Thursday, July 23, 2009
The first email...
Last night, I was laying on my couch watching So You Think You Can Dance with my kids and I absentmindedly picked up my phone to check my email. I check my email on my phone a hundred times a day. It's this constant stream of junk mail and bills and the occasion update from facebook... every once in a while there is an email from a real live person but mostly it is just stuff I sent to Deleted Items.

AFN Broadcast TIME SENSITIVE Texas Families Only: Meet "Carebear", 6 yrs‏

So it's starting.

Deadline to express interest: July 23, 2009; 5 pm

I try to pay attention to the times that something in my life could be drastically changing. I don't want to look back and think, I had no idea that everything was about to change.
I want to know that change is possible and coming. I want to feel it all, experience it.
Does this email and the fact that I've "expressed interest" mean that I am going to have a new family member in a few weeks? Not at all.
There is this whole long process from where I am to when we have a new person in our family.
But last night? Getting that email?
That was an initiation of sorts.
I paused the TV and went to my computer as I mumbled something to the girls about an email from "the adoption people". We all huddled around the screen to read about this little girl.
Her description was riddled with fantastic things including a very in-depth comparison of her to various carebear characters. She is from a home where she has two older siblings (who aren't available for adoption) and her profile states that she would like to be adopted into a home where she can have a sibling close to her own age.
I read everything to my mom last night and it broke her heart.. I don't think she realized how many kids are out there. She was concerned about this little girl's emotional state and how it could possibily affect my daughters... I had to explain to her and my girls that there isn't a single child available for adoption who hasn't suffered somehow. There isn't a child who doesn't feel abandoned, confused, scared, insecure... All of these kids are damaged. All we can do is offer to give them a place to heal and become part of a family who loves them and wants them and will always be there for them.
This is the first step for us. "Expressing interest." Maybe this little carebear won't be the one for us. Maybe she will be the one for someone else. But I will always remember how I felt last night when I realized that she could be the one. And I will always remember the butterflies in my stomach this morning when I sent the email to my caseworker and let her know that we would like to be considered as her new family.

An aside: I usually use my children's real names here but seeing as how this sweet little girl isn't mine yet and may not be, I feel a certain responsibility to offer her a tiny bit of anonymity. Should she become a member of my family, I will reintroduce her here with pictures and an actual name...

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 5:20 AM
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