I hate that the vast majority of the population has a family that even remotely resembles normal and I am stuck being the oldest daughter of the freakin' king of dysfunctional families. In a nutshell: my dad and mom both did ridiculous amounts of drugs and drinking and my dad beat the crap out of my mom which was the conclusion of about 80% of the screaming matches that took place about 60% of the time I was growing up. After my dad, my mom managed to get together with someone even more destructive and I left.
At fourteen, I moved out.
Now I made an assload of mistakes and I will be the first person to admit to them. But I will also be the first person to point out that I had no idea what to do. No one set an example in my life. No one said, "Hey Kate, this is how you do stuff." I was just suddenly a young adult who wanted a different life and had no idea how to get it.
That was fourteen years ago.
And fourteen years later, I have three amazing kids who I love and who I have raised without the aforementioned dysfunction I was raised with. I have three daughters in whom I am instilling the way to "do stuff" and who I spend the majority of my time and energy into not fucking up.
And you know what? I'm doing a pretty god damn good job.
And my family treats me like I am some white trash girl who has done nothing with her life. Like I am some girl who can't do anything by herself. They give me ZERO respect for getting to where I am in life with very little help.
And the irony of it? I am the ONLY one who has.
I want so very badly to cut them loose. To get rid of my mother and my brother and not have them be a part of my life. But for whatever fucked up reason, I don't possess the ability to do it. I don't have it in me to cut them out and turn my back on them.
And I hate it.
Labels: Being Mommy, fucking pissed, my crazy life, my father, my mother, Noah
