) You want to pick out your own clothes and put your own shoes on and close the car door yourself. You don't want help anymore for things I am used to helping with. But with this has also come this very sweet little girl who pops out and says "thank you Mommy" all the time or even better "no thank you" (mostly when I ask if you need to go potty). Or who tells me "Happy Da Mudders Day" at least once a day and then hands me some random thing she's found on the floor. And then, last week even looked at me questioningly and said "Happy Da Trini's Day?" and wanted the bead you had just handed me back.
my baby is sick :(
But the thing, my favorite thing about you is your happiness. You walk around singing and skipping and playing and laughing. You are such a happy little girl. You make me want to abandon the dishes and play on the floor with you and your dinosaurs.
trin 03-05
Today is your birthday.
Today you are four years old.
Happy Birthday Baby.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:20 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Sunday, May 28, 2006
Sunday morning...
Me, with the Ipod singing along to Marc Broussard's "Home"...

Rolling down the road
Going no where
Guitar packed in the trunk
Somewhere round mile marker 112
Papa started hummin the funk
I gotta jones in my bones before we know
We were singing this melody
Stop the car pulled out the guitar
Halfway to New Orleans

Said take me home
Take me home

Could feel the sun about to rise
When I realized we had nothing to fear

Then, I feel someone tap me on the back and I pop one of the ear buds out to hear what Amanda wants to tell me.
"Hey Mommy, you know, I have something to fear..."
*eyebrows go up*
"Oh yeah, what's that?"
"Your singing."

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:16 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Friday, May 26, 2006
Mother Of The Year Award
Yeah, so the Mother Of The Year Award will not be going to me this weekend. After weeks and weeks and weeks of constantly going to practices and games and gymnastics and the store for poster boards for projects... Anyway, after running my ass off since about January, we finally have a weekend of nothing.
Ok, well so it isn't supposed to be nothing. It is supposed to be a birthday party for Emilee and Triniti and despite the fact that Emo will be horribly pissed at me, I am rescheduling.
The idea of an entire weekend sans errands and appointments is too appealing.
And the only kid I had for sure confirmed canceled this morning for the parade.
Which is so a sign right?
Anyway on account of the much needed hiatus from my life and the fact that my house is literally minutes away from being condemned, I think I am going to spend my weekend getting cleaned and organized and ready for the trip to Dallas on Thursday despite the impending "I hate you" from my middlest daughter.
Wish me luck.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:19 AM
| link to this post | 7 spoke |

Thursday, May 25, 2006
Thursday Thoughts
I know, no post for a few days... I've seen ya'll checking back to see if I have word vomited all over the screen yet.
I have just been so very very tired. It's like all of the running around for months caught up to me. I actually went home Tuesday and napped! And I was in bed by ten last night. Very unlike me. I am also trying to stock pile some energy before this weekend too. I have to get my place under control by this weekend and keep it as such through next week because Thursday I am leaving for Dallas. I will be gone for four days (don't worry, I will try to blog! And if I can't, I will be blogging on my Tungsten and uploading later) starting the last day of school.
But the main reason I haven't blogged is because I have been distracted by a conversation that is happening on my single parents message board. Several of you know which one I am talking about since you post there but for those of you who don't, let me summarize.
One of the posters asked us what advice we would give to a woman who was considering being artificially inseminated by her gay friend. She is forty five and has no children and no prospect of a marriage. So basically she would be embarking upon motherhood alone and wanted to have some idea of how this would change her life.
This led into an entire discussion about whether she should even be having the child alone and to be honest with you, dear reader, there were several answers that ruffled my feathers.
Now you guys know from reading LOC that I am not conservative by any means and I very rarely follow The Rules. I don't believe you have to be married to have sex never mind to have children. I don't think that a married household is always better than a single parent household. But I do believe that the biggest misconception out there right now is that single parents are not as good as married parents. I would challenge ANY married household to my own. Any.
I am a good mother. Every single decision I make is for what is best for my children. Including the decision to not be with their fathers. If you would like to condemn me for having three children out of wedlock and therefore depriving them of the "stable life" that they should have received, that is your prerogative.
But don't fucking stand there and say that you are better than me because you were married when you had your kids. There aren't separate categories here people. You are either married or single, you can't subcategorize it. I would sure love to know where these people are buying their high horses because I would love to bomb the farm.
But more importantly, how can you sit back and look at your child and have those feelings, those warm-and-fuzzy-oh-my-god-I-am-so-lucky-to-be-a-mom feelings and then tell someone else they don't deserve them because they aren't following your fucked up Rule Book of needing marriage first?

You can never be ready for parenthood. Never.
You can read every book ever written on the subject, you can buy all of the latest and best gadgets, you can cut your husband out of a Perfect Man Catalog.
But when your baby is born and you hold them in your arms for the very first time, that is when you become a mother, that is when your world changes.

Anyway, I want to know what ya'll think and give those of you who have already addressed this on the board a chance to vent or whatever here.
And I will post more in the comments but I have to work :(
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:24 AM
| link to this post | 21 spoke |

Tuesday, May 23, 2006
predating: the recap
Fairy and I made insanely good time and actually arrived at the restaurant a full twenty five minutes early. This gave her a chance to change her pants, which she did in the parking lot. She fiddled with her makeup while I had a cigarette and listened to Rob Thomas belt out "Smooth" with Santana. Three minutes later, she looks over at me and says, "I'm not hideous am I?"
Bless her heart. I assured her that she wasn't and to stop fucking with her makeup because makeup has a tendency to just get worse the more you fuck with it. She said fine and grabbed her purse and got out of the car. I glanced at the clock and saw that we still had twenty minutes until check in time and then looked at Fairy. She said, "C'mon Kate, I can't just sit here. Let's go in already."
It occurred to me that we could. not. do. that.
I mean, couldn't you just see a saying being created:
Dude, I was as desperate as a chic showing up twenty minutes early for speed dating.
We sat in the car for the next twenty five minutes before going in.
Ok, well when the guys started arriving they would go and sit at the table that they were assigned and it just so happened that I, of course, got the first guy. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing but it did mean that I would be making conversation with this guy for way longer than six minutes.
I am just now listening to this tape for the first time and of course my first guy is a Soft Talker. I remember thinking that when he first started talking to me because I had to keep leaning forward to hear what he was saying. What this means for ya'll is that I can't hear a damn thing he is saying now and I will have to go from memory.
On the little sheet that they give you explaining things, it says some questions to "stay away from" so as not to sound all cliché and the very first questions is "So what do you do?"
So what do you think I asked??
Soft Talker looks me square in the eye and says, "I'm an underwear model." I get major points for not squirting wine out of my nose right here. The reason that I found this even more hilarious that just the statement itself is that while Fairy and I were sitting in the car patiently waiting for it to be check in time, she looked over at me and said, "you know, we should just be some one different with each guy. We could totally pick different professions that are just insane and give each guy a different story."
I told her to make sure she wrote down the profession next to the guy so she would remember who she was later.
And now, my first guy has to be making this up. An underwear model? Seriously? Hey Fred, that is apparently the new pick up line. Dude wasn't an underwear model, he was in IT guy. He came clean about ten minutes later. He was nice. Very much so not my type. I mean the guy asked me if I liked the outdoors and when I told him I did he said he didn't. What the fuck? Then why did you ask me? He didn't really have any interests to speak of with the exception of the gym. I mean, nothing. I think I asked him twice what he liked to do in his spare time and the answer was the same, "I go to the gym a lot." This was his second time speed dating.


Dude numero dos.
Ok, I am finding that I can't hear the vast majority of this tape guys. I am sorry. When ever ya'll are ready to start a fund for some serious recording equipment, just let me know. In the meantime, I am winging it. And I can't promise this is in order. Like you care right? lol
Second guy was the very definition of a metrosexual. You know, those guys that get manicures and pedicures and are still standing by the fact that they are straight? This guy had on a pink and yellow striped shirt. And he took notes. Lots of notes. He would ask me something and then write something down and then ask me something and then write something down. I mean, go him for being all ready but I hadn't even written his name down yet and he had a friggen chapter book on me. It felt like he was cheating.
Anyway, he was cool. We chatted a lot. He was in IT as well but had to pimp out his gig [see how nice I am? I so plugged his site]. Before I even realized it, dude was selling me on his own speed dating service. Says he has his first one coming up in June and hey, doyouknowwhat? You should like totally come Kate!
Uh huh.
He had a great personality, nice guy. He will not be contacting me though because of the eight or nine guys I met, he was the only one who asked if I had kids. And so he was the only one I told.

[Now let me explain here that I am in no way ashamed of my girls. I love them more than anything. But, I pretty much knew after the first guy that I wasn't going to bring them up. Why? Well mostly because it would take the entirety of the six minutes for me to explain my situation you know?
Can you just picture me, sitting at the table in front of you laying this on ya?
Hi, my name is Kate. I am twenty six, I sell cars and I have three daughters. My girls are ten, eight and (almost) four and are from two different fathers. It would take me awhile to explain the whole story to you so I will just sum it up. First father, I was with him for five years and he eventually decided he liked drugs and men more than me so buh-bye. Second dude was a guy I met on the net and he moved here from New York with his two sons and we got a place together and then he proceeded to bang half of San Antonio behind my back and I found out two years in which was, [haha] coincidentally the same time I found out I was pregnant. I haven't had a [air quotes] serious relationship since he and I split up which was... three years ago. I never introduce a guy to my kids unless I am very serious about him so you won't be meeting my kids any time in the near future should you decide you want to date me and I am incredibly busy with gymnastics and softball and school and work and housework and just being a mom so I have limited free time. And I smoke.
So, tell me about yourself? -Bell- Oh, well it was nice meeting you.
See what I mean? You have to have time for my baggage people.]


Dude number three was... well, not from around here. And he had his head like... sucked into his neck or something. It was like looking at a turtle who hadn't decided whether or not to come all the way out of his shell yet. His English was challenged and we struggled to even have a conversation. He basically smiled and nodded at everything that I said. And when he did talk, I had a hard time following him. But, I did manage to find out what he did for a living... care to guess?

Uh huh - IT.


Dude number four was a nice enough guy. Moved here from Chicago (had NO accent) because San Antonio pays better for their IT guys than other place. When he said that, I seriously started to look around and wonder if all of these guys had come together. Maybe this was there secret cult initiation or something. What are the odds that the first four guys would all have the exact. same. profession? Ok but the thing with number four was something was wrong with his eyes. Fairy said she didn't notice this when she talked to him but I definitely did. You see, I am the kind of person who makes eye contact a lot and when I made eye contact with this guy, it looked like he was looking at my chest. I don't think he was but I think his eyes were like... low or something. I don't know. Have you ever talked to someone with a lazy eye and their good eye is on you but the other eye is drifting? Well it was kind of like that only it was both eyes and they just drifted.. down.

Ok, shut up. It was creepy.


Number five. Number five had done this five times. Five. Most of the other guys had been there once, a few were doing this for the first time but number five was on his fifth run. Also in IT, all he did was talk about his personal trainer.

Who was a guy.
He kept telling me how much his trainer could bench or leg press or whatever. I just let him run with it for the whole six minutes. I think he may have set some kind of record for a "straight" guy talking about his male personal trainer.


Next guy was in Marketing! Yay! Someone I could talk to. He was very nice and we have similar jobs so there was that. But other than those two things, I can't really remember much about him. Maybe he let me talk more and didn't say as much. But I honestly can't remember hardly anything about him. Except his name. I remember that.


Ok when the next guy sat down in front of me, I am pretty sure he was not on his first drink, if you know what I mean ;) He had that red faced thing. You know [TB: I know you know] when someone starts drinking and they can be one drink in and their cheeks get bright red? Cool guy but he looked like he was bored and was only there because there aren't any really good places to par-tay on a Monday night. He came with some chics and is actually a director at a local news station here. He didn't really want to talk shop but did make it a point of trying to explain that he wasn't being a pompous ass when he said he was very good at his job. He directs two of the local news shows and that was all I got from him.


The last guy I met was actually the only one I would be interested in seeing again. I saw him when he came in and totally thought he was cute. I actually got to talk to him for twelve minutes because one of the guys had skipped a table or something so he had to stay put while everyone else moved. Conversation flowed easily which I would take as a good thing if it weren't for the fact that it flowed just as easily with several guys I have no interest in seeing again. He was not an IT guy, rather he was a pharmacist. Which pretty much had me flashing to Desperate Housewives several times during our conversation but it was completely overlookable [take that spell checker] because he was awesome to talk to. Moved here from Wyoming five years ago, works with radio active something or another.

Great sense of humor.
When he told me about his job, I asked him how old he was and he said thirty three. I told him he did not look that old at all (and he didn't, he was very
Doogie Howser but in a much cuter current NPH kind of way) to which he responded, "It's the radiation."
When he didn't ask me my age, I was surprised since almost every other guy had. [Apparently the loop hole to avoid a social faux pas when asking a woman her age is to go speed dating.] I told him that I was a little surprised that he was the only guy who hadn't asked me my age, I told him almost every other guy had started with that and he said, "oh they are all just trying to make sure that your eggs are still good."
I almost died laughing.
Anyway, I liked him but the rest, no interest at all.
However, like I said, I didn't mention the girls so I am not exactly expecting a date from any of these dudes. But it was fun to go out and give it a shot and Fairy had a fucking blast.

After the speed dating, she and I went to meet The Bachelor at his bar and watched the end of the Spurs/Mavericks game. The Bachelor is pretty much set in that all the dudes we met were lacking in testosterone since in his opinion no guy should have been anywhere but in front of a tv or live game while the Spurs were playing the Mavs.
I met three of The Bachelor's friends. One who I heard a lot about, the other two I don't think he's mentioned in more than passing. And it has to be said that I laughed my ass off at the dude who kept talking like a pirate.
The game was intense and the bar was on fire. It was fun. We had to bail as soon as it ended because Fairy had to get her son but she said she had a great time, so mission accomplished ;)

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:48 AM
| link to this post | 15 spoke |

Monday, May 22, 2006
Hola party people.
Ok yeah, too much for a Monday morning huh? Sorry.
Anyway, I just wanted to mention a couple of things before I get off of this thang. The first of which is the Mobile Blog I have set up on account of the feet pics my brother keeps mocking me with sending me. I figured I would cut out the middle man and just have it set up to where he can post them directly to the net.
So, click here for Views with feet... And should you happen to take any pics with your feet in 'em like my little brother, please email them to me so I can post them on there.
Come on people, you know you wanna show me and the rest of the world your tootsies.

Ok, so anyway this is going to have to be short because today is going to be insane for me. I think that there are only two of us working (you'd think I would know since I do the schedule) and I am out at three.
Why am I out at three?
Well that would be because I am doing something absolutely insane (or stupid, depending on how full you view the cup and all) tonight with Fairy. Ok, ew. Not that kind of insane.
Fairy and I are going speed dating. Well, actually, they call it "predating" now in a very stewardess/flight attendant kind of way. Basically it's like a dozen dudes and a dozen chics and we get to talk to each other for six minutes each. After we talk to them we check yes or no, literally, on a little score card and then talk to the next person. At the end of the night, everyone turns their score cards in and leaves. With in twenty four hours you get notified of who you "matched" with based on you both checking yes.
Yup, I really have sunk this low people.
Don't cry for me.
No, seriously, back in the day when I was writing for a dating/relationship website, I had asked Fairy if she would go with me because I wanted to do an article on it. I believe her exact response at the time was. "Hahahahahahahahahah... no - no, wait I - hahahahahahaha..." Yeah, or something like that. Anyway, she called me last week and seeing as she has been single for... well, I don't think I am legally or ethically allowed to tell you how long. It's like asking a chic her age. You just don't ask a chic how long she's been single. If you do, she has the right to either strangle you with her bare hands or start sobbing hysterically expecting you to listen to her ask you why no one loves her for the next two hours.
And no one wants that right?
So, "pre-dating" it is.
Now here's the plan my people. I am running into WalMart to buy some batteries for the digital recorder I've use both here and here and a little insignificant purse to put it in. You know, something too small to put on the floor and not too big to be weird on the table... my intention is to record the entire thing. Time permitting of course because I think that the recording device cuts off at like an hour and half... anyway, I will record as much as possible. What I would give for the ability to pause time and make notes during this. I really do think it will be wonderful material for you all.
If it all works out the way my evil plan says it can.
Now, don't be getting your hopes up dear readers because I don't want you to be all pissy if they don't let me put my purse on the table and the actual post is all like:
So, I went speed dating last night and it blew... moving on.
Afterwards, Fairy and I are planning to meet up with
The Bachelor for drinks and as much fun as you can have on a Monday night after speed dating.
I will be accepting predictions and would love to know if any of you have been before.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:16 AM
| link to this post | 14 spoke |

Saturday, May 20, 2006
Why my kids rock more than yours.
So, I took the girls to Sonic to grab some food tonight (for those of you not in the know, Sonic is a drive in fast food place) and there was this huge band of loiterers teenagers hanging out in the parking lot playing really shitty music which was irritating my headache from the three tequila sunrises I had a few hours earlier.
Wow, was that seriously all one sentence?
Anyway, we ordered our food and then the chic brought it out and we pulled out of our spot to leave. When we drove around the loop of the parking lot, the teenagers stared at our car.
The following conversation took place:
Amanda: Why are they just staring at us like that?
Emilee: They aren't staring at us, they are staring at Mommy because she is hot.

Oh yeah, my kids are so fucking cool.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:52 PM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Who won the last game of the season???
Yeah, that would be these girls:

(sorry, I couldn't get a pic of ALL the girls together w/out people in front of them or one kid cut out. It's like herding cats.)

Final score: 14-7, our favor
And now, I will be needing to actually buy Softball For Dummies because we stayed to watch the next game and there are some serious rules when they girls start moving up. Like, did you know if the catcher drops the ball on the third stike, the batter can run?

God help me.


This season is over but we are competing in a summer tournament in a town a few hours away that will be three days long. That is going to be fun! And we will continue to have practices and some games with other teams that are practicing as well.
Oh yeah, and we are heading out in about forty five minutes to go to the POOL PAR-TAY.

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:14 PM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Friday, May 19, 2006
He wants you all to hate him.

and the original here...

part one can be seen here

part two is here...
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:07 PM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

reason #6,541 that you'll think I'm off my rocker
So you guys know that I am weird already and because of that I have to confess a rogue thought that crossed my crooked and effed up mind this morning.
You see, I was dropping Trin off at daycare and taking my sweet ass time since I wanted to make the eyes at the cute assistant coach guy. Yeah, yeah, I know, he's married and I can't actually touch him but I can still make the eyes and check out his awesome smile and nice butt. Anyway, he usually brings his children in between 7:30 and 7:45 and I am normally out of the daycare by 7:30. So this morning when I was running a little late, I chatted up the daycare ladies in an effort to stall for a few minutes and see if I could get some eye candy before I split. At 7:40 though, it was time for me to go unless I wanted to be late and c'mon, I have way too many issues with being late.
So, I walk out to my car and jack the iPod up because it's Sister Hazel and who doesn't love Your Winter?? And I am waiting for this lady to cross in front of my car with her little boy so I can speed out of the parking lot and get on the highway. But, as the lady is walking in front of my car, he 3/4 year old son is staring at me. Like really staring, making complete and total eye contact and everything. So, I smiled at him because I frequently smile at little children unless they are picking their noses or sticking their tongues out at me. He didn't smile though which is kind of weird since most kids smile back at me or hide behind their moms (depending on what kind of hair day I am having)... He just walked very slowly and held eye contact until his mom pulled him through the door.
And as I am driving off, I have one of the most fucked up thoughts ever.
I started thinking about older chics who date younger dudes. You know, like those late forties girls that are banging the fraternity guy in college and teaching him all the cool stuff he didn't even know chics would let him do to their bodies? Yeah, those relationships.
Because if I were ever to have one of those (one can only hope) then it would be with a kid who is the age of the kids at the daycare right now.
Hold on, I think I need to go throw up.
No, seriously though, I am twenty six. If I were to be like forty five and hook up with some twenty year old guy, he would be like that kids age right now. I am an adult, he is in daycare. The possible college dude I could want to have a lewd and extensive sexual affair with during my midlife crisis is in day care right now!!

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:00 AM
| link to this post | 9 spoke |

Thursday, May 18, 2006
Dear Emilee,
Today you are turning eight years old.
That means for eight years now you have been bringing The Light into my life. You have made me smile and laugh more times than I could ever possibly count.
bring on the rain
You have this sweetness that comes so unbelievably naturally to you.
I have only had the pleasure of meeting a few people in my life who possess this happiness that you possess and I am so lucky to have known any of them. But, to be your mother... to have my daughter be this person of Light is so very wonderful.
People I have never met before will come up to me and talk to me about you. They will tell me how wonderful you are because you have this ability to affect all who meet you and I think this is because you have such a good heart.
Work it girlfriend.
This last year with you has been such an interesting thing to watch. You've lost like five teeth in the last few months alone. They just keep popping out. And the fact that you wanted the Tooth Fairy to prove she was real just cracked me up. Especially the next morning when you were covered in her fairy dust.
You may not believe this since you are frequently afraid to sleep with out your night light or be near the window when it is dark outside or be scared after a bad dream, but you are one of the bravest people I have ever known. The fact that you are never afraid to ask the umpire at a softball game to explain to you what is going on or be nice to some kid you have never met before or try every new thing that falls into your path. You never limit yourself and that is so very brave.
One of the things you wanted to do this year was start stopping at the little convenience store on the corner and go in to buy candy or ice cream or a hundred other sugar laden things that you knew I would never buy. You took your tooth fairy money or the money your grandmother and grandfather gave you and you went in, alone. The very first time you did this, I sat out in the car and watched you through the glass. I was so nervous and just sat there biting my nails. I wanted to go in there and help you pick out what you could afford and take you up to the counter myself. But, you added everything up yourself and didn't overspend and came out with this self satisfied smile on your face, so proud of what you had just done. You explained to me afterwards about how you had even added the tax! I was so proud of you, so proud of your courage and your ability to just forge ahead, no matter what. You have such an incredible amount of independence for someone who rarely wants to be or do anything alone. You love to have people to play with or talk to.
she thinks she's a boy
You have such an amazing ability to hold knowledge. I think if everyone's brain were a sponge that your sponge must be bigger and would never ever be full. You ask so many questions, always wanting to know how things work and why and then you remember all of this afterwards.
And you are such a good sister. You love your sisters so much and aren't afraid to show them. I have seen you so many times get down on the floor and pretend to be a kitty so Trin will follow you to the bath.
Emo and Trin
Or give half of your candy to Amanda even though she has already finished hers. You are so loving to them and I know that right now it is hard to realize that they appreciate you but I promise you that one day, you will know.
Your sense of humor is so innocent and playful and loving. When you come home and tell me the little cheesy jokes you heard in school that day. The best was when you came in a few weeks ago and started to pull the "crank call" jokes on me that I did when I was a kid...
"Mommy, is your refrigerator running?"
And when I told you that I had done those same jokes when I was a kid and you were shocked. As though I am sooooo old.
Emilee and her shrimp
You are such a giving person... So often you will come to me and want to help or do something just to surprise me and I appreciate you for that so much. You are an amazing kid with this wonderful heart and I am so lucky that I can, every day, tell people that you are my daughter.
the video game system

You have a good soul Emilee. And you make me so proud every day just by being you and being my daughter. I couldn't be happier to have you in my life.

I love you so much!

painted face

Happy Birthday Baby,

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:48 AM
| link to this post | 11 spoke |

Wednesday, May 17, 2006
morning snippets
Ok, so in the mornings, I have to put my energy hat on and crack jokes and try and make the morning fun so the girls will want to get up.
This morning, I was telling the girls something and I said, "ok, here's the delio-yo..."
Which is obviously out of character for me but made them laugh.
Amanda cracks up and then says, "no body uses that word any more, Mom."

'Mom' UG, Not 'Mommy' or 'Mamma' but 'Mom'.
Emilee was having a very hard time getting up this morning and had covered her head up with the blanket but from under it, she said, "unless you're Digiity Dog."

Afterwards, I told Emilee, It's time to get your boo-tay out of bed."
"Boo-tay?" She asked and giggled (which happened to be the only glimmer of a good attitude from her this morning in case you were wondering...)
Then, Amanda who was actually on her game this morning said, "That's french for butt!"

Ok, one more thing before I go get in the shower, do any of you know where the hell I can order a Bop-It? I can't find them in Wal-Mart nor was I able to include one on my huge Toys-R-Us order yesterday and Emilee wants one for her birthday, bad.
That is all.
For now.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 4:53 AM
| link to this post | 7 spoke |

Tuesday, May 16, 2006
stupid brother part two

part one can be seen here

and the original here...


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 11:06 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

post birthday stuff
Ok, if I had some special ranking system for birthdays, yesterday would have been in the top five. It wasn't really anything in particular but more a combination of everything. My sister went above and beyond in taking the girls shopping for me and actually getting things that I wanted and needed so go her.
The number of phone calls I got yesterday far exceeds any regular day... it may have even exceeded Christmas, lol. Not to mention that my record for International Calls Received In One Day was stomped into dust.
Thank you guys for all the calls and ecards and emails and the purple wine goblets (TCL!). There was just this constant barrage of well wishes starting at midnight England time and lasting until midnight my time.

T'was very cool ;)
And the last thing, one of the coolest things to ever receive on one's birthday was the three hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy!
[If you watch this show and have yet to actually watch the finale, stop. reading. here.]
Oh my fucking god - wow. Three hours of nail biting.
My mother was over once while Ruthie and I were watching Grey's Anatomy and she got up half way through the show and said she couldn't watch it any more. When we asked her why, she said, "this show is too intense!"
That's about right.
This is the only show I have ever watched where when two people just look at each other, I hold my breath. It is more real that anything I have ever watched before. I actually get mad at characters like Christina last night totally ditching Burke. What the fuck was that all about?
And I know I cannot be the only person who thinks that Cally is too big a girl for George. I mean seriously, she could hurt him if she wanted to. Just snap his adorableness right in two.
But forget ALL of that because Denny died! How fucked up is that? Ok, yeah, so I knew he was going to. We all knew he was going to. He was really just an extra on the show. But they gave us that last little shadow of hope when they gave him the new heart and he asked Izzy to marry him.
Then, he dies.
I just wanted to yell at the tv "Stop fucking with me!!"
The killed the adorable Denny on. my. birthday.
Ok, ok... moving on. I knew Denny was going to die, what I did not see coming was Meridith and Derek having SEX.
Oh man.
Kissing? Them kissing I could have seen. I had been expecting it for awhile now. But sex? No, I didn't expect them to have sex. And right there. where. everyone. could see them...
And then to hear Derek asking her over and over again "what does this mean?"
Because you know, to him, that was his way of choosing her, of realizing that he wants her and not Addison. I hope she strings him along all next season.
And I hope McSteamy comes back for Addison.
Last thing before I shut up about this fictional show and move on with my day, Alex gets some props for kicking as much ass as he did last night. Which was good because Alex was really starting to suck and not in his cute-sucky way but in a go to hell kind of way.
Which decreased his level of sexiness by... about four points.
So, other addicts, what did you think????? Tell me!


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:54 AM
| link to this post | 12 spoke |

Monday, May 15, 2006
It's my birthday and I'll blog if I want to.
You know, I used to lie about being twenty six all the time. It was such an ok age for my situation. Back in the day when Trin was a baby and I was twenty two, I would frequently say I was twenty six to avoid the fucked up looks people give you when you are barely old enough to buy alcohol but have three kids.
When NY moved back to his home state and I ventured back into the land of the dating people, I seriously considered listing my age on my online dating profile as twenty six to avoid the guys looking for the twenty two and twenty three year old chics to party with.
And now, here I am.
Twenty Six.
No longer early twenties. Just one hop over mid twenties. And one year closer to thirty.
I can see half of you, who are older than myself rolling your eyes :)
The thing is that it doesn't really bother me. Short of holding onto my twenties for the purposes of immortality, I don't mind so much. Thirty sounds good to me. Being thirty and no longer this age where people look at you like you are just playing grown up sounds just peachy. So I am venturing into one of my final four years before I turn the big three oh.
And that is totally cool with me.
So today, I am turning the age I used to lie about being when I was younger and I imagine the age I will lie about being when I am older as well.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 13 spoke |

Sunday, May 14, 2006
Happy Mother's Day Blogosphere!
I woke up this morning and thanked the Dream Gods for the very hot blonde man that they sent me last night. Laying in bed wishing that not only the hot man had been real but also the trip to Hawaii, I looked over this morning to see my daughters had put their gifts on the table by my bed.
The t-shirt that they made at daycare had their painted foot prints on it and says "Our mom let's us walk all over her." Then there was the handprint flower pot from Trin and the keychain from Emilee.
And one dozen white roses from my sister.
Which was really sweet of her :)

I came in to check my email and after chuckling at Snow and briefly thinking about the conversation she and I had last night, I read my horoscope:
Erotic dreams and visions might come to you throughout the day, Kate. This definitely implies that you should get together in the evening with your romantic partner, but there's probably more to it than that. Somehow these images are telling you something important, perhaps about yourself, perhaps about events going on around you. Forget physical sex for a moment, and consider what the symbols mean to you. You might be amazed at the insights that come up!

So now I am sitting here trying to remember the other parts of my dream...
I was in Hawaii, back on the road where I used to live. I was there to see how things had changed since our house had burned down and we had moved. And it was all exactly the same. But the house next door was now occupied by the most gorgeous and tall guy. Blonde hair, yummy bod (yeah, I just said 'bod' - shut it), a full foot taller than me.
Yummy man and I end up playing and then I am some how at a boat dock. Staying in a room there with him or something. And he has went some where and I go outside to get the broom and he left it leaning up against the boat and it slips into the water and no matter what I do, I can't seem to get it. I only tried for a few minutes and then figured I would have him get it when he got home.
That's it.
Not sure how much you can deduce from a dream like that.
And who really cares?
Did I mention the hot guy?
Yeah, I'm good with that.

As far as getting together with a romantic partner this evening, I am without. Not a huge deal. Would I turn down a dinner invitation with someone who's company I enjoy? Nope. But seeing as how there are only a few of those guys and I haven't really heard from any of them in the recent past, I am pretty sure I won't be heading out for a romantic evening tonight.

Instead, I am bribing my sister to take the girls away for a few hours so I can CLEAN my house. Oh man, it is a mess. We have been so busy with softball and gymnastics and work... I have fallen behind.

But, even on mornings such as this one where my oldest heathen has a nasty, nasty attitude, I am so grateful for these kidlets. I look over right now at Trin and see her sitting on the floor playing with her dollhouse and Emilee completely kicked back letting the TV suck out her brain and Amanda who is the Queen of The Smartasses and I just love that they are mine.
Being a mom is not all roses and cake, it is hard. It is physically, emotionally and mentally trying almost every minute of every day. And I love it. I love them and I love all of the trials and happiness that they have brought to me.
I hope all of you moms out there are able to look at your kids and be thankful for what they have brought to your life today.
And I hope you are also able to sit back and relax, even if just for a few minutes. Because each of you are awesome. Those little people who woke up this morning with disheveled hair and sleepy smiles, those are your little people. And they love you so much.
Happy Mother's Day.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:17 AM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Friday, May 12, 2006
less funky Friday
Oh man, yesterday was a yucky day for me. One of those days where you need to project yourself to the end of it all day just to make it through. It started off normal enough... with the exception of Amanda suddenly morphing into a teenager when it comes to getting her ass out of bed in the morning. I think setting her mattress on fire and the Jaws Of Life were about the only things that would make her move any faster than a retarded snail.
After pushing Amanda and Emilee out the door and to the bus stop, I came in and got Trin ready for daycare and then put her in the living room to watch Little Einsteins. I knew what I was wearing to work so when I got in the shower, that wasn't one of the things I needed to figure out so my mind was wandering. And then it just landed there, on that conversation.
It's funny how it can hit you.
Every day I think about her. Every day I see her pictures on my dresser, on my desktop, on my desk, on my blog. I think of her when I see her necklace hanging from my rearview mirror or when I pick out what to wear for the day and see her clothes hanging in my closet. I think of her when I drive past the place where I sat on the side of the road and screamed at The Universe to change it and the place where I called the first person that I knew should know and told them. I think of her when I email her mom and ask her how she is feeling today and hope it is better than yesterday. I think of her a hundred times a day and I miss her so much that the empty spot in my soul just aches.
But I can handle that now. I can think of her and push the tears back and try and ignore the void. I can function. I can manage to work and play and smile.
I don't think I am the same person I was before that day but I try as much as I can to be the person I am now and still keep as much of that other girl that I can.
And then there are days like yesterday that just kick my ass.
Days where I don't want to be anywhere except sedated. Days where I need to be distracted but there isn't a thing in this world that could hold my attention. Days where I am craving the hangover I could have the next morning if I would just go out and drink it all away.
I just baby stepped my way through all of yesterday. One thing at a time. One task completely finished before gingerly moving to the next one. And I made it. Of course I did. We always do, don't we?
I talked to her mother for an hour yesterday.
We cried and we laughed and we missed each other even more.
You don't get over this. It doesn't go away the way everyone says it will. It doesn't hurt less and you don't replace the heartache with anything.
You survive it.
And when you are sitting there remembering how she gave you that candy apple candle for Mother's Day four years ago with the card that said she loved you and you were such a great mom, you cry.
You adjust and you cope and you feel that pain because it always hurts and it always aches but you find a way to deal with it.

Days like yesterday suck.
They hurt and they are hard.
But they pass and I can move on to days like today. Days where I can see that the sun is shining or hear my friends talking and appreciate those things.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:23 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Thursday, May 11, 2006
over and over in my head... all day
"Hey there GirlyQ... What are you up to?"
"I'm just about to leave... What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just bored. Figured I'd call you while I'm cleaning up..."
"Well, can I call you later? I'm walking out the door in like two seconds."
"Yeah sure... Where are you going?"
"Remember that guy I sent you the picture of yesterday?"

"Yeah... I still think you are way cuter than him."
"Oh, whatever, he is totally cute. Anyway, I am meeting him. He is going to teach me how to ride his motorcycle."
"You're kidding right?"
*laughing* "No, you know I have been wanting to learn how to ride one. It's no big deal, we are going to some parking lot or something where he can show me how to ride it."
"You're so completely crazy you know?"
"Yeah, I know. Anyway, can I call you after my class in the morning?"

"Ok, well I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Ok.... Hey?"
"Be careful, ok?"

"I will. Bye!"


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:10 PM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Acrophobic Humpday: The Where's Waldo Edition
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. It's been like a month since we've played.
But I have issues ok?
Work issues, modem issues, not to mention the astounding amount of personal issues.
A-N-Y way, lets see if we can play ourselves a quick game today :)

Today's theme?
Places to go.
Where have you been, where do you want to go.
Any and all things vacation related :)

Don't know what Acrophobia is? Well, click that button and find out.
Then you can play with us.
You know you want to. Everyone's doing it.


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:53 AM
| link to this post | 24 spoke |

Tuesday, May 09, 2006
bug up my butt
Man do I have a traveling bug up my butt right now.
I just want to fill my car up with gas and split.
Just drive.
To where ever.
Today, with The Cake Lady, I saw this whole camping set (tent, sleeping bags... ummm... other camping stuff) for like a hundred bucks and I wanted to buy it.
The girl who loathes and abhors camping.

I'm bored.

Of course, I have a few trips planned over the next few months so hopefully I will get all of this out of my system.
The first one should do it seeing as how I will spend at least six hours in the car with my lovely daughters as we drive the Death Road to Dallas. Yeah, you say highway but once there are those stupid fucking concrete partition thingys, I say Death Road. Six. long. hours. up there and six. long. hours. back.
That'll probably chase that nasty bug away.
But just in case it doesn't, there is a trip to the coast in the making right now for July.
And seeing as how I just spent like five hours checking out hotels and motels and beach houses, if you are looking for a recommendation of where to stay anywhere in or around Padre Island, do holler at your girl here.
I am especially looking forward to this trip on account of the two bloggers that are going with me (so far anyway... any other takers?? lol). One of them, I've met and the other I've known online for quite some time and bless her heart if she hasn't had her fair share of Kate Calls.
Don't know what a Kate Call is?
Ahhh, ask
The Cake Lady or Jiffinner what happens when I call them.
Or Mr. Toddy.
All of which can tell you, if you ever give me your phone number, hours and hours are spent listening to me babble.
Because I can babble - a. lot.
Anyway, I certainly hope that I can kick this bug since I am down to like six vacation days and four of them will be used after the two aforementioned trips.
Just in case I can't though, where do you recommend going?

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 2:01 PM
| link to this post | 7 spoke |

Monday, May 08, 2006
today, I did something crazy
Ok, by 'crazy' I don't mean like fucking bungee jumping or whatever because that is significantly more crazy than anything I would do.
I mean, like minor crazy.

I didn't wear a bra.
Oh whatever, that is too crazy.
Ok, fine.
I didn't wear a bra all day.
Even to work!
Yeah, so there.
Ok, ok, so maybe you are sitting back thinking that is no big deal. Maybe you never wear a bra. But I am a bra wearer. Oh yeah. I wear them right up until I go to bed. I believe in the bra and all of it's awesomeness.
So, to not wear one, for me, that's just crazy.
And a little liberating.
If you can get over the whole freaking out once an hour or so.
It's kind of like The Naked Dream.
I'm just sitting at work or driving or whatever when I suddenly realize, no bra. And then I freak out a little and think I am dreaming and then I remember that I didn't wear one on purpose and calm down.
Repeat every hour or so.
Maybe that just makes me crazier than not wearing a bra.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:24 PM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |

Amanda's new hair:


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:38 AM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

Sunday, May 07, 2006
listen to this:

Powered by Castpost

Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars

There is just something about this song.
It could quite possibly be the perfect song.
Maybe I get nostalgic or empty or sad... or maybe we just want this.
I want this.
I want so very badly to feel this way about someone.
It's so very simple and yet so completely passionate.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:46 PM
| link to this post | 4 spoke |

Saturday, May 06, 2006
birthdays galore
I was sitting at Cold Stone with my daughters this afternoon listening to them talk over ice cream. (In case you've never been to Cold Stone or Marble Slab, they are ice cream joints where you pick your flavor of ice cream and then all the shit you want mixed into it and they do it right in front of you.)
Triniti seems to have formed her first weird habit in our last two trips there. Ok, I guess it isn't her first weird habit. Really, she has several. Like laying on the floor with her head on my mouse pad, which she refuses to believe is actually for the mouse. Or the fact that she spent all last week saying, "Don't touch the chickens! The lions touched all the chickens." Or her adamant refusal to use public toilets. No, really, today she held her pee in for seven hours until we got home and then hauled her little bottom into the bathroom where she peed for like ten minutes.
I could go on like this all day.
But, I'll skip to her weird ice cream habit.
She likes the strawberry ice cream with marshmallows in it.
Which I guess really isn't as weird as the fact that Amanda always gets the amaretto flavored ice cream. I mean, there are like twenty flavors and she gets amaretto - every time.
So, we are sitting out side and Amanda is eating her amaretto flavored ice cream with the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups mixed into it (yeah, I know, too weird) and Emilee is eating her coffee flavored ice cream with LOTS of sprinkles mixed into it ("make sure they put LOTS Mommy") and Trin her strawberry with marshmallows and me my cheesecake flavored ice cream with real strawberries mixed in.
Phew... Now you know what we were eating. Does that help set the scene?
I was contemplating how it is that I get these weird cartoon crushes on any character played by
Patrick Warburton (because we watched Hoodwinked and well, he is just hot as Kronk.) when Emilee started talking about her birthday and how cool it would be to get an ice cream cake from Cold Stone.
Then, she looks over at Triniti and says, "Triniti, your birthday is coming up soon too baby."

(Emilee's birthday is the 19th and Trin's is the 30th.)
To which Trin excitedly asked, "my birthday?!?"
And Emilee said, "yup, your birthday is in a few weeks. What do you want for your presents?"
"Purple ponies! I want purple pony presents!"
Apparently she switched from loving dinosaurs and The Land Before Time stuff to My Little Pony.
After I ordered an assload of The Land Before Time stuff to give her for her birthday.
It's all in my trunk.
So, now I just gotta find a whole lot of My Little Ponies.
I started asking Emilee what she wanted a few weeks ago and she said she didn't know. So, I gave her some paper and told her to write things down as she saw them.
This is what she came up with:
bday list
Take note of the "a new sister not"

A jab at Amanda or a hint to Mommy?

A few days later, a second list with only one thing written on it was posted on the fridge. It had two words on it "bun size." When I picked the girls up that night and brought them home, I asked Emilee what the hell she was talking about and she showed me this.
I think all the laughing hysterically I did pretty much let her know that was not one of the things she would be getting.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:29 PM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

palm blogging
Ok so I am actually blogging to you from McDonalds. Sadly this is not because Mickie-D's has started passing out laptops for parents to use while their children bounce off the walls in a junk food induced haze. Wouldn't that rock? Yeah a bunch of you are rolling your eyes and that’s cool, it's just because you aren't on your tenth year of being a parent and therefore haven't been drug to McDonalds something like nineteen million times. Am I getting off track here? I can't even tell because the teeny tiny amount of space I can read has already scrolled too far for me to know what the hell my point was going to be. I guess it's a good thing I type super fucking fast on an actual keyboard so I don't forget what the hell I am talking about. This whole one letter a time shit just doesn't really fly. How do those of you who hunt and peck deal with this?
Anyway it doesn't really matter what the point was since I'm really only using this to discourage these two dudes who are sitting at the tables next to me from talking to me.
Worth every penny I spent on the palm.
What the hell is the deal with the forty something newly divorced men wanting me? I think I am going to buy a fake ring to start wearing when I am out.
Ok I'm done. It's been like twenty minutes since I started this and that is way too long for like one paragraph.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 8:10 PM
| link to this post | 0 spoke |

oh YEAH baby!
Who installed her new modem today?
All by herself?

Uh, yeah, that would be me!

I am finally. back. online.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 9:12 AM
| link to this post | 3 spoke |

Friday, May 05, 2006
reflections of last year.
My birthday is in ten days.
In ten days, I will be twenty six.
No big deal right? No different than twenty three or four or even five really.
One of the things I like about blogging is having the ability to, after a few clicks, go back and see who I was a year ago.
Last year, the night before my birthday, Mr.I came over. He spent the night and left the next morning. I remember sitting outside with him that night, talking. But, I can't remember anything that he said. Mostly because I was so consumed with this overwhelming feeling of change. I was watching him, but it was like the world was muted and all I could hear was this changing that was happening inside of me.
I knew that night, whether I was ready to admit it or not, that he and I were not ever going to have a relationship of any substance. I knew, sitting there and watching him talk that we were coming around for the final lap. I knew he didn't love me or even care about me the way that I did him. Admitting that to myself and to all of you who read my thoughts then was a completely different story.
It was a reverse ending for me since normally when I know someone isn't right for me, it is me making the choice to end it. And when I know, I just know. I can't usually be around that person for more than a few more hours without having to tell them because the feelings of guilt in possibly leading them on are too intense for me. But that time, it was he who wasn't going to be with me and my realizing that didn't mean I had to stop seeing him it just meant I somehow had to deal with it. At least at that point in time.
I was settling for something completely sub par because I wanted it more than I wanted something better.
Last week, Hot Toddy wrote about having lost someone that he loved. And if you read
Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven with any kind of regularity (which you should) then you would have read about his finding of Thor and then, months later, his losing him.
Around this same time, Snowelf wrote about her love having sent her an email saying he missed her.
Both of these posts made me think about Mr.I. In fact, the entire ordeal with Medic also made me think about him. The fact is that despite all of the shit that happened with Mr.I, I don't think I have ever been so compatible with someone personality wise. After over a year of a sub par relationship, I still never bored of him. And not because of some lacking self esteem disorder where I didn't think I deserved better or needed someone to cling to. But because we had that thing between us. That connection.
And as of recently, I have realized it.
I realized that if it hadn't been for him, for the fact that restored my faith in being able to find that thing in another person, I may have been more susceptible to Medic. I may have not believed that there was someone out there who I could have everything with.
Was that person Mr.I?
Well, obviously not. But he was as close as I have managed to find and thank goodness for finding him and knowing that the right one, the right one is going to somehow feel better than everything I felt with him. Which is what I told Toddy. If the wrong guy felt so right, it must be amazing how the right guy will feel.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:01 AM
| link to this post | 10 spoke |

Wednesday, May 03, 2006
No one will go with me.

Yeah, I know, it's like eighty bucks, but still.

Someone has to want to go.





so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 1:04 PM
| link to this post | 6 spoke |

How I came to hate them...
Ok, I think I should warn ya'll:
In this post, I can pretty much guarantee excessive use of the word "fuck" and "bitch." If either of those words are particularly offensive to you (if you are a long time reader of LOC, you should be completely immune), then you may want to skip this post all together.

Last night my girls had a softball game. We were playing the team that is pretty much as good as we are and so it's a total toss up as to who will win. (Unlike the Super Softball girls who kicked our asses, hard, when we play them 21-0 last Saturday.)
Ok, but I am getting ahead of myself.

I need to tell you about how I came to hate the other parents on the softball team.
I never really buddied up with any of them in the first place because I have the huge red SM on my forehead (Single Mom) and these married types don't dig me so much. Which doesn't bug me so much since I've known I was basically an outcast since Amanda started kindergarten back in '02.
And I knew I was the only Single Mom on the team when they handed out the phone number list. Every line read like this:
Little Girl - Mom - Dad
Except Amanda and Emilee's lines which read:
Amanda - Kate - LastName
Which kind of cracked me up that they felt they had to have two names there regardless.
Anyway, none of these moms ever talked to me unless they had to and when they did it was very condescending so I decided it was better for both them and I that we didn't try to socialize too much.
Besides, I am there for my girls, not to make friends.
So, I basically kept my distance and was pleasant.
Then, last week, we had a game against the team that we are the most equally matched to. It was a good game. And we were winning by like one point.
Now, let me lay out the basics here for you. When we play, it is for six innings or an hour and a half. BUT, if we are in the fourth inning at an hour and a half and no one needs the field after us, then the coaches for both teams can let the game play out. It is up to the coaches.
This happened at that game.
We are one point up at the top of the sixth and it's been an hour and a half.
(I sounded like I totally knew baseball there huh?)
A buzz starts up amongst the Front Row moms. The Front Row moms are: The Coach's Wife, Assistant Coach's Wife, Team Mom and The Flaming Bitch From Hell.
Well, they wanted to call time because we were winning.
We had just batted and they wanted to call time now instead of letting the other team bat and have a chance to score.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Shouldn't that be called CHEATING?
If we got to bat, then they should fucking get to bat.
Oh, these moms are getting all riled up. Mostly because Team Mom and The Flaming Bitch From Hell are stirring the pot.
Well, the Coach, who kicks so much ass says no way. We are playing it out.
You go Coach.
We still won.

Last Saturday, we played the Super Softball girls who, as I mentioned, annihilated us. Which is cool because I am not one of those we have to win moms. We knew they would beat us, the girls knew they would beat us. They are all nine and ten and have been playing for four years. They only play us to fill up the games that they need for the season.
It was a home game and Amanda's best friend and BF's Mom were there to watch. Anyway, it was a good game, they played well. I was sitting in the back watching with BF's Mom (who I dig, despite her married status :P) and our girls weren't really playing great. We were missing a couple of the better players and some of the younger girls (five) were dropping and/or missing the ball a lot.
But who cares right?
They are fucking trying!
I hate to sound all my kids are better than your kids here, but Amanda and Emilee were playing really well. So, Amanda catches the ball (she plays second) and then checks third and checks first before throwing it back to the pitcher.
Right after she checks first, Team Mom yells, "throw it to the pitcher! Some time today!"
Um, I'm sorry. What?
Bitch, you did not just yell at my kid. You. Did. Not.
Took everything I had not to get up, march my sunburned ass down to the Front Row and tell this chic not to ever, ever talk to my daughters like that again.
You don't fucking get to yell at other people's kids like that.
If you ever say a fucking thing to either of my girls it had better fucking be to cheer them on. Just like I do to your girls. You don't get to be a sarcastic fucking bitch.
Oh God, how I wanted to go down there.
But sadly, I am a high road person when it comes to setting a good example in front of my girls and I don't think that seeing Mommy throwing down with some bitch in the stands would really be showing them the whole it's just a game, we're there for fun mantra I've been chanting.
So, I ate it.
And by ate it, I mean I mentally filed it away. You see, in my sick little mind, I keep track of these evil bitches. Why? Well, because I like to keep a tally list of who fucks their kids up the most by the end of highschool.
You know, so on graduation day, I can be all petty when my daughter walks of the stage with three scholarships as valedictorian and theirs... well, doesn't walk off the stage for another year. And is anorexic and smoking cigarettes behind the school.

And pregnant.
Yeah, that's just how my mind deals ok?

Ok, now last night. Last night we played the same team from last week. The equally matched team. I got there and sat as far away from everyone else as I could while still being on the "Visitor" bleachers.
I tune them out. I focus on the game and try and ignore everything that these people talk about. I don't care if they think I am some kind of snob, I am only there to see my girls.
But, it's kind of hard to tune out The Flaming Bitch From Hell when she is yelling at the Umpire.
Now, I believe that when you start playing the game, you are basically accepting the Umpire as being in charge and you can't go and get pissed off at him later.
He is the boss.
And I am not out there. I don't see what he sees so I take his calls. PLUS this is a FUCKING LITTLE LEAGUE GAME. It's not... well whatever the hell the big games in baseball are called.
So, after The Flaming Bitch From Hell has been yelling at the Umpire, who has come over THREE. times. to explain to her why he made the call he made, she starts bitching about how the game is running over time.
Well, yeah, when you are fucking keeping the Umpire busy, the game goes on hold, you stupid. fucking. bitch.
So, she starts threatening to pull her kids. Now, if she pulls her kids, then the game is forfeited because we won't have enough players. This is the SECOND time she has done this.
I hate her.
She starts saying that the game should have ended by now (at this time, we are about five minutes past schedule) since it has been an hour an a half.
But, there is no one waiting to use the field and the weather is superb, not even hot. The kids and parents from both teams want to finish the game.
Oh no, The Flaming Bitch From Hell wants to call it while it's tied. Does she think that the damn stats are going on her kid's permanent record or something? Like, she won't get into college because she had a bad Little League season?
And she is getting more and more mad at the Umpire for his calls and the fact that he is ignoring her when she is bitching. So, at the bottom of the fifth, the coach comes over and asks all the parents if anyone needs to leave (mainly to satisfy The Flaming Bitch From Hell who has done nothing but bitch about how early she needs to get up the next morning). At this point, I am biting my tongue so hard, I am surprised it isn't bleeding.
So, I stand up and say "my girls can stay, we're here so that they can play the game so we're good." He smiles at me as if he wishes he could yell THANK YOU!! and I look over at The Flaming Bitch From Hell, pointedly, to see that she is scowling at me. And I so didn't care. BRING IT ON. While I have moral/parental issues with picking a fight, I have no issues with "defending myself." So he looks over at the other parents and says "Everyone else ok, or do some of you need to leave?"
Suddenly, everyone was really interested in their shoes.
That's right.
It was like The Flaming Bitch From Hell was just trying to piss me off.
She quits bitching about the time and starts bitching about every fucking thing else. I think even the other Front Row moms were getting sick of her shit because suddenly, no one was really talking except, of course, The Flaming Bitch From Hell.
And then, her daughter (she has three and the oldest is 14 and sits with her during the game) decides that since Mommy is so bent out of shape, it's a good time for her to jump in.
So, she starts fucking with the other team's batter.
Whenever a little seven or eight year old went up to bat, The Flaming Bitch From Hell's daughter would wait until the ball was pitched and then yell "Let's Go [our team name]!!" to fuck the little girl up.
My mouth actually fell open.
I mean, these are KIDS for fuck's sake.
After the third batter, I wasn't the only one appalled by this snotty little bitch. The Coach's Wife turned around and told her to knock it off.
When the game was finally over, at 8:00 (two hours after it started), I practically hit the eject button on my bleacher seat. I went down to the dugout to get my girls. Well, looky here, there is the Umpire.
I walked straight up to him and told him I thought he called a great game.
In front of all the parents on our team.
Fuck 'em.
Then, as I am walking back to my car with my daughters, who had played brilliantly, Amanda says, "Mommy, we really won."
I stopped walking, about fifteen feet from the field and asked her what she was talking about.
"Well, I heard the other moms and they said that the Umpire was wrong. That we really won."
I explained to her that no, we did not win. We lost a great game, 10-7. And it was a great game because not only were we equally matched and because both teams made several runs, but also because both of them (my girls) had scored points and played extremely well.
Then, I explained, loudly and within hearing distance, that accusing the Ump of calling a game wrong was insulting and rude and I didn't want to hear either of my girls do it ever again.
I told them that he is a volunteer first of all and secondly that when they step onto that field, they are agreeing to let him referee the game. You don't get to get mad if you don't like his call later.
Every mom on that team heard me.
And you know what?
Fuck 'em.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:01 AM
| link to this post | 11 spoke |

Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!

12/14/84 - 1/26/05

"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



Hot Toddy

Finding Liz

The Adorable DB

Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)

They'll All Fall

we grabbed the lion

Red Hot Sexy Papa



Madi (my stalker)

Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!

Childhood Memories

My Mother

The Story of AZ

The Time In Between

The Beginning Of NY

The man from my dreams

The End Of NY

Growing and Changing

Learning to Cope

These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.

"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
katehopeeden's photos More of katehopeeden's photos

That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal

"I LOVE inner monologues. They rock!"
-Hot Toddy


The Gym

Morning Monologue

RHBlogger 2nd runner

sizzling RH 05

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