Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Dear Goddess of Love Lessons,
While having a long chat last night with Lola, we decided that we've learned enough. We don't want to continue having to acquire more and more knowledge through heart break.
Yes, we understand that we wouldn't be who we are or know what we know if we hadn't experienced what we've experienced.
How many times have we said to one another that if we hadn't been with soandso and went through all of the things that we went through with him then we would have never learned about [insert god awful things that exs did here] and made even worse mistakes down the line?
After my fiasco with Medic, I was driving home and it occurred to me that if I hadn't been through everything with Mr.I, then I would have been far more susceptible to falling into something I didn't really want with that crazy stalker boy Medic. And for all the shit that happened with Mr.I, I was lucky that I connected with someone like that because if I hadn't then maybe I wouldn't have believed I could.
But, fuck already, I don't want any more of these.
What the hell use is all of this knowledge if I never actually get to test it out you know?
When do we get the guy that gets through all of our filters? Where is he at huh, Love Lesson Goddess?
I think I was inadvertently signed up for your twenty year course when in reality, I was just looking for a quick five to seven year stint.
The fact of the matter is that I don't think my heart can do too much more of this before it gives up on trying to feel any more. I am adventurous by nature. I like to take chances and believe and hope and try and see the best in another person but I can see that side of me, in regards to love, quieting down. I'd rather stay home and watch a movie about people like me than actually go out and be a person like me.
And I am blaming this on you.
And if you don't knock it off, I will have to start referring to you as The Goddess of Crushing Hearts and Destroying Belief That Love Exists.
Catchy huh?
I see people who have graduated from your grueling course (like The Cake Lady) or who managed to skip it all together (like Jiffinner and The Bear) and it gives me hope that eventually there is an end to all of this learning.
It's just that The End seems so very far away.
And you are really starting to overshadow The Goddess of Being Single and her powers to make me happy that I am hanging out solo. And what's even worse is that now The Goddess of Loves Past is starting to poke her stupid fucking head out and say Hey, Kate, remember that one time when you were so happy with...
I hate her. I would consider it a personal favor if you would impale her and then set her on fire since she is conspiring against me with The Dream Goddess.
You seem to get off on pain so you should enjoy that.
I'm pleading with you.
I don't want any more nights like last night. I don't want to sit there with his phone number inputted while I debate whether or not to hit 'talk'... I don't want to think about emailing him or wonder if that is his IP address on my statcounter.
I want him out of my head and out of my heart.
I get it already.
You managed to hammer this lesson into me.
I've learned the lesson of loving and not being loved in return.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:14 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05

"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



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