Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Soul Searching
I feel like I have been doing a lot of soul searching this year. I have been reevaluating myself, my life, my goals, my future. I have been reflecting so much on the person I was and the person I am. Rather than being discontented with myself and my life, I have been truly looking at things and seeing that while I may not be exactly where I want to be, I have all of the things that are important to me. A conversation I had with Mr. I many, many months ago shone a spot light on how I was viewing things. Funny how seeing yourself through someone else's eyes can open your own. I have a tendency to look at what is right in front of me and see it for what it is in that moment alone rather than compare it to what I had before. If I rewind my life ten years, five years, two years and consider where I was going and where I wanted to get -- this is it. This is the independence I wanted, I am the mother I wanted to be, these are the friends I wanted and the stability I craved. I have the freedom and the happiness that I had always wished for. And I got it all by myself.

A very close friend of mine, one of my oldest friends, is going through such a hard time right now. She seems so lost to me, so unhappy, so unsure and confused. I have been talking to her, listening to her and trying to help her in any way I can. I have leant my shoulder, listened and given advice, I have even pushed beyond the point of advice to my opinion. Just yesterday I thought I may have pushed my opinion on her enough to cause an argument. But I see her making mistakes I have already made and I want to spare her from them. I can't though. I can offer up previous experiences and mistakes, I can explain to her outcomes and heartbreak, but I can't make her understand. I can't stop her from hurting herself. She has to go through it all, she has to climb every stair up the ladder to serenity and along the way endure all of the pain and heartbreak that comes with life's lessons. Just as I did to get to where I am right now. Maybe that is the only way to truly appreciate it - to earn it all by yourself.


But what do I know? I am just a girl who can't sleep.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:22 AM
| link to this post | 8 spoke |


Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05


"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



Veronique

Yoda

Hot Toddy

Finding Liz

The Adorable DB

Tux Baby
Malcolm (he'll be back)

They'll All Fall

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Red Hot Sexy Papa

Snow

dooce

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"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef

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That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

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"I LOVE inner monologues. They rock!"
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