Friday, January 21, 2005
He calls...
WTF? Ok, so I leave work today and I am talking to Veronique about how I wasn't going to be able to get the Focus (so basically whining on the phone)... and my other line beeps. I honestly thought it was going to be either the gymnastics place or the karate place I called today. I left messages at both places for class times and prices for Amanda who has decided she wants an extraciricular activity now.
So anyway, my other line beeps and I say to Veronique 'crap, my other line is beeping...' Then I look to see who it is and HOLY SHIT. I'll be damned if the called ID doesn't say Mr. I... So, I tell Veronique something like 'OMG, it's Mr. I.." I have no idea what she said because I think I hung up on her... -sorry, btw-
So, I click over and
I say (nonchalantly), "Hello?"
He says: "Hey..."
I say: "Hey..."
He says: "I haven't talked to you in awhile..."
I say: "Yeah I know..."
Ok, yeah, so I am not going to write out the whole damn conversation like that! LOL Anyway, I told him I thought he had been away on a guilt trip like last time... Last time his guilt trip lasted 3 days, I figure we're up to five now... (Shit, if I keep sleeping with him, there may be entire years in between us talking before long, lol) I asked him if he took luggage with him this time.. He laughed. I asked him what he has been up to and he said "Kaaaaate, you know what I have been up to... same stuff, school and work..." So I said something to the effect that last week was just like any other week except he didn't have time to call me... Then his laugh went down a knotch to that nervous oh shit laugh... He asked why I hadn't called. AND THEN IT HIT ME! That fucker was testing me, to see how long before I would break down and call him! Fuck, if I had known that, this last week would have been a lot more enjoyable... knowing that he was waiting to hear from me and wondering why I wasn't calling... Oh well. He never apologized for blowing me of. And I used those words too. "So you just blew me off hard this whole week..." He made a joke and if you don't see it, put your mind in the gutter for a second.
-insert my therapist here-
"So Kate, how do you feel about this?"
Well, I don't know. How should I feel? Pissed? Well I am pissed. Hurt? Well I am hurt? Like he used me? Well he did. But how do I feel about Mr. I? The same way I have always felt about him. And while he still pisses me off and still has the ability and the idiocy to hurt me, I can't get him out of my fucking system. He is like a drug I am hooked on. Just give me a hit and I am ok for while, but before long I wan't another hit.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE THE UNIVERSE IS HELPING ME OUT HERE!!!
I am putting myself out there. Practically begging to get struck by lightening and the universe is just like pish posh, yeah we see you on yahoo... so what?? oh you want a man... lol, yeah good luck with that... Damn universe.
So here I sit. At home on a perfectly nice Friday night writing in my blog about a guy who I mean nothing to. You'd think that the more I write those words, the clearer this would all be for me. But I can't help the way I feel about him. I can only hope it goes away... and soon.

Good night readers... Have a nice weekend :)

~Kate

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so eloquently put by katehopeeden at 7:20 PM
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Who: katehopeeden
Where: San Antonio, Texas Yeah, so I am all that you see here. I am friendly and kind, crazy and bitchy, playful and flirty... sometimes I am funny but mostly I just write the first thing that comes to mind and then stop when it ends. I love life and I am lucky to be living the one that I am. Want to know more?
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12/14/84 - 1/26/05


"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed"

"Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

"Guys are like stars, there's a million of them out there but only one of them can make your dreams come true." "Don't spend your life with someone you can live with, spend it with someone you can't live without."

"Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will still land among the stars"



Veronique

Yoda

Hot Toddy

Finding Liz

The Adorable DB

Tux Baby
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They'll All Fall

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Snow

dooce

Madi (my stalker)

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"I just got done reading the history lessons on your blog (yes, I've been lurking on your blog). All the respect I had for you...has increased, like, tenfold. I don't think I could have done it. To go through what you have and not only still be able to discuss it with such wit and poise, but also to raise those three gorgeous girls. You are truly an inspiration. You are honestly one of the strongest people I have ever known, either online or IRL. Thank you so much." -Stef

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That cracked my shit up! TM

Kate went to Dallas?

You asked Kate questions?

Kate was stung by a Scorpion?

Kate met Mr. I?

Kate got pissed?

There was a mouse?

Kate shared?

Kate confessed?

Kate turned 25?

Kate shared some more?

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