Thursday, January 21, 2010
tangled emotions
The word of the day is: perspective.
Yesterday, in our quarterly meeting, I was enjoying the constant praise that our location was receiving. I can't help it, I'm human and humans like to hear that they are kicking ass.
Despite the fact that I had a really rough weekend with the girls contracting head lice and the warrant for my arrest that had just been issued for a speeding ticket I got in 2001 (Nine. Years. Ago.), the former of the two having forced me to take a day off that I really needed to work, I was in really good spirits.
I had a really good attitude because I had pushed myself to finish all of the work I needed to get done before the meeting. I'd helped out in areas that I hadn't really needed to help out in because I'd wanted to.
In short, I'd done a good job and I was pretty happy with myself.

At about two o'clock, my boss leaned over and said, "did you hear about what happened in Haiti? They had another earthquake this morning, a 6.1..."
I hadn't heard.
Suddenly, the lady from marketing was fading out and all I could think about was how was Haiti going to survive another earthquake? How many more people were going to die? How many more were going to be brutally injured? Who was going to help them?
My eyes started to well up right there in the middle of the marketing section of our quarterly meeting. I wanted to go the bathroom and just sit down and cry.
I don't understand everything you know? I don't understand how things like this happen. I don't understand the why.
I didn't excuse myself.
I shouldered those tears and tried to focus on the meeting that suddenly felt empty and ridiculous.
By the end of the hour, I'd managed to push Haiti into a corner in my mind and put my participation in the meeting back in the forefront. After marketing, it was time for awards.
I've been with my company for two and a half years.
In the last two years, I have implemented systems that our entire region is now required to use. I've trained other office managers on them. I've helped out with everything I could possibly think to help with. I've set the standards of office management on many levels.
I really thought that I was going to get an award.
And I didn't.
And it stung.
And it's stupid.
Because people in Haiti are trapped and dying and without water and medical attention.
Because other stores in our company are closing, people are fighting for their jobs.
And I am sitting there pouting. I had the audacity to pout. To be angry.
Lola reminded me yesterday that my feelings are valid. That I'd worked hard and I deserved to be upset that I hadn't been recognized. My feelings were valid.
But without perspective I think.
I am lucky every single day that I have a home, a job, security in both of those things. That my children are healthy and that head lice, no matter how icky and inconvenient, was the worse thing to happen to them this year. They are happy, they have bright futures.
I am lucky.
We are, all of us, lucky.
So today, I am refocusing. I am not focused on the fact that I didn't win an award yesterday. I am not focused on the head lice or the stupid hundrend and twenty bucks I had to pay for a warrant for a freaking ticket from nine years ago. Today I am having perspective. I am grateful for the things I have and I appreciate them.

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 6:37 AM
| link to this post | 2 spoke |

Who: katehopeeden
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