Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Valentine's Day
I can only remember getting flowers for Valentine's Day once.
I remember when I answered the door and the flower guy handed me this lovely arrangement of roses, I almost started crying.
I thought that they were from NY.
They weren't. They were from his mom. I called her to thank her for them and she went on to say how happy she was that I had given her son another chance. And how happy we would be when "the baby" was born and how she just knew that my being pregnant was a sign that he and I were meant to be together.
For a moment or two, I indulged that idea.
Could my being pregnant mean that he and I were going to be ok. He wanted to marry me. Should I just marry him and make everything work?
I knew that was an option.
You can always stay.
You can always stay and just ignore the unhappiness and the mean words. You can always sit back and pretend you are happy and that this is normal. You can smile when people ask how the two of you are and say great. And then you can lay in bed at night and convince yourself that the next day will be better.
You can, but I didn't.
And now, I am spending another Valentine's Day alone. And the last time I got flowers was in 2002.
But, I am happy. How is that?
Instead of a romantic evening, I will go and buy Zathura on DVD today when I get off work and the girls and I will eat an insane amount of popcorn and all the candy that they will bring home from school while we lay on the floor and watch a movie together.
And if I am lucky, they will want to play Boggle afterwards.
Does that mean that I don't have that little secret compartment in my heart that hopes next year I might be lucky enough to be in love? Nope. But I don't want that kind of love where I have to lay in bed and hope that the next day is better.
so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:44 AM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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