So anyway, my other line beeps and I say to Veronique 'crap, my other line is beeping...' Then I look to see who it is and HOLY SHIT. I'll be damned if the called ID doesn't say Mr. I... So, I tell Veronique something like 'OMG, it's Mr. I.." I have no idea what she said because I think I hung up on her... -sorry, btw-
So, I click over and
I say (nonchalantly), "Hello?"
He says: "Hey..."
I say: "Hey..."
He says: "I haven't talked to you in awhile..."
I say: "Yeah I know..."
Ok, yeah, so I am not going to write out the whole damn conversation like that! LOL Anyway, I told him I thought he had been away on a guilt trip like last time... Last time his guilt trip lasted 3 days, I figure we're up to five now... (Shit, if I keep sleeping with him, there may be entire years in between us talking before long, lol) I asked him if he took luggage with him this time.. He laughed. I asked him what he has been up to and he said "Kaaaaate, you know what I have been up to... same stuff, school and work..." So I said something to the effect that last week was just like any other week except he didn't have time to call me... Then his laugh went down a knotch to that nervous oh shit laugh... He asked why I hadn't called. AND THEN IT HIT ME! That fucker was testing me, to see how long before I would break down and call him! Fuck, if I had known that, this last week would have been a lot more enjoyable... knowing that he was waiting to hear from me and wondering why I wasn't calling... Oh well. He never apologized for blowing me of. And I used those words too. "So you just blew me off hard this whole week..." He made a joke and if you don't see it, put your mind in the gutter for a second.
-insert my therapist here-
"So Kate, how do you feel about this?"
Well, I don't know. How should I feel? Pissed? Well I am pissed. Hurt? Well I am hurt? Like he used me? Well he did. But how do I feel about Mr. I? The same way I have always felt about him. And while he still pisses me off and still has the ability and the idiocy to hurt me, I can't get him out of my fucking system. He is like a drug I am hooked on. Just give me a hit and I am ok for while, but before long I wan't another hit.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE THE UNIVERSE IS HELPING ME OUT HERE!!!
I am putting myself out there. Practically begging to get struck by lightening and the universe is just like pish posh, yeah we see you on yahoo... so what?? oh you want a man... lol, yeah good luck with that... Damn universe.
So here I sit. At home on a perfectly nice Friday night writing in my blog about a guy who I mean nothing to. You'd think that the more I write those words, the clearer this would all be for me. But I can't help the way I feel about him. I can only hope it goes away... and soon.
Good night readers... Have a nice weekend :)
~Kate
Labels: Mr. I, My pathetic excuse for a love life, Veronique
