Friday, February 11, 2005
Dreams about past lovers...
I had a dream about a lover (EP) I used to have last night. It's strange what dreams do to you. Here is a man that I found myself content with having a purely physical relationship with, albeit short lived, and when I wake up I miss him. Why is that? Even I, with my absolute idiocy when it comes to relationships, can accept and understand that there could be nothing more than what there was between us.
I've realized that I do this. That I can leave a physical relationship and still be on good terms with the guy. I can continue a friendship with them even. But then I fuck it all up by calling them when I am lonely and sleeping with them again. I KNOW that I don't want anything more from them. It's like using your friends, lol. I don't know what the equivalent would be between myself and a female friend. Maybe like... instead of buying -insert appliance-, I will borrow hers... Instead of finding a single man and trying a real relationship, I will just sleep with him. I am comfortable with him, I like him and we've had sex before. Where's the problem? The problem, friends, is that these guys don't just want to sleep with me. The guys that seem like perfect FWB (friends with benefits) candidates end up telling me a few weeks in that they have feelings for me.
Am I cursed??? On the flip side, the guys I am actually interested in, aren't interested in me. Karma perhaps? As if to mirror that (or simply mirror my subconscious), in my dream there is a guy chasing me, telling me he is in love with me and I am running away. LOL, this is on my way home from EP's place.
I'm a mess... But ya'll love me anyway right??
lol
~Kate
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:14 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05


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