I believe that Thanksgiving is a time to spend with the people you love: your family.
When I was growing up, Thanksgiving was rather unimportant as far as holidays went. It was more a time when we gathered all of our relatives together and shit-talked about the ones who weren't there and why.
The only exciting things that happened to me at these yearly gatherings with the relatives I was mostly scared of (party because I was brought up to fear and respect my elders and partly because god help me if I embarrassed my mother in front of her family) were:
1. The stirring of the gravy. This was the only thing I was allowed to help with at Thanksgiving. I stood, for VERY long periods of time and stirred gravy. I didn't add anything, I didn't even start the gravy, I was only allowed to stir it. But I didn't care because it gave me the ability to eavesdrop and well on my family and all of the aforementioned shit-talking. And let's be honest here, there is a pretty good chance that my lack of cooking skills were evident even then.
2. The pulling of names for secret santa. Oh god, how I wanted to
participate in this! But it was a grown up activity, one reserved for those people in my family old enough to drive. I begged, every year I begged, to be included in this sacred ritual. And every year I was told no. Until the last year I remember going. That very last year I was allowed to draw a name. It was my grandmother's name. And, I completely forgot to bring a present for Christmas. I was literally at my aunt's house where we do holidays when someone said that we were exchanging presents and then it hit me that I had forgotten. That was probably the most grateful I have ever been that my mom saved my ass. She had bought my grandmother a cook book and wrapped it from me.
But you see, it was just a gathering. A gathering of adults that I was allowed to, in a minor way, participate in. It didn't really mean anything to me except that I might get to see a cousin or two that I hadn't seen in a few years and then we could play (when we were very young) or have awkward conversations (when we were teens). It meant something to my mother because it was her mother and sisters and brother and nieces and nephews that she had babysat and known since birth. But for me, it was just another day and I think now that is because I hadn't actually discovered who I wanted to call family yet.
I have now.
I have often said that when Amanda was born, I realized that I had just started a family.
My family.
It was the first time I knew that I had any control over my life and where it went. And while it took several more years for me to truly take hold of that control and of my family, it was nonetheless an enlightening discovery.Since that day, I have realized that "family" doesn't mean "blood" to me. It can and in many instances, it does, but as a whole, I have decided to choose my family.
And most of those who I consider to be family are my friends. Many of you, who I tell my deepest and darkest feelings and fears to are people who read all of this, people who I know or have known in person, people I've met via DASP or other means who don't live close enough to hear my ranting in person (save a phone call or eight a week).
Many of you are people I talk to primarily through email and who I would easily trust with my life. Those of you who call or write to tell me about your latest man troubles (or lack thereof) or about the house you just bought or the engagement you've just agreed to or the state you've decided to move to, those of you who in turn take my calls when I am need of a shoulder or confidant.
If I were to close my eyes right now and think about all of you who are so important to me, the people I love and respect so much, if I were to close my eyes and put all of you at a giant dinner table, I would have a perfect picture of my "family". (And that is probably as close as I can get since I can't fly you all in from all over the
I will be spending my Thanksgiving with someone who I consider a sister more than a friend. The girls and I will be at The Cake Lady's house eating turkey and watching football and just being together. I spend most of my holidays with her because she is one of the most important people in my life, someone I trust unconditionally and can't imagine not being able to call up at least once a day.
She is my family and one of the people I am most thankful for in my life.
She keeps me grounded and sane and reminds me every single day of how to be a good, caring friend. I aspire to be more like her. I hope you all have someone just like her in your life that you can spend the holiday with.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
