The laundry would still get done.
The dishes would still get washed.
The kids would still be fed and clean and clothed.
The dog would still get bones so she doesn't chew all my shit up.
But that, that 60% less stuff? Not enough. Even now, not enough.
I don't feel like I am doing enough.
And let me clarify here: this isn't in an obligatory kind of way. It isn't like there is all of this stuff that I have to do and I am just trudging through it wearing lead weighted shoes.
No.
It's like there is all this stuff I have to do and also all this stuff I want to do and then there are the lists of things I want to do later in the year and the actual making of the lists of those things and then more stuff that I could do if I finish all the other stuff and budgets and...
It's like I've just shot up an assload of amphetamines and my brain is racing with all of these ideas while I am working on more stuff and there isn't enough time and the speed never wears off - I'm strung out without the drugs.
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME PLEASE?
The only thing I can even begin to compare this to is when I was "nesting". I began to uncontrollably clean and reorganize everything I owned (which wasn't much at the time) right before Amanda was born. It was crazy and I didn't even realize I was doing it. It wasn't until AZ came home for the third day in a row to a completely different place than he had left that morning that he finally asked me what I was doing. And I didn't know how to answer him because no one had told me that a month or so before you pop out a kid you will won't be able to suppress the "nesting" urge. Or that there was even a "nesting" urge to begin with.
And now, I am experiencing it again. Differently but more or less similarly themed.
I am, dear reader, suddenly unable to stop redecorating my house.
And it isn't MY house. It's my RENTAL house. Which means that I don't even really get to KEEP all the work I am doing. I have mentioned several times that I am in the house I will live in until I can buy a house. And I don't like it. And I never have.
It's a very "it'll do" kind of place. But, about a month or so ago, I suddenly decided to paint it. And it was as though my entire body experienced a The-Best-Idea-I've-Ever-Had-Orgasm. And now, I'm hooked. I have colors picked out for every room in my house and I am tediously making my way through each individual change and loving it.
With the majority of my "color schemes" chose, I started to reevaluate my furniture and that is where the next big idea came from.
I want a platform bed.
Badly.
So I started looking for one to buy but all the frames I really liked were waaaaay too expensive to be justifiable. And as I delved deeper into my search, I stumbled across plans to BUILD a bed. Initially, there was scoffing. As if I could build a bed? Surely you jest, Internet.
But the more I read, the more likely it became and the more likely it became, the more I wondered about what else I could build.
And do you want to know what happened?
I now have a binder with pushing a hundred pages of ideas and plans and lists of all the things I like and want to build and what I need to build them.
It's insane. And yet - I can't stop.
I'm "nesting" again and I have no idea why.
Labels: I'm a loser, my crazy life
