Most of the time, I can deal with this.
I can look at her beautiful pictures and remember fondly the times we spent together and ward off the anger and sadness and resentfulness that she was taken from me before I was ready. I can take it as it is and just miss her.
God how I miss her.
But today is the day that I close on my new house. Today is one of the biggest days ever for me. And not just because buying a house is "the single most important purchase you will make in your lifetime" or whatever but because of what this step actually means to me.
One thousand, six hundred and twenty nine days ago I was alone. I had no money, no job, three kids and no fucking idea what I was going to do. I was lucky that I was offered a job within days and that Tempest leant me $600 bucks otherwise I honestly don't know what I would have done. And the whole time I had Veronique by my side. She helped me pack my house and move all of my stuff into my new house. She helped me put it all away and then was consistantly there for me until she was gone. I mean the girl drove all the way down from Dallas so she wouldn't miss my daughters' first day of school. And then The Universe just took her away.
And now, whenever I accomplish something or something huge happens in my life I get so mad that i can't have her here to not only see it but also to experience it with me. I resent it so much and there isn't anyone to resent. I want her to be on the other side of one thousand, six hundred and twenty nine days with me.
Today I am going to buy my first house and I am so happy about it but if I could just have her here with me it would feel complete.
Labels: Being a Chic, Being Mommy, community, death, dreams, my crazy life, sisters, soul sisters, The Universe, Veronique
