Yesterday at New Kickass Job, my boss fired someone.
Someone I really liked.
And he did it right after he and I had a meeting.
And even though he assured me that our meeting had nothing to do with it, I just couldn't help but think that maybe I could have said something during our meeting to sway him not to fire this person had I just known that was going to be his next thing on his to do list.
And I just keep replaying, over and over and over again the talk we had trying to think of something, anything I could have said or done to have helped this person's case.
But then I started to think about why I was doing that.
(Because I'm all into self therapy apparently and since I already knew how it "made me feel", the "why I felt that way" was next on my check list. See how I just saved like five hundred bucks?)
Anyway, I realized that I frequently feel guilty, even when I know something isn't my fault.
Even when my boss has pulled me back in to assure me that what just happened had nothing to do with me and our talk.
Even then, I still feel bad.
And so I do what everyone in therapy does (self therapy or otherwise) - I find a way to blame my mother :)
Labels: At work, Being a Chic, my crazy life, my mother, self loathing
