I remember that it was the company party when it all started. Our dealership was having it's 25th anniversary party and I asked Mr. I to go, he declined. I thought that was strange. That he would not want to go, it was promising to be a large ordeal and fun to boot. Nonetheless, he declined saying that he didn't want to go and he certainly couldn't change his mind since he had been asked by other co-workers and declined them as well. I said fine, I'll call you later. Which I did, a few hours and a heck of a lot of Jack and cokes later. I asked him what we were doing, what was this that he and I were doing... He said he didn't know... then said he wanted to be able to see other people. I thought this was weird, but being the cool chic that I am I said that was fine and that I wanted to see other people as well. That was that, we were dating but openly with the underlying agreement that we weren't to sleep with anyone else without first telling the other. This would have been a great agreement with anyone else, but with Mr. I, it wasn't going to last.
It was the following week that he would tell me that he had had a crush on the girl at work for two years. He would mention it casually as though it meant nothing, then he would laugh as he recalled taking her to prom the year before, he would also casually mention that she was going to his cousin's wedding, he wouldn't mention that he was escorting her nor would he mention that she was the reason for the open relationship. This didn't bother me, I didn't get jealous or sad. He would call me later that week and tell me he was coming over. He left his wallet here that night and when I brought it to work the next morning all hell broke loose. Turned out that the night before when he had griped about his date with the girl, he had left out the small detail that they had agreed to be a couple, an exclusive couple no less. So when it got out around the dealership that Mr. I had left his wallet at my house the night before, girly wasn't exactly happy about it.Oddly, this would continue, his coming over and sleeping with me. He was my lover by night, her boyfriend by day. Oddly, this wouldn't bother me for some time. A month maybe before I realized I had heart felt, deep feelings for the man I was sleeping with. In mid-September I would tell him I couldn't sleep with him anymore while he was otherwise attached. He would ask if I was angry with him or if I was sad and I would lie and deny that I was either of those things. I would smile and tell him that we had made a deal to see other people and that he had done nothing wrong in seeing she and I. I would smile and tell him I would of course still see and talk to him, this is where my mistake was.Sure enough, with in weeks we were back in bed. I should mention that this man is fabulous in bed. I think a great deal of that has to do with how well we mesh because he seems to think it is I that is fabulous and he who is along for the ride (no pun intended)... October sixth, I told him I was in love with him. He never returned the words. He did say that he didn't want to hurt me and I knew it was too late to prevent that. I was doomed to be hurt one way or the other. I chose to prolong my hurt and continue to have the relationship that we were having rather than end it. On November 23rd I cut all contact. I gave him a letter, explaining in great detail that I couldn't see him anymore or talk to him as I was pretty sure that was the only way to attempt to get him the hell out of my system. I asked him not to call me anymore and he didn't. It would be a month before I spoke with him again.
It was three weeks before I slept with him again. Thats was two weeks ago.
He's here, he's crept back under my skin. He still kisses me in a way I have never been kissed and he still smooths my hair in just that way and he still reads my mind and he still has a girl friend. Last night he called and wanted to come over and I told him he could but the cancelled immediately on account of my sister coming home. He called tonight to tell me he was going to a basketball game with her. At first I thought he was in a roundabout way nixing any plans to come over here to make up for last night. Now I think it was just a heads up so I wouldn't call and piss her off.
Writing this out is supposed to be helpful, but it is just making me think more about him so I am done.
~Kate
Labels: History Lesson, Mr. I, My pathetic excuse for a love life
