I have been reading Malcolm's blog for many months now. I have posted on here about him a few times and if you ever comment here, then you are likely to see his comments.
In the recent days, he has been posting stories about his youth, about things that have had an impact on his life. And as I am reading them, I feel very connected to him.
He and I didn't experience all of the same things, but we did share in a lot of the same feelings. When I read something he has written that I can relate to, I can dig down and pull that feeling up. I can remember how it felt to be in a similar position or place in my childhood. I can remember the fear or the anxiety or the sadness.
These stories that we read on his blog or mine or any other that you read daily, these were the foundation for the people that we have become. They are what shaped and molded us. For me, the way my childhood was is the direct source for my compassion now. I think that having lived my life then has made me the mother I am now. And I believe that having those heightened experiences has helped me to better understand my own daughters more than I ever could have had I been spared them.
When Amanda went to school for the first time, I dug up the feelings of fear that I had once felt. I found that place inside and relived it so I could be there for her in the way I would have wanted someone to be there for me. All along, I have thanked the fact that I had my daughters as young as I did for the ability to relive and re-feel they way they were feeling. I had thought since Amanda and I are only sixteen years apart that it is easier for me to go back to those experiences since they aren't that far behind me. It was all still fresh and the journey back to it was short. I have been grateful for such a small gap between my girls and I for that reason mostly.
But today, when I was reading Malcolm's stories on his blog, I thought for the first time that maybe my age had nothing to do with it. Maybe I could have had my girls ten or even twenty years later and still have been able to easily pull those feelings up again. Because, maybe it was never age at all, but rather that the things that happened in my childhood were such big feelings that they will never completely go away.
When there was an argument in my house when I was a child, it wasn't just an argument. It was screaming and cursing and breaking things. And eventually it became physical. When I would lay in bed at night and hear my parents start to argue, that feeling in the pit of my stomach would flare up and it would just grow and grow until it hurt. I would beg and plea with everything to make them stop. Please don't let him hit her. Please just make her stop arguing with him. Please, just please, make it stop.
These feelings were very real and very scary and very nerve wracking for me. I think a lot of "grown-ups" think that their kids don't experience these strong emotions or maybe they just don't think that they are validated since the child's problems can't possibly compare to their own. I don't believe that. Be it an argument with their best friend or that someone called them a name or a big math test, all of these stressors are there and real and BIG.
The anxiety that we feel strongly as adults is the same anxiety that our kids feel as children and it is just as powerful and just as intense. I think that we sometimes forget that while their issues seem so trivial (compared to ours) that really they are just as big and just as scary as our own.
Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
Click here!
12/14/84 - 1/26/05
April 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
February 2013
September 2016
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
February 2013
September 2016
"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"
"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."
"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true."
"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"
Veronique
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
Yoda
Hot Toddy
Finding Liz
The Adorable DB
Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)
They'll All Fall
we grabbed the lion
Red Hot Sexy Papa
Snow
dooce
Madi (my stalker)
Did I miss you?
Do you feel left out and sad?
Click that link up there
and email me your blog!
Half-Nekkid Thursday
Getting excited...
Jack Johnson rocks
Snagged from Malcolm
Holy Cows
Ban the book? I don't think so.
hidden post #1
My horoscope this morning....
Look at my piggy bank after I bought gas yesterday!
Bring on the knock knock jokes
Getting excited...
Jack Johnson rocks
Snagged from Malcolm
Holy Cows
Ban the book? I don't think so.
hidden post #1
My horoscope this morning....
Look at my piggy bank after I bought gas yesterday!
Bring on the knock knock jokes
Childhood Memories
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
My Mother
The Story of AZ
The Time In Between
The Beginning Of NY
The man from my dreams
The End Of NY
Growing and Changing
Learning to Cope
These are a work in progress. They are in the right order, but more will fill in the blank spaces in time as I write them.
"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef
www.flickr.com
|
The one and only Matchbox Twenty
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
Teddy Geiger
Rob Thomas
James Blunt
The Trews
Jack Johnson
Mark Broussard
Gavin DeGraw
Bowling For Soup
Switchfoot
Tabitha's Secret
Our Lady Peace
Citizen Cope
That cracked my shit up! TM
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
Kate went to Dallas?
You asked Kate questions?
Kate was stung by a Scorpion?
Kate met Mr. I?
Kate got pissed?
There was a mouse?
Kate shared?
Kate confessed?
Kate turned 25?
Kate shared some more?
"There are some of us out here who are living vicariously through you, okay?! So for god's sake, let us have some fun and excitement!" -Educated Liberal
