Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Acrophobic Humpday: The Pick Up Line Edition
Isn't today the ides of March?
I think it is the fifteenth. I had to memorize a whole monologue once about it. Julius Caesar right?
So, I am in Wal-Mart yesterday with all three of my darling daughters; Cranky, Whiny and Mouthy getting a birthday present for Mouthy's Amanda's sleepover Wednesday night. They had a dentist appointment, otherwise I would have been shopping alone.
I was also looking at shoes for the girls on clearance. A lot of cleats were on sale (sadly none in Emo's size), so I was having the girls try on shoes. We went down pretty much every aisle and I was trying to find size 2.5 and 3.5 marked down and mixed in with all the other shoes in no.particular.order. This alone is enough to make me crazy. I mean who the fuck arranges these shoes?
Anyway, this guy keeps coming down every aisle I am on but not really looking at anything. I thought maybe he was having a hard time finding shoes for his kids but by the time I got to the ladies aisle for sizes 5-8 (Amanda, with her big ol honker feet can sometimes wear a size five), he was pissing me off since obviously the two kids he had with him did.not.wear.this.size. and he was getting in my way. I ignored him though since Trin was begging me for a Winnie the Pooh cookie and Emilee was saying things like "why don't I ever get new shoes? How come you only buy things for Amanda?" Nevermind that she is wearing new shoes I got her like two weeks ago. I am quietly thinking about the fact that the wine aisle is like twenty feet away and please god get me out of this store before I publicly melt down.
Amanda finally says she will settle on the pink canvas hightop looking shoes that are actually lowtop. Uh-huh. You see? So, I am squatted down on the floor helping her try a pair on and saying "Triniti, don't touch that. Amanda, where are your toes? We don't take the shoes of the shelf Triniti. How do they feel Amanda, are they too tight? Mamma said no, Trin." When this guy says something to me.

At first, I didn't even hear him with all my chaos. So, I look over and it is the same guy who was coming down every aisle I was on. I said, "excuse me?" and he says, "are you married?"
What the fuck? You're hitting on me?
Oh, I wanted to lie. I wanted to say yes, I am married and get up and leave. But I had three little kids there, all of whom have been told on numerous occasions to not lie.
"Oh. Well, do you date?"
Ok, I will give the dude some props here since he had the balls to ask the lady with the three hopped-up-on-meth-and-rubber-cement kids out in a store. But, he was so not my type.

So, I did lie.
"No, I don't really have the time." I motioned towards my heathen monkeys who were practically picking ticks out of each other's hair and eating them gleefully while bouncing up and down and spinning in circles. And inside, for the first time ever, I embraced their public insanity as a blessing.
"Oh, well, you just look so good." Uh huh, so not going out with this guy.
"Yeah, thanks."
And I bolted.
And I bought the girls ice cream. Lots of ice cream. And kissed them.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it: PICK UP LINES
I can see this being a hard as hell theme so good luck.

And onto the points:
So, I was talking to
Jim C and I asked him why it was that he hadn't been posting to his blog and his reponse? I haven't been blogging becuase I've Been On Really Exquisite Drugs.... (20 points) Shit. Brutally honest right? Thinking that was untoppable (if there were such a word), I asked Grend31 the same question. His reply? I haven't been blogging because I'm Damned Overloaded Practicing Erotic Yodeling (15 points. Come on? Erotic and Yodeling in the same sentence?) There was quite a conversation after this because I needed some explaining on what exactly erotic yodeling entailed and whether Grend31, being a happily married straight man could, within his vows, take part in erotic yodeling. Grend31 then came clean and admitted what the real reason was. I have not been bloggin because Creativity Left Overnight Under Duress (5 points for the confession). I was hoping to change the subject and looked to madigan, which was a mistake since her mind spends more time in the gutter than mine and well let's me honest, that's no easy feat. I haven't been blogging because I have Volunteered Actively Nailing Innocent Sensual Hotties (15 points). So, I asked Madi, where does one volunteer for this? She said she wasn't really sure but that Chicken would know. However, after reading Chicken's acro, I was quickly turned off of the idea. I haven't been blogging because I have Anxious Red Rashes Everywhere, So The Edge Dissapeared (15 points, my 'edge' would dissapear too!). Of course, once she explained, it all made sense: I have been Entertaining Rabbits, Untying Dogs, Ingnoring Turantula's...Eww! (another 5 points)
I glanced around the room and spotted
Tuxbaby sitting in the corner staring off into space. You know, the kind of staring one does when they are blissfully in love and recently home from vacation? So, I asked her why she hadn't been blogging. The reason I haven't been blogging: Running Everywhere, Noticing Obvious Vegas Attractions That Exhilarate (15 points) Ok, but why else? I havne't been blogging because: Someone Put Rabbits In Neighbor's Garden (10 points) *Someone* Tuxbaby? Who could that someone be? She just kind of looked around innocently before saying it couldn't have been her. Why? I'm not blogging because I'm Heaving Eggs At Volkswagons Entering Neighborhood (10 points) Well, yeah. Obviously one couldn't have time for rabbits with the VW's and the eggs right?
I saw
Karamia sitting at a table having a conversation with herself. I wanted to check on her, so I walked over and asked her what she had been up to. Her answer? I'm not blogging because Little oval ompalompas peer yearningly (10 points). I shot JimC a stearn look since this probably had something to do with his drugs and then asked Karamia if she was ok. I have not been blogging because Every moment pretending to yodel (10 points). Shot Grend31 a nasty look this time, one of those that says 'Don't make me tell your wife...' Seems two of my favorite blogboys were messing with my girl here.
So, on my way out of the room, I see a new girl flirting with Yoda and wander over to introduce myself. She says her name is
Robin and smiles I haven't been blogging because I Have only captured kinky evil Yeti (10 points). I think she meant "Yoda" but I didn't say anything.

Don't know what Acrophobia is? Well, click that button and find out.
Then you can play with us.
You know you want to. Everyone's doing it.


so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 12:00 AM
| link to this post | 34 spoke |

Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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