Friday, June 30, 2006
no control
The thing that always bothered me the most in my life was the lack of control.
Growing up, I lived in a household where my father would beat my mom up and I couldn't do anything about.
Because of that household, I was moved around a lot and I couldn't control that either.
When I was fourteen, the house in Hawaii burned down and we lost everything and then left the only place I had ever lived for more than two years.
In my relationship with AZ, I was pretty much subjecting myself to his whims and because of that, I moved more and never really settled anywhere.
It's always felt like I was just thrown out to see with no paddle or sails. Just me and the ocean and it's ever changing moods.
I hated that I wasn't making the calls in my life.
I hated that I was just along for every ride.
And once I realized that I could make all of those calls and that I was totally able to create the stability and security I was craving, I did.
And it has rocked.
I do, very much so, like having my little tidy world the way I want it.
But, now I've been exposed to a new type of waves.
And these are waves I can't control: the people around me.
My family, my friends, my co-workers.
People I have attachments to, that I care about.
I can do nothing about their decisions.
And today, that makes me sad.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:09 AM
| link to this post | 5 spoke |

Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05

"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



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They'll All Fall

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