Tuesday, May 20, 2008
wandering aimlessly
I wrote a letter last week to Amanda and Emilee's dad and mailed it before I could change my mind.
I can't figure out exactly what it is that is making me feel compelled to contact him.
Ever since his sister in law emailed me and said he is in jail again and this time for a very long time, I just feel like I need to.
Since my handwriting is utter crap, I typed his letter, here is a piece of it.

So do I dance around the path you've chosen in life? Or do I talk to you about it?
It floors me, AZ that you are where you are.. That you've made the decisions you've made. That you decided being nowhere was better than being with the girls in any way.
I can’t imagine.
I can’t imagine having missed out on the last eight years of their lives. I can’t imagine not being in the stands for every softball game or being there to tuck them in and hear about the school drama, the boys, their dreams, I can’t imagine missing academic fairs or UIL competitions or learning to ride a bike or birthday parties.
I can’t imagine missing any of it. It breaks my heart that you have.
You have amazing daughters. They have become unbelievable girls and are the road to being phenomenal women. How do I even convey that to you?
Amanda? She is eleven and a half now - on the road to puberty and becoming a little ornery on account of the pre-teenager-ness. She has finally decided to grow her hair back out after having worn it super short since she was six or sevenish. She is stunningly beautiful and has this little beauty mark right above her lip. She is a survivor; nothing in life is going to throw her off. Everything is an opportunity for her to learn and grow and she knows how to make it in the world of evil girls and school :) She has awesome friends and she makes great decisions. She hasn't completely decided what she is going to do when she grows up yet but she is always looking for it (and leaning towards Zoology – she loves animals). College is something that the girls and I discuss almost daily and she is always considering the possibilities of what she will do with her life.
Emilee? She’ll be ten on Sunday. Her and Amanda are at combative ages and they don’t get along to great right now which bums me out to no end. I am trying to find a couple of books on building relationships between sisters for them to start reading. But I realize it is all part of the cycle… Emilee is amazing. She’s smart as a whip and her math skills are incredible. Where Amanda excels at social situations, Emilee doesn’t even care. She is just off in her own head but at the same time she is the friendliest kid ever. I hope she keeps it up and doesn’t get sucked into the “Social Scene” because I can promise you, whatever Em decides to do? She will rock at it.
They both play softball, which I had no hand in, I promise you. Emilee tries everything and she decided after a season of soccer and a season of basketball that she wanted to try softball so I shelled out the cash and signed her up. By the end of the first practice, Amanda (who had never expressed even the teeniest bit of interest in playing a sport) was saying that she wanted to play too. I know I looked at her like she was out of her mind but she promised me if I paid for it, she’d play the whole season. And you know what? We are just finishing our third year! I can’t believe it. Amanda has played second and outfield and, get this, she is a switch hitter AND a switch pitcher! Can you believe that? And this is the first year that when she walks up to bat, her coach actually tells her which side to bat on… sometimes it’s left handed and sometimes it’s right handed, just depends on where he wants her to hit the ball. How cool is that?
Emilee is also a switch hitter and she plays catcher. It is, quite honestly, the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your whole life. Emilee all decked out in pitchers gear squatted behind the plate. She’s pretty good too. But she’s in her chubby pre-puberty phase that Amanda was in two years ago so she isn’t super fast right now, but in another year, she’ll have grown a few inches and be all awesome. She is also held back right now by these super horrible headaches that she has been having. I’m taking her to a neurologist in July [freakin’ neurologists are apparently all the rage because it is a pain to get an appointment with one] for testing because the headaches are really starting to keep her from doing the things that she loves and her pediatrician is at a loss as to why she has them. She is such a trooper though. She suffers through them with a smile and rarely gets upset unless it is really bad.

That's it guys. Eight years condensed into a few paragraphs.
Can you imagine someone giving you the last eight years of your children's lives in five paragraphs?

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:16 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
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