When I hung up the phone that night, after the tempestuous conversation, after the revert to friendship, after the reassurance that we would still be friends, I was certain that tomorrow we would talk and we would be normal. Why was I so sure? Because, I honestly, in my heart of hearts believed that this man cared about me, if on no other level then as friends. I honestly believed that. I should still believe it, but I must admit that I have doubt now. Why? Because out of the two conversations I had with him on Saturday, neither were reassuring, in fact both were strained. Sunday, I got the blow off. The I’m busy now and I will be busy later but I will try and call you… Then nothing. Nothing since.
So there it is. I am a still a very stupid girl. I still believe the best in people even when they were using me. I still think that if I am not having sex with someone that we will be friends. How is it possible that in all these years and in all those guys I am still this uncultured in the realm of relationships?
I believed the best of Mr. I. I truly, deep down thought that he and I carried with us a special bond in our friendship that could survive the razing of our intimacy. Seemingly I was wrong.
So what happens now? Nothing I guess. Some of you with whom I have already discussed this have been all about me being angry, but I am not. I am disappointed. I am disappointed in Mr. I for not being the friend I thought he was but mostly I am disappointed in myself for the lack of ability I have in regards to judging people. I guess it is another notch in my headboard of lessons. Another wall the next guy will have to knock down to get anywhere near my heart. Another wasted year of my life on a pipe dream. I just have this bitter taste in my mouth because I don’t understand how I could be so wrong about so many people in my life.
~Kate
Labels: History Lesson, Mr. I, My pathetic excuse for a love life
