Ok?
Come on... how often do I ask for favors?
You'll do it?
Oh, awesome. You so rock!
See this:
Yeah, that weekend part?
That has to change.
You see, I have plans to be at the beach during those two days and I am sorry but that whole high of 67 and 64 crap is not going to fly. I need a high of at least 74.
In other news, we had a "Cold Snap" here this past week.
An "unexpected cold snap in South Texas persisted this morning, as ice and freezing rain forced numerous road closures and more than 700 accidents as motorists continued to battle the dangerous conditions. Temperatures plunged to 29 degrees this morning and weren't expected to rise above 40 degrees by day's end, according to the National Weather Service. A freezing rain advisory, also issued by the National Weather Service, will remain in effect until at least noon today. Slippery road conditions are predicted throughout the day."
I can see those of you who live in places where the weather does crazy shit, like snowing, rolling your eyes. If it were to rain when the temperature is in the thirties, you guys are just jazzed you don't have to scrape snow and ice off your windshield, but here... "Further north, all five I-35 exits to New Braunfels Avenue were closed and traffic was re-routed onto access roads earlier today. Both the upper level of Interstate 10 between Fredericksburg Road and Culebra Avenue, and the connector ramps in both directions from Loop 1604 to Interstate 10 were reopened after they spent most of the morning closed..."
Yeah, we close all the highways.
Which was fine with me since I don't usually go outside when the temperature drops below forty. However, I had chosen this particular week to get a puppy.
A puppy who's bladder is roughly the size of nickel and therefore needs to pee approximately every ten to twenty minutes. And who is also only about five pounds and not exactly sporting a winter coat.
Now, I was the kind of person who points and laughs at people who put clothes on their dog. I make awful jokes about that not really being a dog and snicker as it runs by wearing it's little knitted sweater.
I am no longer that kind of person.
I am now the kind of person who roots around in the stuffed animal box looking for the Stitch doll we got for Christmas a few years ago that was wearing the santa suit because I am almost sure that it could fit our dog.
(Just FYI...You do not want to google Stitch and Santa trying to find a picture because you end up with a lot of cross stitch Christmas paterns...)
And it did.
(click for large)
Much to her disgrace, I am sure.
Plus, I don't think it was very warm since it wasn't really designed to make sure that Stitch was kept warm when packed and shipped here from China.
The preformance that Chica and I kept repeating went something like this:
1. Put Santa suit on Chica and have her make that face at me. You know, the one where she is silently pleading with you not to take her outside in that in case there are any other life forms out there that could see and then taunt her.
2. Put leash on her.
3. Loop leash over chair while I put on fifteen layers of clothing.
4. Open door and say "Come on, Chica, let's go outside!" ...wait... "Come on Chica, let's go outside and go potty!" ...wait...
5. Become fairly convinced that puppy is giving me a look that translates into "Hey Lady? Fuck you." so I pick her up and take her outside.
6. Set puppy down in the grass where she immediately starts shaking and jumping up and down directly in front of me either a) begging me in doggy language to pick her back up because it is fucking cold or b) trying to warm herself by jumping up and down.
7. Say "Go potty, Chica. Go potty! Come on Chica, just go potty and we can go back inside!" for at least seven minutes.
8. Finally convinced I will not pick her up she starts smelling around on the ground, making me walk around the house three times.
Well, I walked. I think she just glided across the ground with all the shaking. You know, like a air hockey game. Just imagine my yard as the table and the dog as the puck.
9. She finally squats down to pee and I congratulate her the entire time.
10. We both run back into the house and de-layer.
11. Wait twenty minutes and go back to 1.
This is particularly fun when it is four o'clock in the morning and I can't find my shoes.
