I was on the phone with an old friend of mine today and he said something that just broke my heart.
Some history first: He has been seeing a woman for about six months now and to the best of my ill-informed knowledge, they were very happy. However, today he informed me that he has been miserable. I won't go into an extreme amount of details, but the bottom line is that he fell for her, told her he had fallen for her and then she withdrew.
He is so sad. He cares for her so much and she is now basically ignoring him and being mean. He says he knows he should end it but he just can't bring himself to do it. When I asked him why, he said "What if this is *IT*? What if she is *THE ONE*?"
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that this very intelligent guy who had experienced as much of life as he has could think that this relationship that has driven him to depression is *IT*. I told him as much and he asked me a very good question: "How do you know?"
Well, I don't really.
But, I see Jiffinner and The Cake Lady and how happy they are and that gives me the foundation upon which to place my hope. Before The Cake Lady married and before I knew Jiffinner, I guess I always figured I would either "settle" or "continue playing the field" but I never really thought I would find someone who I had to have in my life, period. Now I see them and their respective husbands and happy relationships and I know now that it happens. That perfect-just-right-for-you-guy/girl is out there, they do exist.
I told all of this to my friend and knew he wasn't convinced but that I couldn't really say anything else that was going to convince him. He is in that place where you are so drawn to that other person, so ready to fall into routine, so infatuated with "love" and all the things that could come with it.
If it were the real kind.
I remember that place since I was just there a matter of months ago. Wanting so badly for him to care about me the way I cared about him, so desperate for he and I to be an us. The thought of him being out of my life hurt me so much. The very idea of losing the time that I was spending with him... well it sucked.
In retrospect, I can see that he was doing to me almost exactly what NY had done. He was playing the same game. He was nicer about it, but it was the same nonetheless. I am lucky really that things worked out the way that they did. It was over very quickly and for that I am happy. It's easier to let go of someone when it is cut and dry. When I see him now, it makes me sad that I lost his friendship but there isn't any amount of reasoning that I could do with myself to make the lying go away.
I tried once before to ignore the lying with NY. I tried to ignore the cheating. I tried to ignore the bad relationship. I thought just as my friend did; that he was *THE ONE* and that I just had to work harder and fix it. Now, I can see it was just the fear of being alone again, the discomfort of starting over and starting new.
I wish I could give that lesson to my friend.
I want to just help him understand that there is someone out there who is as perfect for him as he is for her and that he won't feel the way he does right now. And that when they need to work through something in their relationship, that they will work through it together. That she will care about him so much that she wouldn't ever just disregard his feelings like this.
That is what I am holding out for. I can be single for many years to come, I can date forever if need be because I am not going to settle for another guy who will lie to me and disregard my feelings. I will wait for the guy who gets and likes all the weird little things that make me. And if I don't find him, well I will have a helluva time trying ;)
Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!
12/14/84 - 1/26/05
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"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
Veronique
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
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dooce
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Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
REDDIES AWARD 2005
HNT - the freezing my ass off edition
100 days
car woes
...and he calls
Was your father a thief?
tick tock, tick tock
HNT - the realization edition
post call commentary
so, I met a guy....
HNT - the freezing my ass off edition
100 days
car woes
...and he calls
Was your father a thief?
tick tock, tick tock
HNT - the realization edition
post call commentary
so, I met a guy....
Childhood Memories
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
www.flickr.com
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The one and only Matchbox Twenty
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
That cracked my shit up! TM
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
