Last night, while I was wandering aimlessly around my house, my lovely nine year old remarked, "you're going crazy without the computer aren't you Mom?"
After scowling at her, I had to admit that I was. And not because I am an internet junkie or anything but because it messes up my routine and GOD HELP YOU if you mess up my routine.
I just become this very lost and sad chic who isn't sure what to do with the time she had previously budgeted for email/blogging/burning cds/uploading photos. The very though of plopping down in front of the tv makes my stomach turn. (I have more or less vowed to just keep away from that type of brain mushing until Grey's Anatomy comes back on... which reminds me, when do all the cool shows start up again?) Instead, I just tried to hang out with the girls as much as possible. I listened to Amanda tell me about how jealous she is that she isn't on Student Council this year and how the SC kids are doing all kinds of way cooler shit than they did last year and how in choir she is seated in between the two coolest dudes in her grade and how she misses Cody who has moved and how she is hoping that Kate can get her sleep over arranged because *gasp* there will be boys there until they "start doing girl stuff and make them leave". Then Amanda wandered off to go finish her Captain Underpants book and I moved on to Triniti. Now Trin usually does remember a lot of what has gone on in school but has a hard time grabbing all the words from her mind. So she mostly just likes to sing me the songs she's learned in school and tell me all about how Coleen is her "bestest frey-end ever" (she has a VERY southern drawl). Emilee pretty much blew me off for the tv so i was back to square one.
Which is why several of you got phone calls from me last night.
And which is also why I have plans to go out on Friday night and drink some beers with The Consultant (who has actually moved down here!). He hasn't really met anyone outside of work and is just dying for company. So we are heading to the local bar that is like 3 miles from my house for beer and pool.
Not having my computer has also messed up my morning routine. Normally the first thing I do in the morning after rolling out of bed, is go plop down and sleepily read the emails ya'll sent while I was crashed. Every once in awhile, I will even write you back some incomprehensible, typo ridden mess of a reply.
This morning, I got up and went to let Chica outside so she could do her thang and then instinctively went to check my email.
Damn it.
So, I skipped the ten minute waking up period and instead hit my elliptical. I should be getting some mad points for that. The last two weeks I've been getting up at like 4:50a and doing two miles in the morning.
I may have to up it to four.
There is light at the end of the tunnel however. I have someone who will fix it, I just have to get it to him. Which I betcha I manage sometime in the next three days. You know, before the Insanity sets in.
In the meantime, keep emailing me, I am still checking it once a day :)

Ok, so it isn't real often that I have a completely valid excuse for:
(a) not returning about a dozen emails
and
(b) not blogging

Wanna know what the valid reason is? Huh? HUH? Do ya?
IT'S BECAUSE ALL MY SHIT KEEPS BREAKING!
Fuck.
So, I went to Austin this past weekend and as soon as I pulled into town, my car did something weird. I happened to be on the phone with Snow and she and I both came to the same (RIGHT) conclusion, so break out your Chic Points book and add a few by our names. When I hit the accelerator, just to go from like 25mph to 45mph (sorry my Canadian/anyone else who uses the metric system readers, I don't know the conversion to kilometers), my RPM's jumped up in between 4k and 5k but my car didn't really go any faster. It just sounded like I was parked and trying to rev my engine. Which I totally never do in the mini van because, hello? That's not fun. It' a mini fucking van.
Anyway, I told Snow that I thought my transmission had just "slipped"... which I am pretty sure means something to dudes but to me personally (and probably the vast majority of chics out there) it just means "broken" in Transmission Talk. This led into a conversation about how there is NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL that my transmission should be slipping. I drive a 2006, less than 32k miles vehicle for fuck's sake.
The Snow mentioned that maybe I should have the transmission fluid checked (which I just had done on the 3rd of this very month) and I concurred. Then I had to get off the phone so I could focus on how exactly my car was messing up so as to relay it later to someone who could tell me what was wrong with it.
I had a friend of mine cruise it with me on Saturday and he rechecked the transmission fluid (which was a little low, but not even to the point of being too low yet). Basically, it needed to go to the shop.
So let me tell you how fun the two hour drive home from Austin on Sunday was...
....
Yeah, that's about it.
It blew.
You have never, in your life, seen a chic's ass clench the seat as much as mine was on the way home from Austin.
The problem was just getting progressively worse. I was totally scared shitless that I was going to break down In The Middle Of Nowhere Land, probably about five miles from Where Your Cell Phone Gets Reception Town. Plus, when your car is acting up, by law, you have to turn the radio off so as to relay all the scary noises to the dudes at the car place. (Brian Regan, who I am going to see live next weekend, has some great clips on this. Download them. Now.)
When I finally got home and let out that giant sigh of relief, pretty much everyone I had talked to assured me that:
(a) It was my transmission
and
(b) It had to be covered under my 36k mile warranty
But you know, as well as I do, dear reader, that when your car breaks, you just get some lubricant and bend over. The very thought that your broken car isn't going to clear out your savings AND lose you the rights to your first born is practically laughable.
But, yesterday I get a call from the dude at the car place who's name (and I am so not changing it here people) it Brown who informed me that my transmission would need to be replaced AND they had a free rental car sitting up there for me because this is all covered by the warranty.
So, I put the lubricant away and went and picked up my rental car truck and apparently all is well in that particular corner of my world.
But only in that corner, lol.
Back to my valid reason for not blogging. I get home last night and go to turn my computer on and BAM!
Totally effing broken.
Windows won't start. Not in any mode.
And I don't have the original XP discs so I can't just reformat. Nor do I particularly want to because I would like to keep all my shit.
Snow did some searching for me yesterday as she is an Aspiring Computer Goddess and said something about my needing to do something with my something and my something.
Yeah.
That's about right.
Soooooo, right now I am secretly blogging to you lovely people while I am at work. You know, so know one thinks I've fallen off of the planet. I'm still here, I'm just in the disguise of a chic with no computer driving a bright red Chevy Colorado.

Amanda: Hey Mom? Could I have another brownie?

Me: Dude, you already had one. One is enough.

Amanda: Awwwww, Moooooom, puuuhhhlllleeeeeeaaassseeee?

Me: No.

Amanda: *batting her eyelashes and making THAT face* Awwww Mom, just ooooone more? Please? *more batting, more puppy eyes*

Me: *in my "I'm getting annoyed" voice* Amanda, I said no.

Amanda: *giving up on the cute shit* Man. That stuff always works on Camille's mom. It's not fair... You know why it doesn't work on you Mom?

Me: *smiling* Because I am mean and evil?

Amanda: Nah... it's because you are half Dad and Dads never fall for that stuff.

I have been an awful bloggeress, I know.
Wednesday to Sunday is too long to go without a decent blog post... or returned email.
I am sorry.
Say you'll forgive me.
Please?
I was actually out of town this weekend and have only been home for a few hours. In those few hours I have eaten, taken my girls out to play on the trampoline in the sprinkler, talked to my brother (for those of you chics all mad in lust with him, he is officially out of the Navy in 18 days), checked my email, uploaded some pics to my flickr site and listened to Trin tell me all about her weekend and the Tooth Fairy.
I am fourteen different shades of sleepy though so I am afraid, short of checking in, this post is mostly useless.
I will try and get something real up here tomorrow.
In the meantime, I hope you all had a great weekend!!

From the Mail Bag:

From: Chad
Re: Scorpions
Hey Kate, I am wondering if, after your experience with the scorpion,
have you learned anything about scorpion proofing your bed? I am in
northern nevada and have been finding too many "little demons" in my
house for comfort. I understand some are adept at climbing. I think
the ones in this region are, which would allow them to get onto beds
that are elevated. Please impart any knowledge that you have aquired.

Thanks,
Chad

Chad,
Funny that you sent this less than a week after my second scorpion sting. Just last week as I was on the phone with Jiffinner, one of those little fuckers crawled up next to my foot and stung me. He is, of course, dead now. The fact of the matter is that I don't think you can fully be rid of them. I am pretty sure that they have an alliance with the devil himself... or Davey Jones (POTC2)... Regardless, nothing I have EVER used has fully annihilated them. I've had companies come and spray my home and my yard, I've used every pesticide that you can buy legally in this country. I spray my home every three months, but no matter what I do, they still patrol the hallways when I am least expecting it...
So instead of a prevention method, I have some survival tips for you.

1. I have found that the scorpions mostly stay outside during the winter. It's almost like they like it, which only further proves they are evil because The Cold sucks. At any rate, you are safe during the Winter, whatever months those might be for you. Winter in Texas is mid to late December through early to mid January, so that isn't much time here. Pretty much the first day that the temperature exceeds 90 degrees Fahrenheit, you can expect them to come inside to play with you.

2. Wear shoes. Every where. During the winter, I wear socks because it's cold and they are comfy, but during summer, I break out every pair of flip flops I own and strategically place them around the house so that I NEVER have to walk barefoot any where. Also, flip flops work better because you can see every part of them. Sandals just create a nice hiding place for the scorpions to wait for your toes. If you happen to be anti-flip flop, I advise that you shake out and inspect all shoes before putting them on. Flip flops, in all of their coolness are not so good for the squashing of the scorpions and oftentimes only make the scorpion laugh maniacally and then run at thirty miles an hour at your feet, so having some decent sized shoes with spiked tread in every room helps to kill them. And trust me, if you leave the room to look for a shoe to kill it with, it will be gone when you come back. And then, that night, at 3am when you can't sleep because you know there is one in your house, possibly in your hair, you will wish you had kept something to kill it with in your living room.

3. Do not put your bed near the wall. My bed is in a corner in my room but between the bed and the wall is a good ten inches of space so that the scorpions don't climb up the wall and onto my bed. We don't want to make it any easier for them do we? No. And scorpions like to be up high.

4. Do not leave your blankets and or dust covers hanging far enough off of the bed that they touch the floor. Nothing on your bed should touch the floor and create a nice little ladder for the demons to crawl up.

5. Don't make your bed during the summer. I know, I know, your mother has done nothing but tell you to make your bed since you could understand the English language and you know, I am with your mom. A made bed is nice and neat. But it also has a tendency to give you a false sense of safety. You get into your jammies, assuming Chad that you wear jammies, and mosey over to your bed (out side of Texas, change 'mosey' to 'walk'). It's all made up and it looks so very inviting and so you turn the blankets down and slide in. DO NOT DO THIS. Leave your bed a flaming mess in the morning. Do not make it up. That way, when you go to get into it at night you can pull the top sheet and blanket off and shake them off and inspect them, same with the pillows. Yeah, I know, seems like a pain in the ass but I promise you, it takes about as long as making your bed would and it is much more comforting to know that there isn't an evil little fucker sandwiched between your sheets. Also, check around your mattress/box spring area to make sure one isn't just waiting until you are snuggled down for the night to join you.

6. When you get into bed, make sure you put your flip flops or shoes on your bed. Most of us sleep in the dark and if you need to get up at night to pee or wander aimlessly around your house planning how you are going to single handedly take over the world, you will want to know that your shoes are scorpion free. That is much more likely when they are on your bed and not on your floor.

7. Do not leave shit on the floors. Put your dirty laundry in a basket. If you have kids and they have toys, make sure that they put them in a toy box. Don't leave a damn towel on the floor. Anything on the floor is just a place for a scorpion to hide or blend it. I even go as far as to pick my rugs up and store them until winter.

8. (For the record, I don't do any of the stuff in #8. Because I am a chic and yard work sucks.) Scorpions like clutter outside as well, so if you have a wood pile or a burn pile or any kinds of piles near your house, that is where your scorpions are living and breeding. You can easily locate them by waiting until it is dark and looking for the eerie red lights and demonic chanting. It will lesson the chances of scorpions patrolling your pad if you ditch the piles of random shit outside your house and in your garage.

9. Check your ceiling. Scorpions like to get up near the light so before you go to bed, check your ceiling. It makes it awkward to kill them when they are up there but I have found that those gluey sticky mouse trap things work very well.

10. Last thing, scorpions mostly eat insects. I've heard they prefer spiders, which makes sense because only something evil would eat something as gross as a spider. Anyway, try and get rid of any little buggies you may have hanging out in your house. Nothing for them to eat might help them head back out doors, but then again, I've also heard that they can go a long time with out eating so I wouldn't depend too much on that.

For other information about the nasty things, try wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scorpion

buona giornata!
See, you guys thought I quit with the Italian huh? Totally still doing it.

a [pseudo] poem, by katehopeeden

I work all of the time
Some say it's a crime
That a mother would do such a thing

But the truth of it is
To support all three kids
Every week, a paycheck I must bring

So when a dude says 'wassup'
And I'm holding a sippy cup
He's not inclined to ask for my number

But I barely notice his bailing
On account of Trin's flailing
So I haven't been laid since December

You see, I had a good plan
Until I bought the mini-van
Now I'm in Soccer Mom Hell

It's hard to pick up guys
The damn car is my demise
I'm confined to my roomy beige jail

I get home at night
And cook the kiddos a bite
and then set them in front of the tv

Hair washed, teeth brushed
It happened in such a rush
The few hours with my daughters three

At ten forty five
I am barely alive
As I crawl underneath the covers

As I drift off to sleep
Wrapped tight, in a heap
I barely contemplate the arms of a lover

Who has the time?
I can barely sit here and rhyme
There are dishes piled up in the sink

There's laundry to be done
Which so is not fun
And honestly? I'd love a drink.

***We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."***
-Shall We Dance

So the conversation on the phone last night went like this:
Me: Oh, they went right to bed... apparently the day before the first day of school is the easiest night to get your kids to bed. Especially since tomorrow is Trin's first day of school, EVER.
Him: Is she excited?
Me: Oh yeah, she's totally jazzed.
Him: You're so gonna cry.
Me: Well, I don't know. I mean she is, out of all of my kids, the most ready for it... and she's been in daycare for awhile so she'll adapt and she's so --
Him: You're going to cry.
Me: Yeah, I'm going to cry.

Pics are here.
And I so cried.

Tomorrow is the first day of school.
Doesn't seem like that big of a deal does it?
It's certainly not the first day of school I've witnessed as a mother and it is most definitely not the last.
But this year is a little different.
This year Triniti goes.
It is the end of an era for me, the end of Baby & Toddler Land.
I am leaving diapers behind forever and embracing the next step.
And although it might sound crazy, that is how I feel right now. I feel like I am standing on the deck of a huge ship and it is slowly pulling away from the dock.
I'm going to stand here and wave for a few minutes before I turn around and look at the approaching new place.
I spent so much time trying to rush the end of this time.
Trying to get my girls to be at an age where I wasn't frazzled all the time and I could do things like sit on the beach and supervise instead of running after them as they tried to eat sand and jellyfish and drown themselves in two feet of water.
I wanted to tell them they couldn't do something and have them understand why instead of just being angry that I had refused them their happiness for a few minutes.
But mostly, I craved a time where me and the girls were friends and could hang out.
This time came a few years ago for Amanda and Emilee and with it I learned where the lines are in friendship and motherhood. But I am happy with it. I have a good relationship with my girls and they are for the most part, not heathens.
But Triniti was an unexpected little thing :) And when she was born, I started over. I went back to breastfeeding in the middle of the night and changing diapers and teaching her to walk. It was a complete regression from the journey I had made with her sisters. I didn't resent the decision I made when I chose to have her and I have treasured her and the lucky star that sent her to me but I did have to let go of that little shred of calm that had come with her sisters.
And since I've let go of it, I've been trying to pull it back.
I wanted so badly for Trin to get just a little bit bigger so that she could be included in all of the stuff her sisters were doing.
I wanted her to hang with us and go to the movies or shopping and actually have fun.
And now, she is on the cusp of that.
She is starting school tomorrow.
All of that pushing I did to get her here is over.
And I am a little sad to see it go.
I don't think I missed anything, I've always tried to squeeze everything out of their childhoods and stash away all of the memories I can, but now it's going to be gone.
Learning to walk and talk and go potty, it's all over with.
Tomorrow she will seal that part of my motherhood closed forever and take her first step into the next stage.
She will become a kid.
She'll start to take the journey towards social relationships and make her first best friend and she will let go of her first little piece of me.
It didn't kill me so much when Amanda and Emilee started to let little pieces of me go because I knew it was coming and because I still had Trin. I was still Trin's EVERYTHING. But now, she will join them on The Road To Finding Themselves and I start to take the role of Observer.
Nothing in this world is more precious to me than being their mom.
Nothing.
And I know this is just another step and all of these steps make my heart ache a little but they are still happy things.
It's time for me to walk to the other end of the boat and watch for the place where my girls start turning into teenagers as the place where they were babies fades, forever, into the past.

Oh man, I so wanted to have my camera with me today...
I don't know if I have mentioned it here or not but The Cake Lady's husband scored a job where I am working. He is in desperate need of a name and since it isn't his real name, I am going to start calling him 'Jimmy' here.
I have always dug Jimmy.
The Cake Lady met him when I was living in San Antonio with NY. I missed the hell out of The Cake Lady when I was living in San Antonio because I really didn't have any other friends that lived near by and she and I were both so busy that we hardly saw each other.
I'm glad that she met Jimmy then.
But I had no idea that she and he were heading down the path they were on until right around the time Trin was born. When they moved in together.
I was pretty sure I was losing yet another 'single' friend to marriage (hey, it's happened) and I hadn't ever really hung out with him so I was really hoping he was a nice enough dude for her.
The first few times I went over there to hang out with her and him, I was all weirded out. I didn't want to be the chic hanging around when he didn't really want me there nor did I want to be the third wheel... but it wasn't like that.
Now don't get me wrong, it probably took the better part of a year, year and a half, for Jimmy to get used to me and all of my craziness, but he did come around...
And for the last three years I have spend a LOT of time over at The Cake Lady and Jimmy's house and it has always been cool.
Better than cool, really. It is the place I go when I want to feel like I am with family... when my world is crazy or even when it isn't. When I want to kick back and spend the day with the people I love, I load my car up (mini-van now) and I cruise over for the day and just hang.
The Cake Lady and I both came from less than stellar mothers and the very fact that we manage to function with out therapy and alcohol in spades is nothing short of a miracle. She has been my rock for... fuck, seven years. She and I have always been able to rely on each other for a landline to what normal is, for a shoulder and for a completely unwavering friendship.
Which is why I am so glad that she married Jimmy and that he is cool as hell and I haven't lost that friendship.
And because Jimmy is cool as hell, I am jazzed that he is working with me now.
Which is where I intended to go with this post: work.
When I first starting working at New Job, I was given an assignment. It is for ordering like 12 tanks for a Marine Center that will be opening up next year. It is just one of the many things that need to be ordered for this job. When they handed it to me and I looked at the total dollar amount on the last page, I wanted to hand it back. The order is for almost three hundred thousand dollars.
I. DID. NOT. want to be responsible for 300k.
I just sat there staring at the nearly half a mil on my desk hoping like hell I didn't fuck it up. And wishing someone else would take responsibility for it.
That was about a month ago and in that month, I have really started to feel myself slide into a comfortable place at New Job. I am finding my groove and learning to function without having to ask a question every five minutes. I've been able to shed a little of the armor I was wearing and show these people I work with some of the real Kate.
Some.
Not all.
They can't handle all.
I have also learned to work on a Mac since that is what we use there. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and the only time I find myself really being confused by it is when I go to close a window on the wrong side or try and use keyboard shortcuts.
The dude I work with mentioned that The Owner Lady told him she was happy that she had hired me a few weeks ago which did wonders for my soul since I wasn't sure if I was minutes away from being fired for incompetency.
Well, today, I finished the tanks.
I started on them in their earliest beginning stage and followed them through to today when I was finally able to fax the purchase order to the company that manufactures them and file them as done.
And when I went into The Owner Lady's office this afternoon to update her on the things she had asked me to work on, she just sat back and said, "Kate? Have you ever done any kind Purchasing before?"
Because I do Purchasing now, that's my job.
And I told her 'no' and was waiting for her to say something like, "well that explains why you are such a moron!" but instead she said, "Well you are just taking to it like a fish to water! You're doing a great job, you're so on top of everything."
*inner glow*
That really made my day.
And when I was driving home today I was so bummed that I didn't have my camera with me today when Jimmy was crating the Kalwassers (pumps) so I could take a picture of them for you guys to see.
Because they and my job are pretty cool.

Hey there blogger peeps. It has been a nutty, crazy weekend here. It started as soon as I got off of work on Friday and took Ruthie to Austin. I dropped her off with her new dude and then headed over to Snakeman's house so we could hit the town. He seemed a little bummed when I got there and had missed "The Bats". I totally laughed because I had no idea what he was talking about and seeming bummed that we had missed anything having to do with flying rodents and their fangs is just crazy.
He informed me that apparently one of Austin's big huge things is that they have one of the largest bat populations. (Note to self: Reason #1 not to live in Austin.) And apparently when it gets dark you can go stand on this bridge (which should be named The Bridge Of Insanity) and watch something like 1.5 million bats take flight. Yeah, so we missed that because I didn't roll into town until damn near ten.
You can see how bummed I am.
Instead we went to this place called Cool River and did something that Snakeman and I do VERY well together: people watch. And drink.
I had an absolute blast. For a long time I caught a lot of shit for the fact that I am a straight out Starer. When I go places, I spend most of the time I am out watching the other people and trying to figure out who they are and what they are doing and why they are doing it. I used to keep a little notebook with me and when I watched someone interesting enough, I would make notes and see if I could use them as a person in a story I was writing later.
I've dated guys who would be endlessly annoyed that I was more interested in watching or talking about the people two tables than I was in what they were saying. So to have Snakeman tell me the reason we were going to this particular place was because it was the best place for People Watching made me want to do a cartwheel. He assured me that it would be awesome and awesome it was.
I drove back home Saturday morning on next to no sleep and met The Cake Lady and her two older children for school shopping and then some. We left my place around 11:30 and headed to San Antonio. After about a half a dozen stores and a buttload of money, we finally got to sit down. At the Pirates Of The Caribbean 2 movie. Which so kicked ass. It was one of those sequels that you watch and it is as good as the first movie. We thought the kids would be done for after that but they still had it in them to get ice cream.
School starts on Thursday for all three of my girls and we have found and bought EVERYTHING and are now being vegetables :)

I slept for thirteen straight hours on Friday night.
I went to bed and when I woke up my phone was ringing.
I flipped it open and saw Fairy's name and reluctantly hit "talk" to hear her say, "What are you doing?" Which is what she says every time I answer the phone.
Normally I would have said 'nothing' and not admitted to the fact that someone on this planet woke up before me. But this time I was so blissfully out of it that I actually said I was sleeping.
Know what she said?
"Oh my god! It's noon!"
And it was. 11:58 to be exact.
Of course then she wanted to know what in the world I had done to invoke such a deep and long sleep. Where had I been the night before. Who had I been out with. Why in the world was I still in bed at noon!?
The reason is simply: I finally bought a fucking car.
I was in the thirteen hour sleep-a-thon that can only come when the stress of having finally bought a vehicle after weeks of shopping has stopped.
It's amazing really.
And since it's happened, since that sleep, my life has started to feel a little more controlled.
Now, I can go to work and then come home and just be at home instead of being at home on the computer shopping until I am so tired I just must sleep.
It's nice.
Several of you called me or emailed me after my sad post last week and I want to thank you.
I really do love you guys. (Those calling internationally get special points!)
I'm still adjusting to this new life. This new world that doesn't involve unlimited internet access. But I am finding ways to make time. If you have received an email from me any time between the hours of eight and five... no, go look... I'll wait.
Yeah, that email was sent secretly.
So, treasure it and stuff.
I made nice with the computer guy who loosened the restrictions on my computer and then I sneakily sent that email.
Know why? Cuz I dig you, that's why.

I'm finding the happy coming back too.
Today, I actually drove around in my car mini-van with all the windows down and my hair just flying around behind me.
My worries are back to a minimal.
For the last month and a half, I haven't hardly had time for my friends or phone calls or emails. But I am starting to feel myself getting caught up so hopefully this space as well as the space in your inboxes will start to have more stuff in it again.

ps. Tuxbaby hasn't been able to get my comment box open. Have any of you been having this problem? If so, please email me: katehopeeden@hotmail.com
AND when I had my template redone, the right click function was disabled. I want it back. If you know how to fix this, please email me and I will send you a copy of my template.
Thanks!

Oh, I feel like an absolutely awful friend.
I feel like every conversation I have had on the phone with any of you has been just "me, me, me, me, me, me."
I feel like I have no idea what's going on in any of your lives.
I feel, even if only for this and the next few moments, so completely out of touch with those of you who mean so very much to me.
Sometimes, I will be at work and I will be thinking of something I need to tell one of you or maybe even writing a contraband email to one of you while sneaking glances over my shoulder to make sure no one sees and I wonder if I made the right choice.
Was leaving this extremely loose and easily maliable life that I had before the right decision?
Was giving up the freedom I had before for the luxuries and rules I have now a fair trade?
Just being able to go to the beach with Babs and Tux and have a few hour long calls with some of you was so valuable to me.
I am trying so hard to catch up on your blogs, on your lives and I read something and feel like I've missed so much in just a few weeks. Some of you have made me laugh tonight and some have made me cry. I'm worried about some of you and happy for others... But all of you have made my heart hurt a little that I have given up so many hours a week that I had before to devote to our friendship.
I miss you guys.

So, I was covering for the chic who works in the warehouse on Tuesday and Wednesday so that she could have a much needed few days off with her boyfriend while he was in town.
Now, when I was training, I did a week in the warehouse and it wasn't bad. We checked some boxes in, shipped some boxes out and stocked some extra parts. So when they asked me to cover, I thought it would be more of the same and readily accepted the task.
Then, I walked into the warehouse.
Where there wasn't all of the neat organization there had been weeks before.
No, this time there was much chaos.
I ended up being a very busy girl, so much so that I had to shirk my actual job.
So, Wednesday afternoon, I was eagerly awaiting five o'clock. I was ready to say goodbye to shipping and say hello to purchasing (which is my job now).
I had busted my ass for two straight days and I was sweaty and tired and not for the reasons I usually like being all sweaty and tired.
So, when the UPS guy pulled up at 4:30, I thought thank goodness, that means I am almost out of here. As he was gathering the packages he was leaving with us, I looked down saw a "nut" on the ground.
picture:

It was smallish and silver and I knew immediately that there was no way in hell I was going to jump five feet down there and pick it up. Then, about three feet away from it, there was another one and I thought that was strange.
Two of them, just laying out there for no apparent reason.
They hadn't been there before.
I blew it off and turned my attention to the packages that the UPS guy was unloading. I'm not sure why, but even though I know that they aren't for me, I still get excited about them. It's like Christmas... only with aquaculture parts.
I had to open one of them to make sure that the stuff inside wasn't damaged because the box was all fuckered up and while I did, the UPS guy had to wait so I could sign his brown tablet.
Once satisfied that the parts in the box were fine, I tirned to sign his tablet and he handed me the two nuts he found on the ground and said, and I shit you not, "Here ya go... betcha been looking for these all week."
If only he knew...