Thursday, April 07, 2005
Another trip...
Good morning friends.
I am once again packing my things for the weekend. Tomorrow afternoon I am piling into a rental car with three other close friends of
Veronique's. We are going to pack her things and bring them home. This is truly one of the final steps.
Another step towards closure was taken the night before last when I had a two hour conversation with the guy Veronique was with when she died. He is going to try and meet with us while we are there this weekend. I wanted so badly to not like him, I wanted him to be an asshole so that I could in some way place some blame on him. He wasn't and I couldn't. While the type of pain that he and I are both in is different, I don't doubt that his is any less than mine. He blames himself and said that he would give anything to trade places with her and I believe him.
I know this is going to be a hard trip. I don't think I realized how hard until I was standing in Veronique's apartment on Saturday. I was standing there looking at the pictures she had of all of us that she loved, the artwork she has drawn, the pieces of paper that she had written her name on a hundred times... If an apartment can ever be a person, this apartment is her. It radiated her and the things she loved and the person that she was. I wanted to crawl into her bed and cry.
As this experience is passing and we are tying up loose ends and making everything slide back towards normalcy, I half expect her to walk up when we are done. If life has to go back to normal and everything is to be put back in it's place and we are all to go on living the way we lived before, she should be here. My mind has such an impossible time accepting her death. Logically, I understand it. I know she is gone. I got the phone call, I put together the cd, I told more people than I can remember what happened, I spoke with the guy who was with her and I have cried and cried... Yet, somehow, it doesn't feel real to me. As much as I miss her, she doesn't feel gone.
So, readers, again I leave you for a weekend. I hope you are able to amuse yourselves :)
Gonna miss me? I thought you would :) I'll try and get something up here tomorrow...
~Kate
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:50 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05


"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

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