Lots of craziness: predating: the recap

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

predating: the recap

Fairy and I made insanely good time and actually arrived at the restaurant a full twenty five minutes early. This gave her a chance to change her pants, which she did in the parking lot. She fiddled with her makeup while I had a cigarette and listened to Rob Thomas belt out "Smooth" with Santana. Three minutes later, she looks over at me and says, "I'm not hideous am I?"
Bless her heart. I assured her that she wasn't and to stop fucking with her makeup because makeup has a tendency to just get worse the more you fuck with it. She said fine and grabbed her purse and got out of the car. I glanced at the clock and saw that we still had twenty minutes until check in time and then looked at Fairy. She said, "C'mon Kate, I can't just sit here. Let's go in already."
It occurred to me that we could. not. do. that.
I mean, couldn't you just see a saying being created:
Dude, I was as desperate as a chic showing up twenty minutes early for speed dating.
*shudder*
We sat in the car for the next twenty five minutes before going in.
Ok, well when the guys started arriving they would go and sit at the table that they were assigned and it just so happened that I, of course, got the first guy. Which wasn't necessarily a bad thing but it did mean that I would be making conversation with this guy for way longer than six minutes.
I am just now listening to this tape for the first time and of course my first guy is a Soft Talker. I remember thinking that when he first started talking to me because I had to keep leaning forward to hear what he was saying. What this means for ya'll is that I can't hear a damn thing he is saying now and I will have to go from memory.
On the little sheet that they give you explaining things, it says some questions to "stay away from" so as not to sound all cliché and the very first questions is "So what do you do?"
So what do you think I asked??
:)
Soft Talker looks me square in the eye and says, "I'm an underwear model." I get major points for not squirting wine out of my nose right here. The reason that I found this even more hilarious that just the statement itself is that while Fairy and I were sitting in the car patiently waiting for it to be check in time, she looked over at me and said, "you know, we should just be some one different with each guy. We could totally pick different professions that are just insane and give each guy a different story."
I told her to make sure she wrote down the profession next to the guy so she would remember who she was later.
And now, my first guy has to be making this up. An underwear model? Seriously? Hey Fred, that is apparently the new pick up line. Dude wasn't an underwear model, he was in IT guy. He came clean about ten minutes later. He was nice. Very much so not my type. I mean the guy asked me if I liked the outdoors and when I told him I did he said he didn't. What the fuck? Then why did you ask me? He didn't really have any interests to speak of with the exception of the gym. I mean, nothing. I think I asked him twice what he liked to do in his spare time and the answer was the same, "I go to the gym a lot." This was his second time speed dating.

-Bell-

Dude numero dos.
Ok, I am finding that I can't hear the vast majority of this tape guys. I am sorry. When ever ya'll are ready to start a fund for some serious recording equipment, just let me know. In the meantime, I am winging it. And I can't promise this is in order. Like you care right? lol
Second guy was the very definition of a metrosexual. You know, those guys that get manicures and pedicures and are still standing by the fact that they are straight? This guy had on a pink and yellow striped shirt. And he took notes. Lots of notes. He would ask me something and then write something down and then ask me something and then write something down. I mean, go him for being all ready but I hadn't even written his name down yet and he had a friggen chapter book on me. It felt like he was cheating.
Anyway, he was cool. We chatted a lot. He was in IT as well but had to pimp out his 8minutedating.com gig [see how nice I am? I so plugged his site]. Before I even realized it, dude was selling me on his own speed dating service. Says he has his first one coming up in June and hey, doyouknowwhat? You should like totally come Kate!
Uh huh.
He had a great personality, nice guy. He will not be contacting me though because of the eight or nine guys I met, he was the only one who asked if I had kids. And so he was the only one I told.

[Now let me explain here that I am in no way ashamed of my girls. I love them more than anything. But, I pretty much knew after the first guy that I wasn't going to bring them up. Why? Well mostly because it would take the entirety of the six minutes for me to explain my situation you know?
Can you just picture me, sitting at the table in front of you laying this on ya?
Hi, my name is Kate. I am twenty six, I sell cars and I have three daughters. My girls are ten, eight and (almost) four and are from two different fathers. It would take me awhile to explain the whole story to you so I will just sum it up. First father, I was with him for five years and he eventually decided he liked drugs and men more than me so buh-bye. Second dude was a guy I met on the net and he moved here from New York with his two sons and we got a place together and then he proceeded to bang half of San Antonio behind my back and I found out two years in which was, [haha] coincidentally the same time I found out I was pregnant. I haven't had a [air quotes] serious relationship since he and I split up which was... three years ago. I never introduce a guy to my kids unless I am very serious about him so you won't be meeting my kids any time in the near future should you decide you want to date me and I am incredibly busy with gymnastics and softball and school and work and housework and just being a mom so I have limited free time. And I smoke.
So, tell me about yourself? -Bell- Oh, well it was nice meeting you.
See what I mean? You have to have time for my baggage people.]

-Bell-

Dude number three was... well, not from around here. And he had his head like... sucked into his neck or something. It was like looking at a turtle who hadn't decided whether or not to come all the way out of his shell yet. His English was challenged and we struggled to even have a conversation. He basically smiled and nodded at everything that I said. And when he did talk, I had a hard time following him. But, I did manage to find out what he did for a living... care to guess?
Uh huh - IT.

-Bell-

Dude number four was a nice enough guy. Moved here from Chicago (had NO accent) because San Antonio pays better for their IT guys than other place. When he said that, I seriously started to look around and wonder if all of these guys had come together. Maybe this was there secret cult initiation or something. What are the odds that the first four guys would all have the exact. same. profession? Ok but the thing with number four was something was wrong with his eyes. Fairy said she didn't notice this when she talked to him but I definitely did. You see, I am the kind of person who makes eye contact a lot and when I made eye contact with this guy, it looked like he was looking at my chest. I don't think he was but I think his eyes were like... low or something. I don't know. Have you ever talked to someone with a lazy eye and their good eye is on you but the other eye is drifting? Well it was kind of like that only it was both eyes and they just drifted.. down.
Ok, shut up. It was creepy.

-Bell-

Number five. Number five had done this five times. Five. Most of the other guys had been there once, a few were doing this for the first time but number five was on his fifth run. Also in IT, all he did was talk about his personal trainer.
Who was a guy.
He kept telling me how much his trainer could bench or leg press or whatever. I just let him run with it for the whole six minutes. I think he may have set some kind of record for a "straight" guy talking about his male personal trainer.

-Bell-

Next guy was in Marketing! Yay! Someone I could talk to. He was very nice and we have similar jobs so there was that. But other than those two things, I can't really remember much about him. Maybe he let me talk more and didn't say as much. But I honestly can't remember hardly anything about him. Except his name. I remember that.

-Bell-

Ok when the next guy sat down in front of me, I am pretty sure he was not on his first drink, if you know what I mean ;) He had that red faced thing. You know [TB: I know you know] when someone starts drinking and they can be one drink in and their cheeks get bright red? Cool guy but he looked like he was bored and was only there because there aren't any really good places to par-tay on a Monday night. He came with some chics and is actually a director at a local news station here. He didn't really want to talk shop but did make it a point of trying to explain that he wasn't being a pompous ass when he said he was very good at his job. He directs two of the local news shows and that was all I got from him.

-Bell-

The last guy I met was actually the only one I would be interested in seeing again. I saw him when he came in and totally thought he was cute. I actually got to talk to him for twelve minutes because one of the guys had skipped a table or something so he had to stay put while everyone else moved. Conversation flowed easily which I would take as a good thing if it weren't for the fact that it flowed just as easily with several guys I have no interest in seeing again. He was not an IT guy, rather he was a pharmacist. Which pretty much had me flashing to Desperate Housewives several times during our conversation but it was completely overlookable [take that spell checker] because he was awesome to talk to. Moved here from Wyoming five years ago, works with radio active something or another.
Great sense of humor.
When he told me about his job, I asked him how old he was and he said thirty three. I told him he did not look that old at all (and he didn't, he was very Doogie Howser but in a much cuter current NPH kind of way) to which he responded, "It's the radiation."
When he didn't ask me my age, I was surprised since almost every other guy had. [Apparently the loop hole to avoid a social faux pas when asking a woman her age is to go speed dating.] I told him that I was a little surprised that he was the only guy who hadn't asked me my age, I told him almost every other guy had started with that and he said, "oh they are all just trying to make sure that your eggs are still good."
I almost died laughing.
Anyway, I liked him but the rest, no interest at all.
However, like I said, I didn't mention the girls so I am not exactly expecting a date from any of these dudes. But it was fun to go out and give it a shot and Fairy had a fucking blast.

After the speed dating, she and I went to meet The Bachelor at his bar and watched the end of the Spurs/Mavericks game. The Bachelor is pretty much set in that all the dudes we met were lacking in testosterone since in his opinion no guy should have been anywhere but in front of a tv or live game while the Spurs were playing the Mavs.
I met three of The Bachelor's friends. One who I heard a lot about, the other two I don't think he's mentioned in more than passing. And it has to be said that I laughed my ass off at the dude who kept talking like a pirate.
The game was intense and the bar was on fire. It was fun. We had to bail as soon as it ended because Fairy had to get her son but she said she had a great time, so mission accomplished ;)

so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:48 AM
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