Monday, August 15, 2005
A chemical experience
This weekend I was doing various household chores, things that had been put off or just need to be done routinely. Amidst the laundry and dishes, mopping and vacuuming, I remembered that I needed to seal the insulation next to the air conditioner I installed in my bedroom. To do this, I was going to grab the trusty Can-o-Foam from the cabinet and simply spray some all around the insulation and wait for it to dry. Can-o-Foam is one of the cooler things invented in my opinion. Spray some gooey shaving cream looking stuff into any crack or crevice you need filled and the stuff dries rock hard. Fucking brilliant.
So, I grab my Can-O-Foam and take it to my bedroom. When I pushed the little button nothing happened. Seemed to tube thingy was clogged. After fifteen minutes of poking various objects into the tube thingy (and seriously considering the warning on the can to use protective eye-wear), I decided to take it off and just use the can like you would a can of whipped cream. I mean, shit, I don’t have time to fuck around with this can all damn day.
So, I went into my room and started to apply the foam around the window. But it wasn’t staying in place where I wanted it to. Frustrated with how a simple chore was taking up so much of my precious cleaning time, I got sloppy. I ended up with quite a bit of the Foam on my hand. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I thought I could just go wash it off with some hot water and soap before it set and it would come right off. It did not. In fact, it became the equivalent of some evil form of bubble gum. Like if bubble gum were an evil super villain. Well the Evil Super Villain was attacking my hands and causing my fingers to stick together. So, I grabbed the Can-o-Foam and started reading the back of it while carefully keeping my fingers from touching each other. Acetone. Apparently acetone would take off the Evil Foam. Well fuck, I knew I didn’t have any, I ran out of nail polish remover the other day… So, wracking my brain, I remembered I had some paint thinner under the sink. Now let me clarify for you all. I don’t use paint thinner. Veronique’s mom gave me the paint thinner and some stain when she gave me the table I love so much. This being said, I am not by any means, a person who would know how to use paint thinner.
So, I grab the paint thinner and open it. I am desperately needing to get the foam off of my hands before it hardens and it is hardening fast. Once I got the child proof cap off (no easy task one handed mind you), I poured the paint thinner over my hand.
Two seconds later I was in hell.
Did you know that for fun paint thinner likes to try and eat the skin off your hands? Oh yeah, it giggles and shit.
Trying not to make some funky girl noise, I turned the sink on and ran my hand under the water.
Did you know that water apparently angers paint thinner?
I quickly pulled my hand out of the flow of water and started blowing on it. Why? Because this is what crazy people do ok?? I grabbed the can and turned it around so I could find out how to get the paint thinner off of my skin before it bore a hole in my hand. There are no less than four chapters of directions on the back of a can of paint thinner. I advise you read them, carefully, should you ever need to use to product. I am trying to scan through to find the “if you get this on your skin” part while blowing on my hand and trying not to cry while saying “ow, ow, ow, ow” over and over again. It was not a pretty sight and I am insanely happy that no one was there to see it.
Finally, I find it. Only, it doesn’t say “if you get this on your skin” it says pretty much that under no circumstances should this product come into contact with your skin. Wear gloves, a suit of armor, whatever, just make sure you don’t get this shit on you. GREAT!!! BUT WHAT IF YOU ALREADY DID?? Fortunately, while I had been distracting myself by reading the encyclopedia on the back of the paint thinner can, the pain had lessened a great deal. Enough for me to run my very pissed off hand under some water and wash away any remnants of the acid I had poured on it a few minutes before.
I dried it off and surveyed the damage. My hand was looked as though it had been stuck into a bucket of glue and then been allowed to harden. Little pieces of Foam were stuck to every hair on my hand and there were chunks of the gooey evil stuff on my nails. Any part of my hand not covered in Foam was red and swollen from the pain thinner. Two of my fingers were numb.
I decided that was just about all the fun I was needing that day and put the Foam and the paint thinner away. I went to check on the insulation and it had dried and was sealed perfectly. This, folks, was another job well done by yours truly.
Happy Monday.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:42 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05


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