Hey mommy, that horsey keeps lifting its foot up and down... I think that horsey is real!



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

I know, I know - I am behind on my fifty-five Friday.
I will try and write two entries today, if I am not crazy busy at work.
One for last week and one for this week.
Lily and Lucca are still around and they still have a story, I have just been super busy.

Labels: 55 Friday

And then there was the hangover.
Holy fuck.
It was the worst hangover I had ever had that didn't involve me becoming intimate with a toilet. And it was my own fault for not drinking water before I passed out. Such a dumbass.
You know those hangovers where you just need to lay very, very still and pray?
It was one of those.
And I knew I needed to get up. I knew we had plans. I knew that I had totally earned the hangover and deserved every miserable minute of it.
Yet, when Lola came down and said, "Kate, you totally have to get up, we've got stuff to do." I believe my exact response was to put a pillow over my face and cry.
So Lola sits on the stairs and says to me, "Kate, I just want to let you know that I wasn't trying to make you feel bad about making out with that guy last night."
And I dug deep into the memory section of my brain to try and remember her even having said anything to me at all, be it about the random doctor boy or otherwise.
But I came up empty handed.
"Sweety, I barely remember making out with the boy, nevermind talking about it afterwards. Don't worry about it."
I eventually separated myself from the sheets and got into the shower where I spent many minutes contemplating death and how similar it must feel to a really awful hangover. I finally got out and while I had to take many breaks, I managed to dress and was begrudgingly ready to go.
Now I have to say that very last thing I wanted to do in the whole wide world was get dressed and go outside, the very idea made me want to crawl into my suitcase and zip it closed. But it ended up being the best thing for me.
Not the driving part.
No, the driving part had me teetering dangerously between Miserable and Nauseous. And Lola could totally tell because every time I took a deep breath to quell the rising unhappiness, she asked me "are you ok?" And I lied and said I would live. But once we got out of the car and the cold weather I had been dreading hit me in the face, I was totally fine.
This is why people can drink so much where there is winter! Cold air is the fucking cure to any hangover.
The fifty something temperature sucked the hangover out of me and within minutes I was ready to consume coffee, which I did while sitting in the grass at a little part that was having a perfect little Celtic Festival.
We walk into this absolutely stunning green park and there are a couple hundred people, some of whom are sitting in their fold out chairs facing a stage where a little old man is singing things like "The Fields of Athenry" & "Oh Danny Boy" & other songs that aren't so popular and that I don't know the name of and the rest of the crowd is milling about at the various booths set up around the park.

And for reasons unknown to me, I got completely overwhelmed with emotion and had to excuse myself so I could go call Amanda and cry like a complete idiot on the phone.
Thank god for sunglasses.
I did so much on this trip but my favorite part was just sitting in the grass sipping coffee and listening to Lola's family and family friends (all from Ireland) talk about every day stuff with Irish folk music in the background. I'd have been content to just sit there all day.


We couldn't spend the whole day there so we got up and went to breakfast. Lola was so sweet, she kept saying "so are you ready for food now?" and I kept saying I just needed a few more minutes as we walked down the street looking into little shops.
This was my favorite shop, all pretty and purple :)


And if ANY of you out there know what the hell Dirty Bingo is, I need an email about it because I am dying to know!


We ate at this super tiny hole in the wall restaurant that is Lola's most favorite breakfast place in the world and I once again can't remember the name of it. (I am such a dissapointing tourist huh? I can't remember the name of
any thing.)

What did we do after that? Geez, my poor brain. I believe we then went to IKEA. HOLY CRAP people! Have you ever been to IKEA? I had never been, although I often read on Dooce about how rad IKEA is but I never knew.
I just never knew.
We go into this fucking blue warehouse full of awesomeness. That's what it is. It should be called WFOA instead of IKEA. Unless IKEA stands for something cool too and I just don't know what it is.
I'd google it but I am at work and on the King of the Ancient Dinosaur Computers. The very fact that I don't put my face through the monitor is amazing.
We were in IKEA forever and yet it felt like no time at all... much like when you first meet some dude you are totally into and that first date is like nine hours long and you end up sitting in a park somewhere watching the sun come up? IKEA is so like that dude. You can just walk around for hours and look at all the cool shit and time ceases to exist.
This is what I bought there:
A package of 48 scented tea light candles, four packages of glass colored tea light candle holders (each package with four glass holders, for a total of 16), two woven polypro bags with cool designs on them (which I am using for grocery shopping now that Toronto has inspired me to stop destroying the enviroment with plastic grocery bags), a roll of drawing paper that is like a million feet long and a rod to mount on the wall to hold the paper.
Total cost (Canadian): 24.99
I am now in the process of planning a road trip to IKEA with Jiffinner, The Cake Lady and Fairy because that is just way too cool.

Lola? What did we do after IKEA? I think we went back to Lola's house...
I know we had plans to go out that night...
I don't remember! And do you know why, dear reader? Because I had become entirely obsessed with what I was going to get everyone. I had been lucky and found perfect gifts for Amanda and Trin at the festival, but I couldn't figure out what to get Em... and then I started feeling bad because I hadn't gotten Ruthie anything and here she was being all super awesome.
I know that we did go back to Lola's to rest because we had plans to go out with two of her friends that night for drinks... and Lola had to work.
We did go back to her place and kick back for a few hours. She chatted with her boys about what we were going to do that night and it ended up that we were all going to a movie. But not together, lol. They were going to a movie and we were going to a movie and then we were all going to meet up afterwards.
And we, being chics, decided to go see The Nanny Diaries.
But did we get to see The Nanny Diaries?
No.
And do you know why?

Yup. Apparently the newspaper had ran an incorrect ad. So, the theater showing The Nanny Diaries was actually an official film festival theater and rather than letting us laugh at the drama-comedy and hate how cute Scarlett Johansson is, we had to watch The Princess Of Nebraska, which I can only hope you never have to watch.
Lola and I had agreed, as we were walking out of the movie 45 minutes in, that we would say it was "artsy" instead of "crap" but I just can't lie to you all.
So, rather than talk about the movie, I just tell everyone "I got to go to the Toronto Film Festival.." and they ooohhh and ahhhh and ask if I saw anyone famous.

After the movie, we walked around downtown in the super cold weather, stopped and got some coffee and then sat outside sipping it and watching all the people cruise by while waiting for her friends to call and say that their movie was over.
We eventually found ourselves sitting in a college bar called The Green Room. While we were hanging out there, drinking tea rather than alcohol - thank god, we just talked. Lola had a bunch going on right now and it was nice to just sit and talk and not be trying to pick up dudes or run to the next thing or worry about flight times or anything. We just sat and acted like girlfriends who live in the same zip code and who get together for drinks and bitching.
It was nice.
We did eventually go and meet her friends at another hole-in-the-wall restaurant. (I think all of these places are probably regular sized for Toronto and just look tiny to me :P) Her friends were charming, to say the least. One of whom had just returned from South Carolina and I had the best time just listening to him recap his story. They were great and we sat there for a few hours just chatting. Around three we left and headed back to Lola's house.
(Lola - I know I've left things out - post them in my comments!!)

Labels: Toronto trip

Sleep.
There was totally sleeping.
Like a ridiculous amount of me sleeping while Lola worked upstairs.
Did I wake up and hear her moving about the house? Absolutely.
Did I get up because I knew it was totally a good idea? Absolutely not.
I slept until like ten (Toronto time - I rationalized it being ok because it was Toronto time. It would have only been nine here in Texas...)
When I finally pulled my ass out of bed, Lola informed me that I needed to get all ready to go since she had a big day planned for us. A big day that would involve a LOT of walking.
So I grabbed a quick shower and threw on some clothes and we were off.
Now this day started off in a way no day in my life had ever started off before: we walked to the bus stop.
I know that may not sound like a big deal to you people who live somewhere that there is public transportation, but for this little country girl - totally weird.
We walk like two blocks to the bus stop and Lola is being such a doll and answering all of my ridiculous questions like:
"So your busses run all the time?"
"So you really don't need a car?"
"Is that a mail box?" - It was totally this cool thing that they have on like every block in Toronto where you put your trash. But it's separated into three different compartments so you can recycle.

"Do you have to bring all your trash to the recycling receptacles or will they pick it up at your house?"

We rode the bus for like, I don't know, six blocks where it dropped us off at the entrance to the subway.
Now people: I have never been on a subway before. I've never seen a subway. Never even been in a town that sports a subway (to my knowledge). So I was a total subway virgin. But I was so psyched that I was like a subway virgin on prom night. A subway virgin on prom night with the key to my very own hotel room in my purse.
We walk down the stairs and into this labyrinth of stairwells and hallways. If it hadn't been for Lola, I'd have been immediately lost and probably would have ended up huddled in a corner sobbing hysterically asking people to please direct me back to where there is sun. But she knew exactly where we needed to go and when we needed to get off the train. I felt like the only person on the subway who was afraid she would fly out of her seat every time the train started or stopped. Everyone else is all reading or "sleeping" like their center of gravity is totally in tune with the train and I just forgot to set mine to "Sudden Stop" & "Sudden Start".
"Is the subway free?"
"But if the bus drops you off at the 'I already paid the bus driver and can get on the subway for free' stop and it's totally open to anyone, don't people just walk up and get on the subway for free all the time?"
I wanted so. very. badly. to take subway pictures. But I couldn't bring myself to be that girl on the subway from Smalltown, Texas.
Not in The Land of Cool People.
So here are some pics I didn't take. Someone who was lucky enough to be on the train alone and who didn't have to look like a loser took this one:


Here is a map of all the stops, we got on at Woodbine:


One last one:


We got off of the train downstairs at the Eaton Center Centre.
It's pretty cool to get off the subway train, walk up some stairs and be in an effing mall. Lola told me where we were and I kinda just stood there looking at her like uhm, where? as I hadn't done my All The Cool Places In Toronto research. Which I am certain Lola does before she takes any trips because she is an Uber Awesome Traveling Chic and I am Holy Crap, A Subway! Girl. :) Which is one of the many reasons why we love Lola.
Here is Lola sitting in front of The Eaton Centre Fountain:


And here I am, standing in front of forty real life size Canadian Geese that are suspended from the ceiling being a total tourist:


Once we were outside, we were in Downtown Toronto:




There was this beautiful building and when I asked Lola what in the world such an unbelievably gorgeous building could possibly be used for? She said - their courthouse. Now I totally have Toronto Courthouse Envy:


I so totally want to post EVERY picture I took, but they are all on my flickr site if you want to see them all, so just one more of the adorable Lola hugging the Hug Me tree:


After all that walking, Lola and I stopped and had lunch at an outdoor patio restaurant where we had the dingiest waitress in the world who was also the sweetest chic. I can't remember the name of the place and I know Lola is rolling her eyes as she reads this right now :) Sorry! But it was lovely. And while we were sitting there, the news anchor woman for the station that Lola hates hopped out of a car and did a little clip standing ten yards from us.

We popped in and out of some stores before heading back to Lola's house to rest and get ready to go out on the town.
And holy crap, we went out on the town.

I'd like to put a little disclaimed right here: Due to the fact that Canada is allowed to put far more alcohol into their beverages than we Americans are, I cannot take responsibility for any idiotic things I may or may not have done (due to my inability to remember them all). Complaint letters should be addressed to the Toronto Government as it was their decision to give me twice the alcohol content in all of my drinks.

Lola's friend Kiki came over and we sat around drinking and eating snacks (which included this amazing Indian bread that I can't find ANY where here and am so very very bummed about) and talking for a few hours before actually getting dressed and hitting The Bier Markt.
Do ya'll remember Slutty Make-Up Saturdays? Well, we can add Jeans and Skanky Top Fridays to that :)
I can honestly say that after an hour or so, I had more than enough to drink so this is going to be a picture recap:

Kiki - I SO love this pic because the dude in the background had NO idea that we were taking pics and just happened to be flipping up his collar...


Boys who asked not be on Facebook. This isn't Facebook. The guy in the sweater? Yum.


Lola & Kiki being cute as pie.


Lola & Me: redheads looking for trouble.


See? You can tell I've had too much to drink because I look like I'm looking for trouble, like I'm just daring someone to come over and say hello:


Now the question becomes Did I find trouble?
Yup. I so did.
Apparently I spent some time making out with a boy who said he was a doctor.
The cool thing about Toronto is that people can just go out and make out and move on. There isn't this whole need to pursue more than that or need to talk again. Lola has said to me, more than once, "I just want to go out and make out with someone and then come home." And I always thought that sounded so weird because here, there is more than that. There is all that pre-making out stuff. In Toronto? No pre-making out stuff.
But all of that happened once I'd had much to much to drink so the details of the whole encounter are fuzzy :)
Drinks, dancing and making out were followed by food and water at some place I absolutely do not remember the name of and barely remember even being at and then back to Lola's where I over-tipped the cab driver and fell fast asleep, after drunk-texting Snow, at three something.

It was one hell of a Friday.

Labels: Toronto trip

"Why can't I roll the windows down?"

"Because I have the AC on."

"But I want to feel the wind on my face."

"You can feel the AC on your face."


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Geez, I'm getting hate mail about how it's taking me to long to post this :)
Which is kinda cool since it means you guys care :)
In my defense, I am super, super busy! And it's so great! I am loving my job and my job is keeping me fairly swamped most of the time. I am doing this whole new approach to parenting thing that is keeping me off the computer at home almost all the time which is actually ok since all of my email goes to my Blackberry now. I haven't been home on the weekends much and will continue not to be through the next few months on account of how I have fantastically fun stuff planned with my girls and my friends.
All in all - life is good. (*And as a side note, adorable boy from work just walked in and he is wearing my favorite shirt of his.)

And people? Toronto was freakin' awesome. Lola was amazing! I don't think it would have been possible for us to have done more than we did.
My flight left San Antonio ass-crack-of-dawn early. I got to the airport here in SA at 5:45a. Flight left around 6:30a and landed in Cleveland and then left again like 30 minutes later. Smooth flying on a little tiny ass plane.
Ever since Snow has entered my life, I find that I can find Ironic Coincidences all the time and I always blame her for them. There were two on this particular day. The first was that the plane I got off of in Cleveland was continuing on to Toronto and I was changing to another plane :P The second was that I was flying via the airline that The Pilot (from a couple of posts ago) flies. And since he and I haven't spoken (due to a fairly creepy comment he emailed me), I was uber paranoid about running in to him.
I landed shortly after noon in Buffalo, NY and grabbed my luggage and went outside mere seconds before the absolutely adorable Lola arrived to pick me up. We climbed into her little Pontiac and headed strait for Target.
See, there is something that us Americans don't know about the Canadians - They treat Target like crack. They don't have Targets there and they pine after ours. The whole time I was in Toronto Lola kept telling our Target story and everyone "ooohed and aaahhhed" at it. So if you ever need to convince a Canadian to come see you, promise them you will take them to Target.
Anyway, Lola and I did a twenty minute run through of Target where she bought a positively cute jacket, a new shower curtain, hair stuff and a headband. We had to rush through as quickly as possible so as to get back to the border without needing to declare everything we'd bought. After a quick stop at Duty Free (where you can buy a certain amount of stuff to take into Canada without having to pay taxes) to buy postcards and Vodka, we crossed the border.


We got through the border with no problem. I was a little freaked out about it since everyone kept saying I could only bring certain things and I would need my licence and birth certificate.
Yeah - the border guy didn't even look at my stuff.

A few minutes later, we are in Niagra Falls.
Holy crap.
It was awesome. Lola was looking at me like I had lost my mind. She is all like Uhm, they are waterfalls? What's the big deal?
Which is how I was when she was in Dallas, I was all like Uhm, it's a rodeo. They have these down the road from my house every other Saturday.
I was seriously blown away by "the falls". It's truly a humbling sight. And it's so beautiful. I kept thinking that I have to take the girls there so they can see how amazing it is.

Aww - two red-heads in front of Niagra Falls.

After we saw the falls, we headed to Toronto. This is actually a pretty nice drive. There are a lot of vineyards and water on one side the whole time. On one of the bridges, you could see Toronto across the lake. Really pretty.
We drive through downtown and Lola is pointing a hundred things out to me that I can't remember. I just remember that there were a lot of VERY COOL loft buildings.
Lola is VERY into lofts :)

After we got through downtown, we started getting into the immediately outlying "suburb" type areas, which are totally still city for this country girl. It reminded me of San Francisco. All of these two story houses lined up neatly in rows. And almost all of them duplexes. Toronto is all about duplexes. And there were street cars. It was too picturesque.

When we arrived at Lola's house, I got to meet her mom. That was so cool. I could totally see Lola with the "my mom is ridiculous" face and I am all oooh, please keep talking with your Irish accent!!
Her mom was the most adorable lady. She actually said "gob-shite" which had me giggling my ass off.
Shortly after her mom got there, Lola and I walked the two perfectly adorable (what is that? Like the thirteenth time I've said adorable? I can't help it, everything was!) blocks to her son's school to pick him up. He is just cute as pie. He had a friend over for a playdate so we barely saw him, except for at dinner where he and his little friend were deep in conversation about school and friends and boy stuff.
I had to tell Lola that the difference between boys and girls was clearly that boys sit at the table at dinner and never stop talking to each other but girls sit at the table at dinner and never stop talking to you.
Her house is so sweet and has a perfect little back yard. I had to resist the urge to pick up all the maple leaves and put them in my bag. Once I got home, I really wished I had.
After dinner, Lola and I sat around and talked, most of which I vaguely remember as I was starting to fade fast from the almost no sleep and excitement from the day. So, I crashed out and slept like a baby.

Labels: Toronto trip

I am taking this from the Austin Craigslist. It was emailed to me and far too funny to not share with all of you :)

ORIGINAL POST (Emailed to me with the subject line of "she sounds nice"):

Austin blonde seeks soulmate/dream-man - 28

Seeking hot (but not too hot— no cocky bastards,) male, single, culturally-aware monogamist. Must be d/d-free, non-smoker. 6' tall or over is strongly preferred, but no giants.

Must enjoy concerts, balconies/patios/decks, my gay cat, and high-maintenance blondes who think they know everything and try to tell everyone what to do all the time, but only because they're trying to help. Must be able to throw me over your shoulder and/or drag me across the parking lot by my hair when I get out of hand.

Must have a really good job - I'm expensive.

No Aggies. No D&D. No BDSM (fuzzy handcuffs excluded.)

Must have no hang-ups about prescribed and truly effective psychotropic medications, discreet and classy acrylic nails, or 2 hours of hair-blow-drying time, 2 to 3 times per week.

No red-meat eaters. Pescetarians preferred, but not required.
(look it up.)

Mac-users only; no PCs.

NO PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS, ROADIES, BOUNCERS, BARTENDERS, OR WAITERS.

Must hate the Dave Matthews Band.
Must understand the meaning of the term "post-punk." Former high school freaks and weirdos preferred. Record collectors are a HUGE plus. Must love The Smiths and/or The Cure and/or Radiohead and/or The Pixies. Dandy Warhols fans and Shins fans get extra points.

Must generally prefer Red River, South Congress, and the east side over 6th Street (concerts at the Parish excluded.)

College degree required, but equivalent work experience may be acceptable, depending on the situation. Extra points for grad school, but no 'professional students.'

No gym-rats.

Must truly truly truly enjoy oral sex- the giving part. This is crucial. It's a total deal-breaker. Reciprocation will be frequent, excellent, and enthusiastic.

ABSOLUTELY NO RACISTS OR HOMOPHOBES.
Also, no neo-cons or Evangelical Christians. In fact, any kind of Christian is gonna have a pretty rough time. Agnostics and Buddhists preferred. Atheists ok.

Tattoo-free is preferred. A few discreet ones are ok, but not if they involve cartoon characters, barbed wire, or daggers. Or skulls. Or dragons or snakes.

Moderate drinking is strongly preferred over non-drinkers, but that doesn't mean it's ok to be a drunk. No drunks!

No metalheads. It's ok if you were into that stuff growing up, but you shouldn't have any Iron Maiden in your car, man. Not cool.

No 20-somethings. 30+ only please. 36 is perfect. Under 40 is preferred, but if you seriously meet all of these requirements, I don't care if you're 110.

My hair hangs to about 5 inches below my shoulders; yours should be significantly shorter. No hippies. No vagabonds. Must not frequently describe yourself as "outdoorsy" or "free-spirited," but environmentally conscious recyclers are preferred.

Metrosexuals ok, but no crunchy hair gel.

ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO YANKEES FANS!!! Seriously. That's a big one.

Must not aspire to ever moving to Dallas, or even consider it, honestly. Unless its for a job with a mid-six-figure or higher salary, and you're not opposed to having a stay-at-home wife. Must definitely want marriage and kids-- no being wishy-washy about it.

Home ownership preferred, but not required.
CAR OWNERSHIP REQUIRED, but no Hummers.

Must have all teeth. If one got knocked out during a baseball game when you were a kid, that's fine, but you should have a prosthetic or a bridge or something by now, right? I mean, come on.

Must not pee on the DVD player or in the t-shirt drawer or similar because you thought it was the toilet while half-drunk and half-asleep in the middle of the night.
No frequent free-ballers.

No light-sleepers. Insomniacs ok. But if you're one of those guys who wakes up in the morning and walks around and talks to me and everything, but you're not actually awake, and you're not making any sense, then forget it. That seriously frustrates me.

Must use better than average grammar, syntax, and vocabulary. Off-the-cuff ability to accurately define the word "ironic" is a plus. Must not ever use the following words or phrases:
coolio
dealio
chillin' like a villain

Must not ever call me "sweetie" because I totally hate that.

I'm going to reiterate this one: drug-free. Seriously.
No blow, even if it's only occasional. No potheads. No former potheads who still own "420" baseball caps. Nobody who claims, "I only do mushrooms like once a year when I go camping with my buddies from high school." Nobody who will ask me to do X with them "just this once" at some New Years' Eve party or outdoor music festival.

Must live alone. No roommates.*
*Special allowances may be granted in extreme situations, at my discretion, but not if your 'roommates' are also your parents.

Must hate George W. Bush.
Okay, hate is a strong word- must adamantly disapprove of the presidential leadership of George W. Bush. Daily Show viewers are preferred.

Being an animal-lover (or at least animal-friendly) is a requirement. Cat-owners preferred, but dog-owners are ok (unless your dog is huge AND stinky AND sheds all over the place AND jumps all over me and licks me, because I hate that.) NO HUNTERS.

NO WORLD OF WARCRAFT ENTHUSIASTS. No role-players or gamers. Ownership of PS2 or equivalent is not preferred, but may be accepted if playing is mild and infrequent and generally gets old after about an hour.

No chain-wallets. No emo fans. Must own more pants that actually fit than pants that would allow others to see your underwear if you lifted up your shirt.

No frequent golfers. No Round Rock residents or Dell employees (unless aspiring to change residency/employment in the very near future.)

Must be kid-free, but no virgins.

No felons.


REPLY TO THAT POST:

Re: Austin blonde seeks soulmate/dream-man - 28 - 99

Oh man. This was the funniest reading I've had in ages. For other men's amusement, I'm reposting the list of 'no's excerpted from the original post:

cocky bastards
smoker
polygamist
giant
cheap bastards
Aggies
D&D
BDSM
hang-ups about prescribed and truly effective psychotropic medications
red-meat eaters
PC users
PROFESSIONAL MUSICIANS
ROADIES
BOUNCERS
BARTENDERS
WAITERS
fans of Dave Matthews Band
people who prefer 6th St over Red River, South Congress
people without a college degree (excepting "relevant work experience")
gym-rats
oral sex haters
RACISTS
HOMOPHOBES
people who don't love her gay cat
neo-cons
Evangelical Christians
Christians
Tattoos involving cartoon characters, barbed wire, or daggers.
Or skulls.
Or dragons or snakes.
non-drinkers
drunks
metalheads
people with Iron Maiden in their car
20-somethings
40+ (unless you pass the rest of this list)
long hair
hippies
vagabonds
describing yourself as "outdoorsy" or "free-spirited"
crunchy hair gel [Editor's personal favorite]
YANKEES FANS
aspiring to ever moving to Dallas
being wishy-washy about marriage and kids
not owning a car
Hummers
false teeth or missing teeth without a bridge
peeing on the DVD player or in the t-shirt drawer or similar
frequent free-ballers
light-sleepers
talking in the morning while half asleep and not making sense
poor grammar
saying: coolio, dealio, chillin' like a villain
calling her "sweetie"
drugs
blow
potheads
former potheads who still own "420" baseball caps
claiming "I only do mushrooms like once a year"
asking her to do X "just this once" at some New Years' Eve party
roommates
parents
fans of George W. Bush
animal haters
dog-owners if the dog is huge AND stinky AND sheds AND jumps AND licks
HUNTERS
WORLD OF WARCRAFT ENTHUSIASTS
role-players
gamers
chain-wallets
emo fans
high ratio between "low riders pants" and standard pants
frequent golfers
Round Rock residents
Dell employees
people with kids
virgins
felons

Ah, me. I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Is laughing on the 'no' list? I can't remember the top of it anymore, except 'no giants'. But what if they're jolly, crazy blonde lady? What if they're jolly???


ANOTHER REPLY:

Re: Austin blonde seeks soulmate/dream-man - 28 - 99

> If you guys love it so much, you should nominate it for a Best of Craigslist.

Well, I tried to nominate it, but I got waylaid by my giant furball panting dog, who started licking me, which set me off into a spiral of gay cat hating, which naturally landed me at a George W. Bush fundraiser where I converted to Christianity, only to become a pothead (but just on New Years and at outdoor concerts). On my way home I got caught up listening to death metal, which made me think "I should get a tattoo! Yeah!" and the wait in the tat parlor was so long I aged past 40, which is a shame because I seem to meet all your other criteria (since I (a) don't own fuzzy handcuffs and (b) barely skimmed the rest of your post), but I should say that it probably worked out for the best, since my grammar ain't right like what them smart'uns talk, and at the red meat festival (which I had to walk to because I sold my car) I got heavily into DMB and burned my antique The Cure collection in a fit of outdoorsy free-spiritedness. That's the whole dealio, and the experience made me wishy-washy about marriage, so now I'm something of a light-sleeper, and I wake up all the time clutching a full-sized blowup doll of the entire Yankees starting lineup. This is the point where I'd throw in a joke about crunchy hair gel, except I'm too busy googling the term "frequent free-baller" in the hopes that knowing what the heck it means will help me lose my virginity, so that I can eventually support a stay-at-home wife in Dallas, pulling her through parking lots by her hair all the time. Sweetie.

Labels: craigslist

"So how did everything go last week while I was out of town?"

"Boss, I was out of town the same days you were last week."

"Oh yeah! Wow, I can't believe this place didn't fall apart with both of is gone for four days!"


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Back home in SA.
Back where its warm :)
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

"ooohh, look. There are two police cars parked outside. Let's go get pretty & go drink our tea on the porch."
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"so look at thebooks I got at the library..."

"what is this book, The Rules?"

"its a book about how you can treat guys like shit and they will fall in love with you."

"oh good! I love treating guys like shit :)"
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Good morning readers!
So, yesterday was fun :). I got to see Niagra Falls which was crazy awesome! We were literally two blocks away from the view point & still getting must sprayed on is like rain :)
Lola was totally great about letting me be a tourist :)
Then we drove the two or so hours to Toronto. It was a pretty drive through a bunch of vineyards and the whole time just beautiful water on our right. You could see Toronto from across the water when we crossed over one of the bridges, too cool.
Then we got to Lola's adorable house and I met her mother who was just the sweetest thing with her Irish accent :) I was having such fun just listening to her talk! We picked Lola's son up and then hung out and had dinner and crashed. I slept for a deliciously long time.
I have to say that Toronto is amazing, I can completely see why Lola loves it here! I could totally live here!
You know, when it isn't winter anyway :)
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

parte uno , parte due , parte tre , parte quattro , parte cinque , parte sei , parte sette , parte otto , parte nove , parte dieci

She was happy to have something to bury herself in, be consumed with.
Weeks had passed as she thumbed through paperwork and completed things long over due.
She was too busy for the shadows of the memories to creep into her mind.
Too busy to notice that Lucca couldn’t keep his eyes off of her.

Labels: 55 Friday

The lovely, awesome, amazing, FABULOUS Lola just picked me up from the buffalo airport & after a quick stop at target so Lola could buy some fabulous clothes that she can't get in Canada - then after a quick stop at "duty free" for some tax free alcohol...
I AM OFFICIALLY IN CANADA!

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When you board a flight thinking it will be 4 hours and they announce that it will only be 2.5.

I didn't take into
account that I would be losing an hour because of the time difference. I am now flying over what I can only assume is a beautiful sunrise. I can't see it because it isn't on my side of the plane :(

Oh and get this! This flight stops in Cleveland but then goes on to Toronto! I, however, am getting off of it and switching to another flight.

How's that for irony Snow?





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Labels: Lola, mobile blogging, Toronto trip

THE SMALLEST COMMERCIAL PLANE in the world!!

Seriously!

I'm on the continental flight to Cleveland from San Antonio departing at 630, check it out!

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Labels: Lola, mobile blogging, Toronto trip

Ok, remember how I said I was having phone issues?
Well, there was another thing besides the fact that my phone wasn't working: There was also a billing issue.
When I got my Blacberry back in February, I couldn't figure out how to get online or get my email.
Now, I am a pretty smart chic, so I couldn't believe that I couldn't figure it out.
Not wanting to waste hours of my life away on hold with Sprint, I figured it wasn't that big of a deal and I would just look it up online or ask about it the next time I had to call for something else. It wasn't like I could really use it anyway since I was working at Old Crappy Job Where There Is No Phone Service In The Building.
Well, the first time I couldn't get my phone to come back on, I called Sprint Blackberry Technical Support (SBTS) and got to speak to, for the first time, The Lovely Ladies in Kentucky who handle all the Treo & Blackberry technical issues.
As I have mentioned before, these ladies are awesome and we love them.
I tell the lovely SBTS chic what my phone is doing and, I shit you not, two hours later she had it fixed. So when she did her little "is there anything else I can assist you with today?" bit, I suddenly remembered that I couldn't access the internet or my email and I asked her to help me figure out why.
Another hour later, she reset my phone and it magically had internet and email icons on it's tiny Blackberry desktop.
And I was freaking out!
I told her what had just miraculously happened in front of my very eyes and she explained to me that my phone should have had those icons from day one. Apparently the person who activated my phone was supposed to have hooked me up with my internet and email and failed miserably to do so.
Then I asked her to explain to me why I had all of these "internet usage" charges on my phone when, as she now knew, I had no access to the internet at all whatsoever. She looked them up and said that she couldn't believe that they were there seeing as how I could. not. have. possibly. accessed. the. internet. with. my. phone.
Well I asked her to please make them go away to which she replied that she couldn't, Billing had to.
Then she transferred me.
To India.
[An aside: If you happen to live in India, this is nothing against you personally. However, if you are employed by Sprint, live in India, have never laid eyes on a Blackberry phone before and handle billing issues? Yeah, this is so directed at you.]
Of course, I didn't know it was India until I had been on hold for another thirty minutes.
Then I got to talk to some guy who had NO FUCKING IDEA what I was talking about.
I explained to him, just as I had the SBTS chic in Kentucky, what my issue was and the conversation went as follows:
Evil Sprint Dude in India: "Miss, I see the charges you are talking about. They are for internet usage on your phone."
Me, only slightly impatiently: "Yes sir, I know what they are for but I didn't have the internet until about an hour ago."
Evil Sprint Dude Who Likes To Make People Suffer: "Miss, all of our phones come with internet already installed. If you have these charges it is because you were using the internet."
Me, growing frustrated: "Look, I understand why the charges are there. What I am telling you is that I couldn't even access the internet with my phone until an hour ago. The person who activated it didn't turn all of my features on.
Satan Spawn Sprint Boy: "Miss, if there are charges for the internet, then you must have used the internet. If you didn't use the internet, how would there be the charges?"
[an aside: One wonders how valid your internet usage charges are on your phone hmmmmm?]
Me, taking deep breaths: "Look buddy, I understand what you are saying, I REALLY do. But the thing is, I COULDN'T USE THE INTERNET OR RECEIVE EMAILS UNTIL AN HOUR AGO. Ok, have you ever actually seen a Blackberry? Have you ever actually used one sir?"
Sprint Satan Spawn Who Is Trying To Suck Out My Life Force: "I am familiar with the device, yes."
Me, officially fuming: "Then you would know that there are icons on the desktop. One of those icons is a little globe looking thing that connects you to the internet. MY. PHONE. DID. NOT. HAVE. ONE. OF. THESE. UNTI. AN. HOUR. AGO. I could NOT access the internet in any way, shape, or form until then. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"
Totally Inept Satan Spawn Sprint Boy: "Ma'am, these charges would not be there unless you were using the internet. If you didn't use the internet, how would there be the charges?"
So I hung up on him.
Because I couldn't take it any more.

So, today, when I got a follow up call from Sprint and I explained that my issues had been resolved with my Blackberry since they had replaced it and when the lady said "is there anything else I can assist you with today?" I couldn't help it. I had to see if maybe she was the one and only person with The Power to refund me six months worth of charges that I had magically incurred.
I explain everything to her, just as I had to the SBTS chic in Kentucky and again to the Useless Indian guy and she puts me on hold for about fifteen minutes.
Which is cool, because I am at work so I just sat here and worked while listening to horrible hold music.
When she comes back on the line, she says, "Ok, I found all of the charges and I have credited your account $115.32 (which is actually $39.12 less than what I had come up with but who the hell cares? As long as it is over!).
Well, needless to say, I was practically speechless. Here she had just taken my six month old issue that I thought would never be resolved and fixed it.
I stutteringly thanked her and then felt the need to make sure she actually believed me that I hadn't ran up those charges. So I am explaining to her again that I really didn't do anything to create the charges and she says, "Ma'am, I just figured, people who buy Blackberry's don't buy them so that they can just make calls and receive text messages. If your phone has been broken for six months and you could barely use it to make calls and couldn't do a thing on the internet, you deserved to have those charges reversed! Now, is there anything else I can assist you with today?"
You've restored my faith in my cellular company and given me $115 credit on my account so I'm thinking: Nope.

Labels: my crazy life, Sprint, un-fucking-believable

32 hours until I'm getting on a plane to Toronto!
I wanted to test out my mobile blogging ability since I want to be able to shoot yall little updates when I have a minute or two. Or just tell you when I see something nutty in the airports... Or when I am manically fretting over whether I packed q-tips (which I did!).
Oh and think of the drunk blogging possibilities!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

In no particular order, a list of reasons I have been a bad blogger:

• There was that boy that I was talking about here, but that has more or less faded. I swear, every time I think I may have met someone cool, they do something to prove me wrong.

• School started August 27th and this has become a huge adjustment in my household. Partially because of Triniti having to change her schedule and all the issues that arise when you do that and partially because my daughters are awesome and I have to make allowances for Student Council and UIL and all the other school related and not school related activities that they want to participate in.

• And speaking of my awesome children, I've been soliciting postcards, which many of you have sent and THANK YOU SO MUCH! I had originally intended to scan them all and post them here but there are TOO MANY! So that is great :)

• My new job came with a mini-social life. For the first time in my employment history, I am constantly being invited out to do things with the people I work with! While most of the time I have to say no, a few of my nights have actually been spent hanging out with the cool people with whom I work.

• I have had a cold for two weeks. Don't believe me? Ask Snow and she will tell you that I've been hacking in her ear for at least two weeks, if not 2.5. I don't know what the hell is going on. I usually get sick when the girls go back to school because they come home covered in nasty little school germies and my old lady immune system can't handle it. But this is ridiculous and I am forced to believe that it has more to do with the insane amount of crap in the air due to the even more insane amount of rain we've had this year.

• My brother is living with me right now and while that in itself is fine, he hogs the computer at home with his bizarre and fairly unappealing addiction to online games. Primarily this consists of some Risk like game that I have so little interest in, I can't even tell you what the name of it is. Follow that up with the fact that I am playing Fantasy Football at work (and by "me", I mean Snow's MCFJ is helping me and by "helping me", I mean mostly playing for me and telling me what to do) which takes up most of the online time I have in the evenings.

• My house is trying to kill me. It seems like no matter how much laundry I do or dishes I wash or floors I sweep, no sooner than I turn around they all need to be done again. And with feeling like crap almost since the girls have been back in school, I have not felt like cleaning.

• I got pulled over for speeding. And having an expired registration and inspection sticker. And not having a current copy of my insurance. That'll be a total of $213.

• I have been very busy being excited about my trip to Toronto :) Which is Thursday. Not like 'in a month' or 'in a few weeks' or even 'next Thursday' - nope, it is THURSDAY - like in three days!

• I also checked the weather for Toronto and had to rethink what I was packing when I saw that the high for Saturday is 60 degrees! (That's 16C for my Metric readers.) Lola is all "just bring a jacket" like "hey, 60 degrees is nothing! It's still Summer even!" She probably swims in 60 degrees, while I, your not-so-loyal-these-days blogger bundles up because 60 is effing cold.

• I'm checking out an assload of books on Aspergers to take with me on the flight so I can (hopefully) find some new ideas for ways to help Trin. I have noticed that when that girl is tired, it plays a huge factor into how much she can handle and on account of that, I have been putting her to bed pretty early.

• I have been lusting after Mac laptops online.

• I have been lusting after cute boy I work with.

• I have been self loathing because I am a cow. I look in the mirror and I feel like I am watching some kind of a horror flick and I can't stop watching it because it is so gross and completely unseen to me before. I am vowing to clean up my act when I get back from seeing Lola because stuff I wear when I feel "all fat and bloated" doesn't fit. It's horrible.

• I've been trying to convince ya'll to go to the beach with us and in doing so managed to offend a few of you. Let me clarify here people, I wouldn't have posted it here on my blog where I know you guys/gals read unless I wanted you to come. If it was a closed affair, I would have sent out a Top Secret email. If I know you, like you and you know this - I want you to come. If I've spent time on the phone with you or met you in Dallas at the S-Meet, I want you to come. I want you to call, reserve your room, pull your kids out of school for a couple of days and come hang out with us at the beach. It is going to be SOOOO much fun.

• I've been very diligently not cleaning my room.

• I've been watching Rock Of Love on VH1 which I know is sad, but I can't stop.

• I've been fighting with Sprint. A little background: I bought a Blackberry 7130e back in February. Shortly after I got it, I started having dropped calls a lot which had never happened with my old Sprint phone. Then, it got to where my call would drop and then I would never get my bars back, in fact it would say "Service Required" as though I wasn't even activated. So I called Sprint and they said to just pop the battery out and wait a few minutes and then put it back in. This worked initially but in the last month it got to where it would be five or six hours before it would start working again. Finally on Friday, it didn't work for almost 36 hours. Friday night I was on the phone with Sprint forever and they finally said I could take my phone and trade it in for a new one at a Sprint store. AND THANK GOD! Because I was losing it. Mad props go to Jenny, the technical support supervisor for Blackberry & Treo in Kentucky! She was amazing.

• I'm still trying to sell my van.

• I'm trying to figure out what everyone will be for Halloween, myself included.
  

Labels: excuses excuses

parte uno , parte due , parte tre , parte quattro , parte cinque , parte sei , parte sette , parte otto , parte nove

After the secretary had walked out, they both stayed still, as if glued in place..

She stepped forward first and extended her hand, “Hi, I’m Lily Harper. I am really looking forward to working here.”

Clearing his throat as he stood, he took her hand, “I’m sure it will be a mutually beneficial arrangement, signorina.”

Labels: 55 Friday