Monday, February 14, 2005
Pondering the mouthwash…

So, last night, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth before I went to bed and I opened the cabinet. There it is, the symbol of my relationship with Mr. I, the giant bottle of blue mouthwash. He brought it several months ago and never took it home with him. He said that he needed it for in the mornings when he left straight from my house to work. It is similar to a burning flame in my eyes. As long as it sits on my shelf, he is coming back. The last time he came over, I was surprised he left it because I felt like we both knew this wasn’t going to last much longer. He had said a couple of times that he was out at home and needed to grab it. We both got up the next morning and went to work. When I got home that night, I checked the cabinet. There it was, still sitting on the shelf. We’ve never said it out loud, but we both know that when he takes it home he won’t be coming back.

I could always bring it up here and give it to him, my way of ending things. He would know what it meant. Of course, sneaking mouthwash up here and then finding someway to give it to him discreetly doesn’t seem very possible.

It makes me wonder how he would handle it though. He told me once that if I started sleeping with someone else that he and I probably couldn’t be friends anymore. I told him that wasn’t fair. That he has a girl friend that he will one day sleep with. (hmmm, weird that he still hasn’t huh? Is he waiting for me to find someone else first?) He told me several months ago that my dating other guys really bothered him. That he was jealous. I told him he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too. Pick a girl, any girl. But pick one.

But why do I keep the mouthwash? Why don't I throw it away or give it back? Am I clinging to some hope that he will suddenly wake up and realize something? That he'll call me and tell me he has broken up with her and realized he is deeply in love with me?? He won't. I know that. (Don't I?) Maybe I keep it for the same reason that the dumped girl keeps the movie stub. To remember the relationship. Either way, it sits there and reminds me of a lost relationship. Who knew that mouthwash was capable of that, lol.


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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:05 AM
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