I need help Internet.
As I mentioned here, I joined the local YMCA and have been going to the gym now for a few months and I have a question about something not covered in the walk through when you initially join…
What the hell is the proper etiquette for showering in the gym?
Are you supposed to just get all naked and prance around? I mean, the locker room at our gym is slightly separated… The bathrooms are on one side with a handful of lockers and then on the other side there is a room of all lockers with two benches and then a walkway into the shower room. The shower room has four stalls and another bench but no real dry place to get dressed.
So here is my quandary… does one take a shower and then take their clothes to the benches in the locker room to get dressed? Or do you stay by the showers? And how naked exactly do you think you should be when in the locker rooms and readily viewable to the locker room general public?
I mean, kids come in there.
And I’m not entirely comfortable with my kids seeing all of these people naked let alone other people’s kids seeing me naked.
Dig?
So let me tell you what I do when I shower there… I take my bag to the bench in the shower area. And I bring a big ol beach towel so that I can stay wrapped while getting my clothes on. Now once I am in pants and a bra, I consider that cool to head out into the general locker room area and finished getting dressed.
And I kinda thought that was what everyone did.
Until the other day.
The other day, I wasn’t even showering, I just grabbed my bag after pilates and went to sit on one of the benches to get my shoes back on and I walk in and am face to.. well, I was confronted with full frontal fifty year old nudity.
This had never happened to me before.
And I didn’t know what to do.
I mean, she was just toweling off like she was at home. Is this normal gym behavior and I just wasn’t ever made aware?
I mean, go her for being all ‘I love my body’ but I just don’t have it in me to be all naked where any number of gym members, their children or the employees could just walk in and see my junk.
Do girls even have “junk” or is that reserved for dudes?
I have so many questions today… what do you think?

Labels: Being a Chic, Being Mommy, Being Retarded, exercise, Health, my crazy life

Today ranked a solid 2.
Today it rained.
It wasn't raining this morning, just cloudy... But sometime during the afternoon, it began to rain.
I didn't think anything of this until I was leaving work.
When I was crutching (I've inducted the word "crutch" into my dictionary of verbs) my way to the door it suddenly occurred to me that rain plus handicap ramp equals another broken bone.
So as I stepped out onto the porch, I tentatively placed my crutch onto the wet ramp and put a little weight on it which caused the crutch to slide across the ramp.
Which caused me to curse The Universe.
So I crutched back to the door to get help but stopped because, well, what are they going to do. I turned around and the crutch I had tested the slickness of the ramp with was still wet and slid right out from under me causing me to put all of my weight onto my left foot. Which didn't hurt. Until I got to the car. (embarrassment evidentally keeps pain at bay)
And then it hurt like fucking hell.
Like it did when I first broke it.
And my ass cried.
And then came home and took a hydrocodone & watched The Polar Express with Trin.
And then when I came to get in bed, I did the exact same thing only this time without wet crutches to blame.
I have no idea how I am going to do this for weeks. Maybe months.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Labels: At work, Being Mommy, Health, mobile blogging, My broken foot, organization, The Universe, Triniti

1. Pain.
Obviously it will hurt right? It's a bone in your body and it is broken. But let me tell you, I've had three kids - three - and breaking that tiny bone in my foot effing hurts. It hurts so much that I have been nauseous for five straight days.

2. Crutches suck ass.
Maybe when you were a little kid you envied another kid in your class that broke his leg because he got to cruise around on crutches and had a cast that he got signed and got a ton of attention. Guess what? You envied wrong. There is nothing, I repeat: nothing cool about crutches. You've went from walking around on two feet to walking around on one foot and two sticks. They're bulky, loud, wobbly, difficult to steer and basically do not even begin to compensate for the leg you were previously using.

3. Your other leg will hurt.
You'd think that your other leg would gladly step up and assume the role of its counterpart with pride and dignity. However, your other leg will only begrudgingly do the broken leg's duties. It will whine and bitch the whole time about how it isn't fair that the other leg just gets to sit around all day doing nothing while it now has to carry twice the weight. It will voice these concerns in the form of cramping up and making you feel like you have no other choice but to sit down right where you are immediately which happens to be on a curb which then makes standing back up next to impossible.

4. You can't carry ANYTHING.
Not a glass of water, a cup of coffee, papers from the printer, dirty laundry, dishes, socks! Nothing. I would rather have broken my arm and been turned into a one handed typer. When you break your foot, you lose the other leg to extra work and both hands to crutches and it sucks ass. And even if you want to just tough it out, every time you stand up to do something everyone who sees you in the hall asks why you are up because "didn't your doctor say to stay off of your foot for another week?" and then you have to proclaim that you "just want to go to the goddamned bathroom" but thank them for asking. This will seriously affect the flirting you are trying to do with the new guy.

5. On account of #4, you have to ask people to do everything for you.
Initially you will probably need help changing your clothes. Need a glass of water? Guess what? Someone else has to get it. Hungry? Someone else will have to carry your food from one place to the other. Your co-workers will start joking about how if they come into your office to ask you a question, they will receive a "honey-do" list.

6. You have to invent new ways to get in and out of the shower.
If you are like me, this will involve a precarious balancing act on the side of the bathtub. This is when you start to consider how important it is to bath daily and how feasible hiring a stunt double would be.

7. You have to start using the handicap accessibilities.
And handicap ramps are LONG. I made the mistake yesterday of thinking I could just hop up the stairs, there are only six of them after all. I cannot hop up the stairs. In fact this caused me to fall on the broken part of my foot and nearly made me throw up. However, the little motorcarts at Wally World are pretty rad and I have went shopping twice since this accident and both times I have been able to race around the store honking at those who get in my way ;)

8. You will stop needing to pee in the middle of the night.
You will stop because there is no way in hell anyone should attempt to operate crutches unless they are at full working capacity. And the amount of time and effort that goes into crutching from the bed to the potty is enough to completely wake you up and render sleeping again nearly impossible. For that reason alone you will hold it for a few extra hours. For this same reason, you will lay in bed until you are fully awake before getting up in the morning. Crutches should only be operated by someone fully awake and alert.

9. Everything takes twice as long.
Everything. Double the times in which you think you will be able to accomplish anything because you will need twice the amount of time. Fifteen minute showers are now thirty. Getting dressed in three minutes? You'll need at least six. Walking from the car to your office used take thirty seconds, now it takes three minutes. It's ridiculous. Welcome to your lesson in patience.

10. People in public do not help you.
No one opens a door for you or gets out of your way. No one picks up your crutch if you drop it on the ground. No one will offer to carry something for you or take your cart back into the store. People just don't. And I was one of those people. I always thought it would be embarrassing for the person on crutches to have you come over and help them. And I'm sure that it is. But let me tell you, if you see someone on crutches today, open the door for them. It makes their day that much easier.

Labels: At work, Being a Chic, Being Mommy, Being Retarded, community, Health, I'm a loser, My broken foot, my crazy life, My pathetic excuse for a love life, self loathing, unsolicited advice

At breakfast, put coffee in your milk instead of milk in your coffee: Fill your mug to the rim with skim milk first thing in the morning. Drink it down until all that's left is the amount you'd normally add to your coffee; then pour your java on top. You just took in 25 percent of the vitamin D you need every day, and 30 percent of the calcium.

Take your vitamins every morning: Study by study, evidence is mounting that a standard multivitamin fills enough of the gaps in your diet to make a real difference. For example, a recent study at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Institute in Seattle showed that people who took a multivitamin supplement and 200 I.U. of vitamin E for 10 years were half as likely to get colon cancer.

Drink two glasses of water before every meal: This will do two things: keep you hydrated and make you eat a little less. A Dutch study showed that drinking two glasses of water can make you feel less hungry, possibly reducing your food intake and aiding weight loss.

Always order your pizza with double tomato sauce and light cheese: Men who eat a lot of tomato products tend to have less prostate cancer—probably because tomatoes are a rich source of lycopene, a type of carotenoid that's believed to cut your risk of cancer. If you double the sauce on your pizza, you get double the lycopene. Reducing the mozzarella by just one-third (you won't miss it) will save you 20 grams of fat. That's as much as in a McDonald's Quarter-Pounder.

Always order your sandwiches with double tomato slices: Another chance for a healthy dose of lycopene.

Pile onions on everything: Research has revealed that onions are so healthful—they're a top source of heart savers called flavonoids—that it's practically your duty to eat them lavishly on hot dogs, pizza, burgers, and sandwiches. And speaking of junk food...

Whenever you eat fast food, drink two glasses of water afterward: Big Macs, subs, fries, and pepperoni pizza are all loaded with fat and sodium, which can be hellish for your heart. You can't do much about the fat once you've eaten it, but you can flush away some of the excess sodium by drinking plenty of fluid afterward, says Tina Ruggiero, R.D., a New York City dietitian.

When the waitress asks what you want to drink, always say iced tea: The more we learn about tea, the more healthful it looks. A recent U.S. Department of Agriculture study found that a serving of black tea had more antioxidants—crucial to your body's defense against heart disease, cancer, and even wrinkles—than a serving of broccoli or carrots.

Have an afternoon snack every day at 3 o'clock: A nutritional boost between lunch and dinner wards off fatigue and keeps you from overindulging later, says Keith Ayoob, Ed.D., R.D., director of the nutrition clinic at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine's Rose F. Kennedy Center. Just don't scarf down a candy bar. Try yogurt and fruit, crackers and cheese, or eat an egg (hard-boiled), an apple, and a thirst-quencher like bottled water. All of these foods will give you long-lasting energy.

Always leave the skin on your fruit: If you peel apples or pears, you're throwing away heavy-duty nutrients and fiber. Same goes for potatoes. Go ahead and peel oranges, but leave as much of the fibrous white skin under the rind as you care to eat—it's loaded with flavonoids. Ditto for the white stem that runs up the middle.

Put a bottle of water in the office freezer every night before you leave work: You already know that you should drink eight glasses of water a day, but how are you supposed to do it? Fill a half-gallon bottle in the morning, and make sure you've downed it all by the time you go home. If you like your water cold and you have access to a refrigerator, fill the bottle partially the night before and stick it in the freezer. Next morning, fill it the rest of the way. You'll have ice-cold water all day.

Whenever you buy grapefruit, go for red instead of white: Remember lycopene, that stuff in tomatoes that may fight prostate cancer? It's what makes tomatoes red. And it's responsible for the color in ruby red grapefruit. (Watermelon and guava also have some.)

Eat salmon every Wednesday: Actually, the day doesn't matter; the important thing is to have it once a week. Salmon is a rich source of omega-3 fatty acids, a type of fat most experts say we don't get enough of. Omega-3s seem to keep the heart from going into failure from arrhythmia—men who eat fish once a week have fewer heart attacks—and they may even ward off depression. A weekly serving of salmon should supply the amount of omega-3 fats you need.

Always wash your meat: Here's an easy way to cut the fat content of your secret chili recipe: As soon as you finish browning the ground beef, pour it into a dish covered with a double thickness of paper towels. Then put another paper towel on top and blot the grease. If you want to remove even more fat, dump the beef into a colander and rinse it with hot (but not boiling) water. The water will wash away fat and cholesterol. Using these methods together can cut 50 percent of the meat's fat content.

Whenever you have salad, keep the dressing on the side: Here's the drill: Dip your fork in the dressing first, then spear a piece of lettuce, then eat it. Sound dumb? In fact, it's one of the smartest habits you can have. Four tablespoons of, say, honey-mustard dressing can have 60 grams of fat—nearly an entire day's worth for an average guy.

Whenever you eat broccoli, put a little margarine, olive oil, or cheese sauce on it: This is our kind of nutrition advice. Broccoli is a rich source of beta-carotene—one of the major antioxidants your body needs. But beta-carotene is fat-soluble, which means it has to hitch a ride on fat molecules to make the trip through your intestinal wall. Without a little fat in the mix, your body won't absorb nearly as much beta-carotene.

Always have seconds on vegetables: If we had to pick one food that represents the best insurance for long-term good health, vegetables would be it. Your daily goal: Three servings minimum. A serving, by the way, is ½ cup. Think of a tennis ball—it's about half a cup in volume.

Do a fat analysis before every meal: It's tempting to go fat-free at breakfast and lunch so you can indulge in a high-fat dinner. Wrong. Studies show that, for several hours after you eat a meal with 50 to 80 grams of fat, your blood vessels are less elastic and your blood-clotting factors rise dramatically. William Castelli, M.D., director of the Framingham Cardiovascular Institute, says, "The immediate cause of most heart attacks is the last fatty meal." Spread your fat intake over the whole day.

Always eat (a little) dessert: Here's why: Sweets such as cookies and low-fat ice-cream bars signal your brain that the meal is over. Without them, you might not feel satiated - which might leave you prowling the kitchen all night for something to satisfy your sugar jones.

Eat a bowl of dry cereal every night before you go to bed: A low-fat, low-calorie carbohydrate snack eaten 30 minutes before bed will help make you sleepy, says Judith Wurtman, Ph.D., of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. The nutrition bonus? Cereal is one of the easiest ways to reduce your fiber deficit. (Most men eat only half the 25 to 35 grams of fiber they need daily.) So pick a cereal that has at least 5 grams of fiber per serving.

Taken from here.

Also check out "Getting Skinny at Work"

Labels: Health, unsolicited advice