I know I've barely been on here and I have to apologize but also let ya'll know it was necessary.
You see when I have to deal with something big, I have a tendency to take away things that distract me from dealing with it. Because I will immerse myself in things that keep me from thinking about what I need to deal with like blogging, watching movies, reading books... Anything that keeps my mind off of my big girl stuff. I procrastinate by ignoring and/or thinking about other things.
However, this particular bit of discomfort had to be dealt with and I had put it off for three weeks.
The thing I dislike most in this world is confrontation.
I loathe and abhor it.
It's one of the main reasons I am not in a relationship.
It's one of the main reasons I don't get along with my family.
Conflict sucks ass.
And I dislike it.
So the thought of confronting my boss about the fact that he completely blew off my raise and then gave the commission I was busting my ass to start getting to the new ops manager made my stomach do flip flops and my ass clench up.
But after closely evaluating my budget and realizing that without the raise, I was going to start going under, I had to rethink my avoidance.
Avoidance: Rethought.
And this morning, after going over my numbers for the millionth time, it became so ridiculously crystal clear that I had to do something that there was no more avoiding it.
So I printed up a list of everything that I do (four pages long, thankyouverymuch) and a review sheet and I went into my boss's (boss'? bosses? bossssssss?) office, shut the door (I originally typed "shit the door", it felt the same I assure you) and sat down.
He said, jokingly, "uh oh, the doors shut".
I had him sign some things I needed signed and then told him I needed to talk to him. I told him, truthfully, that it's hard for me to talk to him about this kind of stuff because he is my boss and my friend and it makes me uncomfortable. Then I told him that I needed to discuss my salary. That I had explained to him before we hired the new ops manager that I needed to start making more money because my brother was moving out... in fact, if he remembered, we'd had this same chat back in August of last year when he gave me my last raise. Now my brother is moved out and I'm in a bind and I can't put off talking to him about. I reminded him that he had said we'd revisit this subject in December and let him know that I didn't bring it up because we were firing admin staff across the company and it obviously wasn't a good time.
I then handed him the four page list of what I do here and reminded him of all of us sitting down two weeks ago to cover everything on there and how much of it I'm doing. I also told him that I think I am doing a good job and that I hope he does as well and handed him a review form to review my performance. He jumped in and said he hoped he hadn't said anything to make me think he was unhappy with my work, which he hasn't and I told him as much.
He said he would be happy to get with his boss about my getting a raise and asked me how much I needed. I told him and he said he'd talk to him.
So people, cross your freaking fingers for me. If he gets it approved, I will be able to breathe again.
I haven't breathed in weeks.
Labels: At work, being a Home Owner, my crazy life
