I'm going to be out of pocket until Sunday. I'm leaving this afternoon for Dallas and won't be able to check my email or anything until I get back home Sunday afternoon. The funeral is on Saturday and I have been trying for three days to throw together a suitable speech.
Not easy.
I'm hoping that a great big ol brain storm will develop during the next 48 hours and shower me with well written articulation.

And I couldn't be more jazzed about the twelve hours in the car this weekend with my kids, mother, brother and sister. My mother will be bitching pretty much the entire time we are driving about how she needs a cigraette, my sister will have her headphones on so loudly that she won't hear anyone talking to her which will just piss my mom off more and my brother will most likely either be snoring louder than a warthog in labor or complaining about how he wants to drive.



Everyone have a wonderful weekend :)

Labels: death, missing in action, my crazy life, my grandmother

So, as of lately, there have been more conversations in my household than normal on bathroom issues. I won't drop any names since I consistently humiliate my kids on here enough as it is, but one of my daughters was having some constipation issues and I mentioned to her that if she incorporated some apple juice into her diet on a regular basis that it might help.
This led to soooooo many topics of conversation that I wasn't prepared for and many serious questions and furrowed brows from all three children.

On Tuesday, at about four in the morning, I woke up to the sound of Trin puking on my bed. This got her a free ticket to stay home from school that day. When I left she was sleeping and I informed my mother that she wasn't feeling well and I'd call later to check on her.
And off to work I went.
It was a busy day and I didn't think to call and check on her until around two and when I did call, I found out that Triniti had had another incident. Now Trin still sleeps in a diaper because she hasn't quite gotten the hang of getting up to go pee at night just yet and I am not one of those parents who thinks that my almost five year old sleeping in a diaper is wrong. She has no problems with the potty during the day but if I don't put a diaper on her at night, she will wet the bed. So I diaper her and she doesn't wet the bed. And I am happy and she is happy and child psychologists out in the world are using me as an example of "bad parenting" but whatever. She doesn't ever poop in that diaper. Ever.
Well apparently Trin had some kind of stomach bug because she woke up an hour or so after I left for work and couldn't quite make it to the bathroom in time and proceeded to poop in her diaper. My mother said Trin was just horrified about all of this.
When I got home that night she was feeling much better and had asked me for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I asked her if she wanted some apple juice to go with it...
Her response: "No, Mamma. Apple juice makes my poop strange."

Labels: Being Mommy, my crazy life, Triniti

Tuesday we had softball practice and I was running late getting to the daycare. When I walked in, Amanda was in my line of sight and had just finished washing her hands. She glanced up and saw me and this look of complete relief came over her face.
I told her and Emilee to get their things and quickly as we were super late.
Once we were in the car, Amanda said, "Mommy, I'm so glad you're here!"
Thinking that she meant in time for softball, I made a joke about how I wouldn't forget about softball. She told me that wasn't why.
"We have a new teacher Mom and she is Eeee-VIL. So here's the thing, me and Camille and Kate and Erin were playing outside and Miss Rory (teacher for another class) said we needed to come inside because she was taking her class inside and where was our teacher anyway? We said we didn't know and went in and then Miss Rory started telling the new teacher about how she can't just be leavin' us kids out there without any supervision and the new teacher is all saying she didn't and then she looks right at me Mom and she says 'I GUESS that my class just doesn't know how to listen.' And I was all like oh no, she didn't just say that and I wished right then that my mom would get here and then I looked at the door and you walked right in mom like a superhero!"

Labels: Amanda, Being Mommy, Calvin and Hobbes, my crazy life, softball

Oh my freakin god, I love this show.

Am I the only person watching it???

I know that some of you will want to kick my ass, but I HAVE to say it.
Are you ready?

It's better than Grey's Anatomy.

And I don't mean Grey's Anatomy now.
No, no.
I mean, Grey's when it first started.
That's how awesome this show is.

Labels: Being a Chic, I'm a loser, what you should be watching

I type in "cyadic nerve" and it says, "did you mean Sciatic nerve?"
Why yes Google, yes I did.
What a good boy!
Good job.
I think that there ought to be a little button you can click somewhere that says "give Google a treat because he did such a good job".


Why was I googling sciatic nerve, you ask?
Oh that would be because I fuckered mine up real good. Apparently.
I mean, I'm no doctor (Google might be) but I am pretty sure that the excruciating pain I am in today after having overexerted myself this weekend moving all the furniture in my room by. my. self. might, just might, have irritated that particular nerve.
My hobbling today would insinuate as much.

Labels: Being Retarded, google, I'm a loser, my crazy life

And today on How Kate is Crazy...
I have to tell you the newest word I've learned at work. Thus far, it is my favorite because it is so fun to say. Sadly, I have a hard time refering to it often in coversation as most customers order it by a specific type and name and rarely feel the need to discuss what those products actually are:


Parasiticide.

Labels: At work, Being Retarded, I'm a loser, my crazy life

I absolutely have to mention at this time that my middlest daughter, that would be the fantastic Emilee, brought home her TAKS test results (Giant Texas Standardized Test).
On the whole test, she missed only two.
Two.

She is so going to be supporting me in my old age :)

Labels: Being Mommy, Emilee, un-fucking-believable, Who do we love?

My mother, uncle and aunts do not feel as though they are up to reading anything at my grandmother's memorial service (being held March 31st) and have asked if we, the grandchildren, might read in their stead.

A few things that will be read:

A Hopi Prayer by Mary E. Frye slightly changed
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet white doves in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.


Irish Funeral Prayer
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

The latter, I will be reading.

Labels: death, my crazy life, my grandmother

Totally don't care if you guys think I've lost it.
Ok, ok, ok.. maybe I do care a little :)
Here's the thing though -- I can't really blame my American Idol watching on the kiddos any more since (A) they have pretty much stopped watching it and (B) I am totally hooked.
I mean, I know the names of all the effing contestants - like, by heart.
So, here we go again with my American Idol review... I'd like to apologize in advance and blame this on the fact that I haven't been laid in a very long time.
1. Haley Scarnato... I am supposed to like her. She is from San Antonio and I should support her but up until last night, I really, really wanted her to go home. Last night I thought she finally put away her whole, I'm a wedding funeral singer attitude and finally showed that she is a pretty girl who, if given the chance can rock the house.

2. Chris Richardson... I like him. I really do... but I know he won't win. He just doesn't have the ability to do very much with his voice. He can sing, don't get me wrong, but he just can't belt shit out. I think he has a career ahead of him though, in a Gavin DeGraw kind of way.

3. Stephanie Edwards... girl can sing. Last night though? Not so much. She'll still be here next week since Sanjaya will probably go home this week but she can't screw up again like she did last night.

4. Blake Lewis.... *sigh* (not like a boring sigh either, that was a sigh of adoration) Man I dig him. I think of all the people on this show, maybe all the people EVER on this show, he is the most creative preformer. Dude has serious talent. You can tell every week that he busts his ass to get his song arranged and make it his and he just plain rocks at it. I dig him. I'd date him. And I voted for him like twenty times last night.

5. Lakisha Jones... Yeah. Um. She wasn't very good last night. BUT she is still very good overall and I think she will be one of the last six for sure.

6. Phil Stacey... I like him, I really do. I think he will be one of the last six BUT he kind of has this old school music thing going on. He consistently sings songs I've never heard of and because of that I think he is losing votes. People want to hear songs that they know.

7. Jordin Sparks... Again, I think she will be around a little while longer - maybe til the end. She is good and you can tell she is just a cool chic. I thought she did very good last night.

8. Sanjaya Malakar... Oh man... oh man oh man oh man... I really like him. I think he is just the sweetest boy. And he can sing (despite his rather weak preformances). I just wish he was more sure of himself. I have a feeling he is going home tonight.

9. Gina Glocksen... I dig her. I dig her energy and I wish she was a better singer. Last night she sucked. Not as bad as Sanjaya did, but not much better. And she is just so cool that I want her to do better. I htink she has a future for sure but I don't think she will win.

10. Chris Sligh... I like him, I really do. And I think he has this whole Blue Brother singing thing going on... I don't think he will win... I don't think he will even make it much further. But he is a cool dude.

11. Melinda Doolittle... Man she irritates me. There is no saying the chic can't sing. She can sing. She made me like My Funny Valentine and I didn't even remotely like that song. But her whole Bambi Eyes thing gets on my nerves and she may be the nicest chic in the world but stop looking so surprised when people tell you that you can sing. Obviously you can sing and well. She'll be around for awhile and she may even win.

Ok, there you go... thats who I dig and don't dig. Blake is at the top of my list right now.
And here is why.

So, someone else out there is watching... right? What do you think??

Labels: American Idol 6, I'm a loser, Who do we love?

As of today, I have not had a cigarette in 79 days.
79.

Yours jonesingly,
~Katehopeeden

Labels: my crazy life

Love,
Mama

Labels: Being Mommy, Calvin and Hobbes, Emilee

(For those of you who don't check out my flickr page, here is a pic of the shiner Emilee got when the softball nailed her in the face yesterday. She was trying to catch a pop fly and it missed her glove.)

Labels: Being Mommy, Emilee, softball

I can't seem to shake this feeling that I am not doing enough all the time. Really I could do something like.. oh, I don't know, 60% less than what I am currently doing (not including work of course) and be fine.
The laundry would still get done.
The dishes would still get washed.
The kids would still be fed and clean and clothed.
The dog would still get bones so she doesn't chew all my shit up.
But that, that 60% less stuff? Not enough. Even now, not enough.
I don't feel like I am doing enough.
And let me clarify here: this isn't in an obligatory kind of way. It isn't like there is all of this stuff that I have to do and I am just trudging through it wearing lead weighted shoes.
No.
It's like there is all this stuff I have to do and also all this stuff I want to do and then there are the lists of things I want to do later in the year and the actual making of the lists of those things and then more stuff that I could do if I finish all the other stuff and budgets and...
It's like I've just shot up an assload of amphetamines and my brain is racing with all of these ideas while I am working on more stuff and there isn't enough time and the speed never wears off - I'm strung out without the drugs.
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME PLEASE?
The only thing I can even begin to compare this to is when I was "nesting". I began to uncontrollably clean and reorganize everything I owned (which wasn't much at the time) right before Amanda was born. It was crazy and I didn't even realize I was doing it. It wasn't until AZ came home for the third day in a row to a completely different place than he had left that morning that he finally asked me what I was doing. And I didn't know how to answer him because no one had told me that a month or so before you pop out a kid you will won't be able to suppress the "nesting" urge. Or that there was even a "nesting" urge to begin with.
And now, I am experiencing it again. Differently but more or less similarly themed.
I am, dear reader, suddenly unable to stop redecorating my house.
And it isn't MY house. It's my RENTAL house. Which means that I don't even really get to KEEP all the work I am doing. I have mentioned several times that I am in the house I will live in until I can buy a house. And I don't like it. And I never have.
It's a very "it'll do" kind of place. But, about a month or so ago, I suddenly decided to paint it. And it was as though my entire body experienced a The-Best-Idea-I've-Ever-Had-Orgasm. And now, I'm hooked. I have colors picked out for every room in my house and I am tediously making my way through each individual change and loving it.
With the majority of my "color schemes" chose, I started to reevaluate my furniture and that is where the next big idea came from.
I want a platform bed.
Badly.
So I started looking for one to buy but all the frames I really liked were waaaaay too expensive to be justifiable. And as I delved deeper into my search, I stumbled across plans to BUILD a bed. Initially, there was scoffing. As if I could build a bed? Surely you jest, Internet.
But the more I read, the more likely it became and the more likely it became, the more I wondered about what else I could build.
And do you want to know what happened?
I now have a binder with pushing a hundred pages of ideas and plans and lists of all the things I like and want to build and what I need to build them.
It's insane. And yet - I can't stop.
I'm "nesting" again and I have no idea why.

Labels: I'm a loser, my crazy life

The problem with writing for me sometimes is not being able to explain every thing in a clear and concise way and still get all the emotion I feel across. I want to convey every thing I see and feel without leaving out any details, but sometimes there is just too much. And in this case, there is too much.
How do I explain the way my heart jumped as the phone rang at four in the morning? How I heard my mother start to cry in the next room as she received the information that her 81 year old mother had just been taken to the emergency room again?
That was Friday morning.
I went to work and at eleven, my mother called and said we needed to get to Dallas as soon as possible. Six hours later, my mother, my sister, my daughters and I were headed north to Dallas.
How can I explain the mixed feelings in that vehicle? You could hear my mother's heart breaking as her rosary beads clicked together and she tried to imagine a world without her mother. You could hear the subdued hum of excitement from the back seats as my girls quietly think about seeing all of their cousins and getting to play outside and feed the horses.
How can I tell you that I wanted nothing more than to do 120mph when my phone rang at mid-night and my aunt said that we really needed to hurry because 'there isn't much time left"? Not for me. I could have gotten there too late and it would have been ok... but my mother? She had to be there. She had to say goodbye to her mom and while she wouldn't have said it, I had to make sure she did.
Shortly after that phone call, I pulled into my aunt's driveway and parked the car. My mother ran to her mother's bedside and I woke the girls up so I could bring them inside. I turned to see my cousin standing there and he proceeded to take Trin from my arms and usher the other girls so I could go immediately back to be with my mom and my mom's mom.
How can I even begin to tell you what it was like in that room?
The room that the girls and I slept in the last time we visited was transformed from it's usual guest room decor to a hospital room. A metal bed lay diagonally in the middle of the room now with an oxygen machine a few feet away sucking and hissing. And snugly encased and white sheets and a purple nightgown with a rosary draped in her hand and oxygen on her mouth and nose; my grandmother. The woman who I am named after.
But not her.
Not the woman who always painted her nails and put curlers in her red hair. Not the woman who, while several inches shorter than me, could instill fear in me with little more than a look should I decide to mouth off. Not the woman who made the best pork chops on the planet. Not the woman who called and told me it was ok that I was pregnant at sixteen because I could do it if I tried. Not the woman who let me and my sister wear her high heeled shoes. Not the woman who sent me gorgeous clothes for Christmas every year. Not the woman who claimed she would "murdalize" me if I didn't behave.
This wasn't her.
This was a body who's amazingly bright spirit had faded into something very very tired of being alive any longer. This was someone who had decided they didn't want to live any longer. The spark, the love, the joy that had once inhabited that body was little more than a fading glimmer.
It was as though she had just chosen to give it a little more time so we could all come and say our final farewells.
It wasn't what I expected. But I wasn't sure what to expect either.
I expected to cry and I did. I cried because I have such wonderful memories of her and because she was a beautiful and strong woman and I will miss her. I cried because it broke my heart to see someone as vibrant as she was like that. I cried because I love her.
And I cried because every time my mother broke down, it killed me.
But I also laughed.
I laughed as story after story was told. My mother's and her siblings took turns reminiscing about both of their parents and their childhoods. And the grandchildren that were there listened and did the same.
And while there was a cloud of solemnity encasing the house, it was very bittersweet and calm.
It occurred to me that I should be so lucky to leave this world that way. To be surrounded by dozens of people who love me and who wouldn't have existed without me. Of all the people who came and went, only two of them were not directly descended from my grandmother.
I held her hand and smoothed her hair and cried as wave after wave of memories hit me.
And when it was needed, I held someone else's hand and reassured them that everything would be ok.
I slept very little.
I played softball with the girls and uncles and cousin outside my grandmother's open window. I helped with dishes and fielded phone calls for those unable to take them. I kept kids out of everyone's hair and made sure to smile at them so they would know it was all ok. I took pictures and listened when someone needed to talk. And when I was blissfully unneeded, I made my way back to the bedroom to play with my grandmother's hair while she slept.
I was sitting on a foot stool next to her bed with her swollen right hand and rosary in mine. I played with her short gray hair, hoping it helped her relax, when she took a deep breath and exhaled and didn't breathe again.
A minute passed and her children were all there and I moved to the other side of the room so they could be near her.
A flurry of activity ensued as phone calls were made and time of death was called.
7:35p, March tenth, 2007
Passages were read and more phone calls.
A final farewell was said by my grandmother's bed around 11:00p as the men who were there to take her to the funeral home waited in the next room.
I have to tell you that people who've decided to make death their career are some of the nicest people I've ever met. I met three different hospice ladies, one nurse, and two men from the funeral home and ALL OF THEM were constantly asking if we needed anything, from a drink to a kleenex to a hug and one lady even sat down in the other room with the smaller children to color.
My grandmother will be cremated and all but some of her ashes will go into an urn. The few ashes left out will be separated into a few lockets for her children to where and the urn itself will go to Viksburg, Mississippi where it will be buried with my grandmother's parents.
When she was asked why she wanted to go home to Mississippi instead of to Tyler (where her husband is buried), she said she wanted her final resting place to be with her family because her husbands family wasn't ever very nice to her and she wasn't spending eternity with her in-laws.
She is at peace now and I am happy for her.
I will miss her but I am glad she doesn't have to suffer here any longer.

Labels: death, my grandmother

Labels: Calvin and Hobbes

She did, she did, she did.
But then she got slammed with what can only be described as two of the busiest weeks EVAR.
I knew that they were coming up but I have to admit that I thought all the hype was a little exaggerated.
It was not.
The week before the World Aquaculture Society Conference was Hell Week.
Every little detail of every little thing had to be done and ready to go by Friday afternoon so that on the following Monday, we could all load up and head to San Antonio (where we (we being me & The Co-Workers) would alternate taking shifts).
My mission? The Power Point Presentation.
Doesn't sound too bad does it? Even I, having never used PP before, wasn't too freaked about it. I had known months ago that the presentation would be my responsibility. So, I had done something like ten slides back when my job wasn't something that kept me busy so I could get the hang of it. And with the hang of it gotten, I had shelved the presentation for more important and pressing work.
Let's fast forward to Monday of last week when I loaded my Mac Mini and 20 inch cinema display (yeah, my work computer shit rocks the house) into the Mountaineer to take to the show. The PP presentation, safely stored there, was now sportin' 80 slides.
All animated.
All covering some different aspect of what we do here at my job. (Which needs a name huh? Keep in mind that topping my last job's name, Fantasy Disco Ford, isn't exactly easy... How about Water World? That'll do.) Here at Water World, we do a LOT of stuff. Not only do we do basic distribution to some major places like Universities, Hatcheries, Fish Farms and State Aquariums, but we also cater to the entertainment industries, like your Sea Worlds and Rain Forest Cafes. And that comes all the way down to installations of new places and custom build applications.
Yeah.
It's very cool... but not exactly the easiest conversation flow. In order for me to dish about work, I always have to give thirty minute build up speeches first (many of your poor souls have been stuck having to listen to those and you may not realize it but the Friend Points you scored? Yeah, they were numerous.) and that just takes too long.
So, lets see how brief I can be...
Technically my job is Purchasing. But I've also been given ALL of our in house IT stuff too (Macs, all around, save one PC). And when I say IT, I mean everything from hardware to software and every stupid question you can possibly image about why you can't print or what's wrong with my screen or my mouse is frozen or I have an error message (winning error message thus far? "The following World Leaks were found..."). Every. Little. Thing. Add to that the recent occurrence of my semi-promotion to Sales and well, I keep busy.
So, I spent all of last week throwing together this presentation and finished it just in the nick of time.
Let me give you a rundown of my schedule last week: Monday? Went to work at 8:30a and got home at 9:30p. Tuesday? Regular hours. Wednesday? Went to work at 9:00a and got home at 10:00p. Thursday? Went to work at 10:30a and got home at 9:30p. Friday, this Monday and this Tuesday were all intense training days on top of all my regular work and implementing two new macs into our system. Yesterday was all catch up (which I am not yet) and now today? You get a blog post ;) Next week will be equally demanding since both bosses are out of town all week and I will be the only one in house that can do any sales work.
Have I adequately cleared up my absence? lol
On the flip side, I learned a helluva lot last week. I went to many "sessions" covering things like The History of Catfish Farming in Texas, Raising Fish in Cages Off The Gulf of Mexico, a bunch of various sessions on chemicals and additives to help fish grow or help improve their taste, and a ton of other topics I barely understood so can't so much convey. It was interesting. There is so much I didn't even know I didn't know - you know?
Not to mention that there was just a ton of eye-candy as these get togethers bring out a lot of college students that are majoring in one thing aquatic or another :)
So, there you go dear reader, that's all I have for right now. I'll try and get a little more regular about this :)
Have a good day people.

Labels: At work, excuses excuses, my crazy life

Today, there will finally be a semblence of normalcy :) Yay!
So, I'll have something posted in the next couple of days.

Labels: missing in action