I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I found out I was pregnant with you. I often joke that I thought I was getting a puppy, that I thought having a child meant little more than feeding someone and keeping them clean. I had no idea.
You get this from me. This connection between frustration and tears. The inability to understand why something that makes so much sense to you just doesn't make sense to someone else. And when you've lost, when you haven't gotten your way even though it makes all the sense in the world that you should have, you just have to cry. I do this too, Amanda. Probably a lot more than you've ever seen, but I do it too.
You have since managed to control your life at school in a way that makes me so proud. You have learned something that so few girls manage to learn until they are grown up and even then sometimes they don't. You have managed to be your own person and be popular without giving into what everyone else says you have to be. You are secure in the person you are. That alone amazes me.
When you ran for student council last year without asking me for anything more than my permission, I was shocked. And when you won, I was impressed. Impressed that you had been brave enough to give a speech in front of your entire grade, impressed that you were convincing enough during said speech to get their vote and impressed that every one likes you.
Last night, you told me you couldn't wait to be ten, to be into double digits. And that with twelve you would finally be a pre-teen and then with thirteen you would be a teenager and then with fourteen, "a professional teenager."
I looked at you this morning when you came and hugged me before I left for work and I don't see this little girl any more. I see this person. This person who is deciding who she is going to be. This child who is up to my shoulders and who looks me in the eye when she talks to me. This person who is smart and brave and sometimes bossy :) I see a great big sister who loves and defends her little sisters, even from me.
You have such a big heart and if you still want to be a veterinarian when you are older, I think you would make such a good one because you just have so much love inside of you that wants to come out.
I braced myself over the last few years while waiting for the Teenager gene to come out and bite me, and everytime you get a little older, I wait for it... I am glad it isn't here yet because I am not ready to part with the Amanda that comes up to me and hugs me for no reason.
My favorite of our conversations right now goes just like this:
"Mommy, I love you."
"I love you too."
"I love you more."
I love that you still come and tell me you love me just because you do.
We are at the halfway point right now. You are halfway to being a grown up. To being able to vote and leave home and make your own decisions with out asking anyone for permission and that scares me. The fact that the first nine years of your life have flown by so fast, as I am sure the next nine will, is so scary. But you are an awesome daughter. You are so cool and so sweet. And I loved every minute of the first nine years.
Thank you so much for changing my life, for coming into mine and letting me be your mom. Thank you for sharing your life with me and being such a huge part of mine.
~Mom
